There are good Reasons NOT to Change Your Last Name After Divorce, or even when you get Marriage.

Traditionally, women used to take their husbands’ last names when they got married and children born from these unions, got the father’s last name. In certain parts of the world it has been customary for generations to use both parents’ last names in hyphenated form for children. Another growing trend is for women to keep their birth names, especially when they are established professionals or business people. Lately, there have been instances where men even took their wives’ last names for various sensible reasons. In any event, name-changing for the sake of marriage seems to be a rather common occurrence and because our chances of divorce are so high these days, multiple name-changes are in the cards for many. Here are some valid reasons to reconsider your desire for a change of name:

 1. Too much With divorce comes many traumatic changes apart from the loss of the marriage and family dynamics, such as moving house, scaling down to a lower standard of living, re-entering the workforce etc. You might not be ready to lose your identity on top of all that, just yet. However, you might want to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible, so that you can move on and build a new life. 

 2. Privacy Changing your name will turn a private event which you could choose to share at your own discretion, into public knowledge as colleagues, clients, and acquaintances will notice and conclude that you are divorced. Although you might feel the need to control who knows what and how much, people talk and everybody is bound to find out at some stage anyway, so perhaps you might as well go ahead and change your name. 

 3. Children It makes perfect sense for you to keep your married name if you want continuity and avoid confusing your children, although basic concepts like these are fairly easy to explain on an age-appropriate level to most children. If you find yourself wishing that your ex would change back to her birth name, consider for a moment, how you would feel if your children’s names were also changed and they no longer had the same last name as you?

 4. Professionalism Women form a substantial part of the workforce and many build their careers and reputations on their names. It would be detrimental for you to suddenly change your last name and literally disappear from your industry because you have become a stranger. On the other hand, some women might be returning to work after years of absence because of raising a family. In that case, it would be wise to have the same last name that you had when you were still working.

5. Identity

The longer you were married, the more accustomed you would have become to being called by a certain name and the stronger you would have developed your identity around that. It would be very unpleasant to lose that suddenly.

You can actually call yourself whatever you wish. Decide whether the name means anything to you? Whether you keep it, rid yourself of it or reclaim a previous name, is entirely up to you.

6. Motives

What are your reasons for wanting to change names? If your need for a different name from your ex is fueled by anger and resentment, rather take some time to come to terms with those emotions. You might find that your last name holds a lot less significance when your wounds have healed.

If you think changing your last name and pretending to be someone else would be a brilliant way to avoid paying debt or bankruptcy, think again because you’ll be guilty of fraudulent intent.

7. Effort

Spending hours filling in paperwork and queuing to get your new identification documents, might not be worth the effort, just to get rid of your last name. Especially if the numerous phone calls, e-mails and online updating of your personal details prove to be time-consuming and frustrating.

However, getting a new photograph taken and the chance to update your profile everywhere, might be an exciting ritual for new beginnings.

The lengthy list of important updates to be done include your identity document, passport, driver’s license, voter registration, ownership of all movable and immovable property, banks, health services, schools, employers, insurance, tv licensing, utility accounts, loyalty cards, memberships, subscriptions, tax authorities, all internet login details, friends, family and colleagues – everyone you know.

8. Grammar

If you grew up with a last name that evoked ridicule or a spelling challenge which took you years to overcome and a pronunciation that still requires pulling funny faces to demonstrate to every new person you meet, you might not be keen to revert back to it after divorce.

Some difficulties might also arise with hyphenated or double-barrel names, when it comes to online registrations which do not allow special characters or symbols and filing systems which cannot accommodate two last names.

Bonus points to the weird and wonderful among us who persevere and just love standing out from the crowd, though.

So You really just want to  travel after our divorce?

9. Traveling

Having made travel arrangements prior to your separation, might pose several problems, as names cannot always be changed on flight bookings and refunds are not necessarily paid out for cancellations. Ensure that the name on the flight booking corresponds with the name on your passport.

