Stop pushing my buttons or I will pull the trigger!

We often find ourselves reacting or over reacting to what other do to us. what no one ever realize is that you can deal with it if you know how...... If you are exploding, it isn't because someone is pushed your button, its because you pulled your trigger.

Buttons are the danger signals that warn us of unresolved problems. They are part of our normal alarm system. like anger or adrenaline. they are the signals, that say, You have a problem. They are the guy out front who are shouting. Don't stuff it! Deal with it right away. They don't normally destroy your relationships, they point you in the direction of need so you can resolve the problems. Buttons aren't usually the bad guys Triggers are the killers.Your buttons are pushed and you reactive behavior pulls the trigger.Whooooooomm!  You blow up. 
Read this link:here is what to say and do!

Here is how you deal with... Act, don't over react.
Prior to a full-blown earthquake there are geological symptoms that act like buttons to warn that tension is escalating between the  earth's  massive plates of rock that float over fluid core. Something eventually has to give to ease the tensions, or the ground  the  shakes uncontrollably.
It must be acted on to be of value. Anger as an ally will do the following:

• Alert you to a problem
• energize you towards a goal
• bolster your determination and perseverance
• prod you to appreciate your own needs
• keep you from feeling overwhelmed 
• let you know that the problem is yours to handle
• fortify your resolution
• act as a thermostat for the other emotions. 

The challenge is for you to control your anger. by not doing the following:

• using unfair tactics
• trying to justify wrongs
• making choices that affect you or those you care about without any input from you
• twisting your words
• not trying to change problem  behavior
• not listening
• avoiding compromise or negotiation
• Feeling the end justifies the means. 

Read this link:
The next time you are upset with your partner
Try recognizing your hot wires,  the things that set you off and then expect your SUP (Screwed Up Person) to play those wires like a violin. Read this link to Avoid losing your temper
Just remember this last part " Love is what holds hearts together when minds disagree!"

Conducting Personal Business on Company Time

Ladies And Gentlemen, this is a heads up that Big brother is always watching your every move.
The company e-mail and phone systems are for company business. Keep personal phone calls brief and few -- and never take a call that will require a box of tissues to get through. Also, never type anything in an e-mail that you don't want read by your boss; many systems save deleted messages to a master file. And we can't tell you how many poor souls have gotten fired for hitting the "Reply All" button and disseminating off-color jokes -- or worse yet -- rants about their boss for all to see. Guess what Facebook is not the place to do this either. We  tend to believe that our inner circle on Facebook does not extend beyond the people we know. You never come face to face with someone who reads your post daily but you may find out that they know some folks  who know someone who knows you! 

Be careful when Starting an Office Romance.
Unless you're in separate locations, office romances are a  real bad idea. If you become involved with your boss, your accomplishments and promotions will be suspect; if you date a subordinate, you leave yourself open to charges of sexual harassment. And if it ends badly, you're at risk of everyone knowing about it and witnessing the unpleasantness. So who  should quit and leave the company so that you can have that great Love affair you have always dreamed of. She is just to HOT to let go. Then ask yourself: can I start over some place else, or can I just skip having this relationship with this Hottie?




Avoid being indiscreet
Cubicles, hallways, elevators, bathrooms -- even commuter trains -- are not your private domain. Be careful where you hold conversations and what you say to whom. Don't tell off-color jokes, reveal company secrets, gossip about co-workers or espouse your views on race, religion or the boss' personality. Because while there is such a thing as free speech, it's not so free if it costs you your job, or your relationship with someone you don't want to loose! Remember you never know who's listing....

Become a Team  Player.
No one feels comfortable around a prima donna. And organizations have ways of dealing with employees who subvert the team. Just ask Philadelphia Eagles former  Wide Receiver Terrell Owens, who was suspended for the 2005 season after repeatedly clashing and taking public shots at his teammates and management. Show you're a team player by making your boss look like a star and demonstrating that you've got the greater good of the organization at heart. And on a personal level make sure that you reflect well on your partner, never make her/him look BAD in public.


When in doubt follow this BAD advise is " think twice, act once." repeat this over and over "I was made to do this job... and the one above me. "
If you spend your days feeling like you are not cut out to do the work you are responsible for, your performance will suffer. Your job may not be the perfect fit, but successful people act like they are in their dream job, no matter where they are.

