15 relationship enhancers, try them if you dare.

I want to kickoff the New Year with this one because I believe that these 15 phrases can make a huge difference in how the rest of the year works for you in establishing better relationships. I hope you appreciate the hard work I put into this blog-post because it took me  5 days to come up with  these 15, three a day. here goes: 

1) Thank You: Common courtesy? Sure. But tell me this: When was the last time you forgot (or rejected) gratitude? Whether given in private or public, a sincere ‘thanks’ creates goodwill. Don’t forget your mother’s advice: “Say please.” People are always happier doing a favor than taking an order.

2) I Trust Your Judgment: Translation: “You have my permission. I believe in you. Now, go make it happen.” Feels pretty uplifting to hear that, doesn’t it? And I’ll bet you’d do almost anything to please someone who makes you feel that way.

3) I Don’t Know: I don’t have all the answers. And it scares me to death. That’s a perfect point to start a dialogue…over facts and fears. Facing the unknown – and seeking assurances and answers – bonds people like nothing else. All you have to do is first admit what you don’t know everything.

4) Tell Me More: “I’m all ears.” It’s the ultimate conversation starter!  When you signal that you’re open and intrigued, the other party will respond in kind. And who can resist flattery? Use phrases like “What do you think” or “What would you do” to acknowledge someone’s expertise. In doing so, you’re courting authentic suggestions, even if they challenge convention or skewer a sacred cow. If your interest is genuine, you may just fuel a productive exchange.

5) What I Hear You Saying Is: Ever wonder if someone has been listening to you? Be assured the person speaking to you is. So here’s a way to keep the ideas flowing. Step back and rephrase what someone says. In fact, vaguely distort or stray from it. This offers two benefits. It implies that you’re engaged, increasing the likelihood you’ll get more detail. It also helps you gauge the other person’s preparation, reasoning, and seriousness. It’s a win-win for everyone.

6) I’m On It: You’re giving your full attention. You’re saying, “Relax. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll see to it personally.” That response can disarm just about anyone. To express a deeper commitment, use “You have my word.” This makes you more accountable to someone, conveying that you’re on board and will make it happen…whatever it takes.

7) How Else Can I Help You: It takes guts to speak up. People risk rejection, ridicule, or retaliation. Sure, you’ve discussed one issue. Chances are, this was just a test balloon to see how you’d react. This person probably wants to cover more; she’s just hesitant to ask. Make it easy on her. Extend the proverbial “what can I do” invitation to widen the conversation. And don’t be afraid to ask for help occasionally, either. People love to lend a hand. It provides purpose. When you’re humble and vulnerable, it humanizes you. It makes you one with her. And people trust those with whom they  identify with.

8) I’ve Got Your Back: We’ve all made big mistakes. When we’ve recognized the gravity, the same question automatically pops up: “Am I losing your trust for this?” It’s natural for someone you are involved with  to imagine worst case scenarios. In those times, step in with  reassurance: “I’m not judging you. We’re going to get through this togeter. You’re not alone. We’ll figure this out together. It’s going to be OK.”

9) My Pleasure: This subtle reminder reinforces a key point. We’re here to help each others. You have all the time you need. And I'm happy to do it.

10) What If: Call it whatever you want: Imagination, wonder, inspiration, or vision. It’s that “why not” spirit that drives men and women to dream, create, and push limits. How often do you channel this force to hit it off with others? When was the last time you used a phrase like “How can we make this happen” or “Let’s try this out?” Go ahead. Open the conversation to everyone. Put every option on the table. Don’t judge them based on budgetary, time,efforts, or cultural considerations.  Sure, most ideas won’t be feasible or relevant. But you’re seeking that nugget that makes your relationship just a little more competitive and enjoyable. You can find the means another time.

11) Let Me Play Devil’s Advocate: Looking for a subtle way to critique? Turn the conversation into an exercise where you’re a detached party performing a function: Poking holes in the logic and plan of attack. Maybe you need to reel the other person back to the big picture. Maybe you want to direct him/her towards missing pieces, pros and cons, or alternatives. Either way, you use this strategy to stress test ideas without making the process overly personal.

12) Let Me Think About That: Yeah, it sounds like a cop out. And it is…sometimes. Fact is, we don’t always have the authority or expertise to make final decisions. This phrase buys you time and breathing space. It intimates that you’re open-minded and the request merits consideration. Then, set a date and time for follow up so the other person knows you’re taking him/her serious.

13) Well Done: It’s a cliché, no doubt. Sometimes, it isn’t enough just to say thanks. People want to know what they did was great and why. They pour so much sweat and soul into their projects. They need more than recognition that a task or goal was completed. They need to know their work was special and had meaning to someone.