Come to think of it, making reservations for accommodation in one or the other could either cause havoc or priceless amusement…

10. Financial

Changing your last name on bonds, hire-purchases and leases, might very well impact your credit ratings and interest rates, because a divorced person is apparently regarded as a higher actuarial risk than a married person. The benefit of such changes would still be new-found independence and privacy.

11. Social Networks

Not all social networks allow you to change your last name without having to re-create your profile and re-invite all your connections, but it could be an easy way to untie the knot with in-laws and unfriend those who took sides and broke your heart.

12. Insurance

Although you might forfeit your no-claim insurance bonus if you change your name with some companies, your premium would at least be a lot less if you only insured your half of the divided stuff that is actually registered in your name.

At the end of the day, traditionalist or not, you can change your name to your heart’s desire, as long as it does not contain numbers, symbols, trademarks or obscenities.

ARE THERE ANY GOOD REASONS WHY MODERN WOMEN ARE SO UNSTABLE AND MISERABLE

Women these days have feminism narcissistic tendencies, demanding RESPECT. So I'm calling these woman out. 

The following points will show how  todays feminism actually damages today’s women rather than help them.

They are too vain.

Modern women drown in their own vanity with depth that has no end. Women constantly post pictures of themselves on Facebook, Instagram, and Tinder to fish for ‘Like’s and compliments. They are absolute attention whores who can’t get enough of the attention they are given by all the desperate simps. Their vanity distorts their perception about themselves and turns them into narcissistic demons.

some women  don’t always want children

It’s women’s biological function to have children. The fact that many women today are barren because they sold their souls to education and career makes them miserable as they are fighting their biology to live a life that is unnatural. And with every criticism, they’ll scream louder and louder to drown out the ticking sound of their biological clocks.

They spend their entire adults lives pretending.

Modern women pretend to be capable, they pretend to be strong, they pretend that they’re not offended, they pretend they’re happy, they pretend they’re in control, they pretend they’re not sluty, they pretend they’re a good person, they pretend they know what they’re doing with their lives, and this goes on and on. All this pretending is taking on toll on their lives and the only way they know how to cover it is by pretending even more.

They  have too many ridiculous fake standards

In a feminist world, all women are “ fake beautiful” no matter what. So it begs the question: is there actually such thing as an ugly woman or is calling every single woman “beautiful” a way of living in a pretend world to preserve their egos? If a person told me that a hangover vomit was just as delicious as a cheese cake and that I shouldn’t be so judgmental, I would declare that person severely ill in the head. But this is exactly how thousands of feminism-infected women go about with their lives, describing fat, Phat short-haired, tattooed girls who look deranged as “beautiful."

Do not mess with me!

Some women drink too much alcohol and  do too much prescription drugs

With women today drinking just as much as men, or more than men... while doing other drugs both prescription and illicit, it’s no wonder that more and more of them are becoming unstable and crazy. Are we really to believe that a cocktail of vodka, birth control pills, antidepressants, and other chemicals will not lead to devastating hormonal and mental health consequences for today’s women?

They have unrealistic life expectations

Women are bombarded with lavish lifestyles shown on television and magazines that they seem to expect them as being normal. All women want the perfect man, the perfect career, the perfect combination of clothes, the perfect house, the perfect wedding, the perfect life. And if you ask them what they’ll do to achieve all that, they’ll give you a dumbfounded look. They’re women—they expect all of it to be delivered to them on a silver platter. They’re not supposed to make the effort.

They are short-sighted

Some women are fused with consumerism which  tells them that they can have it all and right now. Women today rarely think ahead and seem to believe that they’ll perpetually live the life they had in their peak years of teens and early 20’s. They do things obsessively because it signals status, but they don’t care that it will make them look a decade older in the future. They sleep around thinking that they should have all the fun they can have, but they end up destroying their ability to pair-bond. They spend all their money on frivolous objects like their 120th pair of shoes, but they never save up. These Women never think ahead because they expect everything to work out and be saved by men from consequences.

