OK so she admits she has walls up, but to her they are valid.

 "Most were drawn to her by her smile. But only a few were drawn to her by the sparkle in her eyes. Only a few were drawn to her by the way she thought, but only the right one, the chosen one was drawn to her by her beautiful soul."~Sha of KOA

Pretty much flawless with makeup

"They said you are beautiful with the makeup and the filters. She said she is beautiful with her freckles, her red face, her wrinkles and her natural messy hair because beauty to her is deep in her soul."~Sha of KOA

And she is flawless as a natural beauty!

After reading these quotes on my friend's FB page. I was reminded of a story I read in "Think and Grow Rich: A black Choice ~Dennis Kimbro. I will share the story as follows:

Return To Sender.

The way we hope others will respond to us is the manner in which we must express ourselves. Life is a mirror that reflects you expressions. If you smile, you'll see people with cheery dispositions. If you are irritable, you'll find a true picture of your contemptible self. You will find nothing in the World that you will not find in yourself. Nature takes on the moods, If you rejoice, you are loved. If you hate, you are hated. You will cast your own reflection.

Questionable character

A prosperous you Wall street broker met and fell in love with a rising young actress. He frequently escorted her about town, hoping to secure her hand in marriage. But being a cautious man, he decided that before proposing to her, he would have a private investigator check her background and present activities. After all, he reminded himself, I have both a growing fortune and my reputation  to protect against a marital misadventure.

She has nothing
 wrong with her!

The young man requested that the agency not reveal his identity to the investigator  filing the report on the bride-to-be. In due time the investigator submitted his findings. It said the actress had an unblemished past, a spotless reputation, and her friends and associates  were of the highest repute. The report concluded, "The only shadow is that is often seen around town in the company of a young broker of dubious business practices and principles." In his effort to uncover her shortcomings, the you stock-broker exposed his own. Life will send back your own reflection.

so what was my  take away from this :  
"of all the qualities necessary for success, none comes before character."  

• Honesty pays. 
• This may be the quickest way to build your fortune, and the trust of others. 
• Each act is an unfailing boomerang!

Here's a little help for us men to figure out when our lady isn't being completely honest with us.

I'm so happy you don't understand women!

These tips will help to decode female behaviors...??

Though a recent study claims that a woman's face is like an open book that reveals her state of mind, we men need to be aware!

Better not take it as the last verdict,  irrespective of how much you trust and adore your  angelface, women do lie to their significant others at times.

Sometimes to carry off a situation without hurting the man's feelings or to save herself from trouble, while on occasions to contain her emotions and pose as Ms. Goody...popping casual, white lies is no big deal for women when it comes to playing it safe in  relationships.

White lies are no big blunders or massive betrayals, but small lies or 'truth manipulated' to handle a situation. At times she might fib to make her man feel better,  to avoid a fight, or an embarrassing situation.

Here's a little help so that men can figure out when their adorable darling is not speaking her heart out and help them handle the situation with care...

Lie #1: "Oh! It's fine. I'm OK"

Don't push your luck dude!

Guards up guys! You must know that she's not fine at all..... and nothing is OK. And sooner or later you will have to bear the brunt of her pent up emotions that she has somehow managed to hold back until now. You'll find her taking this emotional defense on occasions when you may have forgotten her birthday, taken her for granted or have done anything that hurts her.

Whenever a girlfriend lets go off my not so fatal error with a cool 'it's fine', I know it's nothing but the calm before a cyclone that I am fated to face in the time to come.

To portray that she doesn't care, the emotional lady prefers taking a refuge in this lie. She prefer saying that 'It's OK' because if she react she'll be blamed of being a constant nagger, who is  complaining  always. Though, she actually wants him to go down on his knees and plead forgiveness." hmmmm....!

Lie detector: Well, an experienced lover would know  the crime that he has committed, but the amateurs should look out for her reactions. She might not get vocal, but will do everything to make you feel guilty about the fact that you have hurt her. From being tight-lipped to giving the briefest responses that don't go beyond 'hmms, umms or just  yes and no', to mean tones and loads of sarcasm - are a few hints that you can look out for. "Women have a tendency of expecting their man to understand the said, as well as the unsaid, and that leaves men in a dicey situation. And even here, by keeping quite or going away with a small 'I'm fine', she expects him to know that she's hurt.

