Getting to know her and appreciating all that there is!

Read a little about other folks way of
burying the hatchets

A new FB  friend, who's smile I admire greatly....said to me in a text:"Its easy to be around her when she has a smile on her face, but the challenging part is to be around her when she doesn't have that smile on her face!"
When I read the above quote I thought to myself what questions would a wise man ask before asking a pretty smiling woman to marry him... these days?? hmmmm..... assuming the relationship has progressed to that point where it is something being considered and up for discussion.
Often we jump before it is necessary or we duck before it is necessary.....the thoughts that flow through one's mind should be stress free.... If you have issues to work out then work on those issues first.


Here are few things I would ask at this stage in my life:

1.Why do you love me?

This is a questions that lovers have asked each other from the beginning of time, but it does provide real information about their psychological and social needs in a mate. If the focus seems to be on what you have or what you can provide materially in the marriage, you might need to look elsewhere for an authentic commitment.

While old school-ers have brought their game of..... "I can provide this and that for my wife and family..." women these days are looking for builders that  they can partner with. She may have designer skills, and even greater analytical skills that men... so how do you negotiate the who will be best to handle what? Work it out. before you commit to a life together!  

2.What are your goals and are you willing to adjust them for the relationship?

This question can reveal what priority the relationship has in the overall life plan. If the individual is more to achieve life goals and expects you to do all the adjusting, it could be an unfavorable sign.

Back in the day this was not even be up for discussion... but today it should be first on the list..... if you can't talk about it  the who, what and where... you will not be able to talk about why it's not working and who's fault is it .....

3.Do you know how to compromise?

Compromise is the essence of a good marriage. A person who shows an inclination to feel “it’s my way or the highway” is not a good candidate for the negotiations and compromises that marriage requires.

Let's face it a man that can't compromise these days is living a dictator's life ( and should stay single).... we men better understand the strengths that women now bring to the table or you will find out in writing ( in a documented namely the  divorce decree).   

4.What’s your relationship with your family?

A bad relationship with family can indicate issues that could affect the marriage. Similarly, someone is too close to his or her family may be so enmeshed that the marriage may not come first. Relationship counseling can help to resolve these issues.

This will bring clarity to what and who you are dealing with... If s/he can't deal with her/his mother, father or siblings.... then it's matter of time before the skeletons start rattling in the basement or the closet.  

5.Why do you want to spend your life’s journey with me?

This answer can tell you about the expectations of your partner and whether relationship therapy might be needed to create healthier expectations about your role in the marriage.

So let's travel and see the world, let's not!... Go to the places I think are not worth the trip... Youtube is man's and woman's best resource..... if you take the time to invest viewing time together. life's journey is all about what you are willing to experience together.  

6.Can you keep the romance alive?

Someone who understands the value of keeping romance alive will actively work to invigorate the relationship over time.

Guys don't confuse Romance with sex.... our minds are wired differently to women's minds.. we  men are microwaves while women are like  slow-cookers..... know the difference to avoid conflict of interest. 

7.Can’t you work through the rough patches

Someone who dislikes conflict or who cannot work out differences will make a poor marriage partner.

K.I.S.S.. yes Keep It Simple Silly... you can't treat everything as if logic can solve the problems or emotions can fix it.  She get's mad  and you (as a man) need to figure out how to fix it.... Clear and simple...

8.What are your parenting skills?

If you intend to have children, the previous family experiences of your partner can have a significant effect on his or her ability to parent.
Strangely enough this was something I figured out from the time  when I was young... my parents instilled  values in me.... that I looked for when I met whoever's  family I was dating... this a deal maker or deal breaker for me.. Would my parent's approve of my choices, would her family like me, or was I to this  or that... in their eyes.  

9.Can you commit to grow with me instead of away from me?

This answer can tell you whether the person understands the nature of close relationships and the constant maintenance they require.
OK who is hitching a ride on who's wagon..... When man were the mayor breadwinners it was simple not so much today....... Women have careers even careers that are more note worthy than some men.... so figure out who will set the pace!

10.Will you continue to grow in the relationship?

A person that continues to have hobbies and interests that are separate from the marriage will make a more interesting and independent partner.
Left- right, right - left.  let's dance to the tune that we both can hear... and let it flow in a beautiful way... not someone else way.. but our way, yours and mine! "Be on my side and I'll be on your side, there is no reason for you to hide! An Old tune lyrics that made sense.

don't be scared... it can be all good!

Final Note: 
When in doubt stick to this quote: "A smart person knows what to say, a wise person knows whether or not to say it!"~unknown