Doing 'Inexpensive' does not mean you are Cheap!

Newly on the prowl? .

So let’s say you’re ready to spend more of your nights out on the town, but your arsenal of creative first-date ideas is empty. Fear not. B.A.D-ideas  1-5 are at your finger tips.

1. Get Your Sideways On
A good rule of thumb for first dates: Rather than make dinner reservations and take her to an event, make the location of the date the event itself. “This is why wine tasting is such a successful first-date go-to,” Who needs to drop a couple fifties on a bottle of top-notch vino when you can taste multiple selections for few bucks? Simple does not mean you are cheap, impress her with you creativity and not your deep pockets.


2. Think Pub, Not Club

You don’t need to take her out to a place where you will be distracted by the folks who are working hard to  make an impression on everyone in the loud, raging bar to show her a good time. Instead, bring her to one of your favorite cozy bars, grab a pitcher of beer or a couple bottles, and challenge her to a game of pool. There’s something sexy about keeping the date simple and personal.  Having that playful one-on-one time at one of your favorite spots makes for a more relaxed atmosphere. (If things start to go well and she heads back to you place,   be prepared.
   
3. Head Outdoors

Sure, movies can be nice. But instead of sitting in a crowded, dark room full of strangers, take advantage of the weather. If the sun is shining and the temp isn't in triple digits, pick up a cold six pack (if she drinks beer) and head for the beach or take her to pick mangos. And when it’s chilly out, fill up a thermos with hot chocolate and go for a walk along the beach, and make sure you have a jacket to put over her shoulders if she gets cold.

4. Go Ahead, Be a Cliché

Your date ultimately wants to see that you put in the effort to make her feel special for the evening. So if you don’t mind a little romance, nothing’s more charming than eating  spicy Thai  food for an evening sunset session. Order ahead and get it delivered and dish it out on your best China ware.

5. Play Up Her Interests
Want to plan the ultimate night out? Do your homework first. If you met her online, scan her dating profile and social networks to really zero in on her interests. Then, make your move. Is she a foodie? Schedule a cook-off at your place, invite your buddies and their ladies over, and have everyone bring a dish. That way, you can use your prep time to be alone with her before the competition starts.


These are my top 5. Try to make a good impression using Smooth music, good Food, Drink, ambiance and good conversation  these beat crowded clubs and loud music by a mile.

You want her so make her feel like she should say:"where have you been all my life."

Leave them alone, if they are not in the mood to chit chat.

Fellas, hold the happy hour pickup lines. New research suggests that corny approaches are less likely to work on people when they’re burnt out—that is, mentally drained from a long day at the office—than when they’re more alert.
Examples:
 ‘‘I don’t normally come up to people like this, but I couldn’t resist,”
‘‘Hi, how are you? My name is____,” and, ‘‘Excuse me, what time is it? I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you.” (Smooth. Real smooth.) ---->you will only impress your boyz if they are standing at the end of bar  and listing.
The most successful approach on a tired lady? ‘‘Hi, how are you? My name is____.” this pickup lines can be seen as a negative first impression, and if she’s groggy, she’s going to be even less game to play along.
My friendly Bartender at a place I use to hang, played a joke 'of stay away'  by pouring multiple glasses of wine in font of  his lady sitting at the bar and lined them up. and said: "I will run you a tab, you can pay when you have drank all of these"

Every guy in the place just stayed away from her all night

OK not all is lost these days, you can still get a ladies attention if you are real.
Your best move: If you’re hitting up a post-work bar full of people decompressing—and aren’t the type to pull off a cold-turkey introduction—keep it simple by asking a question she can easily answer. Flash a smile to come off happy and confident, then try something like: “What are you drinking? I’m not sure what to order,” A question about your environment will provoke an easy answer, and you’ll be able to quickly gauge her interest. Even if your mind is clear, you might picture her like this Godess sitting on the top of your leather sofa later, but she might have other plans for the evening. So read her body language.

I guess you get my drift.