Can we talk? Just give me a chance to Love you right.

Let us just kick this post off with a little street corner poetry! Just hit the play button.

 

Most men are cowards  when we have to ask a question that has us slightly puzzled, because the right moment never arise  so that we can easily ask the questions. Women on the other hand can have sex talks and  almost any subject with each other. But men can't ask their buddies because you will get that scolding response "YOU don't know that, man where have you been for the last 10 years and what have you been  doing..." So asking the woman in your life is the last and only option....... so here goes : 

What You Want to Know: Did she come?
How To Bring It Up: Tell her that it helps get you off when you see her orgasm . That way, by letting her know you’ll do anything to see her climax—she’ll be more likely to be honest about telling you if she came and how often.

What You Want to Know: Is she up for trying new positions?
How to Bring It Up: “Place the origin [of the ideas] onto something else. So if you’ve got a specific position in mind, tell her you had a dream last night about trying a hot new position. “By taking the direct pressure off of you, she may be more willing to try and recreate this fantasy. Maybe bringing some new sex pillows into bedroom might  help.

What You Want to Know: Am I going too fast?
How to Ask It: Let her know how much you enjoy it when she’s on top and controlling the speed. If you tell her it’s sexy when she sets the tempo, it won’t be a surprise when you ask her about your thrusting techniques,



What You Want to Know: Does she need more clitoral stimulation?
How to Bring It Up: Your first objective: Get her off before you get busy. After sex, tell her how hot it is when she climaxes during foreplay. “If you’re already on the topic of clitoral stimulation, it makes it more casual when you ask if she’s looking for more during sex,

What You Want to Know: Am I good at oral?
How to Bring It Up: The easiest way to talk about your below-the-belt technique is to bring up hers first. Say that you love the way she utilizes her tongue—and then ask her about what she likes. Once the topic is on the table, she’ll feel more comfortable giving suggestions

What You Want to Know: Will she play dress-up?
How to Bring It Up: The easiest way is to buy the outfit and lay it on the bed, if she ask what is that and why did you buy it? You just suggest that she try it on. And see  if she likes how it fits. You explain that you  have had images of her in that outfit dancing in your mind all day, so you just had to see the real thing up close and personal.


These are suggestions if you don't want to use them feel free to think of your own approach... Good luck it does get any easier. Maybe a dude like C.o.c.o brown can help you.

 With is rap on wearing a "Sundress" make it PHAT

The spider web is not only for the unsuspecting insect

This is the status that some women "Love' and all  men  'hate '

A guy thinks like this  "I awaken this morning and I thought of you but then I was hit by reality. At first I was not sure, but now I'm sure that this is so us... YES.... you and me. the signs speaks for themselves.... How often has this happened  to men who are delusional about the female he can't get to first base with and can't  get her out of his system. He pines for her, he tries to impress her, he does whatever she ask of him.. All that is to get past this 'Flirtationship' status that seems to hang over their relationship like a cloud. She likes him maybe even love him in a way(like a friend), but it will probably never go any further. Women hold the key to relationships in their hands. Men just want to get a hold of that key to unlock the one thing that will move from 'Flirtationship' status to 'Relationship' status. We men are single minded. Every other variation is too complicated for us, we want to get to the part where we have benefits. Only women can come up with new definitions for friendships without benefits.  Men never even think these status are real until we are hit with the Stop sign and the disillusionment that follows.
Only in the movies does a guy get his dream girl as if she was made for him... Oooh yeah, his name was Adam and he was in the Bible.he started it and he was blessed and cursed  at the same time.
So to all the fellas reading this post. Be careful what you wish for. We have had thousands of years of hard labor because of this perfect mating  effort that Adam started.

