Behaviors That Can Lead to Divorce

Why didn't someone warn me, it could turnout this way
Thinking about what went wrong,
while being all dressed up with no more psrtnrt to go out with.
.

“In just 15 minutes of interaction, an expert can predict with a 90 percent degree of accuracy whether a couple will still be together in five years. That’s a pretty eye-opening statistic.” – Dave Elliott, Relationship Coach, and Behavioral Expert

An eye-opening statistic indeed, Mr. Elliott.

According to recent statistics, approximately 53% (more than half) of all US of American marriages end in divorce – the 10th-highest percentage in the world. 10th! So Which countries’ “divorce-to-marriage ratio percentage” is higher, you ask?

9. France: 55%
8. Cuba: 56%
7. Estonia: 58%
6. Luxembourg: 60%
5. Spain: 61%
4. Czech Republic: 66%
3. Hungary: 67%
2. Portugal: 68%
1. Belgium: 71%

There is  contention surrounding divorce metrics. The truth is that no measure  – passes muster for most statisticians, researchers, and scientists. That said, the divorce-to-marriage percentage ratio does take into account two essential pieces of information in its analysis: (1) actual marriage numbers, and (2) actual divorces expressed as a percentage of #1

Behind these figures are real human beings that have (and are) going through emotional pain and suffering. When researching for this post, this blogger (who is divorced) came upon these statistics and information that can only be described as both deeply saddening and deeply troubling.

The truth is that many couples don’t comprehend the complexity of marriage before tying the knot. “Figuring it out” is not a very sound strategy for navigating the inevitable (mostly unexpected) challenges that arise during marriage.

So, why do people get divorced? Of course, this is a very nuanced question with – in the majority of cases –there is no simple answer. That said, research was able to compile a list of 4 behaviors from reliable sources that may give us an idea to the former question.

HERE ARE SOME BEHAVIORS THAT OFTEN LEAD TO DIVORCE:

1. ACCUSATIONS

Relationship experts state that the habit of assigning blame without facts or questioning is “one of the absolutely kisses of death in a marriage.” The sad thing is that this behavior is easily correctable by asking a question as opposed to making a statement. (“Why are you so late coming home?” vs “Out partying with your buddies again!")

Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, especially when they’ve earned it, is always good practice. If a behavior is unacceptable, a constructive dialogue is needed.

2. ADDICTIONS

Family lawyers attest that many clients who file divorce papers have a partner with an addiction. Alcohol, drugs and compulsive behaviors (e.g. gambling) are all often cited on the record.

Alcohol, substance abuse and compulsive behaviors are all treatable conditions. That said, one consensus that addiction rehabilitation counselors, therapists, and other experts have reached is that treatment is only possible when the addict truly wants to quit.

Sadly, the number of untreated or relapsed addicts far exceeds those who remain in treatment or overcome their vices – often to the detriment of their marriage and family. Treatment options are available if the person is willing to try rehabilitation.

3. ESTRANGEMENT

Estrangement is displayed in a variety of ways. The most prominent type of alienation is the refusal to confront an issue by ignoring or withdrawing from your partner. Estrangement is also seen as a form of abandonment; for example, getting angry at your spouse without explanation and slamming the front door as you leave.

Resolving issues is an inseparable part of a relationship. An inability or refusal to engage your partner in solving problems is the personification of immaturity and must be rectified.

4. INVALIDATION

Invalidation is another relationship-killer that involves “discrediting (your partner) or weakening them in some way.” This behavior is a twisted act of objectification that diminishes a person’s humanity by using  perceived negative thought that comes to mind.

Final Thoughts:
Many of us look back after a divorce and question what went wrong.... how did I get here. The journey was not a straight line. It had many turns and twists  just picture the above points and identify which things  happened in your union... and then ask yourself should you have behaved differently, if you had it to all over again Would you do better the  next time if given a chance.