We are living in the Tech age and everyone is texting all the time. So if she is not interested in you she will show it by using her smartphone to "shoo  fly,  shoo" you way.

These are 4 New Tech Rules Every Man should Follow

It’s happened to all of us. You’re at dinner with friends when one  won’t stop texting his/her friends and Instagramming pictures of the chicken parm.

The whole “Tweeting while eating” problem has gotten so bad that a restaurant in LA is now offering a 5 percent discount for diners who literally check their phones at the door. While we love a good deal, that seems a little extreme. Like technology itself, the rules of how and where to use it are ever-changing,  Here are four everyday tech etiquette problems, and creative solutions for each one.

1. Stack ‘Em Up
The situation: Your friends won’t put their phones down during guy/gals’ night out.

The solution: Upon arrival at the table, have everyone stack their phones in the center of the table to form a tiny tower of technology. The rules are simple: The first one to answer their phone, shoot a text, or even glance at their screen must buy dinner or the next round of drinks. (During family dinners, the loser has to empty the dishwasher or vacuum the house.) This is easy for someone like me. I usually turn my phone off when I'm in good company.

Stacking is a really cool way to up the ante,  There’s a sense of humor to it,  but there’s also a real sense of consequence—and that makes it more real for people.

2. Two Can Play That Game
The situation: You finally catch a free night with your old college buddy, but he  won’t stop checking the score of the Yankees game.

The solution: Discreetly take out your own phone and shoot him a text message. Something along the lines of “Hey, I was wondering if we could actually chat with each other” should be enough. (Feel free to add a “The Yankees sucks on ice!” for good measure.)

What the experts say: Try a funny little poke that jolts some awareness back into the situation. Avoid complaining. Chances are your friend understands why his constant phone use is rude, but he just needs a reminder.

3. Peace Out
The situation: You’re in an important meeting with a client or coworker who’s glued to his/her BlackBerry.

The solution: Mirror his/her  lack of respect for your time by saying, “I’ll let you take that, and I’m going to leave. Let’s reschedule for another day.”
 You don’t have to sit around and wait for people to take phone calls. It’s okay to reciprocate the rudeness they’re exhibiting by establishing that you have other things to do, too. Don’t be over-the-top rude—just remind your colleague that you can meet later.

4. Create a Tech-Free Zone
The situation: You can’t get your daughter’s attention for 5 minutes without being interrupted by her smart phone chirping or tablet chiming.

The solution: Create a tech-free zone. Designate a time period (like right after school until dinner) or a physical zone (like in the car) where anything with an Apple logo is absolutely off-limits. It’s important to set boundaries. While tech connects your kids to people around the world, it also disconnects them from the folks who live in their own house. Setting up a distraction-free is a crucial part of teenagers’ social learning.


So what am I saying here... We need to disconnect from the realities of today's  Tech World and take a moment to interact with real people once in awhile.

The do-it-yourselfers can do relationship therapy if they try

 You Can Do Your Own Relationship Therapy?

While most relationships have their share of ups and downs, very few couples are willing or able to invest the time and/or money that traditional relationship therapy would cost. In some cases you may live in place where there aren't any therapist available, period.

So this doesn't  mean that you have to be  less committed to the success of your relationship than other couples if  you don't use therapy, the couples that use one have different limits as to what they find an acceptable intrusion into their private lives (particularly when it comes to a third party such as a therapist).

The good news for those that find themselves in this particular situation - or even when one partner simply isn't willing to go into therapy - is that there are things you can do that can lead to self healing and repairing a relationship that may be damaged.

You can do this as one partner or as a couple, although it's much more effective when both people participate.   We've become a society of do-it-yourselfers, so it only makes sense that we should bring this idea into the more personal aspects of our lives rather than the simple home improvement projects. Now here is where I found success in the past I'm a do-it-yourselfer on home improvement projects, so when my lady is the type that sees things that I can do and request  them, I have something to do that is designed to please her.