Nature has its own way of putting the male spider out of his misery after mating with the female of his choice, maybe she wasn't his first or even second choice, but he became her choice for dinner... after that he never got to make another choice.
So make sure your life insurance policy has the right beneficiary on it, just in case, women start behaving like female spiders. the warning signs are always there you just need to pay close attention.   Remember "failure will help pave the way to your success. " So every time you don't succeed with a woman see it as another step towards successfully finding the right one for you.
While it seems like some people never experience setbacks, the truth is everyone fails from time to time. The difference between successful and unsuccessful people is how they deal with failure. Those who find success are the ones who learn from their mistakes and move on.
Most men think like this. "My opportunity monitor is never turned off. "
Yes, there will be days when you will want to just be happy with the status quo. But remember that successful people are always on the lookout for opportunities to improve their status. Keep your eyes, ears and your mind open to new opportunities -Note I didn't say heart, you don't want to lead with your heart- you never know when you will discover the one that will change the course of your life. This is why the female spider does what she does she mates with the  male and he becomes hers and only hers and then he is done. So the next time a female picks you. Ask the right questions. "Are you going to kill me slowly with  Love and affection, from this day forward."

You see we fellas all think like this “I don’t get why getting married so soon is so important to most women. Is love  not enough to having a relationship?”
If you move too fast you will find yourself thinking like this dude: "I don’t understand their attitudes! Everything is good for, like, the first three months, but after that, it’s a whole different ball game!”
Another example: “I am confused enough about why the onslaught of hormones every month, like clockwork, still takes me by surprise (the next day when she gets her period, I’m like, Oh! We got into a fight because she was hormonal!), but why does that fact take her by surprise? Shouldn’t she kind of realize it and be like, ‘Don’t listen to me—I’m hormonal’?”
“I don’t understand why women can’t just speak more directly. They always want you to do something, but they don’t put it in words. Instead, they talk around the issue. I wish they were more up front and just said it!”
More examples: “I don’t get why women say one thing and mean something different. Like when they say, ‘You can watch the game with the fellas,’ and then when you do, you get in trouble.”
“What I don’t understand is why girls really, really, really want that nice guy, but once they find one, they can’t date him because now they need a jerk.” I guess that is 'Flirtationship'

Flying is one of the most mind clearing experiences.

Unfortunately, the world is full of screwed-up people. But the good news  is that your world no longer has to revolve around them. With a little  insights and a keen sense of humor, you can take back the power from the difficult people in your life. 
Start by responding  productively when confronted,remain poised and in control when everyone around you loses it, win fairly in unfair battles, let go of the past and live triumphantly now 
You can alter your own unique situation and gain the confidence to live successfully with screwed-up people.You can stop being the victim of others and start loving life in spite of them.


I just experience what I guess my cousin, a commercial pilot, has know for years flying clears you head. But when you land you have to deal with the same things you took a brief break from. 

I'm working on a little self improvement lately so I decide to read the is book which I bought a few years ago, but found it easier to read by downloading it to  my Kindle PC App. "Living successfully with screwed-up People."
I have a need to Find Freedom and Peace in Difficult Relationships, because that is all I seem to find myself getting into currently.
I found this  book to be source of  incredible insightful  methods into resolving difficult relationships. Easy to read. Witty. Practical. Easily to understand principles that are explained like keys that unlock steps to resolve impasses. Practical. I've tried many of the concepts in my mind  and they worked before but I never knew how to continue because I didn't have a blue print before now! 
It is like a breath of fresh air in the myriad of "self-help" books. Elizabeth B. Brown sensitively handles everyday frustrations in a way that is uplifting without being too heavy to read or remember. She provides down-to-earth, practical tactics to arm anyone in an emotionally-charged situation. A good start to changing yourself.
As I moved toward the end, the book and advice got stronger and better. The conclusion brings me to rate this book a 9 out of 10. The reason for the nine was primarily due to the title and expectations. I like to share things with friends, and I was fearful that they might think I bought the book with them in mind. Strong advice, not preachy, and not I'm OK but your not, and well worth the  price. If you have difficult people in your life, buy this book.
This book takes you into the mind of the SUP (screwed-up persons) we deal with on a day-to-day basis. It tells you why these people are screwed up and how you can successfully survive without kicking them out of your life. I like it because it taught me that once I changed my perception of the screwed-up persons and accepted them for who they are I would be much happier. Rather than accepting just for the sake of doing so, this book is helping  me understand WHY I needed to, which made the task much easier to accomplish. It's like a light bulb went off in my head and if I had this information along time ago I would have been better off but it's never too late to learn. Reading this book was like getting tough love from a friend that cut no corners in the advice arena. You have to read it for yourself if you are having trouble with your own SUP. 
If I was unsure as to whether I was a bit Screwed-up myself I'm now sure that I am, I can work on the various areas that I can fix.  Since I'm in what I call Down-time I can do it because I don't have to hurry before I blow another relationship because I just can't solve simple problems with out blowing a fuse. 

