Taken the time to listen

When we take the time to listen to others, we sometimes override what we are feeling. You may be in effect saying to that little person inside your head. ‘ You thought you were the only one that matter? You thought you deserve to be heard and cared for. But here is someone else’s perspective that you didn’t take into account…. They too deserve to be heard and care for, so stop overthinking and listen’.

So how do you ask for support and get it?

If you are not getting the support you want in your relationships, a significant reason may be that you do not ask for it properly, you may ask in ways that are not working currently, Asking for support is not asking for love, they are both essential to the success of any relationship. If you want to G-E-T them both…. then you have to A-S-K. 

Both men and women have difficulty asking for support and it becomes even more difficult asking for love. Women, however, tend to find it much more frustrating and disappointing to ask for more support than men do. Of course, men will deepen their understanding of women if we take the time to listen this will deepen our understanding of women.

Women don’t ask, because they feel they should get without asking!

Women make the mistake of thinking they don’t have to ask for support.. They think: “If he loves me I don’t need to ask” they mistakenly expect men to do the same, When a woman is in love, she instinctively offers her love. With great delight and enthusiasm, she looks for ways to offer her love and support. The more she loves her man, the more motivated she is to offer her support. Not every woman automatically gives support, so there is good reasons to ask for it. In fact, not needing to ask... is one of the ways women  express their love for someone. In women’s minds: “Love is never having to ask!”  

If a woman is not asking for support from her  man , he stupidly, assumes he is giving enough.

This pattern makes relationships with men very difficult for the un-aware women. Though this problem may feel insurmountable, it can be solved. By remembering that we men are from a different planet we can learn new ways to listen, when women ask for what they want. The following are ways that might work eventually after years of practice.

1. Practice  asking correctly for what you’re already getting.
2. Practice asking for more, even when you know the man will say “no”, and then accept his “no”
3. Practice assertive asking.

When a man hears a demanding tone, no matter how nicely a woman phrase her request, he hears that he is not giving her enough. A man’s tendency is then to give less until the woman appreciates what he is already giving.

The following are some quick tips to motivate a man to give a woman more.

1. appropriate timing

2. use a non-demanding attitude

3. Be brief…. avoid..giving him a list of reasons why he should help you.

And last: when asking a man for support, assume that he doesn’t have to be convinced.

Final thoughts.

Just as a woman who is upset doesn’t want to hear a list of reasons and explanations about why she should not be upset, a man doesn’t want to hear a list of reasons about why he should fulfill her request.  

Fellahs, women often have these types of  internal dialog so you need to be aware..

“I’m not sure I’m being honest with myself:

• I want more.
• I want less.
• I want to have control of my life
• I want to give it all up.
• I don’t know what I really want.
• How am I going to  tell my man, what I want?
• Why doesn’t he already know?