What Does an Engagement Ring Mean to a Woman?

 It is likely that when engagement rings come to mind, you picture a man kneeling on one knee, a lady with an extended hand, followed by screams, jumping for joy, along with hugs and kisses.

What follows next is a post on social media, where the woman has her hand stretched out, showing off her new ring and beaming with joy. The caption is the typical “I said yes” or something similar.

The proposal is a joyous moment for many women (unless they say no, then that’s embarrassing, yikes!), indicating that getting an engagement ring holds true meaning. It varies from woman to woman, but if you’re wondering what the fuss about these rings is, I am here to help.

There’s a long-standing tradition of engagement rings in the past, but in those times, the meaning wasn’t what we’ve come to know it is today. In those olden times, the ring meant that you were indeed wed, exchanging dowry or other pre-agreed on items. Engagement rings nowadays are about making a promise to another that you’ll marry them. Essentially, all roads lead down the aisle, whether it takes months or years for that to happen.

The engagement ring holds different means for the women who get them, however. Let’s look at some of those and help with examples why they matter in the first place.  

It’s an official wedding announcement

As mentioned, an engagement ring typically indicates that the next step of the relationship is marriage.

With the ring on her finger, the woman lets others around her know she’s off the market and ready to work toward legalizing the union with her significant other.

It is why the typical reaction after an announcement is “congratulations!” since it’s considered a massive step in a woman’s life.

Some disagree; there are more important things in life for a woman, though it is agreed that getting engaged is significant.

It shows the willingness for a man to invest in his woman

There is pressure for the man to spend a significant amount of his income and even savings to get a woman an impressive ring.

The material and the size of the rock on the ring may vary, but the ring itself needs to stand out, no matter one’s social class.

A janitor shouldn’t break his bank trying to compete with a real estate broker, but to the woman, thought and effort still needs to go into getting the perfect ring she can showoff.

Therefore, if he can dish out a significant amount for a ring, then he can invest in other areas of her life as needed.

 

It’s a symbol of commitment

Rings do mean that the woman is off the market, and an engagement ring does just that.

They allow the woman to make it clear to the rest of the world that there is someone she has chosen to commit to, having after all said " yes" to the ring.

In placing the ring on her finger, it signals in her mind that you’ve chosen to take the relationship to new heights and see a future together.

You might not walk down the aisle the following week, but having the ring on for however long symbolizes a promise to wed her.

It reduces anxiety

For a while now, relationships have been about forming deeper bonds and a sense of security.

If you’re in a relationship, most people look for a sign of commitment, and that’s what an engagement ring shows.

Being with a significant other for years and not show their willingness to put a sense of permanence to the relationship can cause anxiety.

While there’s the reality of divorce, people enter relationships with the hope of a lasting union.

Therefore, not having a ring can signal to a woman that you’re not interested in securing a future with them, and that can cause a rift.

 

It is about love, not the cost of the ring? Really?

A study from Emory University, a private research university, concluded that couples that spend above $2,000 on wedding rings are 1.3 times more likely to end their relationship in divorce. The study found that less is indeed more; those who spent between $100 to $1,000 have lower divorce rates. I guess these couples are realistic about what the ring symbolizes.

The unfortunate disillusionment rates are the cost of the ring and put a financial strain on the relationship.

While it is okay to want the best in life, consider whether the expensive ring symbolizes love or societal status. Have a conversation with your partner to avoid a rift in the relationship.

It could be superficial

Not all engagements have a fairytale feeling to them. In some instances, it is about status and watching to show the world that you have a woman in your life to check a box and not out of love.

One classic example is having a trophy wife, a beautiful woman who can show off to their peers. For the woman, the ring won’t mean much.

It will be something she’s chosen to wear as a form of agreement to be wedded to another. It could be she’s focused more on the financial benefits of the same, giving in to pressure and other reason.

In such a case, the ring doesn’t mean much, at least not in the emotional “I love you” aspect of it.

 

It’s part of the social pressure

Some women don’t believe in the institution of marriage; they are pretty okay with someone all their lives and never have to say “I do.”

Others still are minimalistic that even a ring is too much, or sometimes not practical for their line of work.

While that might be their stand, in some instances, they get social pressure from close friends and family to get an engagement ring; after all, that’s what everyone does.

