If You Want To Be "The Man," Then Lead!

So you appreciate my help!

Nothing turns a woman on more than seeing her man confidently walk into a room and handle his business! Whether it’s fixing a flat tire, dealing with a bully at his child’s school, or negotiating a business deal, a woman needs to know her man can take charge of a situation and get things done. When she tells him what the problem is she expects him to listen, formulate a plan of action and then execute it. And she doesn’t want to go back and forth explaining the problem over and over again. The only three words she wants to hear from him is, “I got it!”
And it’s not just a matter of it getting done, but in what manner. Yes, it’s admirable that a man says he will repair the leaky roof but how long does it take him to get around to it? In a woman’s mind being a leader means getting things done now—not four or five days after she tells you. At some point her attitude will be, “To hell with it, I’ll do it myself.” As time passes she will bypass his lazy attitude and resolve the problem on her own. As I always say, relationships are businesses too and women understand that better than men. The children have to be fed, homework has to be done, bills have to be paid, clothes must be washed, and college and retirement plans don’t make themselves. If a woman has to take the lead in managing all these things and more, why are we shocked when she begins to say to herself, “What the hell do I need a man for?” and  “I can do bad all by myself.”

The misconception most men have about women is that they are only interested in being in love; romantically-speaking that may be true. But as women mature, the euphoria of being in love must be balanced with a sense of security. Women need to feel secure before they can completely surrender themselves to the relationship and they must continue to feel secure in order to have confidence in the man’s ability to lead. And that security isn’t something that can be given one day and taken away the next. If a man can’t be counted on to be consistent, then he isn’t worthy of leadership.
 ~ Michael Baisden

I take it you want my help now

this the road less traveled

My perspective: There are multiple ways to view these issues. My dad  (RIP) was a man's man, worked hard to bring home the bacon. My mom(RIP), and all my aunts were very strong women,  I grew up watching, these progressive women in the mid-1900. they did not wait for their husbands to make things happen, they made decisions and went after what they wanted. They lead, they didn't rule their husbands, but they lead in the areas that they were better at leading. I often tell women I knew very strong women growing up, so I have no problem with your independence, your strong will, your determination to get ahead, your talents to lead. As a matter fact I endorse these qualities, willingly. But you can't have it both ways. don't expect me to vacillate. just because you change your mind about how to handle something just because you vacillated as to if you can handle it and make it work, or you want me to take over. I'm very consistent in my dealings. I can swing a hammer with the best of men, and I can sit behind a desk and design a plan of action to tackle a problem . So I'm multi-talented. Either way I'm comfortable.  If you want me to take charge I will.. but don't expect me to do it exactly the way you want  it done. If I'm going to put in my efforts then "my will be done!"  just accept  that and we are good. If not.... then continue on your path of discovery , where the road might be winding up hill. I have 5 ways where I will re-assure a woman that I' m in her corner.
There is nothing better than appreciating a woman's beauty to keep her in constant bliss.
However, most of us men do not understand how important it is  for a woman to feel beautiful and appreciated for their skills also.
Fellahs, you want her to understand , even though she may look nothing like a runway model, you admire her and see her as the most beautiful woman you know maybe even in the world. the following  is my KISS ( Keep it Sensually Sexy )approach:

The eyes are the window to the soul, and I see your beauty in your eyes! 

1. I shall compliment her inner beauty as well as her outer beauty.
If you want to make her feel beautiful, do not forget to mention the parts of her character that makes her a beautiful person. Beauty isn't skin deep, and a truly pretty face must have a beautiful soul also.  So when she shows if one of her great skills, whatever it may be, recognize it to make her feel like a beautiful person, inside and out. 

2. I shall make sure she catches me looking at her her with admiration.
 If you can't help staring at your woman and getting lost in her eyes, it just shows her how truly beautiful she is to you . so make eye contact with her across the room, then give her a special smile that's reserved just for her. It will make her heart beat a little faster. 

3. I shall never compare her to other women.
Your woman has a hard enough time trying not to compare herself with others women without any assistance from you.  women can easily feel less than beautiful to the man they love if he pays too much attention to other women and comments on their beauty.