Lie # 2: "I love you for what/who you are"

When I'm being honest
my freckles get brighter!

...and I don't want you to change. Well, may God be your savior if you believe her for this. No wonders, if sheer pampering or impressing you might strictly be on her mind when she's saying this. "I just loved my wife whenever she averred this phrase. But gradually the nick-picking started and reality dawned upon me. At times it was my eating choice that bugged her, while at others it was my dressing style that she wanted to improve. Yet she continued to tell the blatant lie that she loved me for what I was.

Agreed, that you don't like this lie. But just imagine how it would feel if on your face she told you much she hated your paunch or how bad you looked in those lose-fitted denims. Thank her appreciating you taking care of your confidence levels.

"What do I do? I have to blow his trumpet when he does the right thing. After all, it was his qualities only that I married him for. And also, it becomes important to boost his confidence at times and those words just have the right impact.

Lie detector: If you start observing the occasions when she backs this mushy phrase, you might just realize she's not lying at all. On most of the occasions it comes when you have made her happy with anything like a gift, a movie, a romantic dinner or for that matter by doing anything and everything that she loves. You were good to her and that's your innate quality, which made her fall for you.

Lie # 3: You stare, I don't care!

You are a real fool, if you think I
 didn't see your eyes following her around.

Either you are too lucky to have the coolest woman by your side, or you are getting an inflated ego without any reason if you believe her on this. No matter how hard she tries to look cool and composed, but the fact remains that no woman loves it when her man ogles at another woman. "After all, who wants to feel like second best? And the 'I don't care attitude' is usually to hide the vulnerability and a pretense. Most women hate their man staring at another woman.

Lie detector: She doesn't want to show you how she's feeling and is no less desperate to tell you that you are torturing her to the core. Well, easy indications to know she's lying can be the trail of questions she'll end up asking you. Casually and candidly she'll ask you things like 'Isn't she hot?' 'What makes her so hot? 'Did you like her?' She might appear to be your best buddy, but actually she wants to ask you, 'Do I score less that the chic you are ogling at?' And your answer will decide your fate not immediately, but definitely in the future, so better beware of what you say!

Lie # 4: Your friends are cool!

Read my eyes, they are
the windows to my soul,  you clueless fool.

This might not be a lie always, but many a times your friends are nothing but a 'passion spoiler' for your girl, especially when they pop up during private moments. Especially when you just  started dating, on  occasions when you go  out with  friends.  They're cool! she might say. The real shock may come  when one day she is planning another group date and she gives you a good piece of her mind. It's then that you might  realized that she didn't love them as much you thought she did. But she could have initially told you.... but didn't.

Most of the times women end up praising your friends for you. They don't want to hurt you by revealing the truth and hope that you'll understand without saying, which usually doesn't happen.

Lie detector: A sure shot hint to the lie is written on her face (check the eyes). Despite being in the group she'll remain an outsider. The smile that's usually worth a million dollars might just look purely artificial and forced. Her replies to all your inquiries will end in a cover up lie, 'I'm fine sweet heart' or 'I'm enjoying myself' and that takes you to Lie #1. So, when you get something like this from your lady, understand that you are getting into too much buddy-bonding!

• Lebron Speaks Out About Kobe Bryants’ “Legacy”Shout Press
• Want A Gorgeous Head Of Hair Again? Don't Use This Popular..JuveTress

Recommended By Colombia

Lie # 5: Tell me, trust me I won't get angry

I'm not showing my anger, because
 I've practiced in the mirror!

This one is tricky, leaving you with a ditch on one side and a bigger ditch on the other. This lie is usually thrown at you when she wants an honest opinion and knows what it can be, but still wants to hear it. Be totally aware guys! Irrespective of what you say, she is going to get furious for sure. This usually happens in questions related to her looks, the food that she cooks, that tacky orange shirt she brought for you etc.

"Sometimes it is tough to handle. Once, she asks your honest opinion on a super tight dress that she  wore. And, you tell her honestly that she was looking like a stuffed pillow and she got  mad at you. Take cues from past experience----- on  another occasion you  did your best to flatter her. Ooops! To your sheer surprise, even that made her angry and she blamed you for not being a fair critic.