In this case, the ring is not symbolic of their relationship but rather a way to get people off their backs. It’s not the best reason, but if it works, that’s what the ring means.

While this is not an exhaustive list, it has perhaps given you a broader picture of why proposals and engagement rings are a huge deal (or not) for women in general.

The rings are overall worth the fuss since the overarching theme of getting a ring in the first place is to signify love, commitment, and a promise of a marriage in the future.

For the one getting the ring, understanding what it potentially means for a woman makes getting the ring more meaningful, not merely getting a ring simply because society dictates that it’s something that should be done.

If we end it. Can She keep my engagement ring ?

Who gets to keep the ring if the engagement is called off?

Whether you purchased the ring or you were the one proposed to, there are a few ways the courts can decide who gets to keep it if you didn’t go through with the wedding. While some countries like the UK uniformly allow the receiver to keep the ring, individual states in the U.S vary greatly in deciding who gets to keep it.

In the U.S, individual state laws typically decide based on how the ring itself is classified. It is important to note that the following are general guidelines and each case is dependent upon which state and under what circumstances the ring was given. Here are the most common ways states can decide who gets the ring;

1. The ring as an unconditional gift

A gift in these circumstances must have 3 elements;

• intent to give the gift
• delivery
• acceptance of the gift.

This type of a gift, as hinted by the word ‘unconditional’ means that once these three events have occurred, the giving of the gift has been completed and cannot be revoked. Basically, you can’t get the ring back if you’ve given it to someone as a gift.

Generally, the receiver keeps the ring.

2. The ring as an implied ‘conditional’ gift

Adopted by the majority of states, the ring in this instance is considered subject to or based upon a performance or condition. The gift has the same three elements as above, but there is a fourth element in which a condition is stated – the marriage itself. If the two parties breakup and don’t go through with the marriage, the ring will go to the ring giver. In this case, it doesn’t matter who broke off the engagement or the details of the failed relationship.

Generally, the giver keeps the ring.

3. The ring given as compensation

There are some cases in which the courts have added another component to the identification of ownership of the gift after the break up: the gift as compensation. If the receiver and the giver entered into some agreement that the ring was given in exchange for something, e.g. free labor, services to improve a business etc. then it may be seen as non-monetary compensation for services rendered.

Generally, the receiver keeps the ring.

4. Fault-based approaches (like Contract Law)
In these cases, the entire engagement is considered a contract and the engagement ring a symbol of this contract. In this case, the person who calls off the wedding is ‘at fault’ and the ring ownership goes to the other party. Just like the breaking of any other contract, if either or both parties are unable to fulfill the contract of getting married, the engagement ring goes to the original owner or purchaser of the ring.

Generally, the giver keeps the ring.

5. No-fault approaches (like No-Fault Divorces)

In these cases, the courts are not concerned with who is at fault in ending the engagement. Similar to the logic in a no-fault divorce, courts make it possible to settle without going into all the details of the break-up as they consider it to be simpler and more straightforward.

Generally, the giver keeps the ring.

6. The ring as a pledge

Sometimes the courts may characterize the ring as a symbol of the marriage, or a pledge “of the contract to marry.” In this case, if the engagement is no longer going forward the ring is returned to the giver. The difference between a conditional and pledged ring is that, as the name denotes, the gift is conditioned upon marriage, whereas a pledged ring is a gift that symbolizes the marriage.

Generally, the giver keeps the ring.

7. The ring as consideration

The courts may also rule that the ring was given in “consideration” –  exchanged for the promise of marriage. Invoking language used in contract law, when the marriage does not occur, the contract has been breached and the engagement ring is returned to the giver.

Generally, the giver keeps the ring.

8. Statutory Issues

Some states have passed statutes that address the revocability of engagement rings. In these cases, the giver is able to get the ring back if the receiver would be unjustly ‘enriched’ by the gift (details in the next point).

Generally, the ring is returned to the giver.

9. Unjust Enrichment

In these cases, the courts find that if one of the parties involved are “unjustly enriched,” or if they have received a benefit of some kind, then the ring returns to the giver. However, they can only recover what was transferred as a gift with no extra punishment or reward. Courts use this theory of recovery as there is no need to “examine the minds of the parties and determine their sincerity,” making it possibly the most honest of the theories of recovery.

