Why Are Guys Not Proposing To Me? She Wants A Kid And A Husband

This is the time of year when women who feel that they have been single too long will be making statement like this:

“I don’t have a boyfriend yet but when I get one who is willing to stay with me, no matter what and that I love and he also loves me then of course I’ll marry him. These factors play a very important role when it comes to marriage so I’m not joking with them.

Do you know I walk around and nobody approaches me? They might think I have a boyfriend but I don’t. I need a fiancé that will become a husband. I need you please come!” 

Hmmm! What can I say.... I've met my share of these women, some I've even dated. Maybe the timing was wrong for me and her....... or  we were just all wrong for each other.

Maybe some of the following should be asking or answered while you have a conversation.

1. Can we live together for a period of at least one year prior to marriage?

Oh, are you Catholic? Don't like the idea of living in sin? Awww, that's so quaint. You're a  moron. Man or woman, you better damn well know if you enjoy the day-to-day experience of living with your potential spouse before you decide to get hitched. And the whole, "Well, we see each other all the time. We pretty much live together anyway," thing is WRONG. It's so terribly wrong. If you have your own place, that means you can GET AWAY.

2. Can we please be married for a period of three years before we begin trying to have children?

No woman will actually agree to three or four years. Strictly a bargaining point. Ideally, you negotiate down to two, one in a worst-case scenario. Are you marrying a woman over the age of 30? You're in a squeeze. She'll throw away her blister pack of Yasmin two months before your wedding night. But if you're marrying a woman in her twenties, IMPLORE her to give you some time before kids come and ruin everything. Travel. Eat. Have lots of sex. Spend money on retarded things. You can do all that before you have kids. Get as much of that time as possible. Otherwise, you'll have kids, you'll pass each other in the night, and you'll ask yourself, "Hey, WHO THE F#CK IS THIS PERSON?"

3. I know we aren't going to have as much sex once we get married, but exactly how much sex will we NOT have?

Varies by woman. However, as a guideline, I'd take the number of times you have sex a month right now, divide that number by five, and then multiply it by zero. That'll give you a solid idea of how much future sex is in store for you.

4. If I agree to be the breadwinner in the family, will you accept that sometimes I have to DO WORK in order to win said bread?

Happens to some men out there. They get married, they get a job, they have a shitload of kids, and then wifey is on the phone at 2PM every day saying, "HEY, I NEED YOU TO COME HOME." Or, "Couldn't you take a day off or something?" Well, no. No, that isn't how it works. In order to live, we need MONEY. Which means we have to fucking work, sometime late! We're not out a titty bar. We're not golfing. We're really, truly, legitimately working. And we'll be right home, unless you delay our work by calling every ten fucking minutes.

5. Do you cook? Or clean? Are you mildly proficient in home economics?

Again, this question works for both sexes. Don't marry some lazy b!tch (or a$$hole) who won't f#cking do anything.

6. Have we broken up several times before?

Yes? Then you're going to end up getting divorced.

7. Do you take any medication for depression, particularly manic depression? What happens if you don't take it?

Oh, I'll tell you what happens if they don't take it. Your severed pen!s might be in a recycling bin.

8. I'm going to do my damnedest to provide for you and our children. But I can't guarantee we'll ever be rich or anything. Is that good enough for you?

Because it isn't, for some ladies. Some ladies will expect you to become CEO of Prestige Worldwide by age 37. When I worked in IT systems, I had a lunatic ex-girlfriend who constantly demanded that I try and find a job in finance. Avoid women like this, women who could give two shits about you following your passions and seeing where they lead. Women like that are horrid.

9. I like lots of sports and music and movies that you probably don't. Will you not try and get me to unlove those things?

In other words, do you want to marry me, or do you want to marry some wet dream version of me? Because I'll never be that fucking person. Marriage is acceptance. You either accept the person, warts and all, or you don't. If your girlfriend is going to marry you hoping you'll become some other person who doesn't listen to Slayer and jack off three times a day, you may as well let her ass down easy now.

10. Would you mind signing this?

It's something that you need to have because if she leave yo ass she going to leave with HALF or All..

What it all boils down to is if you're marrying someone who's as dedicated to YOUR happiness as you are to theirs. Because if it ain't even, then you're screwed. Forever. I'm sure I forgot millions more.