So is phone sex back on the rise, with women requesting it more and more

 You can’t see her actions but something tells you there something going on with her….  on the other end of the phone call.

"Excuse me Ms. didn’t we have facetime phone sex last night?"

Are women more and more taking care of their own sexual needs, mainly because the man they like to be with may not be the man they want to have a physical relations with, until they have more clarity of his intentions. They may like his voice but not anything else that he physically bring to the table, because they have not seen him naked.

So what does he do for her in her ears , his raspy voice  triggers her fantasies, his deep bass voice causings som vibration, in her lady basement parts causing her to want to have sex but not with him physically, yet. Well men have been doing  sex calls for years dialing up 1-800-sex phone lines and listening to women (not caring what she looks like on the other end) who can talk dirty to them. There were businesses who made Millions of Dollars having phone banks with women who made a living in the sex talk industry. A safe business were guys could  listen and wack off to her telling him how she could make his fantasies a reality. Now it’s women’s turn. The man is not who she want, yet just his voice telling her what she want to feel in her ear, maybe even providing some visual stimuli, he may not physically hit her “G- spot” but her vibrating rubber hand held device can…. and does it better than any man she has ever been with in her brief sexual encounters.  She does not want to go to porn sites, which will fill up her browser history.. Which will reveal what she watches on her alone time…. But she does want go through the experiences that result in her experiencing the big “O” on occasion.

Women are not microwave ovens like men are. They don’t heat in a minute… they take time to get there, so phone sex calls charging by the minute may be too expensive for their budget. They might want to shop for the right voice that does the trick and maybe visuals of rock hard six packs or even better yet 8 packs, like the personal trainer with a deep voice in her gym.

Not all women have the same taste in male sizes. So women do not go for one size fits all. They may like Hockey, or basketball, Soccer, or NFL football, Rugby, swimmers, fitness trainers , or just the Joe regular next door. Women may want to window shop. But getting the right combination of voice and physical attributes in one package might need a App with selection options. A silver fox may have the mature voice, but not the other visual attributes. A younger man may have the visual attributes but not the voice that she wants to hear. Let’s face it.....women are so much harder to please than men. Men don’t need much to get them aroused…..  but women want what they want.

 

“OMG, that’s it right there say that again ... I’m c%ming.”

Final thoughts

The business model that worked well... “targeting loser men”is not the business model that will attract ”lonely women,” needing satisfaction on demand. I have not done any research on it to see if there are any Apps designed specifically for women  in this area, but judging from conversations I have had with some... I would think there might be a two way window of opportunities here. Facetime might not do. Women might take selfies and send them to a man, and ask for his below the waist pics in return. But the live action is still not something they will want on the internet. With big brother watching and saving it in the Cloud database.This would become a dilemma for some women.  Just maybe too embarrassing for most of them. 

The horror of being recognized on the street by the guy whom she had phone sex with the night before. Might not allow her to do it too often, or ever again.

I know he can’t see the effect his voice is having on me.. 
so, I'm good this way

I respectfully disagree!

Most of us learn very little from our mistakes, when it involves another person. We feel as if we will never repeat them… but we often do. Men and women “like what they like,” and often enough are attracted to the same types of members of the opposite sex.  The

swagger of  the new eye-candy may catch your eye as an ex once did, but you breathe a sigh of relief when you realize that it’s not  same kind of person, just the aesthetics look the same. However that new person caught your eye because your taste has not changed very much.

My ex was very combative,
and you are the complete opposite

Remember men are from a different planet than women are…. our experiences are not the same even if we were going through them together. Love  is seasonal and our season changes seldom happen at the same time. To be successful in moving on from an ex-relationship many folks have to do a detox of some kind. The process of learning requires not only hearing and applying but also forgetting and then remembering again. Throughout this learning experience you will learn things that your parents could not teach you. They did not know. But now that you think you know, you need to be realistic. Give yourself permission to keep making mistakes. NOT the same mistakes! Many of the new insight you may have gained from bad experiences will be forgotten over time. 

Education theory states that to learn something new we need to hear it two hundred times. Like a refrain of a song playing over and over in your memory.  

