OMG, she must be very high maintenance!

Ladies many of you claim you want a successful man in your life. But do you really understand what success really means. Beyonce married a successful man, who compliments her success. You need to Bring more to the table than just "I want, I want, I want." work on Contributing to your own success and he will contribute to your success, because self improvement is an 'added value.' Smart men want smart women in their lives. If you want to be a 'trophy,' you must first have values he will respect.

Michael Baisden Commentary: Success is about more than having money!

Success is not only about working hard, knowing the right people, and having lots of money, it’s also important to conduct oneself with class and have integrity! We have enough liars, show-offs, and mediocrity in our society. Stand out of the crowd by being a person of your word, dress in a way that exudes confidence, and associate only with those people who reflect your values.

Yes, doing all these things will eliminate most of your friends and make you a target for negativity, but if you endure it will take you places you never imagined.

We fellahs see the end results of her hard work  and Ass-U-Me someone else is maintaining her. "This must be the  case because she could not possibly be this successful without help." You are wrong, dead wrong because she could be a self starter and a very creative woman. I will admit she appears to be "High maintenance" that is a label we men pin on a woman because we do not want to do whatever it takes to have relationship with her. If you are a "Maintenance Man" one who would be willing to 'Wax  that A$$et, and polish with a spit shine' to keep  her shining brightly then you would not assume that she requires lots of maintenance, even if she does.  She might be self maintaining to some degree.... in this case you will be bringing 'added value'  to the relationship.

I see the term 'High maintenance' as label  a man uses  only in the case where he is not willing to do the things she requires to have a relationship with her. If you can't foot the bill then you should step out of the line and let someone else who can move to the head of the line. You can't  want what you should not have because you  are not willing to maintain her. Why ? Because you are not-willing to maintain the "trophy."

Fellas; As we often watch sports,  we see the price players pay to get a championship trophy. Those guys are willing to pay the high price for success and are willing to step up at crunch time... finishing what they started. Not being willing to do what is required is on you. 'A smart maintenance Man' is a guy who is willing to roll up his sleeves and get under neath the hood and make necessary adjustment so that everything continues to run smoothly. 'Polish' using a spit shine so that his trophy stays shining brightly. To do this you first have to admire her... 

So Ladies if he does not admire you, he will not be willing to put in the work..... It's all about bring 'added value' to the mix. If you bring it, we will be willing to maintain it...and add to it.

Stand up for the things we see as "valuable" assets. Rappers( in contrast) do a good job of making women feel like 'sex objects.' Real men do a better job of making  women feel like they are 'valuable' and admired women. But first, Ladies, you have to show men that you are 'a valuable assets.' If you don't, we will not respect your values. So you need to have some 'outstanding values' for men to see you shining brightly in the crowd.

      

A good Life should be an escape from the ignorant, belligerent, and close minded.

 
"When you need a little peace of mind, come on over  anytime. I'll keep you happy and so satisfied, in my house, in my house!!!! ~ Mary Jane Girls!

 

Who would tell you that these days? I can't think of anyone, off  the top of my head.  "Come over anytime, for some peace of mind" This would be the ultimate relationship. We men look for many things in a woman, but be never look for the things (in the beginning, that tell us we will have peace of mind while dealing with her.) We look for her to be exciting, sexy, special .... don't get me wrong  these are all great qualities, but can she  relax me and make me feel  at peace with her? Is she the nurturing type, as well as a sexy and exciting divah? If you find a woman like that, you will live in heaven on earth forever. This is what every Old school, mature man will be seeking the second time around if he want to be happily married, after a divorce or a common Law marriage ends... We men usually look for many things in the next women he gets involved with because  time stands still in our minds. We go back to the good old days of dating, the clubs and the Broadway lights... This is all good for the initial set of dates.... but if we can we should look for that hidden  ingredient that tells us, this woman will give me "Peace of mind" from the day we start living under the same roof. You can LOL if you want, but think about it. It is possible......   

Here is and example:

I had the pleasure of going to a Club house after watch my good friends play a game for men over 40 soccer. We ate  at the club house and drank a few beers, played cards.. Laughed and talk crap, Just a few women showed up, I guess to hang with the fellahs... So as my buddy and I were leaving I stopped at the door and one of the fellahs said to me where are you going, you are no longer married. What's your rush? My reply was: "I drove with my buddy and he is married and has to get home to his wife and  2 daughters. The last time I was in town we hung out until late and he heard about it when his wife called him on the phone. I had to apologize to her the next time I saw her, taking full responsibility for keeping him out late." The group laughed, one of the women said. I would tell him to just stay out since he does not seem to want to come home." So I said: " You would tell him that? SHM.

Just Then one of the fellas got up and went and ordered two dinners to go.  As we walked out he came up behind us. I said: Oooh you have to get home too? He said::"Nno. my wife is working until 11 and she will be hungry for some good down home cooking. I can hangout until 10:30 and get home before her. Bringing her food will ensure that I have some  peace in the house tonight....." Smart man. Get the food while there is still some left and  put it in the car. So when  he is ready to leave he does not have to get her the leftovers and he can eat (again) with her at home as if he has not eaten while she was working. Good, very good thinking. No need to spoil a good thing, just because you have the freedom to hang out with friends for a few hours. This is a lesson that all fellas should learn... Do not mess up a good thing,  if you want to have peace of mind  in the same house. Don't get her thinking she can survive without you, and be better off.