14) You’re Right: Want to get someone’s attention? Tell him/her that they’re right. Once you yield the high ground, it’s much easier for the other party to swallow that the right plan and sentiment can’t always overcome the absurdities and restraints we face every day.

15) I Understand: People have such an innate desire to connect. They long to know they’re not alone, seeking others who’ve been where they are – and have successfully made it through. Helping someone doesn’t always involve making suggestions or calls. It may just involve being there, paying attention to what a person has to say. Most times, that’s enough to show you understand.

My last words on enhancing  your relationship in this  New Year. 
a) What we men need to understand about women is that consistency equals emotional security. Men should not start something we  can't or have no intention to finishing when it comes to spending money, spending time, sexual performances, etc... If you want a stable relationship, stop frustrating your woman with your inconsistency! 

b) What women need to understand about men is that we don't want to be changed. Yes, men want to be inspired to be better... not to be transformed into someone else. And most important of all, stop projecting your fantasies from television, movies...and your friends expectations onto us. When a man is ready to share his life with you and be committed, you will know it! You won't have to constantly ask, "Where is this relationship going?"

a few reasons your most talented partners will leave you

Some of the biggest challenges people face these days is making concessions and appreciating each others differences. It happens in business or governments and in personal relations all of the time,  because no ONE  is willing to give a little and therefore walk away from the table instead of sitting down and finding ways to work together.

Have you ever noticed leaders spend a lot of time talking about talent, only to make the same mistakes over and over again? Few things in business are as costly and disruptive as unexpected talent departures. With all the emphasis on leadership development, I always find it interesting so many companies seem to struggle with being able to retain their top talent.  The same applies to personal partnerships more and more people are jumping the gun and walking away instead of giving the relationship their best efforts, if you don't believe me just look at the divorce rate.... 50- 60 % are ending because giving a little is too much to ask. "It's my way or the high way. So hit the road Jack/Jill." 
In this blog, I’ll share some research, observations, and insights on how to stop the talent door from revolving.

Ask any CEO if they have a process for retaining and developing talent and they’ll quickly answer in the affirmative. They immediately launch into a series of soundbites about the quality of their talent initiatives, the number of high-potentials in the nine box, blah, blah, blah. As with most things in the corporate world, there is too much process built upon theory and not nearly enough practice built on experience.

I see the same problems with today's couples. The Alpha male she wants is too bossy, the Alpha female, he wants, is too independent and  neither of the two will see that as a couple that they are the dynamic duo power couple.

When examining the talent at any organization look at the culture, not the rhetoric – look at the results, not the commentary about potential. Despite some of the delusional perspective in the corner office, when researchers interview their employees, here’s what they tell them: my comments in Italic Bold on the personal relationships.
    More than 30% believe they’ll be working someplace else inside of 12 months.
More and more people believe they will meet  someone else to start over with inside of 12 months.
    More than 40% don’t respect the person they report to.
More and more don't respect the person they are sleeping with as an equal or even a head of house-hold or home-maker
    More than 50% say they have different values than their employer.
More and more couples believe that what initially brought them together was cosmetic not values.
    More than 60% don’t feel their career goals are aligned with the plans their employers have for them.
More and More couples don't feel that their personal goals are aligned with their partners plans for them.
    More than 70% don’t feel appreciated or valued by their employer.
More and More people feel under-appreciated and under-valued by their partners.

So, for all those employers who have everything under control, you better start re-evaluating. There is an old saying that goes; “Employees don’t quit working for companies, they quit working for their bosses.” Regardless of tenure, position, title, etc., employees who voluntarily leave, generally do so out of some type of perceived disconnect with leadership.
Lets face the naked truth on relationships, woman don't leave their homes, and men don't want to leave their homes but do it because they can not see continuing to live with the person they chose to be with no  longer are meeting their needs and are NOT THE  SAME PERSON  they fell in Love with. 
Here’s the thing – employees who are challenged, engaged, valued, and rewarded (emotionally, intellectually & financially) rarely leave, and more importantly, they perform at very high levels. However if you miss any of these critical areas, it’s only a matter of time until they head for the elevator.
If you don't  challenge your Alpha partner, and engage them, make them feel like they are valuable, and reward them (emotionally and in other ways) they will quite on you.  
Following are 10 reasons your talent will leave you – smart leaders don’t make these mistakes:
Top Ten Reasons Why Large Companies Fail To Keep Their Best Talent ~Eric Jackson Eric Jackson Contributor
The Case for Hiring 'Under-Qualified' Employees ~David K. Williams David K. Williams Contributor
The 10 Reasons Why We Fail ~David DiSalvo David DiSalvo Contributor
This One Leadership Quality Will Make or Break You Mike Myatt Mike Myatt Contributor

1. You Failed To Unleash Their Passions: Smart companies align employee passions with corporate pursuits. Human nature makes it very difficult to walk away from areas of passion. Fail to understand this and you’ll unknowingly be encouraging employees to seek their passions elsewhere.
Do you Fail to unleash their sexual passions? If yes them what is said above is very similar in your personal life.