Generally, the ring is returned to the giver.

10. Civil Fraud

One of the harsher approaches the courts have taken to impose the return of the engagement ring to the giver is fraud. The giver in this case needs to prove that the recipient of the ring lied in order to receive it. In these cases, the penalty for the receiver may exceed the value of the gift.

Generally, the ring is returned to the giver.

Other factors that might influence a court’s decision include;

• Special Days: if the ring is given on a special day such as Christmas or a birthday, the ring may be treated like any other gift and in these cases, the receiver keeps the ring.
• Family heirloom: if the ring itself belonged to the giver’s family, since the receiver will no longer become part of that family, the giver keeps the ring.

Final thought

When the man asked for the ring back, the woman refused, and the man sued. The court ruled that the engagement ring was an inherently conditional gift, meaning there's a presumption that you will get married if you accept it. Regardless of who called off the wedding.

Why do so many love relationships end in acrimony, these days

 

In most relationships, there is usually someone who loves more than the other. In this case it was you that had more feels! 

What happens when expectations are not met and blame is assigned.

"You made me feel this way!"

A love or friendship ends in acrimony when one or both parties blame the other for the problems in the relationship that resulted in its ending. The acrimony is felt by whomever wanted the relationship to continue. Examples of the manifestation of this are:

"If only they would have changed..."

"If only they had been better..."

"If only they would just love me like I love them!"

"If only they wouldn't cause so many problems!"

"If only..."

A person who blames others for problems they experience in their life are more likely to become bitter.

Many times humans need some form of finality to their relationships, so they can categorize them in their minds into a place for emotional safekeeping. If it doesn't end with a bang you may feel the inclination to get married, just so it has closure. Sounds ridiculous but people need a context to put things in perspective to themselves. Acrimony is often the result of satisfying this need since you can't marry everyone. It's also a reaction to frustration with the other person.
As you get older you learn that it doesn't have to end that way, even though you know you don't want it to continue. This is where the sentiment "we can still be friends" comes from. It's a maturity thing.

I'd like to believe that there is an analogy in nature for the forces that bind human beings. When you combine two or more people is like a chemical reaction, the resulting characteristics of the people involved has changed after their encounter (even a tiny change is a major change).

The acrimony is the manifestation of the energy that created the ending of a combination of human beings. If the relation was close and strong for at least one of the parties, then some energy will liberated. Our way to deal with that energy, are strong emotions (suffering, anger, betrayal, etc).

If there has no emotion after a breakup, then I think that the binding forces of that relationship were not as strong as they might think.

The relationships that do end, however, are usually a result of either one person ending things when the other person didn't want things to end. Or, the relationship ended as a result of betrayal or harmful behaviors by one person (or both).

Either way, it's hard to maintain a positive view of the other person in that situation.

It's not always this way. There are healthy ways of ending relationships.

Having said that, there are no happy ways of ending a relationship when at least one of the involved persons wants it to remain as a relationship. That generates frustration, grudges and other negative feelings that are hard to communicate and express in a friendly manner.

The most common case is that someone breaks up, or 'unfriends' the other, and that's hardly a mutual agreement. The other person tends to feel betrayed, stolen from, scammed, disappointed… and that leads very easily to anger.

final thoughts

Quite often the acrimony, is because of all the feelings and emotions that have built up during the relationship. When the breakup occurs, we can feel like those emotions have been betrayed. That feeling of betrayal leads to feelings of pain. The ego has been assaulted and feels that it must protect itself. It may do this by lashing out at the individual who has caused the pain.
People will try to find all sorts of ways to try and justify behavior that they would not accept from themselves under ordinary circumstances.

In the end a house is not home. 

Love Is All That Really Matters

The warmth of your touch brings me such Peace

A loving relationship can be an oasis in uncertain times. Nurturing it requires attention, honesty, openness, vulnerability, and gratitude. 

Here's are few things that are important facets of intimacy.

Good relationships aren’t optional, and they aren’t what we do after we take care of everything else. Good relationships can determine who lives and who dies: One meta-analysis found that social relationships were more predictive of warding off mortality than quitting smoking or exercising. But it wasn’t just the presence of other people that mattered, it was the presence of supportive others—toxic relationships may be worse than no relationship at all.