4. I shall brag about her to others and show how proud I am of her publicly. 
 do no save affection for only private moments; Show the rest of the world how you feel about her. Place her photo on your desk at work, show your relationship publicly through social media, brag about her to your closest friends, family members and co-workers.  show her you are publicly  committed to the relationship and that you are proud to show her off.

5. I shall tell her why she is beautiful to me.   
Most men do try to tell the women in their lives that they find them attractive but to be truly effective, you must find creative ways to communicate how lovely you think she is. Instead of just saying: "You 're beautiful". go into detail about exactly what you find so beautiful about her.  does the color of her blouse complement her lipstick? does her dress accentuate all the right curves, or does her smile always brighten the room and  your day? By being specific in your compliments, she will know that you notice how she looks.                           

No need to figure out you importance  because it all "YOU" 

Tips on How To Impress a Woman who likes you!

You are so sweet!

Many men have a difficult time understanding women. If you feel like you are having trouble understanding a new woman, or are feeling like you are drifting apart, you may want to put extra effort into impressing her. While there are sweet things you can do for her, like buying her a present or taking her on a date, most women are looking for much more than something that involves money. They want what money can’t buy them. Here are five ways you can impress your woman and help reconnect with her.

Pay Attention to What She Says and Remember It
Women want to know that when they talk, you listen. So when your woman is talking to you, listen to what she is telling you and remember it. Nothing is going to turn her off more than her having to repeat the same things or you asking questions about things she has already told you.
My perspective: Men will always be tested, when you think you have it figured out..... the game rules changes. To best understand her you need to first know what to remember, with out a doubt she knows what is important to her  your job is to figure out what those things are. If you miss it you will have a hard time  catching up as time goes by. because she will always be moving forward, she will not slowdown and allow you to catch up. so be smart and ask Questions: My motto is "the Man who ask questions controls the direction of the conversation" so don't ask question to reply to her responses but ask to understand what is important to her.

Socialize With Her Friends and Family
It is very important to women that you like her family and friends, and that you all get along. Taking the time to socialize with a woman’s friends and family shows that you care for her and that you intend on becoming a part of her life.

OK... I'll just drink myself into a coma!

My perspective: OK this can be tricky... her center of being is her community, you have to be able to fit in.. Your community, of your boyz and even family, is not important to her, unless she feel they should become important over time. So fellahs,  forget trying to get her to fit into your community. First things first.... you need to fit into her World, and then she will tolerate your community or/and World. Maybe!  

Ask for Her Opinion on Important Matters
Communication is always crucial with women. Allowing them to have an input in important matters in your life will show them that you care about them on more than just an attraction level, but emotionally and mentally as well.
My perspective: first you need to determine what are  Important matters, the question should always be "to who?" We men get confused, we think buying a car is important... but she is thinking way past the two seat-er convertible.  You might impress her with your choice of transportation initially but that color you picked better be her color. Because when she ask you for the keys, she want to able to do the things she wants to do in it, and the color better not clash with her outfit..   

Be Emotionally Available
It can be hard for some men to be emotionally available, sensitive and vulnerable. However, most women want to know that their man can do so at times. If you are having a rough day, let your woman in. Shutting her out will make her feel unwanted, whereas letting her in lets her know you care.

I wonder what the score is in the game I'm missing  right now?

My perspective: Be careful this is a two edge sword. she may want you to be emotionally available  but she may not want you to be too emotional.  When she thinks about the first man in her live (her daddy) she might have a perspective as to how she expects you to act and how she would prefer you to act. Her Daddy's  behaviors might be a dark shadow that you might have a problem shaking.   flash backs can become issues, detached  behaviors  might become greater problems than you can't handle without professional counseling.   

Let Her Know Her Importance to You
Show your woman you care for her. Chivalry is an art form that is almost extinct. Many people do not practice it or know what it is. If you are reading this and wondering what it is then you need to pay attention. Opening the car door, pulling out her chair or even giving her your jacket to wear are all signs of chivalry. This will show her that she means a lot to you and she will feel important.