They are slaves to corporations and governments

You can tell the feminists millions times that women are happier at home raising children and they’ll just snap at you in anger to deny the truth. No matter how stressed and miserable they are, women will always defend their corporate and government jobs like how some abused women defend their domineering husbands. This is the power of todays feminist indoctrination.

Final Conclusion

None of the above wouldn’t be so bad if it were just these women who are facing the consequences brought upon by their   narcissistic actions. But no. We as a society must all pay the price—especially us  men. Men must work like mules to finance women’s frivolous lifestyles, men must try their best to normalize sex relationships to start and maintain stable families, men must pay taxes so that women can live off of government benefits, men must modify their behaviors so that women don’t feel “offended” or “harassed” in any way, and should our society fail, it will again be the men who will have to defend women and rebuild everything.

Narcissistic Feminism is destroying womanhood, and therefore, family and society, and it is only the men who are capable of putting a stop to this rabid sickness.

Why some men are taking their wife’s last name — and giving up their own

 

When a 32-year-old man took his wife’s last name, he felt really good about his decision.

He wasn’t attached to his own last name since his father isn’t a part of his life, and he wanted to share a last name with his partner. Through conversations, it became clear to him that his spouse’s last name was significant to her.

Her family name was more important to her than his name was to him, which I think was really the main point in his own deliberation on the topic.

Why would A man ask his new wife to take a last name that he didn’t even really want to pass on to his kids? 

when they got hitched become a (wife's family name). He has legally changed his name on all government ID(s).

asking you to marry me
will require you changing your last name to mine.

As soon as you get engaged, many brides start hearing this question: “So, are you changing your name?” And while taking your husband’s name is traditional, it’s not the only option! You can keep your maiden name, hyphenate or come up with a new name that combines both of your last names. But what about your husband taking your last name instead?

Not surprisingly, women have been significantly more enthusiastic about it when they get to the point of asking the man's name change.

This is a bit of a unicorn, men taking women’s last names in heterosexual relationships is a “very, very rare event.”

The cultural norm still is overwhelmingly that men do not change their name at marriage, Almost every man who’s getting married to a woman is not going to be changing his name.

- While a man taking his wife's name is uncommon, it's not unheard of. ... That's because, depending on the state, your husband's name change may not be considered part of the marriage process, but instead is seen as a legal name change where a marriage license isn't enough. 

- When a man decides to take a woman's last name, the most common reasons include the man not liking his own last name, not feeling attached to his family name or making a political statement.

- When a person (traditionally the wife in many cultures) assumes the family name of their spouse, in some countries that name replaces the person's previous surname, which in the case of the wife is called the maiden name (birth name is also used as a gender-neutral or masculine substitute for maiden name.

- In some states, married women could not legally vote under their maiden name until the mid-1970s. The opposite—a man taking his wife's name—remains incredibly rare: In a recent study of 877 heterosexual married men, less than 3 percent took their wife's name when they got married.

-  those with this belief look to Ephesians 5:22-24 which calls women to submit to their husbands in everything. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

- Is there a time limit to change your name after marriage?

The good news is that there is no time limit to changing names after marriage. While most brides make the transition to their new name within 2-3 months of their wedding, some brides may take years. If you decide to take your spouse's name in place of your own surname the process is very straightforward.

He will take my last name in our union, I'm happy
 but I'm a bit concerned that of we spit he will change his name back to his original last name!

Final thought

While a man taking his wife’s name is uncommon, it’s not unheard of. Hyphenating or combining names is the more common option, and celebrities from Beyoncé and Jay-Z Knowles-Carter to John and Yoko Ono Lennon have chosen to simply use both of their last names. Even Antonio Villaraigosa, former mayor of Los Angeles, has a combined name: His last name used to be Villar, his ex-wife’s last name was Raigosa, and though they’re divorced, they both continue to use the combined name they created. And while they’re no longer married, Jack White got his last name (and the inspiration for the band’s name) from his ex-wife and former White Stripes bandmate Meg White.