We cannot  expect ourselves  (or our new or current partner) to remember all of the new insights we have gained through our experiences, just by telling them about them. We must be patient and appreciative of their every little baby steps, and don’t over react over every little misstep. It takes time to work though new things and integrate them into our lives. So you like brown eyes, hmmm, your ex had brown eyes… that is not a good enough reason to jump and never want to be with someone else who has brown eyes.... Not only do we need to hear new things  two hundred times but we also need to unlearn what we have learned in past. We are not innocent children learning how to have successful relationships. We have been programmed by our parents, by the culture we have grown up in, and by our own painful past experiences. Integrating new wisdom of having loving relationships is a new challenge. You are a pioneer. You are traveling in new territories. Expect your new love interest to be lost, Use a guide as a map to lead you thought uncharted lands and waters again and again. Next time you end a relationship, remember what frustrated you about the opposite sex, remember men are from the red Planet and women are not from that  same planet. Women may love red sports cars, red dresses, shoes, purses...etc.  Men like them too but necessarily for the same reasons as women do. Remember that we are supposed to be different this will help us all to be more loving. By gradually releasing your judgement and blame and persistently asking for what you think you  want. You can create the loving relationships you want, need, and deserve. 

Only when you acquire new taste, does the old taste become “persona-non-grata."

Final Thought 

As I was writing this post. I remember an instant that made a relationship end on a dime for me and the lady I was with at  that time . she had some behavior that reminded me of my ex-wife. She, got angry with me one day in my office and said “ You are just like my ex, what you did is exactly what he would do. ”  this did it for me, I never brought up what I saw in her that reminded me of my ex-wife. I strongly disliked her ex and everything I heard about him was “bad…” So my mind went to a place of no-return. So she liked  bad boys,and was now comparing me to her ex, huh, this is not who I am, My initials are B.A.D. but not my historical behavior in the way I treat women. I didn’t have those extreme bad habits, or characteristics.  I was not anything like her ex and she knew it … she just wanted to piss me off well her statement made me think about all the things we did together, and the questions in my mind started flooding my brain; ‘was she reliving her experiences she had with him(her ex) in her mind, while she was with me?’ 

I guess I will never know..  because ‘I don’t ask about things I don’t want to know about!’

He just flew away, and crossed the ocean and disappeared into the sunset, I guess he will not return to me, ever!

There is a thin line between Love and a strong dislike

A Gift to All Women: Stop Calling yourself or other Women “Bitches!”

A young woman was crossing the street in front of my house, when another young woman  driving by sitting in the back seat of a SUV yelled out: “Bitch get the F#ck out of the road”. This annoyed me Big time, and I started writing my thoughts down about why I hate the word.  

I hate this word. I just really hate the word “bitch.” I was raised in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s when it was still considered a “bad word.” I was raised in a religious family, mainly a religious mother, so lots of words were considered “bad words,” but this one was on the really her bad list. And being on the really bad list made sense to me then, and it still makes sense to me now. Let me explain. I’m not unaware that in 2019 this word has been 100% normalized. I just don’t understand why????. As men, and as women who love women, why are we ok with the normalization of this word? The original use leads us back to the fifteenth century. It was a vulgar term that “suggested high sexual desire in a woman, comparable to a dog in heat.” So, let’s just start there. The word began as a way to demean women who displayed sexual desires. Women who actually want to have sex were comparable to dogs. Animals. The lowest on the societal hierarchy. This is a battle women have been fighting from the beginning of human history. Fighting for the right to want to have sex, to enjoy having sex, and to subsequently not be castigated for this desire. For this reason alone, we should be pushing back, and pushing back hard, against the usage of the word. My annoyance with the word  got even worse when Trump called NFL black players “Sons of Bitches” interestingly, when we want to demean men, we call them a “son of a bitch.” Think hard about this one. One of the worst things a man could be is the son of a woman who enjoyed being part of his creation process. I know, I know, in the heat of anger, when a man has really rub a woman the wrong way and she hollers the insult, “you son of a bitch,” his way, these women aren’t even thinking about what that really means. Women are just thinking that they’re mad. hmmm….”You’re the guy I’m mad at.” This one will hurt. But if women take a millisecond to think about what they are really saying when they send those words flying across space they might  “<pause>” Women are proclaiming the worst thing they can say to a man is that he is a problem because of his mother? Really? Let us not forget we still have “asshole” in our lexicon. It sends the message without bringing his mother into the argument.“Bitch” has been used for so long as a way to put women in their place, a place of subjugation, that the feminist movement finally decided, “Hey, why don’t we just own it.” They began to protest the pejorative use of the word. “Bitch” began to be used in the feminist context to show strength, perseverance, assertiveness, drive. The feminist attorney Jo Freeman wrote “The Bitch Manifesto,” declaring war on the negative use of the term. I hear many young women now referring to their best friends as “my bitches.” Hip-hop and Rap music is replete with the use of the word, both as compliment and degradation. A common new idiom is, “You call me bitch like it’s a bad thing.” I understand the drive behind this appropriation movement, and I applaud it. I suppose I just live with a hope that there will come a day when we wholeheartedly reject the word outright. To me, even when attempting to use it as a positive, it’s pejorative past is still always lurking in the shadows.    Despite the feminist work to change its negative connotation to a positive one, the word still carries power to deride. During the 2016 campaign, Trump supporters began making t-shirts that said “Trump that Bitch.” Instead of intelligently explaining why they preferred Trump to Clinton, supporters knew calling her a “bitch” would, in one fell swoop, explain their stance and put a woman who dared run for the highest American office in her place.” “Bitch slap,” “prison bitch,” and the poker term “bitch end” all allude to weakness, vulnerability, and subordination. Bitch continues to carry power to squelch the ambitions of women. Now, I could start a Utopian argument about why we should just stop name-calling altogether, but I’m not sure we are ready to give up our venom just yet. Baby steps. Let’s just try to think about the women we honor, love, and respect next time the “B” word enters our mouths, just swallow and don't let it leave your lips.