Lie detector: Well, there's no detector for this one, for undoubtedly she's lying. Then what's the solution? It's not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner, rather than a striking taunt on her looks. So, without being too critical or over flattering, just tell her that she needs to work  on her minuses.

PHEW! This was hart. Now it's your turn to work on the sweet and salty white lies, maybe even  a guessing game of truth and false!

So where is he? What is taking him so-o-o--o long … to come my way?

Many women (these days)  are dealing with the 10 (women) to 1(man) ratio, and are wondering if there is a man out there that is just right for them…Good question!

So you may be getting annoyed, frustrated, and at times feeling hopeless…. this is not an easy path to walk. However I’m a firm believer, when done right, the universe is without a doubt going to provide the benefit of you having a mate… maybe not a perfect “Soul mate” that you are desperately seeking….. but “yes” a mate… just a mate!

Well to be honest, the responses to your questions  "does he exist," is often “yes” and “no”…

It’s “no” in the sense that you are not locked in to get a specific man (designed specifically for your needs), no matter what you do, The idea that there is a “soul mate” who you are guaranteed to be with is simple not true… You have decisions in life you have to make, and plenty of people make choices that block theme from being with the person who is truly perfect for them.

Notice I said “person who is truly perfect for them”. This is where I believe the term “soul mate” can be applied, and this is where the “yes” comes in to play when you ask the question “Is there really a man just for you?” If you have purpose in the choices you make, then the flow of good thoughts and the flow of positive energy will bring what you seek to you. You may not be able to just sit back and “waiting for your Boaz” which is basically a reference or symbolic saying waiting for the man God (the universe) has for you. Because when you move forward with patience, you might just stumble across that one person who might be a good match for you. Please note I said “GOOD” not perfect…..

Some key things to think about: 

• 1.       Will you be attracted to him?
• 2.       Will he Love & Cherish you?
• 3.       Will you have to make him into a Man, or will he come custom made tailored right?
• 4.       Is he looking for a Helpmate, and not a playmate, which one are you currently?
• 5.       Will you experience a genuine Connection with him?
• 6.       Will he Love you unconditionally, and will you love him unconditionally?
• 7.       Will he want all of your love, not just a piece of it?

Start by questioning your past relationships and figure out where you might have gone wrong…the following example might trigger a few thoughts.

Example: You loved the man you spent your best years with…. I understand you feel you loved this man, but was the feeling mutual…? 

Another example: You were told that you should be more willing to build with a man, recognize his potential and work with him from there. But is that man  the type that will do the same type of building if you  (lady) are the go-getter?

Another example: A lot of men just want sex, and sometimes women may be OK with that arrangement. So figure out if there is real chemistry … it can still evolve into a real relationship. So why can’t you just enjoy friends with benefits, and go with the flow?

Extreme example: People tell you that you are too picky… You might want to be more flexible on some of your desires, and be more open to dating a guy that may not be really all that good looking. You are in your childbearing years so you want your future husband to be someone that looks really good to you, and therefore your kids will have 50/50 chance of being good looking also. 

Final example: You are very social so you have met a lot of guys that you find interesting, but you are not really sure if you have ever experienced a real connection. 

Getting to know her and appreciating all that there is!

Read a little about other folks way of
burying the hatchets

A new FB  friend, who's smile I admire greatly....said to me in a text:"Its easy to be around her when she has a smile on her face, but the challenging part is to be around her when she doesn't have that smile on her face!"
When I read the above quote I thought to myself what questions would a wise man ask before asking a pretty smiling woman to marry him... these days?? hmmmm..... assuming the relationship has progressed to that point where it is something being considered and up for discussion.
Often we jump before it is necessary or we duck before it is necessary.....the thoughts that flow through one's mind should be stress free.... If you have issues to work out then work on those issues first.


Here are few things I would ask at this stage in my life:

1.Why do you love me?

This is a questions that lovers have asked each other from the beginning of time, but it does provide real information about their psychological and social needs in a mate. If the focus seems to be on what you have or what you can provide materially in the marriage, you might need to look elsewhere for an authentic commitment.

While old school-ers have brought their game of..... "I can provide this and that for my wife and family..." women these days are looking for builders that  they can partner with. She may have designer skills, and even greater analytical skills that men... so how do you negotiate the who will be best to handle what? Work it out. before you commit to a life together!  