I told my cousin he has life the way I wish had it,a day escape from the crazy stuff.
He LOL and said, "you can believe that if you want to." 

Is it Love or infatuation or heartburn?

Love at first sight

Do I believe in love at first sight?
Forgive the laugher, but the question is so naive!
Youthful fancies hardly encompass the complexities
of mature relationships.
True, you are quite beautiful, but one cannot know
true inner beauty at first glance. It's much deeper
and takes time to be revealed.
Your skin is perhaps softer than the flowing foam of
some gently murmuring distant shore, but what of it?
That's not love.
I do notice that your hands are more graceful than a
ballet of swaying boughs and your laughter a dance
of dappled sunlight.
And in your eyes are glimmering pools of joy and tenderness,
warm swirls of innocence and passion, playfulness and
understanding.

And in your eyes, Beauty laughs and plays and sings
and calls my name.
And Trust with Caution pleads and cooing Passion intervenes,
and Grace extends her open arms, and I surrender silently.
But love at first sight? How can it be?
~Unknown~

One of the arguments about love which has never been solved is the question of love at first sight. One school of thought insists that love at first sight is not lasting.

(that's because from a male perspective it is often LUST at first sight).

The other says it is the only kind of love. (this is a fairy tale mentality) Marlowe, for instance, writes "Whoever love that loved not at first sight." This, however, is futile argument. The question is not when does love start but how long will it last? (aks any divorced couple and they will tell you it does not last forever) And the object of all lovers is to see to it that love lasts forever and ever.(once again this is  children's bedtime stories--- mainly for little girls.)

Thousands of young men and women have grown up together in friendship only. They made mud pies together in their pre-school days. They went to grammar school together. The young man carried the young girl's book-bag home from high school. All of this they did without knowing why they did it. Suddenly, at a picnic at the beach, after they had deserted the other picnickers and found a lonely spot in the shade near by palm tree, the boy looked down into the girl's eyes and he sees something in them that he had never seen before. A strange sparkle is there. He feels a catch come to his throat. A delicious sensation pervades his whole body. His breath seems to come in short gasps. He sees that the same reactions have come to the girl. He sees her bosom heave. ( He never notice before that she was no-longer flat chested)

He sees her eyes avert his in embarrassment. He knows, she knows, they both know that something is happening but is it love that has suddenly come to them. And although they cannot identify it as love, they know that it is something that is sweet and new, something that is so overpowering in its strength that its sweetness is almost pain. ( here we go again that word LOVE is associated with that other word PAIN) Then it is that love is born. ( and pain follows, because they go hand in hand)

 
Surely, we cannot say that this is not true love because it is not love at first sight. Perhaps it is a truer love than love at first sight. Certainly, it is a love that should prove more lasting. For, throughout those previous years, they have learned to know each other  some what intimately. They know each other's faults and vices. They know each other's little idiosyncrasies, those same little idiosyncrasies that have broken up what was once a happy love life (reality of breakups is due to not knowing the other person well enough .) And it is in the understanding of each other that true love is born and nurtures and lives. (Until something inter-fairs and causes heartaches. ) No.... I'm not a pessimistic person I'm a realist.

Very few make it to the stage where they celebrate their Golden anniversary (50 years of being together). where they walk along the sandy beaches of the Worlds best beaches traveling happily together and enjoying each others company without bickering about this and that.

My love..

In the beginning I was so lost
and you took my hand.
You guided me and gave me your love.
Looking back over our past
I have now come to understand
How life is a river
flowing toward the great sea.
Along the course, we have traveled for so long,
sometimes fast..
sometimes slow..
but always together, hand in hand.
We braved the storms, rapids and waterfalls.
And, there were many obstacles which made us turn
first one way..
then another..
But, each bend bringing us closer to the great sea.