In uncertain times, relationships matter even more. When the world is chaotic , we turn to our partners for security and stability. In a clever series of studies, some researchers found that on days when Google searches for terms like "terrorism," “recession,” “global warming,” “racism,” and “protest” were high searches   in people’s zip codes, they were more likely to turn toward their closest relationships to satisfy their need for security, acceptance, and love. The world is certainly uncertain right now. A global pandemic, economic recession, and sociopolitical turmoil have been heaped onto all of our usual problems. But times of uncertainty can also represent opportunities for growth. Forced out of our usual routines, we can reassess and remember what is important. With global uncertainty, investing more in our relationships is a safe, practical, and healthy choice. We need love now, more than ever.

So how do we do it? First, we need to be open and honest with the people we care about. We need to share our thoughts and feelings with them. We need to ask for their support rather than always trying to go it alone. And we need to tell them what we appreciate about them.

Second, we need to be there for our partners. We need to listen and acknowledge what they are feeling. We need to provide support for them in both good times and in bad. We need to do it in ways that are helpful. And we need to allow ourselves to feel appreciated by them.

Third, we need to give each other a break. No one gets it right every time. We need to forgive the small grievances. We need to let it go when the other person makes a mistake. And we need to promise to learn from our own mistakes and try to do better next time.

To achieve this, we can start with a simple step: paying attention to each other again.  research has proven that one of their key findings is that partners make bids for each other’s attention. These bids can be small, like sharing an anecdote from the day or a gentle touch on the way past each other. Or they can be big, like asking for help solving a work problem or requesting a weekend away together. These bids go into an emotional savings account and add up to define a relationship’s bottom line. Are we reaching out to our partners throughout the day? Are we responding to their bids? Or have we stopped paying attention to each other? Couples who are thriving create and respond to these bids, and these small investments add up and help them overcome harder times. But couples who are struggling tend to ignore them.

Aren't you glad we took this time away from all the stresses to relax a bit

A demanding world makes investing in our relationships—taking the time to talk and listen and to create and respond to bids—all the more difficult. Whether we are juggling work and family demands or stuck at home in the midst of a quarantine, stress, lack of sleep, and other outside forces can make it difficult to be the best partner we can be. We’re quicker to start a fight over an empty milk carton in the fridge or to see our partner’s late night at the desk as an insult.

Researchers haven’t figured out yet how to prevent outside forces from affecting relationships, but being aware of their presence, creating rules to minimize their influence, and giving each other the benefit of the doubt are helpful steps in the right direction. When I was a sleep-deprived new father who kept starting late-night fights about working long hours and being on call 24/7, I finally made a rule for myself not to bring up any contentious topics after dinner. Sixteen years later, I still regret it any time I break that rule. these moment did lead to us splitting after 25 years of marriage.

Many of us spent the springtime at home with our families.  Not surprisingly, couples reported that they’d become more irritated with each other. But many also reported that they were spending more quality time together and were, overall, more satisfied with their relationships: The busyness of everyday life had been somewhat stripped away, allowing them to truly be together again. People told us about exercising and cooking together and starting new hobbies. They were doing activities they hadn’t thought about before, or that they never felt they’d have time to try.

This means that even a pandemic life soon becomes normal to us, but it also means we are likely to fall back into our old habits once life resumes its hectic pace. To fight this, we must make a new habit of paying attention. We can do this by asking ourselves each night: Did I pay enough attention today? Did I talk to my partner and say what I was thinking? Did I listen when my partner was talking? 

Expressions of gratitude have been shown to have numerous psychological and physical benefits. One study found that keeping a gratitude journal improved diastolic blood pressure. Another found that focusing on things to be grateful about before bed each night increased pre-sleep calmness. Now, new research suggests there is a connection between gratitude and sexual satisfaction in committed relationships.

Over the course of a relationship, most couples experience declines in sexual, and thus relational, satisfaction. Researchers predicted that gratitude would increase ‘sexual communal strength’—the extent to which people are motivated to be responsive to their partner’s sexual needs—because gratitude motivates partners to maintain close relationships.”