Final Thoughts                                                                                                                                       It is generally accepted, although there are still bigots who refuse basic decency, that a white person should not use the N-word. Similarly, a straight person should not use the term “f*g,” and “tranny” is a horribly outdated way to refer to a person who is transgender. These words are not banned under any law, but they are considered crude and insulting, and therefore socially unacceptable. This is not for no reason; language has meaning, and the larger social and historical context around these slurs means that they are a lot more than synonyms for “Black,” “gay,” or “trans.” If a celebrity uses a slur, it often draws justified backlash from the  civilized community, as can be seen in the case of Bill Maher calling himself a “house n***er” on live television. Slurs are derogatory terms applied to groups of people, and generally, they are frowned upon, as they should be. Why, then, is it still considered okay for men and some women to call women "bitches?" I personally prefer insulting a woman by calling her "a Lady..." and have her think to herself but "I'm not acting like, or behaving like  a lady right now."  That's just My BAD mind game, I prefer to play.

Let's get back to treating women like "Ladies"

I was inspired by the lyrics of and Old Temptations song. In my eyes you are "Perfect."

These following lyrics of an Old Temptations song.

Now  I'm the kinda guy who don't believe

That chivalry is dead, no, no

'Cause I believe a woman should be treated

With the utmost respect, mmm-hmm

Don't be afraid, don't turn and walk away

I wanna get to know ya, well

Don't be ashamed, don't say that love's to blame

Just come and look me over

(You'll find a heart)

You'll find a heart that you've always been lookin' for

How could anybody ask for much more, woo-hoo

Now I like opening doors

Pickin' up [Yeah] her hanky (Yeah) off the floor

Treat her like a lady (Treat her like lady)

Light her cigarette if she smokes

Even (Help her with her coat), well

Treat her like a lady (Treat her like lady)

In this world of liberation

It's so easy to forget, mmm

That it's so nice to have a man around

To lend a helping hand, you can bet, bet you can, baby

When I was young, my mama used to say, Boy

A woman's like a flower, with love on her you shower

Ever since that day, her words never went away

I always will remember to treat my baby tender

(You'll find a heart)

You'll find a heart that you've always been lookin' for

How could anybody ask for much more, whoa-ooh-ooh

Now I like opening doors

Pickin' up (Yeah) her hanky (Yeah) off the floor

Treat her like a lady (Treat her like lady)

She's a bad son-of-a-gun

I'm her lovin' Don Juan

Treat her like a lady (Treat her like lady)

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ooh-

Whoa-oh-oh-

Hey-hey-

Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-baby

Every day, every way

Now these lyrics would make a man stop and think that his first duty is to treat a woman, even if she not his woman, with respect and kindness. Yeah I can hear fellahs thinking  “ does she deserve to be treated the way the song lyrics describes?”

Women want, at least they used to want a gentleman in their lives.... To be a lovers that a woman feels safe and secure with.  The level of violence against women has been getting worst. In lots of instances women are becoming  more and more afraid. As I sat and read another blog in Madamenoire.com “Black Women Can No Longer Afford To Save Broken Black Men”

I was not shocked but a bit saddened by what I was reading. 

But yet this is not universal  because there are men who are still treating women “Right.”

What caught my attention is that Johnny Gill ( Mr. "Put your red dress on") now is getting grey, his beard is grey. So he is no longer in the age group that is doing the damage to women and men connections. He is singing about queens being "Perfect."

Final Thoughts

If we don’t find ways to make young, and even, not so young   women feel like they can be in healthy relations with men of today, then we will find ourselves heading towards  a cliff and the world will not have to worry about “climate change” because the climate between men and women has already changed.  

Foreplay is it really before?

Ooh LORD you are just too sexy when you sweat!