My perspective: As I think about being in lockstep on the things that she will see as sacrifices made easily, effortlessly, done without a second thought are all the things that women see as Chivalry. Men who can sweep her off her feet , and leap tall building in a single bound. These TV and movie character come to life in you as she looks at you, and then you miss a step, and you are off beat in the moves you are no long fluent. If it was meant to be  perfect then men would all get it right from the script so carefully write for us. SMH we wouldn't get it that right.....Ladies because we are human.   
 Women are looking for a man who understands them, loves them unconditionally, and want a man who can open up to them. Paying attention to what a woman has to say, becoming friends with her friends and family, asking her opinions, being emotionally available and reassuring her of her significance to you will help you to impress her and have a loving, trusting and long-lasting relationship. Adam set this bar and we all know the story about the forbidden fruit and  how well that worked out for him.   
 Keep hope alive that things like this are still possible : 

we found love right where we are

STOP being Stuck in a rut, for the holidays!

I hate having in the meantime sex!

One of the biggest challenges in moving on from an ex is breaking that sexual connection. I call it: In The Meantime Sex.

Most of us have been guilty of participating in fill-in-the-blank sex. That’s when you tell yourself that its just sex and you can cut it off at any time. But deep down inside you know it’s just a lie you tell yourself to justify keeping it going. In a twisted kind of way you know that by staying connected sexually you are also preventing him or her from connecting with someone else.
The truth is, “In the meantime sex” is nothing more than an escape from loneliness and insecurity. And when the sex is ‘really good’ it has the same effect as a tranquilizer, numbing your senses and putting you in a euphoric state that makes you tolerate a person that you know is not good for you.

~ Michael Baisden

Your life is going around and around  in circles!

My perspective: After being on an "emotional roller coaster" for many years, if you are like a few women I know, I'm sure you are exhausted from being jerked around on an endless ride. It is time to stop the ride, get off, and shut it down for good! Now ladies... He has not proposed to you because he likely never had any intent of marrying you. It is not like he has not had time to get to know you and ask. He has been, and continues to be, somewhat disrespectful and emotionally abusive to you. He dated you, cheated on you, broke up with you, may have married the other person he cheated on you with, broke up with her and now is back with you. Really!? Does that sound like your life, maybe not yours but for sure someone you know... maybe even your BFF. 

Do something different.....
start by NOT  shopping  for a  Christmas gift for him.

Ladies-- Why are you  wasting your time? It is obvious that some men  do not have much respect for you, but my question is, do you have any respect for yourselves? You have been strung along and emotionally used and abused for the past  years because you have allowed him to do so. He cannot do anymore than you allow him to do. If you continue to stay there and be a doormat, he is going to continue to walk on you. Wake up and get a life!  It is time for you to discover your owe value and develop self respect. Right now, it seems as if you believe that you truly do not deserve more or cannot have more than what you are dealing with now. Years and  years  of the same is a long time to wait on someone  without any show of commitment. I recommend that you seek individual therapy, or even group sessions  to help you understand and process what is going on with you that has kept you holding on to these relationships. If you want something different, you must do something different! 

Are you here to rescue me?
 

For years I could always pick out the women, at the Christmas parties, that were in one of the above mentioned relationships. They had that "chick on the side" look, because the man they were committed to, was somewhere else with the  woman he really wanted to be with. If a guy is " a prince charming"  he could get very luck at these Christmas parties and or News Eve parties. a confident guy could present himself as the viable alternative... who knows he might very well be.... the one you have been waiting for to rescue you. from being stuck in a lonely  rut...!  

 It's time to find Love overflowing at Home!

Love is not a matter of what happens in life.

 It’s a matter of what’s happening in your heart.”~Ken Keyes

I used to think that as long as I remained a good, honest, caring person, I’d attract someone who was worthy of my love. While my thought process might have been true to a degree, that wasn’t all there was to it. With each encounter, I’d get super excited at the possibility of this potential mate being “The One.” 