One of My other talent is to be her personal-trainer, this promotes contact and setting goals together, in which you are playing a great roll in helping her feel great about herself.

Positive thinking is the greatest place to start. Whenever the roads of romance become a little too rocky for comfortable travel, it's time to take a step back and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.

So take a moment and take over the kitchen,  this is always a way to connect and make each other happy for the moment you can build on it, because you have set the foundation for the road back to each other.

Try some of these others if you are not a handyman type, or a good cook.
Make a list, write a letter, write a poem,  or take a few minutes to hold each other and dance.-1-2-3- dip, or Salsa for people with two left feet. Funny to look at but very affective because you are laughing with each other while you learn the steps.
Remind each other of the wonderful person you are when unencumbered with the worries of the world, children, finances, and the world outside the circle of your arms.

There are many different styles of self-therapy that you can use. You may want to check out some books on the various styles and read them together for advice, guidance, and perhaps a little insight as to where your specific problems may lie and the best path to take in the future.

Role-playing is another great way to obtain valuable insight as to how you perceive your partner as well as how he or she sees you. Personally I like playing the Butler Benson. which is an old TV show of a smart-ass butler who really bossed his bosses around. But being a server can be a perfect way to make your mate appreciate what you are offering. You may learn a lot about how the English language is woefully inadequate at conveying precise messages. Example: She says "Honey could you bring me a glass of wine" Translation in my mind wine makes her horny... So if I serve it to you in a larger glass, on the patio, you will be giggling in no time. so instead of saying "Get it yourself," I say " We only have red wine, it is just the right temperature, I will be right there, give me a second" and I serve it wearing a waiters vest.
This is better than You  intending to say one thing and your partner may hear something else entirely. It's important to learn how to communicate with one another positively and accurately. Working together through self-therapy and role-playing can help you achieve that.

One highly recommended style of relationship therapy is known as the Imago, which is Latin for 'match' style. You can find many books on this topic either online. The important thing is that you take as many steps as possible together........

Here are a couple of links that can help you reconnect: What sex life? , Infidelity
A different version of unfaithful is when a man does it he is "a cheater" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BC7hy1ZqJ4&feature=related
Part II ending the marriage and finding a way to reconcile and remarry. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaNfgvSG73s&feature=relmfu

Every Dudes dream is to have his dream Girl notify him that she is "into you"

There was a time when the name of the game was to just be a dude with style.. Just having style is not enough anymore you have to  have substance.. To be able to compete with Young Money....that can make it rain in a strip club. These dudes are not just buff and can take their shirts off at he beach....and showcase great abs. So you better don't half step, being a player that can step to the plate and swing for the fence....Let's face it, having more testosterone coursing through your body is going to do more than help you with your stamina and incinerate belly fat. If you're feeling weak, lethargic, and pudgy—and simply less dynamic at work and play—your testosterone levels might be low. You've seen the ads on TV, but low T doesn't only happen to older guys any more. 

 Age, stress, lack of sleep, plastics, soaps, shampoos, toxins in the 

environment — even working out the wrong way — can all sap your body of testosterone.