There is foreplay and there is just play and then maybe  replay.....
Men and women go through a series of  "What If(s)" which causes them to be in doubt constantly. When things become all about "What If(s)," you < pause> the actions to do the following for examples:
-What if... I had  not left home to go to a foreign/far away country to further my education, would I have been in a relationship with the girl/boy I grew up with?
Then maybe  I would not have...(fill in the blanks).
-What if I had not met what's his/her name.
-What if I had not fallen in love with that <wrong> person who seemed right at the time?
-What if I had not engaged in a sexual relationship so early, with  this  <wrong person.> Maybe I should had waited, okay, but you can't erase the experiences, it's now recorded in history!
-What if this relationship does not last long term. 
For-ever-after is a myth. Only time will tell if it was right or wrong. You can't fast forward and take a look at the end results. Like you sometimes may do while watching a recorded movie, or reading a story.
-What if I or the other person do a 180 degree turn after we have had an intimate relationship. My guess is.....that should be  considered  a "U turn" but you can't undo what you have experienced.
Am I ever going to get to the point when "what if(s)" will not matter as much as they do in the present time.
Here is a quick solutions to your dilemma:
Stop playing the  Games in your mind because these  "what if(s)" are just speculations about events  that have already happened or have not yet happened. If they have not happened yet, then you are just dreaming about them being a possibly of them happening. Overthinking what could, should, will not, can not, has no chance of happening, is self defeating...
Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. If you get stuck on the "what If(s)" you will most likely not be able to move forward from where you are right now.
Any psychoanalysis  who ask you questions.....Will triggering emotions that are tied to your past. They cause memories to come to the surface, causing you to rethink, overthink, in some cases have regrets. They will Cause your circuits to overload.
So what does this all have to do with foreplay, play or replay?
Well if it is not playing in your ears, in real time when your mind  start hearing a song, its foreplay when your mind starts imagining the "what if (s)." If I had not done this or that.... then this song would just be a song with no emotions, tied to it. If I played the song  during an intimate relationship then the song will trigger that feeling of happiness or unhappiness again and again. The <play> button you press will do either good or bad things in your mind, first. And it's always playing out in your mind before, during, or after the event.
So avoid overthinking, rethinking, regretting, or reliving the things you need to let go of.  Life is meant to be  played out in real time. Expect good things and they will happen, expect bad things and they will happen, by regretting all the things from your past, you will stay unhappy. Your what if(s) have caused you to overthink, rethink and you will avoid moving forward. So, skip ahead like your can do on a old school CD player from a few decades ago. Hit the play button  to enjoy life, in the current,  time. Hit Pause, if you have a need to reflect. The rewind button should be rendered inactive.  If you do that you will be much happier. Life can not be rewound.

Newsflash for the good men out there!

OMG I never thought I would find a person like you in my life time!

Most men with integrity dream of having an incredible, happy and loving relationship that supports their growth and their ambitions…and their ladie's prosperity.

But without the right strategy, that dream can quickly become a nightmare!

Every day, the good guys of the world keep hearing “you’re a really nice guy” or… “let’s just be friends”.

Every day, they see the type of women they really want but don’t have the first clue what to do, or even what to say…

Every day, they hear that "nice guys finish last" but know deep down inside that they don’t ever want to become a jerk…

To get with me you need  to be able 
to foot the bills I will generate!

Every day, they dread having to drag themselves to a loud club packed with drunk people in the hopes of meeting someone…

They work tirelessly to improve themselves and become better… but it’s like the women around them don’t even notice…them

When they do manage to find a woman, they get needy, over-involved and immediately scare her away…

All they really want is to drop the games, meet a new woman with total ease and confidence, say the exact right thing to spark a real connection, have her giggling on their arm in no time, and have her phone number materialize almost like magic…

Not because they used tricks, creepy tactics, or weirdo pickup artistry...

But because they actually earned it!

Here’s the good news: There is a woman out there for a nice guy, the problem is how do you meet her.

You fellahs would be surprised how many times a woman sits in her car in traffic or at home in a shower or at the sink and quickly cry and wonder if she will find a man that will understand what she needs. But then she refreshes her look and walks out into the World and shows her face again, and looks untouched up, unbothered, manages to sport a sensual smile and carries on like she is fine. We men can not do that, but we need to learn to read the signs where women have a need to wear a mask to cover up their loneliness and their despair. Women are some of the most resilient creatures. we just need to appreciate them for what they can endure and who they are.

Final thoughts:

I'm  a well educated woman, I don't have time for
a guy who does not have a plan for the future. 

Herein lies the problem for well educated women they all want to be in relationships where they are equal to the other person or even slightly lower on the ladder than the man....to be happy. That was in your mother's day where things were different.... women need to get real the times have changed... because you are changing things for the better and you are not realizing it.