You are causing butterflies in my stomach 

As a younger man, naivety caused me to overlook the very obvious flaws of the one who had my attention, because I just knew that they were “just like me.”
As a mature  adult I quickly learned that the world didn’t work that way. True, energy is contagious, and you attract what is in you. But you cannot go through life blindly expecting to be treated like you treat others, especially when it comes to love. There are just too many guarded, damaged, fearful individuals in the world for it to be that simple.

I’m a firm believer that everyone who desires love and companionship can indeed have it, but it will not magically fall into your lap. Yes, love happens when it is supposed to, but you must work for it. Here are five ways to attract romantic love into your life.

1. Fall in love with who you are...

You are so sweet. You are making me blush!

Love happens when it is supposed to, but you must work for it. What does that rally mean, You're attitude, your inner contentment/happiness is the key, to unlocking what is holding you back from attracting the right person into your life, Negative energy repels good people, Positive energy attracts. think about a magnets.


2. Realize that you cannot MAKE anyone fall in love with you.
Well maybe not,
You can even make them fall in love with who you pretend to be. But you? The real you? NOPE. Not gonna happen. LOL... why isn't it going to happen? Is it so far reaching... that someone will love you for who you really  are? If you feel this way then you are right! the energy is vibrating in the negative!

3. Understand that love develops over time.

I feel Love coming on! REALLY?

I used to think that people who fell in love after two months were insane. I'm again a firm believer that real love has to go through  a growth period. it is not instant coffee, this is why the best coffee is a slow brewed concoction. let it brew and don't push the wrong buttons, because you may not get a reset opportunity!

4. Be patient with your growth and development.
If you’ve been waiting for love for a while, your level of excitement can sometimes cause you to act too fast once you find it. I get it. You know it feels right but, right could mean "Right now," and ooh so wrong tomorrow.

5. Practice genuine kindness.

You almost got it Right!

Everyone loves a genuine, kind person. Remember the old saying"Practice makes perfect." Well I'm here to tell you "Practice make consistent, but never perfect" If you believe that it is not going to be completely  perfect you will keep trying to achieve perfection!
think of it as washing dishes she will always see a spot you missed. and scold  you by telling you "You should wash the glasses and the cups first, plates second and pots last!"


 So just Keep  it simple with   a kind  gesture by first  saying "Hello!"

Bad Girls, bad girls, you never know when we will come for you!

Please take a small bite!

Ladies, you may not be able to control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. That’s the difference between having a life full of growth and happiness and a life full of regrets. Put the baggage down and start smelling the roses. Holding on to the past will only cause you to miss out on life!
 ~ Michael Baisden

Most BAD girls are nothing but trouble, but you don't  have to be a bad girl to  have some traits of being a bad girl. These traits are the positive ones that add value to your relationship and your man will appreciate some of these characters in you. 


1. Independence: Men don't want a woman who'll be stuck on them. We love it when women can live life by themselves but choose to stay with us. 

Here's to  looking at you, good looking! 

2.  Passion: We men like women with mutual passion.  It's  not just about a kiss but the spark that comes with it. 

3. Take control: Man love women who can take control and are seductive. We love it when a woman does the some of the work in initiating intimacy.

4. Adventurous:   No man wants to be stuck with a woman who does same old thing everyday. we appreciate women with a tinge of adventure, who knows how to keep things fresh and interesting.  

I'm naughty and nice!

5. Naughtiness: Men love partners that can do naughty things to them in the bedroom. the saying" lady in the streets and a freak in be" may apply here.


6. Bluntness: Men like it when their partners go straight to the point. No mind games, just straight forward no matter how cruel it sounds. OK try being blunt and nice, whenever possible.

Define how you are a BAD girl!

Never Do These 8 Things..... If You're Dating A Strong Woman

Did  you  wear a tux just for me?

Unlike the 1800s and even the early 1900s when women were mainly the family’s caregiver, today’s modern woman is running multi-million-dollar Businesses. In fact, women often make more money than men when executive positions are involved. For some men, it might be difficult to keep up with a strong  progressive woman. It’s possible to date a strong woman if you follow a few basic rules. In general, there are about eight different things you must avoid to successful date a strong woman.