So what are you going to do about it? Give up and become a "Girly Man, with male boobs?" Not a chance! Guys, have you ever read dating advice articles that tell you to get to work on your physical features? Have you ever read that trying to bring back your six-pack abs and working on those bi’s and tri’s is what’s going to bring the ladies in? Well it’s time to let go of that fantasy. Even though working on your body may help out with initial contact with women – no to mention the health benefits for you from sweat – this is not the way to go if you’re looking for the love of your life. And that's especially to the 40+ crowd. I’m sure you’ve also heard women give the old cliché characteristics that they’re looking for: Features such as the guy having to be sensitive, having a great personality, a fit build, dreamy eyes, etc.  But these are generic responses to what women are truly seeking. Don’t be confused. The previously mentioned characteristics are definitely factors that women seek in a mate, but they're not what sparks attraction. The most valuable asset that any guy can possess when it comes to looking for a mate is self-assurance. Having legitimate confidence in yourself is way more important than having a ripped body or a wallet full of money. You’ve seen it before. A man who would be considered average looking has an amazing looking woman at his side. The old saying of “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is true, because when you think about it, there are more women than men on this planet. Once you take that into consideration, you will notice that if and when you do find someone worth dating, you will both be comfortable in knowing that she isn’t the last woman on earth, and that there are plenty of other opportunities out there if this match doesn't work out. Keeping this state of mind will help you stay relaxed, and that in turn will allow you to give her your full attention.Self-confidence is the best way to attract quality women. Another tip: Don’t let the setbacks steer you off course. There may or may not be rejection, and if there is, it’s best to focus on the positive instead of the negative. If you are going to be working on your physical features, do it for yourself instead of trying to impress the ladies. After all, being in good health boosts your confidence. So put your best efforts into your foray into the dating scene -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you do that, the ladies will begin to pick up on it and you’ll be dating in no time. start by having clean clothes for every occasion.

Love is an untamed force! So are negative thoughts.

When we try to control Love, it can  destroys us. When we try to imprison Love, it enslaves us. When we try to understand Love, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.
Maybe, just maybe I need to get rid if my BAD attitude, to get back on the right track. to positive thoughts.

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is a mental attitude that expects good and favorable results. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds.

Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results. Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.

It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

The following story illustrates how this power works:
Allan applied for a new job, but as his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success, he was sure that he was not going to get the job. He had a negative attitude towards himself, and believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him. Allan manifested this attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews.

His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job for the whole week before the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected. On the day of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.

During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the proper qualifications for the job, but so had Allan.

What do we learn from these two stories? Is there any magic employed here? No, it is all natural. When the attitude is positive we entertain pleasant feelings and constructive images, and see in our mind's eye what we really want to happen. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even the health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall and the voice is more powerful. Our body language shows the way you feel inside.

Positive and negative thinking are both contagious.
All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Practical Instructions: try doing Mind walks.

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, inner work and training are required. Attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

Read up on this subject, think about its benefits and persuade yourself to try it. The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange give it a try, as you have nothing to lose, but only to gain. Ignore what others might say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.

Always visualize only favorable and beneficial situations. Use positive words in your inner dialogues or when talking with others. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively. Disregard any feelings of laziness or a desire to quit. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks.

Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. The negative thought will try again to enter your mind, and then you have to replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you choose to look at one of them and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively and ignore negative thoughts.

In case you feel any inner resistance when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.

It does not matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they do.

Another method to employ is the repetition of affirmations. It is a method which resembles creative visualization, and which can be used in conjunction with it. It is the subject of another article on this website.

The  power of concentration, will power, self-discipline and peace of mind also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

Nonsexual Things that Turn Women On

　
Letting her be (leaving her unmolested) is also "cool." So be the fan she needs you to be.  
I'm Not going to lie, 10 years ago these points would never have crossed my mind. But at this stage in my life I think more than I did 10 years ago. If I haven’t been feeling it all the time lately, I can relate to why women don't' get turned on like a light switch.  I'm More down-to-sleep (DTS) than down-to-sleep-with-you (DTF). It happens, let's face it. While I still just need to see my girlfriend’s lips or cleavage or inner thigh to get turned on*, a woman’s needs to see her man's other qualities. Other than his unit standing at attention.
Here’s the truth: They don't think your unit is attractive. (because their mother told them it is nasty and stay away for it At all times.) Nor does it draw her to you in the way you wish. If it did, you could just toss it on the table during the appetizers on the first date, and she'd going home with you.**
So what are some of those other qualities that turn a woman on? I can’t speak for all women, but here are five that do it for a young lady I spoke to not to long ago—and, according to my friend.she sirprised me with some of these....
My Handwriting
What? Are you kiding me? Handwritten notes are so rare these days, which only makes them more of a turn on. Doesn’t matter if you’re using a pen, pencil, or crayon—they love it! Not only is it awesome to see effort beyond the four-word text, but a handwritten note is literally something she’ll treasure , I think that women think it is very sexy to see words such as beautiful, smart, impressive in your chicken scratch as you describe her, I don't have  great penmanship. Something about sensitive words in rough manly handwriting makes her swoon, just a little bit.
Our Clean Smell
Emphasis on clean. Some women are into the sweaty man scent, but most are all about the right-out-of-the-shower smell. A little Irish Spring and she could be yours. Just don’t go overboard. With most soaps and body washes—from Axe to Gillette—a little goes a long way. Don’t show up at her door smelling like you have pine cone hanging around your neck.