2. You Failed To Challenge Their Intellect: Smart people don’t like to live in a dimly lit world of boredom. If you don’t challenge people’s minds, they’ll leave you for someone/someplace that will.
Do you Fail to challenge them in all areas you need to? If " yes" them what is said above is very similar in your personal life.
3. You Failed To Engage Their Creativity: Great talent is wired to improve, enhance, and add value. They are built to change and innovate. They NEED to contribute by putting their fingerprints on design. Smart leaders don’t place people in boxes – they free them from boxes. What’s the use in having a racehorse if you don’t let them run?

Do you Fail to give your partner  credit for what they bring to the table, bedroom and all other areas you are not capable of handling by yourself ? If "yes" them what is said above is very similar in your personal life.

4. You Failed To Develop Their Skills: Leadership isn’t a destination – it’s a continuum. No matter how smart or talented a person is, there’s always room for growth, development, and continued maturation. If you place restrictions on a person’s ability to grow, they’ll leave you for.
Do you Fail to see that your partner needs to grow and develop in their own way and at their pace? If "yes" them what is said above is very similar in your personal life. 

I think if you see what I'm seeing. Which is that the World we live in business, Politics, Marriages, Same Sex Partnerships, raising kids as single parent, should be about taking the time to engage others and respecting that we are all made equal but yet different. It can't work if you are unwilling yield from your positions.   
Have Happy New Year All.  Start by  finding ways to start a new Year with fresh new ways of compromise by  making concessions and appreciating each other.

In the Words of Miss Universe: "Celebrate your differences" 

Here a few other quotes:

BE YOURSELF
"Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself."
Oprah Winfrey

---

A BRICK
"Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body."
Lady Gaga

---

YOU'RE WORTHY
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
Stephen Chbosk

Have some people lost their minds, because they are scared?

Prior to becoming a parent I was a gun owner (for self protection, because I lived in dangerous cities, and I was scared of become a victim.) That changed immediately when I held my first born in my arms. The idea that a gun could take his life was just not something I wanted to be possible in my home, by accident or by intent. Life is precious. What the citizens of any country should ask themselves. Is having a gun in the house the answer to keeping you Safe? The intent of having a gun is to do harm..... You can call it self-defense, self-preservation whatever terms you want to use. But in the final Analysis it is to do harm. You will willingly shoot someone, who is trying to harm you and call it self-defense. Or you will shoot someone in anger. the end result is the same, you are willing to taking a life. Hunting is an excuse for have a fire arm. Self-defense is an excuse to owning a fire-arm in your home. Living in peace is not having a weapon that can do harm. I can't accidentally shoot someone, I love, if I don't have a gun. They can't shoot me in my home with my own gun, if I don't have one. Those who say "guns don't kill, people kill" are dead wrong. Guns allow people to kill easier than those who don't have one. Call yourself a person who believe that a fetus has a right to life and in the same sentence want to own a gun that can kill your child is someone who does not understand that they are contradicting themselves. May you live long enough to see what is wrong with society  Wrong can't ever be right, no matter how you spin it.

The craziest people are now saying let us arm school teachers...... They call themselves responsible people, the Governor of Texas one the largest states, who ran in the Republican primary. Makes a statement like this with a straight face and the IDIOTS in the room applaud. OMG, this is why I know that living in some of thees Southern  United of  states America requires you to loose  your sense of good judgement. To think that this guy could have been the president of the USA.
As parents grieve and wonder what clothing to bury their bullet riddled kids bodies in,And these  Fools are talking about starting a fire fight in the school where you have kids of all ages. Teachers need to act like law enforcement agents, Military trained teachers, now? I can see a teacher graduating from a University now and don't qualify to teach children unless the know how to shoot a hand gun or a Bushmaster, why not have them learn how to blowup buildings too. Have we lost our minds. Now I know that emotions these days are about Revenge and the only way to have Revenge is to shoot somebody and watch them bleed out (life is not a video game.) Gunman shoot back or shoot first. Just ask yourselves is this normal. Mental health issues is grater than we realize.
 Owning gun empowers these crazy people. As more and more people arm themselves because they scared, we run the risk of having fire fights in Churches, Schools, Hospitals.

 For a mother to have 3-6 guns or more in her home with a son who has mental issues, is amazing to me, What happened to this woman after her husband and  her got divorced. If he wasn't a gun lover then I can understand leaving her, because she was crazy. 

Personally the problems has an easy fix in my simple mind: "stop being cowards," you  are scared of your own shadows. A gun can not make you safer it can turn you into a killer. Can you live with taking a life. 