It’s worth noting that, while the name change process for women is relatively similar from state to state, the process for men varies drastically.

When an older gentleman insists he is not that old

Who wants to challenge me, I got next?

None of us wants to get older. Unfortunately, that is something we cannot control, but what we can control is to avoid looking older. When it comes to looking younger, they have all sorts of products and activities that women can do but what about men? Well, busting this myth, I'll tell you that even men can do a lot to still look younger at 40, 50, 60+. Yes, you have heard it right. Here are a few tips.
Cut down your sugar intake

Fat is not bad but sugar is. So, cut down your sugar intake by eliminating the sodas, sweets and coke. Maybe you are addicted but once you  stop having them you will feel the change yourself. Sugar not only makes you obese but also leaves you skin scarred and patchy. It attacks the skin’s elastin and collagen. Restricting the intake of sugar to a minimum can help stop pre-mature aging of the skin, increase your energy and make your teeth shine.

Use sunscreen regularly, even if you a man of color
Sunscreen is not only meant for women. Exposure to the sun not only tans skin but also harms the skin and this holds true for both men or women. Too much exposure to the sun can harm your skin and leave scars on it. Studies also suggest overexposure to the sun can cause skin cancer. So, next time you go out in sun don’t forget to wear your sunscreen.

Change the way you dress

Truth be told most  of us know that we will not get out of here with all our hair or your original hair color.

Start by wearing the clothes that actually fit you nicely. Don’t think that you are over 40 and thus should stick to black, white, grey and browns only. Try some new colours that suit you. Try straight-fit jeans instead of skinny pants. But while doing all this, don’t try to look like your sons because that would be funny though you can try and take some tips from them.

Once you get some modern fitting clothing you can see the  effects of being seen as looking the part,  in today's fashion.

Stay active physically

Working out regularly has a lot of health benefits. It improves your skin, makes you feel happy, increases metabolism, reduces weight and improves posture. Working out also slows the aging of the cells. When you work out hormone endorphins are released. These hormones boost your energy levels by making you happy and look younger. Another important benefit of working out is that it increases your sex drive. So, make your wife happy and yourself happier.

Say no to smoking

Smoking can lead to many health issues including the bigger ones like cancer. If you have not stopped smoking yet, do it now. Smoking leads to pre-mature aging by affecting the collagen in your skin and thus making you look older. Smoking also leads to puffy eyes along with dark circles. Not only this, smoking can also reduce your sex drive and lead to infertility and ED

Once you quit smoking you can see these side effects getting reversed in some time. Quit now!

Get a nice and stylish haircut or hats

Your hairstyle matters. Sometimes just a nice haircut can make you look younger and even smarter. If you haven’t experimented yet, you can try it now. Choose a haircut that will suit you and you can also do a variation by getting your hair colored. Don’t go for too fancy all at  ones but yes you can definitely try the darker browns.

Keep a check on your unwanted hair, and remove it

As men grow older they start getting hair on their ears, nostrils and forehead. Don’t just let them be. Cut them regularly, as to be frank they look awful,to women. Just trimming and maintaining them can make a lot of difference to your look. Try it.

Start taking your supplements

After a certain age, your body stops producing the nutrients the same way it did before. So, it’s the time when you should get tested and see what you lack in. If you don’t have any specific deficiency, consult your doctor and start taking the multivitamins. Don’t also forget your omega 3.

Moisturise nicely

Applying moisturiser is as important as applying the sunscreen. Your skin needs to lock the moisture through the day to remain supple. So, do not forget to moisturise your skin after you take shower.

So are you stuck in a rut, or are you just refusing to move forward

 If you are in the water or the mud, or you are just not moving forward, then you are usually sinking. You can tread water, but you’re still not going anywhere, and if you don’t take steps to swim forward you may end up drowning. Being in a rut is similar to treading water. Choosing not to do anything is really choosing to do nothing.