The researchers asked more that just a few couples to report the level of gratitude they expressed and received, as well as their degree of sexual satisfaction, over a 21-day period. Three months later, when the team had the couples complete the same measures again, they found that changes in gratitude were closely associated with changes in sexual satisfaction. In other words, people were sexually satisfied to the extent that they and their partner expressed and received a high degree of gratitude.

Grateful

Her mind will Short Circuit if she has to deal with a man she considers stuborn

 

I read an article and it got me thinking.. 

Did you just call me stubborn? If you’re trying to motivate me, you just failed. Before you call anyone stubborn, consider this: there is no such thing!

Stubborn is a non-word like "greed." It’s a meaningless term that only exists in your mind. It’s make-believe; it’s simply your subjective perception. Its meaning falls apart when subjected to scrutiny. Think about it; you never call yourself stubborn. No one would ever genuinely refer to themselves as stubborn. If they do at all, it’s because someone important to them has called them that, and they feel guilty that they can’t please this person whom they care for.

Am I frustrating you? If you find yourself foiled in getting me to change my position, and you call me stubborn, then you have reduced your argument to an ad hominem attack. This means that you have not made a convincing argument. Calling me stubborn is you being lazy. Try again, or start to consider that my position might be better than yours.

Just because I won’t budge doesn’t make me stubborn. It just means I’m satisfied with my position. If you think I should do something differently, then you have failed to move me. Try a different approach. Offer something else. Think about what I value. Be empathetic. Put yourself in my shoes, and try to see the issue from my perspective.

What I am is assertive. I’ve given you good reasons for my position. If you don’t like them, then present better evidence to the contrary. Show me the benefits of your proposition.

Throwing a hissy fit isn’t going to change me. You’re taking this too personally. You just haven’t found the common ground between us. You’re not hearing why I’m not interested in your proposal. Why should I give in to your demands? You need to strike a better bargain. You haven’t offered me what I want, or something of greater value to me than I already have. You simply haven’t found the right price (maybe you can’t afford it, and you don’t want me to know). You need to negotiate.

Do you want me to change a habit? Are you trying to get me to give something up, or do something I’m not, like eat certain foods or exercise more? Do you want me to buy, sell, or donate something? Do you want me to convert to your religion?

Maybe I feel like you’re asking me to accept something I consider inferior — that you want me to lower my standards. When you tell me that I’m set in my ways, I retort, "My ways are working fine." Until you prove otherwise, I shall remain content. It could be you’re asking me to give up my power — when I’m already feeling powerless, and you don’t realize what is at stake.

You’re good at name-calling, but when calling me stubborn didn’t work, you called me mulish, pigheaded, bullheaded, hardheaded, dogged, stiff-necked, rebellious, ornery, and heartless. But I prefer to think that I’m tenacious, determined, persistent, and persevering.

You say I’m inflexible, unyielding, and unreasonable; you’re attempting to pressure me into bending because you can’t find a convincing argument. You ask me to be broad-minded or open-minded; you want me to accept your position without critical thinking.

I’m selfish? The fact that you’re the one who is not considering my opinions makes you the selfish one, not me. You’re being a bully. If we always have to do things your way, then you’re a narcissist, too.

You charge that I won’t agree because I hate to be wrong, again I say, convince me that I’m wrong. So far you have not. It could be that it is my core values or philosophy that you are challenging, and you don’t even realize what you must overcome to win your argument.

You say I don’t agree with you because I’m afraid of the unknown. You are correct, and you have proven my point — the benefit to me is still unknown. You have yet to make me know.

 

Men really are less empathetic than women.

 

Genes Can't Explain Why Men Are Less Empathetic Than Women

I do care about your feelings just not as much as you do.

Babies come into the world prepared to be empathic. Very young infants cry in response to the distress of others, and as soon as they can control their bodies, they respond to those in need, to comfort or offer a Band-Aid. Kids vary in the degree to which they are empathic; there seems to be a genetic component and a hormonal basis to empathy. While progesterone boosts empathy, testosterone does not. But there are no clear gender differences in empathic ability early in life.

Empathy is the ability to recognize and relate to what’s going on in another person’s mind, but scientists still know very little about what makes some people more attuned to someone else’s feelings than others.