Most normal people will have a hard time dealing with the fact  after they shoot  someone.

For 26 people (20 kids and 6 educators) their World ended in 2012. 

Maybe this is what the Mayan calendar was talking about. The year when the USA had more guns in the homes than people. Ready to shoot every child, woman and man, maybe their dog will survive.

Guns in America

12 Kinds Of Sex experiences Every Woman Needs To Have Before She Settles Down

Lets face it women in the 21st Century want to have the same experience as men before they settle down.

 

We men are sick of all these so-called relationship experts telling ladies the way to snag a man is to keep it in your pants, ( keep your skirt hem on your knees or below.) Listen, you prisses, not only are you way too old to be virgins you need to stop  acting like you are still one,  you sure as hell are glad you're not, aren't you? Holding out for some kind of commitment only makes you gals feel like your vagina is your primary value, not your self-worth as a person. Lame! (my version of  'act like woman and think like a man.') And what about your desires? Doesn't that matter? Frankly, you have to test-drive some cars, and ride a horse  before you know which one you wan to buy, if you know what I mean. No matter what kind of sex you're into, there are certain experiences I think every woman needs to have before she settles down. Go through the following to see what sexy stuff I suggest you get around to doing before you decide to buy the bull,  El Torro or whatever other names you want to call the dude you settle down with.


OK here goes my top 12:

1) Foreigner Sex (Every dude I know have tried this one, so why don't you women do the same thing.)
You can barely pronounce his name, but boy oh boy does he talk pretty, Right? Perhaps you’re traveling and he came over to you in a club and asked you to dance. Either way, don’t let the chance to have a fling with a foreign stud pass you by. Hey, it might just be your only chance to see an uncircumcised one. Being able to say "you are beautiful" to a woman in 4 different languages and being able to dance to various styles of music helped me impress almost every woman I introduced myself to even now (no longer in my prime.)  So test ride a foreigner, you like foreign cars better than domestic cars don't you?

2)“The One” Sex
You thought he was 'the one", but he isn’t. He broke your heart and you wonder if you’ll ever have sex this good again. I promise, ladies, when you do meet your match for reals, you’ll know this guy was a test of faith that made you (and your future orgasms) stronger.

3) Big D*CK Sex
You must hunt down and slay.... lay the mythical dragon penis.  Meet Mr.Big Willy 6'5" and well hung. if you don't hit it, you’ll always wonder how big is too big. You’ll have that gasp moment when it’s revealed to you and then you get to remember what it was like to be a virgin when he sticks it in. Afterward, you get to brag to your girlfriends. But, finally, you can put the fantasy that a huge manhood has magical powers to the rest. It’s just a Johnson, attached to a man, like all the others. And sometimes that man is an even bigger prick.

4) Not good  Sex.
The kind of sex so mortifying that you want to take a shower after, immediately. It’ll help you appreciate good sex and even mediocre sex when you have it.
Angry Sex/Hate Sex/Breakup Sex
Whether you’re angry because he’s a Republican and you canvassed for Obama, or you're totally mad at your BF and want to call it off, anger is one potent aphrodisiac. It certainly starts the sexy time off with a bang! It’s like naked wrestling where everyone wins.

5) Rock Star Sex
Which woman doesn't fantasize about being someone's muse? When you’re with some guy, you feel like you won a million sexy bucks. And then you feel cheap, like, two seconds later. But it always makes for an interesting story! So go for it, be someone's inspiration ... in bed.

6) Booty call Sex
You should know if anal is your thing before you settle down. Test it out with someone you trust, preferably a mild-mannered dude who will not Kiss and tell, who is gentle in the sack and who's also dispensable in case you don’t like it and never want to do it again. Because for dudes, once they pop, they can’t stop. And for some people, that  could become a  deal-breaker.

7) Girl On Girl Action
You don’t have to go all the way, but you have to at least kiss another girl, try it when you are on vacation, where no one knows you.
 It doesn’t count if you’re doing it for male attention; every liaison is best in private. There is a level of understanding yourself and your sexuality that comes from sexing it up with another woman, no matter how straight you think you are. OK author's fantasy overboard here.!

8) Age Gap Sex
Jump the age gap's bones. Bag a younger man and an older man. Especially when it comes to dudes, you have to comparison shop. I could make some sweeping generalizations here like your older man will lavish you with expensive gifts and attention, and the boy toy will have you screwing like bunnies, but in my experience that can be a load of bull. Test out men at least three  age groups, and you might just be surprised by what you find out about guys in general.

9) Being A “Top-customer”

Put the dom in dominate. Three words: woman on top. You totally dominate this sexual experience. It’s you, in control, doing and getting what you want. Bonus points if it involves leather! LOL.