Have you ever gotten your car stuck in foot of snow on a patch of ice? No matter what you do, you can’t seem to get out. You move forward; you sink,
you move backward; you sink deeper. That is what it is like to be “stuck in a rut”
. Sometimes in life, you can hit “patches of ice” that seem to create barriers and limit your options! 

We all go through periods where we feel like we might be stuck in a rut. In fact, it's not uncommon to feel like you're just going through the motions, treading water, or jogging in place. You're doing the same old things, but it doesn't seem like you are actually getting anywhere. Things that used to excite you start to feel less interesting. Instead of moving forward toward your goals, you're remaining stagnant. These feelings can be frustrating. But, there are things that you can do to not only figure out why you're stuck, but also learn how to get motivated and excited again.

Until a couple of weeks ago, l had no idea that I've been stuck in a rut. It's an odd statement: How does one not notice getting stuck? If your car is stuck in the mud, you don't say, "It's no big deal, I'm just feeling tired." But that's the good and bad thing about being human—when we are stuck, we just keep going.

So, let's talk rut diagnosing, beginning with a checklist. The more items you find yourself checking off, the more likely that you are stuck.

1. Day to day, you don't look forward to much (other than maybe sleeping or just getting through whatever you're doing).
2. You'd like to get your creative juices flowing, but it seems someone left an empty juice bottle in the fridge.
   
3. Even though you keeping checking things off your to do list, it doesn't feel like you are getting much done.
   
4. Your days all blur together, and it's not weird to look up blinking and ask, "Is this Tuesday or Thursday?"
   
5. By the time you get "free time" you are too tired to do something interesting with it or are just plain unmotivated.
   
6. If you answered "How are you?" genuinely, you'd say something like, "Meh."
   
7. You fantasize about getting away (and not just away on vacation).
   
8. You'd like to add something new to your life, but you're sure that you'll never have enough time and/or energy for it.
   
9. You're getting sick of hearing yourself complain about feeling stressed, tired, and unfulfilled.
10.  And the Number One rut symptom: Even though you think you'd be happier if you made a change, it's more comforting to stay the same and mope about it.

If you recognize yourself or someone close to you in the items on this list, it might help to think about rut psychology.

Maybe LOVE isn't really real

I loved you, but now I don't want to even  look at you!

Maybe love  just isn’t real, and maybe that’s the real reason you keep screwin’ it up.

For some time, I imagined love went something  like this: an initial hook up, two people get together, they have a hiccup, they part ways only to realize their errors, then two people come back together for a happily ever after. I hardly ever imagined self-love as a prerequisite. self-love is not in the oversimplified way that social media teaches us, but self-love in the way that you have to look painfully at yourself before you can look and see beauty. for this reason, love isn’t real. it is and  was a lie. a story I told myself because,  like many of you, are  obsessed with safety and eternal happiness, obsessed with looking for a savior (even if I couldn’t admit it). so I made efforts to craft and manipulate romantic situations in order to make up a beautiful love story with a beginning, middle, and an end.

My beginning, of my first serious Love.

Many years ago summer was slowly approaching. I met her at a play audition. we were both late so our seats landed inevitably on the last row. she was on the right side of the room, I was on the left side. we noticed each other, but we were there to support our friends on stage. so we listened, stealing a glance every now and again. or at least I did. She was beautiful. after my fourth stolen glance, I remembered having been ambivalent about coming to the reading that day, I had even remarked to my best friend that I would go only because my futurewife might be there.

So when the event ended. I approached her. with heightened reluctance, I introduced myself and we quickly slipped into a conversation about theatre and art. I learned that she lived in my borough. we didn’t exchange information. So I spent the next week thinking about her, something about her energy landed and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. So, I asked a mutual friend for her information. I called and we  agreed to meet. we spent two-plus hours walking around brooklyn: from bushwick to flatbush to the thin line separating flatbush  and crown heights then back to bushwick. i was excited, for she was a  woman who appreciated simplicity. more than that, she was capable of simplicity. I was sold, or so I thought.