   If you want to survive you just need to know enough about her to make it work!

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No pain, no gain! You can't just let someone else steal your mate.

"OMG! You look so good today, better than yesterday! If don’t mind me saying, you are one beautiful and classy lady. Any man would be proud to have you on his arm for life." This is what happens when men stop complimenting their women. Other guys see what we may take for granted. Being in a long term relationship has a few minor problems. One is that  men and women become mind-game  players. Ask yourselves, do you still think she is beautiful...? So if you do, tell her. This goes both ways: She should also tell her man that he is still everything she fell in Love with. Failing to do this will result in dysfunctional relationships

 

My simple take on this is that men should treat their women like they do their special classic cars. Keep her shining and sparkling... bright, well service and well maintained. If you take care of your car your car will take care of you, the same applies to the woman you chose to be with if you made the right choice...

Okay, maybe a car is a bit of a stretch, to use as an example. You polish and wax your car, wash. it and detail it, by detailing your woman (giving her the attention she needs) you are making sure that she feels the    'Tender Loving care'  you are capable of giving her. President Obama  is a perfect example he never misses an opportunity to compliment the First Lady, in public. I think she is smiling at him because he may have said something  like this: "I'm a lucking man, and I really appreciate you being front and center  in my life and that you do so very  much  for me every day....." Now that is not so hard, is it ...? Try it sometime and don't forget you need to have 'date nights' now and then to take her out for a spin and show her off. This will keep you both remembering the days you were dating and she looked so good and smelled so good..... every time you went out on a date you could not wait to get her back to your place.

You don't need to worship the ground she walks on, to make her feel like you do Love her. Act the same way you did when you were trying to get her to commit to being your woman, the mother of your children, your life's partner.  

 

Ladies, he may no longer look like that dashing guy that caught your attention many years ago, but he needs to feel like you would still pick him over anyone else. It's no secret I'm a little old school, I recall grooving  to this song, back in the day. The word are very strong, "No pain, no gain." So if you put in the work and gained good benefits through your hard work and pain... why would you let someone else benefit from your hard work, by neglecting to do the little things that can keep your relationship solid? I've realized some time ago that was in part what caused my marriage to become a divorce relationship today.  So take it from a guy who knows..... Avoid becoming the guy who will be writing a blog like mine, blogging about the things he wishes he had paid attention to, a few years ago. The little things are major things in every relationship; Positive compliments bring positive responses and may result in a return compliment. Negative comments bring out the worse in someone.... Now you might be thinking what if 'I just don't say anything.’. In this case "silence is not golden" These days 'Uncertainty is the new normal.' So you may be thinking why start doing something that might change things.... then you are making an even bigger mistake. Because she/he will believe you just 'don't care.' Neglect never works well if you want a relationship to last. If you don't  want it to last then just keep doing what you have been doing, this is a proven way to cause  things between couples to  end, neglect her/him and watch her/him smile because someone else is paying her  compliments.

If you let that be the only compliments she hears, You lose! 
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Remember you were not her first choice. so be the best choice.

Is Marriage for you? So what are your options?

If mind-blowing sex was all that you needed to make it works long-term then most relationships would last forever and even until death do you part. Many had  mind-blowing sex but could not make it last.

The divorce rate is almost 50%. So if it is that high,  why would you want to get married at all these days? If you are with the right person, marriage can be wonderful, that’s why! Being married can be like being with your best friend every  day. There are also some health benefits that go along with being married. 

1. More s*e*x: Married people generally have more s*e*x than people who are not married (despite the jokes that state as soon as you are married the s*e*x disappears). S*e*x is great for your health as it burns calories and releases endorphins.
2. Kids: Children see marriage as a solid foundation in which they can build their future relationships off of. Kids from a home where the  parents remain married have been shown, in studies, to have a fare life than those of divorces.
3. Support in the home: When you come home from a bad day at work, or when you have a new dream that you can share. It's the best when you have someone who willl listen to you in the home 
4. You are legally recognized as a couple everywhere not just in your circles, as opposed to people who live together. This makes a difference, at tax time, among other times. you want someone there who will support you or will let you cry on their shoulder. Venting your frustrations is a benefit to your health as bottling everything up can cause depression or stress.


It is pretty nice to have someone to share things with, without having to worry about  being taken advantage of. 
So what are your options if you are between the age of 30 and 48,  and you can't find that ideal person in your age group to walk down the ail with?
Here are a few things to consider: Try a  younger partners or older than yourself.
Warning: if you like the younger partners option you have to prepare by  having an exit strategy,
 Cougars and cubs

 So how often do these relationships really work well enough to  lead to marriage?