1. Trying Out Her Jealous Side

Bad boys are so sexy!

Strong women don’t play games so working her jealous side isn’t going to get you anywhere. In fact, she may look at the jealousy game as a relationship breaking point. If you’re interested in her, simply tell her how you feel. Using a fake girlfriend to make her jealous is just a waste of time.
Ask yourself this simple question , fellahs. would you want her to play the same kind of game with you.... the  women I know,  who have a man seldom give up what they have for a new unknown....unless she is really ready to move on to a perceived better  relationship

2. Poor Communication
Call her on the phone or use video chats to effectively communicate. Strong women tend to be well-educated so conversations will have complex structures. Using texting as a main communication channel will turn her off very quickly. Only use texting if she’s unavailable to talk otherwise.
Oooh boy. here is the one thing that no man will ever master.. proper communication with a woman who is a BOSS. she gives orders for a living... she leads her team. so your best bet is to always ask questions... remember this simple rule "the man who ask the questions controls the direction of the conversation".

3. Guessing How She Feels

Get to know a strong woman, so that you can truly understand her feelings. Women do appreciate your effort to get to know them, but you must have some understanding of their feelings after a short time period. Be observant about relationship situations and ask her how she feels in a direct manner for the best communication.  
Thinking you have her figured out can back fire greatly. If you AssUme you are most likely to guess incorrectly, even if you are right.. she is smart enough to make you feel like you are wrong. 

4. Taking Her for Granted
Ignoring your strong woman is a dangerous habit to have. Treat your woman as if she’s the most beautiful and smartest female in the world. Every strong woman has met other men who dazzle her with attention and promptly drop her when a sporting event comes to town. Carefully schedule your time with her, so that she feels like a priority. You are dating  so taking her for granted is fools comfortable unreal situation. If you repeat what your predecessor did, even just once, causes that trigger of a let down. simple formula: priority = her needs,  priority= her feels, priority= her happiness..  

5. Being the King of Indecision
When you get home, be the master of decisions as your date arrives for dinner. Select the restaurant and even the fun afterward, so that your strong woman can take a break from being the one in charge. She needs some time off from being strong all day long. Women in authoritative position hate the words " I don't know"... If you can't decide on something then you better think fast as if your might get fired. If you can't solve problem of  being creative on the spot,  then come up with a practical solution. 

6. Lacking Punctuality
Unless there’s an emergency involved, be punctual to every meeting with your strong woman. Her time is valuable too, and your punctuality reflects the respect of her needs. Ideally, try to be early for every date or outing. If you’re ever unexpectedly late after those initial dates, simply call her with the details. She’ll appreciate the communication and forgive any lateness.This needs no further explaining. 

7. Unaware of Current Events
Don’t be clueless about current events. Be knowledgeable about several subjects, and refrain from talking about sports or beer. Strong women want a man who can speak intelligently with them and others. Men who read..... know a whole lot more than men who play video games for hours, this is elementary dear  Watson! 

8. Don’t be a Couch Potato
Strong women often have lofty personal goals, such as climbing a mountain or traveling the world. Be open to new adventures with your strong woman, and avoid being a couch potato every night. Discover these adventures together. You might find that a new hobby is just what you were looking for. Share in that hobby to further enhance the relationship. She may want to show you off at the gym.  You  better be  able to  balance her and not drop her. 


One of the best things about a strong woman is her commitment to a relationship. Because she’s strong and confident, there’s no reason to look for attention from multiple men. If she’s interested in you, she’ll commit to you with her entire heart. In the end, you’ll have a star girlfriend or wife for the long term. If you empress her, i.e. make her feel like she is a female emperor,   you need not worry about some joker grabbing her attention. 