10) Can’t Keep It Up Sex
Sometimes he drank too much whiskey; sometimes he just did it solo— whatever the reason, sometimes you can’t get him up for the night and you have to accept that. No hard feelings, no pun intended. You have to figure out how to handle your insecurity over the situation in a way that doesn’t make a man feel worthless. It happens to every dude. Let’s just be grateful all you ladies have to do is show up, spread ‘em, and party on!

11) Self Love
Sistahs are doing it for themselves! There is nothing more empowering and easy to do when it comes to your own pleasure. Masturbation is important for learning what you like and how to get all the way home. And it's extra fun to get the job done with a vibrating play thing. You just can't miss out on what technology has to offer your lady-flower! But with or without batteries, thanks to masturbation, you'll be able to help future partners give you what you want.


12) Browse through Niche Dating Sites You Didn’t Know You Needed

Now that Valentine's Day is on the horizon it's time to look forward, to shed past heartache and focus on finding someone special this new year. Maybe you've tried online dating? But perhaps the sites you're using are too general, and aren't helping you meet the right people. What if you really want to shed your city living and move to a Caribbean Island? There should be  a site for that. Or what if you're Jones-ing to meet a real life member of the geek squad? I can't help you find one of those, but a geek site might. Click through  your list of specialty dating sites that could bring you closer to finding your perfect match.
For Those who find Tony Hawk Attractive and Think it’s totally Okay that a Grown Ass Man. Has devoted his life to skating on a skate board. and doing flips on ramps.
 If that's what you're into, be my guest.

Fellahs!
In the end we fellas need to realize that Women these day are ready for almost whatever comes their way. So if you want to be knocked down and laid out  get in the path of her exploring years. Who knows she might make you "the ONE" she tries most of  her experiments with.

Dude! You don't need to know everything about her.

Are you dating a stranger? According to a new survey conducted by a British beauty retailer, 54 percent of men couldn’t rattle off their partner’s cell phone number, 12 percent didn’t know her D.O.B., and one in 10 didn’t even know her job title. Ouch. Maybe because in today's World you can have technology help with instant access to info, you don't need to remember some of this info. The simple truth is, keeping the names of her coworkers and her hair stylist straight isn’t always easy (or even necessary). There’s such a thing as TMI (too much info)—as well as a handful of non-negotiable(s). That’s why I determined 10 things you simply don’t need to know about her, and 10 things you better have memorized or easy access to.

(And don’t worry—I don’t know anyone who memorizes phone numbers these days, either!)

"I always wonder if the adviser takes his/her own advice.... Is the author if this blog in a relationship?" Just wondering ~a secret admirer.  FYI, here is what I've learned  these are lessons from my own successful relationships and one marriage, which ended in divorce. But we remained friends afterwards until we both moved on wishing each other well. That's what you do when you truly love someone. You want them to be happy, with or without you. But like most people it was the failed relationships that hurt the most that taught me the greatest lessons.

10 Things You Don’t Need to Know About Her:

1. Her Favorite Designer
Can’t tell the difference between Tory Burch and Rag & Bone for the life of you? That’s OK: Recognizing a new dress or top (and complimenting her on it) goes a lot further.

2. What Her Perfume’s Called
That’s why she has aBFF—and if the perfume bottle’s running low this holiday season, just call her for the name.

3. Her Favorite Makeup
Sometimes a little mystery is good. Wouldn’t you rather believe she looks and feels awesome all the time because that’s just the way she wakes up looking and feeling every morning?

4. When or What She Gets Waxed
Same deal—a trip to the “spa” is all the information you need.

5. Her Hair Stylist’s Name
Part of being together means having your separate interests, too. Some names are must-knows; others leave you sounding like a character from Legally Blonde. This one falls in the latter category.

6. Her Best Friend’s Latest Boyfriend Drama
If she’s venting to you about her BFF’s latest crisis, listen. But know that by no means are you required to remember this information—or cut ties with the guy because of it.

7. If It’s That Time of the Month
Unless you’re trying to get her pregnant—or worried she might be—don’t worry about her cycle. If she’s in a bad mood, you’ll blame that weird thing called PMS, and she’ll lose it.

8. Her Ring Size
If you’re at the point where you need to know, you probably already do. Otherwise, there’s no need.

9. The Names of All Her Exes
Knowing she’s got an ex-husband or was in a 10-year relationship can be useful information—and explain a lot about why she is who she is. Details about the DJ, the guy she met on spring break, or the Pro athlete she dated simply aren’t necessary or wanted.

10. Her Salary
Until you’re serious—splitting finances, living together, paying for kids’ education—knowing the number of zeros on her paycheck shouldn’t matter. And remember: Picking up the tab should never be a matter of who makes more.

