I respectfully disagree!

Most of us learn very little from our mistakes, when it involves another person. We feel as if we will never repeat them… but we often do. Men and women “like what they like,” and often enough are attracted to the same types of members of the opposite sex.  The

swagger of  the new eye-candy may catch your eye as an ex once did, but you breathe a sigh of relief when you realize that it’s not  same kind of person, just the aesthetics look the same. However that new person caught your eye because your taste has not changed very much.

My ex was very combative,
and you are the complete opposite

Remember men are from a different planet than women are…. our experiences are not the same even if we were going through them together. Love  is seasonal and our season changes seldom happen at the same time. To be successful in moving on from an ex-relationship many folks have to do a detox of some kind. The process of learning requires not only hearing and applying but also forgetting and then remembering again. Throughout this learning experience you will learn things that your parents could not teach you. They did not know. But now that you think you know, you need to be realistic. Give yourself permission to keep making mistakes. NOT the same mistakes! Many of the new insight you may have gained from bad experiences will be forgotten over time. 

Education theory states that to learn something new we need to hear it two hundred times. Like a refrain of a song playing over and over in your memory.  

We cannot  expect ourselves  (or our new or current partner) to remember all of the new insights we have gained through our experiences, just by telling them about them. We must be patient and appreciative of their every little baby steps, and don’t over react over every little misstep. It takes time to work though new things and integrate them into our lives. So you like brown eyes, hmmm, your ex had brown eyes… that is not a good enough reason to jump and never want to be with someone else who has brown eyes.... Not only do we need to hear new things  two hundred times but we also need to unlearn what we have learned in past. We are not innocent children learning how to have successful relationships. We have been programmed by our parents, by the culture we have grown up in, and by our own painful past experiences. Integrating new wisdom of having loving relationships is a new challenge. You are a pioneer. You are traveling in new territories. Expect your new love interest to be lost, Use a guide as a map to lead you thought uncharted lands and waters again and again. Next time you end a relationship, remember what frustrated you about the opposite sex, remember men are from the red Planet and women are not from that  same planet. Women may love red sports cars, red dresses, shoes, purses...etc.  Men like them too but necessarily for the same reasons as women do. Remember that we are supposed to be different this will help us all to be more loving. By gradually releasing your judgement and blame and persistently asking for what you think you  want. You can create the loving relationships you want, need, and deserve. 

Only when you acquire new taste, does the old taste become “persona-non-grata."

Final Thought 

As I was writing this post. I remember an instant that made a relationship end on a dime for me and the lady I was with at  that time . she had some behavior that reminded me of my ex-wife. She, got angry with me one day in my office and said “ You are just like my ex, what you did is exactly what he would do. ”  this did it for me, I never brought up what I saw in her that reminded me of my ex-wife. I strongly disliked her ex and everything I heard about him was “bad…” So my mind went to a place of no-return. So she liked  bad boys,and was now comparing me to her ex, huh, this is not who I am, My initials are B.A.D. but not my historical behavior in the way I treat women. I didn’t have those extreme bad habits, or characteristics.  I was not anything like her ex and she knew it … she just wanted to piss me off well her statement made me think about all the things we did together, and the questions in my mind started flooding my brain; ‘was she reliving her experiences she had with him(her ex) in her mind, while she was with me?’ 

I guess I will never know..  because ‘I don’t ask about things I don’t want to know about!’

He just flew away, and crossed the ocean and disappeared into the sunset, I guess he will not return to me, ever!

There is a thin line between Love and a strong dislike