2.What are your goals and are you willing to adjust them for the relationship?

This question can reveal what priority the relationship has in the overall life plan. If the individual is more to achieve life goals and expects you to do all the adjusting, it could be an unfavorable sign.

Back in the day this was not even be up for discussion... but today it should be first on the list..... if you can't talk about it  the who, what and where... you will not be able to talk about why it's not working and who's fault is it .....

3.Do you know how to compromise?

Compromise is the essence of a good marriage. A person who shows an inclination to feel “it’s my way or the highway” is not a good candidate for the negotiations and compromises that marriage requires.

Let's face it a man that can't compromise these days is living a dictator's life ( and should stay single).... we men better understand the strengths that women now bring to the table or you will find out in writing ( in a documented namely the  divorce decree).   

4.What’s your relationship with your family?

A bad relationship with family can indicate issues that could affect the marriage. Similarly, someone is too close to his or her family may be so enmeshed that the marriage may not come first. Relationship counseling can help to resolve these issues.

This will bring clarity to what and who you are dealing with... If s/he can't deal with her/his mother, father or siblings.... then it's matter of time before the skeletons start rattling in the basement or the closet.  

5.Why do you want to spend your life’s journey with me?

This answer can tell you about the expectations of your partner and whether relationship therapy might be needed to create healthier expectations about your role in the marriage.

So let's travel and see the world, let's not!... Go to the places I think are not worth the trip... Youtube is man's and woman's best resource..... if you take the time to invest viewing time together. life's journey is all about what you are willing to experience together.  

6.Can you keep the romance alive?

Someone who understands the value of keeping romance alive will actively work to invigorate the relationship over time.

Guys don't confuse Romance with sex.... our minds are wired differently to women's minds.. we  men are microwaves while women are like  slow-cookers..... know the difference to avoid conflict of interest. 

7.Can’t you work through the rough patches

Someone who dislikes conflict or who cannot work out differences will make a poor marriage partner.

K.I.S.S.. yes Keep It Simple Silly... you can't treat everything as if logic can solve the problems or emotions can fix it.  She get's mad  and you (as a man) need to figure out how to fix it.... Clear and simple...

8.What are your parenting skills?

If you intend to have children, the previous family experiences of your partner can have a significant effect on his or her ability to parent.
Strangely enough this was something I figured out from the time  when I was young... my parents instilled  values in me.... that I looked for when I met whoever's  family I was dating... this a deal maker or deal breaker for me.. Would my parent's approve of my choices, would her family like me, or was I to this  or that... in their eyes.  

9.Can you commit to grow with me instead of away from me?

This answer can tell you whether the person understands the nature of close relationships and the constant maintenance they require.
OK who is hitching a ride on who's wagon..... When man were the mayor breadwinners it was simple not so much today....... Women have careers even careers that are more note worthy than some men.... so figure out who will set the pace!

10.Will you continue to grow in the relationship?

A person that continues to have hobbies and interests that are separate from the marriage will make a more interesting and independent partner.
Left- right, right - left.  let's dance to the tune that we both can hear... and let it flow in a beautiful way... not someone else way.. but our way, yours and mine! "Be on my side and I'll be on your side, there is no reason for you to hide! An Old tune lyrics that made sense.

don't be scared... it can be all good!

Final Note: 
When in doubt stick to this quote: "A smart person knows what to say, a wise person knows whether or not to say it!"~unknown

Her smile on Social media, made you feel like she was smiling at you!

On the heels of a conversation I had with a good friend about her no longer wasting time and energy on men, who, quite frankly, she stated, aren’t about sh!t and have never presented themselves as such, people often say  “Being single will kill you faster than obesity,” She  found  herself wanting to be more open to men. She said: "I’ve dealt with the major offenses most women have when it comes to men, lately it’s little things that leave me extremely confused and perturbed when it comes to the opposite sex. In fact, it’s one thing in particular that grinds my gears like no other:

 A “Send me a pic” request.

Smilling faces don't lie they tell the Undisputed truth

When women dip their  fingers in the online realm of dating, the photo request thing is a commonality, if not a necessity, with social media you can see her best pics and decide, to avoid getting cat-fished. But even men whom have met  women in real life find it routine, not to mention acceptable, to request a photo of the women within 24 hours of meeting. she is probably thinking : "bruh, you just saw me yesterday; you know what I look like." Social media ... is now Men's new best friend... So why blow it by asking women to do things that goes against their wishes....... 