Throughout our journey we have shared  our lives..our dreams..our laughter..our love..

to be together at the river's end -
at the great sea
A place where our bodily shells are cast away to show
our love flickering brightly.
A place where gold and silver reflects our love
to light our way in soft luminous shades.
A place where diamonds, rubies and precious crystals
sparkle at each of our kisses.
A place where the laughter of children playing
brings us tears of joy and happiness.
A place where the strumming of the angels' harps
weaves soft tapestries on which we lay.
A place where the twinkling of the stars
are our loved ones only dancing about.
A place where we jouney never more.
Listen..
Do you hear a faint ringing of the captain's bell?
Are we near the river's end?
My love..
Take my hand as we go down to the sea.

~Unknown~

Our grand parents and even some of us have parents who actual experienced real LOVE. Ask them a question or two about it....

Where is the outrage? This is not acceptable!

 I have to state for the record that this kind of behavior and attitude is not that surprising to to me,  please read  below. The fact that there are no counseling centers to help people deal with issues like being HIV positive is in it self a crime. When women/men find out they are HIV positive they are  sent out in to the streets to deal with it on their own. Very much like a soldier who suffering from the shock of being back in society after being on the battlefield for months if not years. Now go out and function in Society and deal with your screwed up life on your own and affect everyone you come in contact with. and infect those that you don't like.  This is crazy stuff. People we are our brothers and sisters keeper. If this woman is is not stopped we can have many people paying a costly price. Unsuspecting wives will get infected. Children can be born HIV positive. I can go on and on. This is not someone else problem this is societies problem. The domino affect can be a total disaster.
  

Zane

Every day, I know which post is going to get the most comments on my page. This one is about to cause a hailstorm.

Dear Zane,
I have a major problem that I'm sure others secretly face as well. I am a single parent of 3 great kids. I'm a Christian that is very active in my church. Basically, I fully know right from ...wrong. But about 3-4 years ago, I found out that I am HIV positive. Since finding out, maintaining real relationships has been a struggle. I haven't told anyone, not even family. The only person that knows is the one that gave it to me. He wants us to be together, but I can't
help but feel this underlying anger towards him. He always accused me of cheating, but, according to my doctor, he had to have been positive for a while. He's already on meds and I am not even close to being on any. All my counts are still great!

I write because I feel anger towards men in general, married men to be specific. They seem to be the ones that approach me all the time. When I'm out, men don't approach me. My self esteem is fine, but I wear glasses, have a space in my teeth and am slightly over weight
(size 14). It bothers me, so I stay in most of the time. Anyway, back to the married men...part of me feels bad for sleeping with them and not telling about my status, but truthfully, the other side of me feels like they shouldn't be cheating anyway. I know it's wrong. I need some advice on how to meet good single men, how do other people
handle dating with HIV, herpes and other related issues. I'm at my wits end and beginning to feel very lonely and isolated. Thanks in advance.

Signed,
Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,

Meeting a good, single man might be difficult because you are blocking your blessings by sleeping with married men and neglecting to tell them that you are HIV-positive. I am not going to get upset with you because you realize that what you are doing is wrong. But I have to urge you to stop the madness immediately. Even if the married men have not respect for their wives, realize that they are probably mothers just like yourself, and they do not deserve to get infected with HIV any more than you deserved it. People handle being infected in different ways. You are going about it in totally the wrong way. You need to get some counseling or join a support group and learn to deal with the anger you are feeling. The man that gave it to you should not even be a factor. Your own kids should be a factor. Do you realize that if one of those other men come up infected that they may kill you? Literally? This is not a game and I am sorry about what happened to you but knowingly infecting others is not a solution. Once you learn to deal with, and accept, that you are a carrier; once you learn to appreciate the fact that you are still alive and have three wonderful kids; once you realize that being active in the church is about more than attending church service and volunteering to collect the offering once a month, you will be more prepared to embrace a good man into your life.

Blessings,
ZaneSee More

· · · 22 hours ago

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  Lia Arndell likes this.
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    Carrol Burgundy-Benders She needs to be reported to the health department. I do not care if a married man approach you, you know your status, you should say NO!!! She is not only infecting those men, but their spouses, this then affacts an entire family. The men are also wrong for going searching, but she is a criminal for knowingly passing on a death sentence and not saying anything. Hope they catch up to her. Condoms people cover that mess up.
    

    20 hours ago · · 2
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    Mysti Rivers Wow, I understand the anger but that is indeed criminal activity.
    