My middle

two weeks later we were kinda sorta a thing. we went to a danced together in a room full of strangers. but we were strangers, unwilling to say so. we needed this beginning. weeks later we were spending most days with one another, thoughtlessly occupying space. a month into things she bolder than I expected and asked me to be her boyfriend. yes, it was as corny as it sounds but I needed corniness because in my mind it indicated vulnerability. I asked if she was sure. she said, “yes.” i smiled and went in for a kiss. I wanted to be her boyfriend regardless of the fact that i felt her uncertainty, but I needed the illusion. days later I saw a picture of her in the Newpaper, walking in Manhattan. I lied about our mutual fears of commitment, later on the phone as I called her to tell her I that I had seen her in the newspaper looking like a movie star. I got a bit  insecure. I went to a party, at my cousins apt. went home with a new  cutie. I felt like I cheated. it was easier than saying “I think we moved too fast.” the months that followed were rocky to the point that we decided to break up. we broke up!

Three months later we decided it was just a hiccup. growing pains. missed each other so reconnected and gave it another shot. we had not done the real work to learn from our mistakes. I’m not sure we were willing. but we were resisting our own silences. so, maybe  just to appease the ego: we agreed that we were not one another’s forever after. we agreed that our first try felt like too much pressure. we agreed that we complicated our ability to be present with one another. so we tried again. slowly falling into old habits of denying the company of our friends. slowly hiding one another away. slowly inviting new lies and secrets and fears. slowly emotionally draining one another. slowly feeling the pressure to be “a thing.”

A year had gone by and the thing that had grown the most was our resentment for one another. one of us felt like we were working so hard at a relationship where the other was a passive participant. one of us feared we were losing our sense of self and autonomy and needed outside reminders of our… mojo. the fears got bigger and the secrets too.

In the end.

I returned to her because I had imagined that I could change myself in order to accept my partner as she was. but she wasn’t my partner. that was the elephant in the room. she could never be. we didn’t want the same things. more than outgrowing one another, we did not trust each other. i’m not sure we trusted ourselves. in hindsight, I was not prepared to meet her that day at the audition.

I’d only imagined myself being ready. within the relationship, I found myself willing to bend without being prompted. I found myself wanting without regarding my own needs. I think she felt this too. I found myself offering space that she never requested or cared to invest in. I found myself feeling uninvited which made me try harder. I even  found myself honoring agreements that she had knowingly and consistently breached. neither of us was in a safe nor brave space and we knew this.

I realized this was the behavior of a person unsure of themselves, unsure of their own reflection. I came to acknowledge that genuine love can never grow under such confines. But nowhere else could I have learned that lesson. in no other way could I have come to terms with the fact that I was an individual not fully convinced of my own magic and charm, thus having nothing else to genuinely offer anybody else. I was given an opportunity to relocate to Chicago, and I left N.Y for good, with no intentions to ever see her again. I met someone else in Chicago and got married 2 years later. 

The metaphor

This modern love thing isn’t really real. not in the way that we imagine it.... because we are often too willing to give up, so much of who and how we are to craft an ideal story. We imagine a love where compromise is only a euphemism for imbalance. but that isn’t love. that is negotiation, negligent negotiation even.

Love will never be real until you find it in yourself. love will never be real if your happily ever exist outside of yourself. love will never be real if you’re looking for a savior versus someone to champion your journey to save yourself, and you must first know that this — saving yourself — is the journey. so instead of thinking of love in terms of wanting someone to complete you.

Let's think of it like  the actrist Eartha Kitt said: “I fall in love with myself and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me with me.” that way no relationship can leave you broken when it ends, instead it offers up a metaphor for understanding ones self a little bit more.

While I am relearning and reimagining what love is, what it looks like, and even how it goes, I know it exists. but the ugly truth is this:

Love is real but we keep messing it up because we refuse to find it in ourselves first.