"Just last weekend", my friend said to me,  that she  found herself in the awkward position of being followed by a police office on her way home from grabbing drinks with a friend. I had to smile as she said: "As I prayed to baby Jesus and all the disciples to make it home safe in this Black Lives Matter era(outside of Atlanta Ga. ), "it eventually became apparent the officer was following me because he wanted to hollah (ask for her number) not handcuff me. I gave him my number because (A) It’s dry in these streets and (B) Is there really a safe way to turn down a man carrying a gun? He sent me a customary “Did you get home safe?” text withing a few minutes of departing one another’s company and I suggested he may want to meet women in plain clothes going forward. The next afternoon he texted her to ask how her day was going, She responded and in turn asked about his shift the night before and then, after declaring, “I’m here to keep you safe baby… your personal bodyguard,” he said: “You gotta send me some pics of that pretty self of you love so I can save it to your name.”

You don't understand women, go read a book!

A 5th grade level of texting and a pic request? Hard pass. I never sent the pics; he never sent another text. SMH... She continued to tell me about another experience. "Fast forward to yesterday afternoon when I met an older gentlemen  who appeared to be quite distinguished upon meeting him. Though he, too, would prove to have some grammar issues on the texting front, I decided to push through, reminding myself not everyone writes for a living. I even gave him the dyslexic benefit of the doubt when he turned my name into a completely new one even after I spelled it out for him. And I didn’t completely dismiss him when he proclaimed he wants a woman who is strong but not “to strong” (sic) because there can only be one man in the relationship. " SMH...Old school players can not  deal with modern day women either???

It was, however, the “So can I ask for a pic” question that sent her overboard to  seek backup ....

In the midst of disbelief that men are still out here just getting older and not wiser, one friend made the perfect observation: “Why doesn’t it occur to men that their first question should be can I call you instead of asking for a pic?”

SMDH...

Fellahs As a hard rule: Don’t ask women for a picture before you ask her on a date. I don’t care if the request isn’t salacious in nature, it just signifies a man’s intent to get something from her before she is ready. And, trust me, I’m no expert on women either but I KNOW ENOUGH  not to expect women to bend-over-backwards-for-me when you just meet, she will not be a make-you-jump-through-hoops kinda girl. I don't want those easy to please you, kind of women...  But when pics are your priority it sets a precedent —  she might get the idea that you are a collector that wants to boast to your boyz about your trophies.

Just as I said before when it comes to unsolicited d-ck pics, we men need to learn to proceed with caution, now that women are more independent . That whole “men are visual” line is a tired excuse for sexualizing women before getting to any type of substance. And, in this case, it's proof the men, young and older, don’t comprehend anything she texted him about wanting to be treated like a basic human being by men instead of some romantic conquest, which is when the lying, posturing, and picture requesting come into play.

Fellahs, if a woman likes you, the pics will come, naturally. Don’t attempt to rush them with a hasty, inappropriate request, or else you put yourself at risk of never getting a pic, much less, anything else from her.

Smiling faces sometimes

Pretend to be your friend

Smiling faces show no traces

Of the evil that lurks within

Researchers Think that Having More Sex Make You Smarter!

UK study suggests that frequent sex aides adults in cognitive function, increased intelligence as we age

Are you thinking what I'M THINKING 

here’s a ton of reasons why you should have sex: The health benefits are astronomical. You can reduce stress, strengthen your vital organs and feel relaxed, to name a few.

But will sex actually make you smarter? These researchers believe it does.

A study conducted by Oxford and Coventry Universities in England suggests that having frequent sex boosts the brain’s cognitive functioning.
Frequent Sexual Activity Predicts Specific Cognitive Abilities in Older Adults

Researchers surveyed 73 older adults ranging in age from 50-83 on their sexual activity. They were asked how often they had sex, and the subjects were then instructed to perform tasks testing their cognitive function with regard to memory, fluency, language and visuospatial abilities.

The study found that those who had sex at least once a week scored higher on tests of cognitive function, specifically, tests that measured verbal fluency and visuospatial ability.