. . . And 10 Things You should know:

1. Small, Medium, or Large
You’re signing the two of you up for a race, and the free T-shirt section needs her size. If you order a small and it’s too small, she’ll feel—well, large—but if she thinks you think she’s a medium (when she’s clearly a small), you’re in the doghouse. Just ask.

2. Where She’s From
Whether she’s a born-and-bred St. Martiner, a New Yorker at heart, or a small-town European, her hometown matters. It probably says a lot about how she grew up—and how she’ll continue to grow.

3. Where She Went to School
Same reasoning: It’s important to her. Plus, it was four really fun years of her life that you may or may not have been present for. Mix up the University of Kansas with Kansas State, and you’ll never hear the end of it.

4. The Names of Her Parents, Siblings, and Best Friends
She talks about them enough, so you should be able to remember their names. Bonus points for coworkers and bosses.

5. How to Cheer Her Up
Knowing the quick fix for a bad day is good for both of you. If a pack of Oreos, Homeland on DVD, or takeout from her favorite Chinese place can brighten her up, you’ll see the rewards, too. The little things show you notice—and care.

6. The Signs of a Bad Mood
Being able to pinpoint bad mood warning signs she doesn’t even notice—ie: her voice when she’s hungry, or a less than enthusiastic response to a text—relay that you’re learning about her . . . better than she may even know. Plus, you’ll be better equipped to handle what could be coming your way.

7. Her Middle Name
If her doctor, employer, and credit card company know it, so should you.

8. Her Favorite Music
And make it an option on long car rides.

9. What She Doesn’t Eat
Take her to a steakhouse when she’s told you twice that red meat’s not her thing, and you’ve signed yourself up for an awkward date and a “do you even listen to me?” conversation.

10. Her Favorite Flower
 check out another blog post. Guy Wisdom!. You’ll thank me later.

Fight with a woman the smart way!

Truly passionate sex beats obligatory makeup sex any day. Maybe men don't know the difference, but  women do. They say they hate fighting—it makes them feel alienated, confused, and downright disappointed.

So Fellas, the next time she  bite your head off, don't rush to pack up your CDs. Experts insist that squabbling (but not screaming) is a healthy sign. It's silence that should scare you. We guys might think everything's okay since they're not arguing much, but that can really mean she's over the relationship and planning her exit strategy," How do I know? Trust me I know this,  because it happened to me..

You need to know what her fighting words mean. What follows is 'classified intel from behind enemy lines' code breakers that can lead to a cease-fire, they pay off in a peace treaty that will make everyone happier. If they feel closer and more intimate after each resolution, that's more nakedness for you.

Take notes: or just save this blog in your favorites. It will come in handy in the future. break it down so that you can see which is which.

1.) The Attention Fight

Opening Volley: "We don't go out anymore."

It Means: She's nostalgic. She wants her husband to sit across from her, thinking she is attractive, share her food, and realize she still feels what she did before  she became a wife and mother

Battle Tactics: Once a month, surprise her with a real plan. If you've gone a whole month without proffering flowers, compliments, or a special date, you'll have a problem. What's Personality Got to Do with It? Do something she'd like, but give it a spontaneous twist. Go for a walk, but take her to a sight she's never seen. Or book a babysitter, then lead her through a night of surprises—without prompting
Men like familiar places, but women respond best to novelty"

What You Win: Dinner counts as foreplay. Really?? Women like to be shown off.,Men should hear this as a compliment. Avoid getting defensive, and realize she needs attention or loves PDA with you. You'll come home and have a great evening.


2.) Your Friends Fight

Opening Volley: "What's with the morons in your fantasy baseball league, anyway?"

It Means: She's questioning your judgment. Criticizing how men spend time with their friends implies that they're irresponsible in making choices. meaning your partner is nervous about your decision making with regard to the two of you.

Battle Tactics: When she disses your buds, it feels like a personal insult, because friends are directly tied to identity and ego. Hold your ground and try this sneaky attack: Invite her to an event with your friends,. She doesn't really wants to spend time with your friends, but a lot of this has to do with her not wanting to be the invisible girlfriend or wife, and knowing you're not cheating on her.

What You Win: Peace. Once she's out, she'll realize your friends are harmless geeks, and she'll never want to join you again.  Include her in one of your regular pool or bowling nights—and let her pick her team. Competition—either with or against each other—is well established as an aphrodisiac.


3.) The Money Fight


Opening Volley: "Do you really need another gadget?"

It Means: She's implying a lack of responsibility on your part. This raises issues of control and insecurity, and highlights both partners' need for order. Women tend to be more security-minded than men, so you probably have different tolerance levels for spending.