In the movies and with celebrities some of these relationships do last for some time. 5 to 10 years on the optimistic side,if you are compatible, (sounds like a jail sentence .)   But in real every day life of most average people, not that long. It can be fun for the Cougar for as long as the Cub is still  interested in herr but before long it might change as the cub grows more mature and becomes a lion.         Don't get me wrong I'm all for these relationships that grants a woman a period of time of happiness and living out her fantasies. We men do it for a life time with younger women, so why should a woman not  have the same kind of fun for a period of time...  As a matter of fact I like to encourage women to do it if they are not married by the time they hit 40. Get it out of your system, we know you are wondering If you can handle the excitement. Hurry up and do it  before you turn 44 and want to get married and settle down with a Lion who does not want to hunt for new prey any longer. 

 

  VS

Lions and Kittens. 

Now here is where I know what I'm talking about. This is a Match made in heaven for us mature Lions. If you don't believe  me...... read the bible.  

 

A Lion will open doors for you.

To the mature Lion, a woman who is at least 10 years younger will always be his young beautiful bride (a special lady.) He will be proud to show her off to his friends, and will be the envy of his male friends. He will have the experience in taking care of a good woman's needs. especially if he was married for many years in his previous life. Just think: the best compliment a woman can receive is being told everyday from her very sincere mate that she is his" beautiful love Kitten." That will not change because he will mean it .... Let say if he is 50+ and the lady is 20 years younger. even when he is 90 she will be the young sexy kitten he fell in  Love with 40 years ago. You really can't go wrong here. If he takes care of himself he will take care of you, age is nothing more than a number to him. if the lady is 30+ and he is 50+ you match up well maturity-wise.... If he is youthful and playful then he will never get to be a boring old man. If he  stays focused on staying in good enough shape to satisfy your needs. So take the chance on a younger cub for the excitement in fantasy and then find the right Lion and settle down with, after, for a life of wedded bliss.   Checkout the look on this older dude's face in the picture. He has no regrets. and will not have any for years and years. A younger dude might be questioning did I make the right choice, he would be checking out your friends out of the corner of his eye.

Don't show that you are the hotest person in the room!

Whether you’re looking for a new relationship  or not, you’ve probably been encouraged to “network, network, network!” more times than you can count. Are all those 'meet and greet events' you’re attending leading to new connections or opportunities?

No? You’re not the only one. Many networking newbies have tendencies that actually inhibit building real relationships with their new contacts.

The good news: it’s not that hard to fix. Here’s what you might not even realize you’re doing wrong—and what to do about it.
You’re talented! some what Eager! you show that  you are Ambitious! You have lots of ideas to share! And you want to make sure that every person you meet at the event knows who you are and what you do!

I get it. And yes, sharing your story with new contacts is important. But sharing your life story is overkill: Nothing can set a person off more than an potentially interesting  person who takes no interest in anything beside his/her own needs and  wants.

The Fix: Take Some Interest. Stop highlighting your latest accomplishment and start listening instead. Find people with similar  careers or interest as you, and ask them questions: How did you get your start? What do you love about your life experiences, and what do you wish you could change? By taking an interest in your contact, you will make him/her feel valued—and hopefully interested in continuing the pursued of a relationship. And you’ll likely gain some new insights, too.

Mistake #1: Expecting a Relationship

You’re looking for a new relationship, so you hit the circuit of 'meet and greet events' every week, asking every person you meet  key questions. Well, yes. But give people some credit: If you pursue networking opportunities purely for the relationship prospects, your contacts will figure you out. You will leave them feeling interviewed, and they will be less likely to recommend you to someone that might be good match for you.
The Fix: Provide Some Value. If you’re looking for a relationship, don’t show  it—work for it. Do some research into what your contact does both in and out of work and find ways that you can contribute your time or support. Perhaps you could volunteer your expertise in social media for the big convention she’s heading up, or offer your accounting knowledge for her non-profit organization. Provide some opportunity for contacts to see you in a working light, and you’ll be that much closer to a good referral.

Mistake #2: Not showing that you are thankful.

You attended a large event last week and grabbed coffee with one of your new  contacts afterward. And then—the week got busy, and you didn’t get around to saying thank you. She’ll understand, right?
Maybe. But if you don’t show gratitude, even in the smallest (or largest) event, you risk leaving a negative impression—probably not the desired outcome of your meeting.

The Fix: Just Do It. Whether you pack notecards in your purse for post-meeting scribbles, set yourself a reminder on Gmail to send off a quick note, or just insert a quick “thanks for taking time to meet with me!” at the final handshake, you must say 'thank you.' Not only will you solidify your reputation as a courteous individual, but you won’t be leaving your contacts with a bad taste in their mouths. Always say thank you, and your good impression will last until your next gathering.

Mistake #3: don't act like you are the hottest person in the room, unless you are a flamenco Dancer.
OK everyone likes a Alpha female but most are intimidated by Alpha anything.
If you look and act too hot then everyone will step carefully towards you and turn right or left because they don't want to be rejected. while you evaluate who is worthy of have a simple conversation with you.

The Fix: Just act natural,

The "Here she comes Miss America song," is not who you want to appear to be  when you are tying to meet someone new. Can you here the trumpets?
So make yourself approachable, smile and shake hands with warmth and smile.