    18 hours ago ·
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    Bernardo Daniel its malice, she is saying she hates the men that she has slept with, and want to punish them for being attracted to her and cheating their wives. If she wants a single man she needs to tell him up front. 'Hey I'm HIV positive' then let him decide if she is someone he wants in his life. Chances are she will not find too many guys jumping to the head of line to get with her. She needs some counseling on how to deal with her status.. This is like PTS. Women and men are not able to deal with the reality of being HIV positive. They feel if they don't tell the next person it will go away like the flue. This is not good, thanks Mysti for sharing this, you might just have saved a few lives.....
    

    17 hours ago ·
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    Mysti Rivers ‎Bernardo Daniel, I didn't share this. It was posted by Jeunik Yeung Bell.
    

    17 hours ago ·
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    Bernardo Daniel My BAD., never the less a very good Post Jeunik Yeung Bell. An Eye opener for all of us. Let us all keep helping each other with these types notifications. The life saved, might your own or someone you care deeply about.
    

    16 hours ago ·
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    Solange Apon Some men need to keep it in their pants and some women need to keep their legs closed.
    

    15 hours ago via mobile ·
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    Cunning-Linguist Says So I aint read the entire thing i stopped where she asking advice on meeting another man and she's HIV Positive!! This is a Christian??? Yo fuck she dred.
    

    13 hours ago ·
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    Cunning-Linguist Says So I say burn her at the stake
    

    13 hours ago ·

On the wings of Love is the only way to fly!

AS I was reading through some stuff, that I forgot that I had in a file, I came across this poem that made me think about a few things.

FOREVER

Infatuation at the start,

The mighty question raced through my heart.

"Is it love?" I cant decide.

That's the question I would ride...

Through the streets of ups and down,

When would I walk on stable ground?

Down the street I see a light, 

Now I'm thinking this ain't right.

I decide to follow it, 

Then I fall into a pit...

Filled with emotions over my head,

Better think fast or It'll be dead.

I find a rope to get me out, 

Now I know without a doubt.

I run to you with lightning speed,

Knowing now it's you I need.

From that day through, 

I belong to you...

There isn't anything I wouldn't do.

To prove my love to you is true, 

I would die to be with you...Forever

Who writes poems like these anymore. Rappers rhyme but their lyrics are  filled with insulting terms. Hardly any poets around anymore... Can anyone  put a few sentences together that reach to the depths of your soul? Even 'Hallmark' does not have this kind of stuff anymore. Where a guy with limited skills can walk into a store and find it in a card and give it to a Lady...... and say in a confident voice. "I would like you to read this."
So what does this have to do with a private Jet charter? (this link is Regine Velasquez version of a lady saying take me on a flight of Love, a piece of SKY) This is a customized way to travel with someone you deem to be that Special someone. It is mostly symbolic these days because most folks can't afford this kind of travel. Or can't we now... we just need to find other simple ways to customize relationships so that they are unique and special..... Movies show that the writer and the director are using actors to bring what they have in their minds eye into focus so that the rest of us can see what they are thinking when they create a  movie. Poets did the same thing just a few years ago. So why aren't we customizing our approaches to how we address someone we want in our lives.... Maybe 'Forever' scares us to the point that we don't want to think that way.
Here is one more poem that struck me as being deep and to the point...

Do You Love?

It's not what you say...

It's what you don't say.

Not an ounce of excitement

Not a whisper of a thrill

All the passion of a pair of tick mice

Want you to be swept away

Levitate

sing with rapture

dance like a dervish

be deliriously happy

or at least leave yourself open to be

Love is passion

Obsession

Someone you cant live without

Fall head over heels

Find someone you can love like crazy

and will love you the same way back

How'd you find them? Well,...

You forget your head

and listen to your heart.

No sense livin your live without this

to make the journey and not fall deeply in love

You haven't lived a life at all

You have to try...

cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived

Stay open,

Who knows...

Lightning could strike.

I guess if I read this to some 'Special Lady' today she might think I'm crazy... that is probably true because  you loose your head when you feel like these poems make you feel inside,  and if  you can recite them to someone who means 'the World to you,'   you both will be floating. you want to think Your are all the Man she ever needs.

A little Old school songs might just spark something in you, so just take a listen.