Battle Tactics: Schedule budget talks. Have a sit-down with paper and pencil (or computer and software) to go over spending and debt levels. Negotiating lets her discuss the issue—but as you sympathize, make your case. Use "and" statements rather than "but" ones. "I understand you're nervous, and I also want to buy this new plasma TV. Lets  figure this out together."

What You Win: You get the TV—as long as you set aside a few hundred for something she wants. a big purchase as something that will compete for your attention. If ever there were a time to splurge on a pair of $200 jeans for her, this is it. She'll think of you every time she wears them,, which lets you make love to your plasma all you want.


4.) The Intimacy Fight

Opening Volley: "Why does everything have to be sex, sex, sex all the time?"

It Means: It's not about sex. She's lacking intimacy, excitement, novelty—all those things that made your early days so darn exciting. She may feel that sex is now more about your enjoyment than something mutual.

Battle Tactics: Research shows that the female snuggle impulse is also her aphrodisiac, so take an honest look at your attempts at intimacy. Do you assume that a shoulder rub must always lead to the bedroom exercises? Ask what she needs from you in order to feel close—it could just be more snuggling or listening.

And leave sex out of the discussion. Don't assume you know what 'affection' and 'love' mean to her,"  "Simply say, 'What do you want? Please tell me, because I want to give it to you.' " Find out what intimacy means to her, then provide it......


5.) The Kids Fight

Opening Volley: "Why can't you spend more time with the kids?"

It Means: She feels like she's doing all the work. The typical scenario is that the woman feels as if she's lost her wits dealing with the kids all day, and her husband comes home from work at night and shuts down, He removes himself from household responsibility and doesn't understand she's been working all day, too.

Battle Tactics: If she's punchy from a long day, don't plant yourself in front of the Pistons vs Lakers game. Nothing will change until you help with dinner, laundry, or homework. When it comes to chores, both of you should act the way you would at your jobs: Delegate, budget, and set deadlines. "Men have the ability to prioritize like this at work, so why not apply these sensibilities at home? "If your report isn't handed in on time, the boss will ask for it. If you aren't contributing to a meeting, your team will be livid."

What You Win: A calmer home, kids who actually like their father, and, after they go to bed, watch the last quarter of the Pistons vs Lakers game. Which is the best part anyway.


Last: Start by Defusing an Explosive Argument

Don't ask "why" questions. This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode,
 Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in "how" or "when" the two of you can solve the problem together.

Don't assume she's basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions, though these reactions may be charged with stress and contention. And for goodness' sake, don't tell her she's being emotional.

Don't cross-complain. Countering her bickering with your complaints won't work. If you're fighting to be heard, someone's bound to lose. It might as well be you.

Don't interrupt. Actively listen to whether she uses kinesthetic ("I feel"), auditory ("I hear"), visual ("I see"), or cognitive ("I think") terms—and respond in her language. She'll hear it more clearly.

Use body language. Touch her, lean forward, and maintain eye contact to show you're in the moment with her. 

checkout my other blog post:The do-it-yourselfers can do relationship therapy if they try

The best gifts.for the season is expressing Gratitude

With budgets pinched this holiday season, many people are thinking of cutting back on  gifts–to,friends, partners, co-workers, clients, or customers. If you’re one of them, consider making a gift that doesn’t set you back to much, but could advance your working relationships—either near-term or over time. Here are some examples.

1. Say “thank you.” Expressing gratitude to others for the things that they do for us makes them feel appreciated and validated. That makes them more likely to do good things for us in the future. We then know we can count on them. It’s a win-win. So make a New Year’s resolution to actively thank people for a job well done – no matter how busy you may be.

2. Give out compliments. When we compliment others, we can build rapport and create a meaningful connection with them. But they won’t have this effect unless they are genuine. If we actually feel jealous, for example, our compliments will fall flat. Others will notice, through our non-verbal communication (such as a fake smiles or lack of eye contact), that we don’t mean it. Remember that elevating others does not mean bringing ourselves down.

3. Celebrate successes. Take the time to learn about accomplishments and special moments. Then offer hearty congratulations. We all like to feel important.

4. Share information. Give people information that helps improve their health, finances, relationships, spirituality, or other areas in their lives. You will have the satisfaction of doing a good deed, and someday you may receive one in return.

5. Offer recommendations. Putting in a good word can help people in their personal or professional lives. Be willing to recommend others, and they will likely speak highly of you, too.

6. Show you care. Communicate to others your concern and support. Sometimes we may not have relevant information or resources to help them, but just showing that we care can be a valuable gift in itself.

7. Be respectful. Showing respect for others is a great gift. When people feel respected, they become engaged, open and receptive to what we have to say, rather than getting defensive. And chances are the respect will be mutual.