Why isn't he listening to you

Men don't listen to their women !
You often hear a wife complain, " my husband never listens to me." Or a girlfriend agonize to her best friend, " My boyfriend never seems to pay any attention to what I tell him."  In fact, a woman was ranting about how she's been talking about wedding arrangements to her fiance for months, and yet when she asked him a few questions about some details she'd told him about earlier, he had no clue what she was talking about! It left her wondering whether he had heard anything she had told him. the common grouse with women is, " Do men even listen?"
Your task ladies is to find out how you can make a man listen to you  and be the woman whose opinion he values most.
Ladies, you may have some valid points, but have you ever  stopped  to think why that may not  be the case? the following are some common reasons why  men don't seem to listen to women:

Are your paying attention to what I'm saying?

1. Women talk too much
Often  women have so much to say that the pertinent facts get lost in the intricacies of the story, If a man has to listen to his Lady  intersperse what's there for dinner, with that cute top she saw at a store, how her sister is expecting a baby and she had a rotten day at work, he's  unsure by the end of the saga, what exactly he should remember.
Two communication device (tablet and phone ) are always present at hand, to send someone a text, a heads-up of some kind.  while talking to her man she gets a news flash and the topic changes instantly. 

2. They figure they've heard it all before.
Sometimes we men think there's nothing new we have to hear and automatically tune out mid-sentence. According to them, it's just old wine in a new bottle.As she sends him the latest draft of her plans and that is still subject to change before  the final copy is ready for execution...

I'm putting  a notification on your scheduler!

3. Women nag
One of the commonest complaints men have is that their lady often nag them... since they're used to the general trend of it, they don't think there's anything different about what they're whining about.
"How many time do I have to repeat myself before you get it." This is when a man knows this is the final release of  of the plans.

4 . We don't like to be controlled
We men feel that if we listen to a woman in terms of following her instructions, it's a song that we are silly putty in her hands and that she'll take undue advantage of the situation. Once we give in to her demands. We'll be the equivalent of a puppet on a string. Pushy women push a man right out the door never to return... so chill on the demands and if you want your way... be nice about it!

5. there are more pressing matters
If a woman is incessantly babbling in the background and a man something fa more important -- at least to him-- like watching a thrilling football game, the last thing we want to do is tun off the TV and tune in to his lady.
We can give you all the attention during the commercials... but if the center snaps the ball  and the QB can't find an open receiver and the defensive-end is zeroing  in on his head. that is not the time to ask him a question that can wait till the next commercial. 

6. Some men just have a short attention span
Often, men cannot keep their focus on what a woman is saying for too long. We rarely have the patience to listen for more than a certain fixed duration, which is normally about then minutes at the most. Why don't you just write down or send me a text, and mark it urgent... If you want me to remember it.  Use the tools you have  for positive communication. I can scroll back to msgs. at any point in time! 

Hey the World does not revolve around you! Give me a break!

7. the topic is of little interest
And then, of course, if she insists on raving about the designer watch her boss ' wife was sporting or the chandelier earrings her BFF  rich boyfriend surprised her with, that's easily not something a man is interested in hearing.  So, if you want your man to listen to you , a few point to the right direction.
Keep it short. don't meander on about every little insignificant thing. especially if you've noticed that he has no use for such frivolous details.
If you have to go into detail, make it interesting. Hold him rapt with a cute anecdote or a funny story that will grab his attention and hold him captive.
Keep pausing at suitable intervals just to ensure  you have his attention. Avoid monologues and give him a chance to have his say too. activity  seek his  opinion and ask him for relevant feedback, so that you know he's not just physical present but his mind is elsewhere.
Stop being predictable and nagging him about the same stuff. If he hasn't got  the message  by now, it's time to change your stance on get him to move  by trying something new.
don't even try talking to him when he's got the TV on, or he is on the PC.

I'm looking at you......am I not?

 Eliminate all distractions, or wait till he's done with his TV or Youtube video he was watching.  before you start having your say.
when you're talking, try and get him to maintain eye contact with you. That way, if his mind wanders, you'll know if by the glazed look in his eyes, unless of course he's perfected the art of appearing that he's listening to you, with rapt attention, while he's actually miles away.
and if you want him to listen and follow through on some instructions, don't order him around. Ask him nicely, check ot see if he's comprehended what you've told him, and then act as if the ultimate decision rest with him.