I'm thinking of a few ways to let Go of a grudge

As father's day approach I find myself reliving 21 years or more of being a father to my two sons, they are now grown (27) and (21). So its not like I'm missing out on them growing up ( I just miss my family thats all). But then I look at the pictures of them spending mother's day with their mother, my ex-wife, I feel cheated.... I'm live 1,300 miles away from my sons and miss them like every day. Facebook, emails and phone calls keep me close but not close enough. The other day my youngest was getting ready to watch a basketball game and he posted on Facebook that he was going to grab a Heineken and kickback and watch the game. I comment that he should get on a plane and come down to SXM and watch the game with his dear old Dad, he liked the idea but said in his way that flying for more than 2 hours to watch the game  with his DAD was not possible.. I now have to live with the fact  that I have moved too far  away, which prevents me from enjoying the simple things with my sons. Of course this was my choice, that I made after their mother and I got divorced. I got on a plane and flew the coop.... Never to feel anything but the breeze of freedom in in my face. But life is not always how you plan it. So now I have to get past the other thing. 

How To Get Rid Of A Grudge !

Grudges have a way of digging in and sticking like Velcro. It might feel good at first, but that soon sours. Grudges can not only make us feel emotionally bitter and resentful, but can also affect our physical health. Studies show this kind of seething anger increases heart rate, elevates blood pressure, and can make us flat-out depressed. The good news? There are ways to release a grudge. - The first step is to simply see you’re holding onto a grudge and then acknowledging it. From there, take the following steps:

- Don't forgive until you are really ready. You don’t want to be sweeping your feelings under a rug of hidden resentment.

- Ask for an apology. Although it’s not a good idea to focus on righting the wrong by getting an apology, it’s certainly okay to ask for one.

- Talk to someone. If you believe someone has done you wrong, discuss it with a trusted friend and get his/her point of view. A different perspective may open an avenue of forgiveness.

- Write down your thoughts. Think about what upsets you and how you feel about it. Writing can keep your perspective in focus.

- Don’t focus on righting the wrong -- or getting revenge. Although this is a common reaction of grudge-holders, it’s a destructive pattern. Instead, practice releasing your anger through positive thoughts and exercise, get some  therapy or deep breathing and meditation can also do the trick.

Keep in mind that letting go of a grudge does not mean you stuff your feelings away. It means changing how you think about the situation. You can't change what happened, but you can change your attitude and interpretation of events.
Remind yourself that you’re not perfect. How many times have you made a mistake?
Finally, letting go of a grudge does not mean you’re condoning a hurtful action, or excusing bad behavior, it means you’re moving on so that you can put emotional control back in your own hands…. 
Find the best time and the best ways to have quality time with your kids. 
Sometimes even listing to  a good song can help.
The following is  a song by John Legend that shows that a man can move on after he breaks up with someone. You wish her the best,(I guess) after you have gotten over the hurt. which is how you let go of a Grudge!(I guess)

Never let people or life’s challenges prevent you from moving forward with your own self-development and or future accomplishments. With each obstacle pause a moment, take a deep breath, stay true to yourself and embrace each challenge with open arms. You can’t control what is or what is not, you can’t control behavior of others whether good or bad, and you can’t control situations that are meant to happen. Focus on what you have control over and that’s your behavior and trying to make some sort of sense in each situation. Life is not perfect and neither are you. Life is about growth and learning from each experience you have been dealt.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his sons, growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the bed.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

I often find myself questioning why my life's Journey had so many bumps in the road, so many peaks and valleys. What would I change if I could -  absolutely nothing. 

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.

I like this simply because I can relate to it:

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!

Look to this Day!

For it is Life, the very Life of Life.

In its brief course lie all the 

Verities and Realities of your Existence.

The Bliss of Growth,

The Glory of Action,

The Splendor of Beauty;

For Yesterday is but a Dream,

And To-morrow is only a Vision;

But To-day well lived makes 

Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,

And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.

Look well therefore to this Day!

Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

- Kalidasa

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the presence of my family.  The ultimate Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city/state/country/Continent. LOL.

Happiness is like a sunset -- it is there for all to see, but most of us look the other way and lose it.

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.

Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others. Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Try being nice to someone for no other reason than that you just want them to be Happy. Trust me the result will surprise you. That's right; Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Make your house you share with someone a home.