So you have reached the point where you have moved in together or you have become engaged or even gotten Married. He’s finally made a commitment and you are excited. But before you jump into the final stretch... You have these few mini arguments... put them in categories and talk:
• About Money. You can’t get around it. It has to be determined if you are going to share the rent or mortgage, who is buying groceries, paying for the utilities, etc. Even though your man may say he is your knight in shining armor, make sure that there is an understanding of financials. because money is the main reason people split up.
• About Kids. Some people don’t want kids. Some don’t want but one. Some want big families. Make sure you are on the same pages so there are no surprised looks when you announce “I’m pregnant.” Make sure you both understand when you want them in your relationship.
• About Housework. Who is going to do what? Before you moved in together, he did do his own laundry and the dishes. So now, especially if you are both working, it has to be decided what responsibilities you each have when it comes to your home.
• About Family. A friend once said that he married his wife to be part of her family. But not all families are like the Cosby TV family. You both have to decide how much is too much when it comes to mom, sis and bro on both ends.
• About Older family. Maybe you are still young, but somewhere along the line, parents or grandparents may need to move in. It does happen, so make sure you think about it and talk about it. Elderly relatives can be a Godsend or a burden. Consider as a couple if this situation were to come up.
About Life and goals. Do you both have the same goals in mind? Do you both want the same things save hard for early retirement? How buying a new house? Investing your money for the future? Don’t just get married to live happily ever after. Discuss what happily means to you both.
• About Deal breakers. You have to talk about what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Getting loaded with his buddies and coming home late for dinner… is that OK with you? Does he get high and you don’t? Do you blow $300 on a pair of shoes now and then? Cover the basic of what can turn into a deal breaker. Make sure you both understand what is acceptable and what is not.
The most important thing is to communicate... which is not arguing. Tell the other person what you need to tell them and don't get upset while telling them or get upset when their response is not the one you are expecting.
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