You Saying her Name (make sure you remember, before saying it)
Get your mind out of gutter, not  just during sex! I mean when you say her name out of the blue***. When you’re with someone all the time, you rarely call them by name—or you use a nickname. There’s something very sexy about hearing you say her name, in a Barry White voice (LOL, I havea deep voice so I had to add the deep voice part.) Just throw it in there once in awhile to show her you still remember it—and still respect her as an individual.

You Focusing on a Project

Women love to see a guy working on a project—from building the fence in her backyard to cleaning the oven or planning a trip. Whatever it is, seeing raw dedication, focus, and ownership never gets old. (Need ideas? Don't start building a boat, she will think you are trying escape. Or paint yourself into a corner.. She will think you are an  idiot, nothing sexy about being and dud, instead of a dude!


Your Blushing ( this is tough for a man like me)
So okay, I am way funnier than most of you, I realize that****. But she might love it when she can zing ya with a great comeback and you know it was hilarious. But you don’t want to back down, so you blush or frown with a tad bit of embarrassment. Or if she says something totally unexpected, and it makes you happy, you have a certain smirk. It is fantastic to see that vulnerability every once in awhile. Some women love that....
Here are a few extra points to the above (refering to the *s):
* Just for the record, there are plenty of nonsexual things about women that turn them on too. ( I wish I knew more of them) When you hit her with a razor-sharp comeback. When you put up a great debate. When you ask "How can I help you?" When we say "We're a really great fathers" or "You’re an amazing at your job." When you just say "Thank you" after any of the dozens of times they' ve pitched in to help you during the day. In other words, when you engage them beyond your usual do-this, go-here, pick-up-this, why-don’t-you-listen-to-me blather.
** Does this mean tossing the salad right there at the table is out of the question? NO, it shows you have skills at handling vegetables, so she thinks you take you time and do things right and that is a turn on for her bif time.
*** This definitely isn’t a turn-on for guys. When we hear our name, we assume we’re in trouble. Growing up, that was the only time our mothers called us anything but "honey." And today, it’s the only time our bosses call us anything but "dude." or "Dumb-ass"
**** Be More humble, too! "Actually, you’re very funny,"- Katie, - Nakeshea or Joan- "Almost as funny as a guy with B.A.D initials.." with a a certain wicked smirk.

A player can have 4 different types of women in his life, which will he end up with

1.Wifey. Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the women. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man…she is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. She is the woman that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see her with another man…BUT he will cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or messup in any way and looses Wifey, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again.
2.Baby Girl. Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as hot as wifey and usually has a very active social life and has an exciting career…she IS replaceable, thinks she’s the next Wifey, but there will only be one Wifey. If an extreme disaster takes place. Baby Girl gets some of the benefits of Wifey, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that’s as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife really really messup, she can be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot.


3.Side Piece. Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex & other pleasures, she is usually the one that he goes to for that three-some or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hrs. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month.
4.Jump Off. Jump Off…every man’s dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn’t know how to go about it. They are just the girls he hollahs at when he is with his boys…she is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her…he only recalls how fat her ass was
Now,most women  I know  pride themselves on being the Wifey material, but may have subjected themselves to becoming the Jump off? Yeah, they  answered the phone and let him come over at 2:30 a.m. (after the club, or a poker game) a few times, well more than a few times. But,do  hey want him so BAD that they're playing  themselves? Or are they  getting theirs?
Now  I can see your smile just  went from Cali, Colombia to Florida in 3.5 seconds.