8. Smile with warmth. The first thing we typically hear when someone takes our photograph is, “smile.” That’s because a genuine smile has extremely attractive properties that people want to preserve and treasure. When we smile with sincerity, we transmit a visual image associated with kindness, warmth, happiness, approachability and trustworthiness. When we frown, we transmit an image associated with coldness, sadness, anger, discomfort and discontent. While a smile attracts others, a frown makes them want to run the other way. So we should all smile more often.



9. Make people laugh. Humor is a great gift for several reasons. It gets attention–people like to be entertained and naturally gravitate toward whatever entertains them. It causes people to laugh and relax, and someone who is relaxed is more physically capable of understanding us. And using humor can make the things we do and say more memorable. People tend to remember things that make them laugh.

10. Pay attention. Many of us listen to others, just waiting for our turn to speak. It’s a gift to focus exclusively on the needs and interests of the other person. In fact, it’s the ultimate example of giving without expecting anything in return.

When I was married a learn some very valuable lessons, do things early and prevent having to go crazy because you procrastinated and can't find the gift you wanted to buy for your significant-other. Alicia Keys sings "this Girl is on Fire

" now I can sing " This dude is on fire" because I'm ready for Christmas, my shopping is done. Signed sealed and will be delivered on time. The bubbly will also be chilled in advance.

How To Heal Broken Dreams in the New Year

We’ve all been ‘broken’ at one time or another. Relationships have fractured, hearts have been dislocated and even our feelings have been sprained. Often it is the internal wounds that take the longest to heal. In those times where the pain seems too much to cope, keep these keys in mind and embrace the healing process. Dreams may break, but we don’t have to remain an every day experience. This guy finished the race  with a broken leg. He was determined to let his dreams propelled him to continue to complete his leg of the race.

As we come to the close of another year, those on social media, like Facebook, know all too well what is about to take place. You’ve seen it, those grandiose posts declaring what the next year will bring for them. Some say prosperity, some put the friend list on notice that it’s time to ‘clean house’ and get rid of the negativity. Unfortunately, most of the chatter will never be followed up with actions. (I've seen my youngest son do this.) For whatever reason, we all seem to be fascinated with big promises, but know little of what to do to make it happen. try practicing yoga and breathing for mind and body healing.

Several years ago while playing football (soccer) I took a messy fall because a defender slide tackled me , that left my right knee in need of much rest. The doctors told me I was fortunate that I didn't need surgery. My knee was not  injured in such a way that time would not heal it, but if I did not rest it I only would make the process harder. As I begin to see the rumblings of the new year approach, I can’t help but think that some are just frustrated because somewhere along the line, they suffered a ‘fracture’ and it was never treated properly.
In life, just like in medicine, we need a professional to get us back on track. Here are a few things we all can use to speed up our recovery:

    When you’re injured, get a professional diagnosis immediately: Often we feel we are strong enough to fix ourselves. While that is admiral, it is also foolish. We are surrounded by people who have the qualifications to address our issues. The problem is we don’t show up. When I hurt my leg, all my friends had their own ideas of what was wrong. But when the pain is personal, you have to get it right.When it comes to relationships its a matter of Healing broken dreams you had with someone you thought was the "one".. how you deal with it should be finding ways to heal what's inside.Learn to relax and avoid having angry thoughts whenever something about that person creeps into your mind.

    Remember, treatment will hurt but it is necessary: Until the medications kick in, every little thing the doctor did hurt badly, and when ever the weather changed I was reminded that I hurt my knee. (Like now whenever the Christmas holidays roll around I'm reminded that i will not be sharing my holidays with the family I spent years building) Even the brace that was supposed to stabilize my knee was unbearable at times so I didn't wear it unless I  needed to do something that could make it hurt. It’s funny how the things that hurt us the most are really setting internal things right. Don’t let the process and occasional pain deter you from getting what you need. Do the little things constantly, its just like practice drills. work on  your self healing drills mentally all the constantly.

    Utilize your support system during rehab: Only a few days after my injury I watch my friends play the game I loved since I was 6 years old , I was irritated to say the least. I was forced to stay on the sideline and rest my knee . What I found in rehab was a group of people who had suffered many variations of injuries just like mine. We had a common bond and when one of us was in pain or discouraged, there was a network of people cheering you on. In life, you need to be connected to people who’ve suffered, but are ready to make a comeback! But be careful they might be cheering you on to commit murder.

    Your biography doesn’t have to determine your future:  Little by little my knee gained strength. I was having fun with new peeps at rehab and even found I needed the pain medications less. Then as quickly as it began, my rehab visits were done and it was time to put it all to the test. I will admit, that first full day out of my apt. back unto the busy streets of NY city was scary. Would I make it  up the stairs if the elevator was not working again? Would my knee just give out? I had to gear up mentally and remind myself I was totally healed and ready for action, if i just believed. Remember that whatever happened in the past is over, and you can now paint a brighter future.