In the new study, published yesterday (March 11) in the journal Translational Psychiatry, the researchers turned to genetics for an answer. To do so, they combed through data on nearly 47,000 people who had used 23andMe, an at-home DNA testing kit, for links between how well they performed on an empathy test and genetic variatons. (23andMe's research team was involved with the study.) [10 Things You Didn't Know About You]

The researchers found that, although women scored, on average, 10 points higher in the "Emotional Quotient" (EQ) test than men, there doesn’t appear to be a genetic basis for those differences, said lead study author Varun Warrier, a doctoral student in neuroscience at the University of Cambridge in England.

Genetically, [men and women] seem identical, but there is a difference in the empathy score, which is quite significant.The [highest possible] score in the EQ test is 80. We saw that men score, on average, 40, and women score, on average, 50.

The 60 questions that made up the EQ test focused on various aspects of empathy, including cognitive empathy (the ability to understand others’ states of mind) and affective empathy (the ability to react appropriately to others).The former is known to be impaired, for example, in people with autism.

In the study, the researchers looked for variations in a single building block of DNA, the nucleotide. These variations, called single nucleotide polymorphisms, or SNPs, are the most common type of genetic variation. An example of an SNP would be the nucleotide cytosine (C) randomly replaced with the nucleotide thymine (T) in a certain stretch of DNA.

We know that there are strong social factors that shape how empathetic we are or how we perceive ourselves to be empathetic, adding that traditionally, society has higher expectations of female children to be understanding of others' feelings. However, non-genetic biological factors could also play a role.

Biologically, there are clear differences between men and women — things like hormones and hormone levels. It could be possible that some of these hormones that are present in greater levels in women can drive some of the higher empathetic scores.

Oxytocin, which is found in higher levels in women, can make people more empathic, while Testosterone, present in higher concentrations in men, could do the opposite.

We can also note that the current study only looked at the contribution of SNPs, but there are other types of genetic variations that could also play a role, and more research is needed. Previous studies on identical twins, for example, suggest that genes account for about 30 percent of a person's overall empathy.

Well here we have it. Empathy is something that all women possess, but not so much in men... men want empathy from women not Sympathy. make sure you understand that there is a difference. Men don't want sympathy or pitty  from their woman unless they are dying.

So if a man bangs his head against an open kitchen cabinet door... he wants empathy and maybe a bandage. But if his woman calls him a cluts for hitting his head because she left the door open he is not seeking anything that will irritate him,  from her, like sympathy or pitty.   

So what's the difference Empathy means experiencing someone else's feelings. ... ' It requires an emotional component of really feeling what the other person is feeling. Sympathy, on the other hand, means understanding someone else's suffering.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Sympathy is similar and easy to confuse, but not half as useful- sympathy is the feeling of pity or sorrow for someone else.

 In fact, giving—and getting—empathy is essential in intimate adult relationships. ... Where sympathy is the act of feeling for someone (“I am so sorry you are hurting”), ... Men who have been encouraged to “stand up” to conflict may become overly ...Ladies, suppose your partner comes home irritated with his boss. It is normal and necessary to be tuned in to someone else’s feelings, especially when one is very close to that person. In fact, giving—and getting—empathy is essential in intimate adult relationships. The empathic understanding of the experience of other human beings is as basic an endowment of man as his vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, observed. The desire to be heard, known, and felt deeply never disappears. But when empathy becomes the default way of relating, psychological well-being is impoverished.

Where sympathy is the act of feeling for someone (“I am so sorry you are hurting”), empathy involves feeling with someone (“I feel your disappointment”). It also differs from compassion, which is a caring concern for another’s suffering from a slightly greater distance and often includes a desire to help.  Empathy involves not just feelings but thoughts, and it encompasses two people—the person we are feeling for and ourself.

He gave me this card for emergency, but here are the shoes I've always wanted, so it's an emergency, he will understand.. when we get the bill next month.

To put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, we must strike a balance between emotion and thought and between self and other. Otherwise, empathy becomes a trap, and we can feel as if we’re being held hostage by the feelings of others. The art of empathy requires paying attention to another’s needs without sacrificing one’s own. It demands the mental dexterity to switch attunement from other to self. What turns empathy into a true high-wire act is that its beneficiaries find the attention deeply rewarding. That puts the onus on us to know when to extract ourselves from someone else’s shoes—and how.