Is it possible to reset the status? Is there a way to go from Jump-off  to Wifey status with the same guy or do you tastefully move on to the next with hopes that this one “may be the one that will make you the Wifey?
 This is a tough one, you have to start by changing  your mindset, the longer you stay in a status, the Harder for a woman to change.
I have  always believe this to be true, so someone would have to prove it to me. "Pretty woman" is a movie. This type of status change seldom happens in real life.

Finding ways to Relax with someone. How do you do it?

Sex on the beach: Why settle for the drink when you can have the real thing? Your chances of a one-night stand might increase this summer, according to a recent survey finding that 40 percent of women under 30 and even a few under 45 said they’ve done the deed during vacation.

This isn’t a huge surprise. Inhibitions drop when you escape business attire, Microsoft Excel, and your overbearing boss for a week. Still, I find it disconcerting that women are often judged for such encounters, and sometimes regret the decision as a result.

But if both parties are consenting, what’s so shameful?

It’s the lock and key thing.  A woman who has casual sex is like a weak lock because she’ll open for anyone. I’m-so-sick-of-this-analogy But a key [the man] that opens any lock is the master key.”

Translation: A woman is supposed to “stay strong” and resist temptation. And if she doesn’t? She’s flawed. Weak. (Can someone please demand a product recall on these completely inadequate locks?) Besides, should sex really be about breaking into something? OOps Cough, slippery slope, cough.*)

Now, I know the majority of guys are respectful, but I’ve heard some variation of this “lock and key” analogy—even from friends, nice guys—way too many times. Not only is it a double standard, it’s stopping many of you from having truly amazing sex. Just imagine if a woman didn’t feel like she was “giving in,” doing something wrong, and actually started enjoying herself. Everyone would win.

The first step: Be respectful during your one-night stands—whether or not either of you wants a relationship. The more respectful men are, the more (and better) sex everyone will have. Here’s how.

While you’re hooking up
Be generous. No one really expects a one-night stand or first-time sex to be mind-blowing. You don’t need to be amazing—women know that there’s a lot of pressure on guys to perform—but you should try. It says that you care about her enjoyment, too . . . even if it’s only a one-time thing. Not sure where to start? Just remember Most bedroom problems boil down to this: Men are microwaves and women are slow cookers.
.

After the act
Talk to her. I don’t mean dirty talk (unless that’s what you’re into). I’m talking about a person-to-person conversation afterward. (If you’re too tired immediately after, do it the next morning.) It doesn’t need to be “sweet nothings,” and you don’t need to ask about her hopes and dreams—just something that indicates she’s more than a means for your pleasure. Maybe even cuddle.  What not to do: Rolling over afterward, then point to the door the next morning.

Think of it this way: You both shared something—whether there were emotions involved or not. Respect the moment (and her)—even if you have no intention of seeing each other again.

The next morning
Be a gentleman. You don’t necessarily need to make a gourmet breakfast and walk her home. But if it’s raining in the morning, lend her an umbrella. If she left her jacket at the bar, lend her a sweatshirt. You get the idea. Trust me, being polite isn’t going to make her want a relationship if she doesn’t want one in the first place.

Long-term
Return to normalcy. Let’s say you were friends—and you don’t want anything more or less. Behave exactly as you did before hooking up. If you smiled with  her everyday at work, then smile everyday with  her everyday at work. It’s only weird and awkward if someone makes it weird and awkward. Don’t let it be you.You may have noticed that the foundation of some of this advice is simple consideration for another human being. (I mean, you’d probably lend an umbrella to an acquaintance if he didn’t have one, right?) See, a funny thing happens when you see the woman in your bed, not as weak lock, but as—wait for it—a woman in your bed. Respect follows without a second thought—as will better, uninhibited sex.