“The current study replicates previous findings (Wright & Jenks, 2016), showing that overall cognitive scores were consistently higher in those who are sexually active compared to those than those who are not,” a summary of the report stated. “It extends these findings by showing increasing scores on two specific cognitive domains (fluency and visuospatial ability; with the latter approaching significance) with increasing frequency of sexual activity (from never, to monthly, to weekly).”

Researchers concluded that the more sex you have, the more dopamine you brain produces. In other words, staying active can boost your intelligence as you age. How much of an impact frequent sex has on young people remains unclear at this time.

So if the above is true then maybe just maybe  folks should just co- habitate and have as much sex as possible when they are past their reproductive years.

The number of 50-plus co-habiters has grown by 75 percent since 2007, Pew found.

Let's rush and have some afternoon sex!

“This increase is faster than that of other age groups during this time period and is driven in part by the aging of baby boomers,” Pew wrote in an analysis published this week. “In 2016, 4 million adults ages 50 and older were cohabiting — up from 2.3 million in 2007.”

Younger adults still make up a larger number of unmarried couples living together. Pew said that 8.9 million 18-to-34-year-olds were cohabiting in 2016, up from 7.2 million.

Though cohabiting is becoming more common, it’s still far from the norm.

In total, only 7 percent of American adults and 4 percent of 50-and-older people were cohabiting last year. Some 14 percent of 25-to-34-year-olds were cohabiting, as were about 10 percent of both 18-to-24-year-olds and 35-to-49-year-olds.

Could Daddy issues be causing you to have---- not so great relationships!

Ladies-----Could your low expectations of men or your quick ability to praise them have more to do with your father than you thought?

Believe it or not, the dynamics between you and dear old dad will always play a part in your romantic connections with men in your life – there’s just no getting around it.

Women often jokingly blame their “daddy issues” for mistakes they’ve made when dating or navigating a marriage, but the reality is, it’s serious business. Your father is your first male role model—good or bad—and that relationship often shapes how you view men.

Connecting the dots between your relationship with your father and your romantic relationships with other men can be difficult without the help of a licensed professional, but there are signs you can look out for to give you more insight into the romantic choices you’re making.

There are many ways relationships with your fathers can affect your own romantic ones.They can cause fear of abandonment, inability to trust, low expectations of men and even feelings of insecurity or security.

If your relationship with your father resembles one of these common scenarios, here are some related signs to stay on the lookout for.

You Have An Absentee Dad

Signs to lookout for: “You’re clinging on and wanting to be with him all of the time. You may have fear of abandonment or rejection, stay in unhealthy relationships or bounce from person to person because of fear of being without a man. You may also be codependent, try hard to please the men you date and could be constantly checking his phone or social media.

You Have An Emotionally Unavailable Dad

Signs to lookout for: You might assume all men are the same and therefore you don't expect anything different from them. You may also assume you are unlovable or unwanted and keep distance from men to avoid getting hurt. You may act like you don't care but you do; you are just fearful.
Your Dad Is Abusive, Mean, or Not Loving

Signs to lookout for: You will more than likely pick someone the extreme opposite of your father. You could have difficulty trusting others, problems committing, an expect the worst so you sabotage relationships first. You may be angry with men and therefore create conflict.

You Have A Healthy Relationship and Supporting, Loving, Present Dad

Signs to lookout for: You will look for someone just like your dad explains. You might compare all men to him, have unrealistic expectations, and expect someone to take care of you.

While these breakdowns can be a helpful starting point, I  recommend a woman seek the help of a licensed therapist if she’s looking to dig deeper or better understand how her relationship with her father plays a role in other as  well, beyond romantically. Therapy is helpful to understand their role in the relationship. Many women are totally unaware that their father continues to impact their lives, especially in relationship. Well, there you have it ladies. Step one: Recognize if there is an issue you’d like to address. Step two: Talk to someone about it!

My daddy would have bought me a bigger diamond.

My perspective: some guys are good at making women rehash their insecurities from lack of "Good daddy experiences." Ladies its not always your fault-- but your choices in men is where you may be going wrong. for example: If your male friends are supportive then you can untangle those emotions that need not linger forever. It's all about  letting go of the past and creating new positive experiences, that override the negative ones, before you start a romantic relationship.