Good women aren't nearly as hard to find as good men. But even though they're approached often, when they're happy with what they have at home, they don't entertain outside offers. Secure Women look at being approached as a form of flattery that They can do without!
So you think I'm hot... thanks but no thanks
Unlike some women who only want a made man, good women have the ability to invest themselves into your dream as they build their own. So as long as you already have a plan and the drive to achieve it.
It's easy to go out and find women that will stroke your ego even to a fault, but a woman who loves you so much she'll tell you what don't want to hear, but need to, is much better.
So we are done?
At the first sign of trouble, some women will leave you out dry. They want nothing else to do with you. But good women are able to speak life into the vision you once had and help you keep it alive
With a good woman, their eyes are on your heart, not your wallet, and not your status. Her affection comes from a place of long term commitment, not flimsy admiration that could be gone tomorrow. That's something you can trust in.
You are the one for me, baby!
It may seem cool to your friends that you were desirable by many women, but we all know that sex with feelings involved trumps all. When a woman knows your body, everything that you like AND reserves her body for you and only you, nothing can compare.
This may be the first time you have heard the term used, but trust me it is a principle that most (if not all) women embrace. It involves any kind of intimacy that isn’t centered around sex. It can include making time to talk, cuddling, engaging in fun activities together, and so on. Non-sexual intimacy is essential in a relationship, and here are some reasons why we men need to make it happen more often. Let me start things off by making something very clear. If a person is not prepared to embrace the needs and genuine desires of their partner, then they should not get into a sexual relationship. People have to understand and be willing to provide what their partner needs more of in their relationship. So with that said, it’s time to talk about what most men could initiate more often, and that is non-sexual intimacy. Why you ask? The following are a few good reasons:
1. It makes her feel more valued.
He is actually listening to what I have to say!
If a man views a woman as just some glorified assistant, or sex toy…”he just messed up”. If he creates an atmosphere that makes her feel like the only time he wants to touch her is when he wants sex…”he just messed up”. The things I mentioned will make a woman feel less valued in a man’s life. That is why non-sexual intimacy is so important. It shows her that you enjoy her presence. It makes her feel like you hold her in higher regard. She will feel more secure, and it will pour the type of love and emotional fulfillment that she needs. When a woman starts to feel like she is just some interchangeable piece in her man’s life, that can kick open the door to plenty of issues. Make her feel valued, and give her the time and attention that truly speaks to her heart.
2. It can be great foreplay.
In the award-winning book How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband, it emphasizes how foreplay is not just something you do right before having sex. It is something a man should put into practice way in advance to assist in the sexual build-up within his partner. Non-sexual intimacy plays right into that approach. When a man shows his woman that he desires her outside the bedroom, it can cause her to have a greater desire for him in the bedroom (or anywhere else they don’t mind getting down and freaky). In many cases it can really turn a woman on, and it can help eliminate any possible resentment that comes from feeling like her man just views her as a piece of meat to poke. It will also allow her to feel more comfortable and open with her partner sexually, which is a huge key to creating above average sex for both parties in a relationship.
I can't stop thinking about him. But let's keep it a secret!
3. It can help you grow closer together.
When people mainly focus on sex, it can hinder their ability to nurture a greater foundation in their relationship; the ability to enjoy each other’s presence, and be friends as well as lovers. Non-sexual intimacy will do plenty in helping a couple bond and grow closer together. It will allow for more time to be put into getting in tune with each other. Connecting on a deeper level, and growing closer together in that marriage. Because it helps in the areas of emotional and sexual fulfillment, it will allow both parties to get what they need, and therefore create a much happier marriage. Neglecting non-sexual intimacy can drive a huge wedge between husband and wife, and that will only lead to negativity taking over that marriage. The significance of bonding continuously in marriage is huge, and certainly not something any husband should overlook.
I can't stop thinking about our last exchange of thoughts!
Non-sexual intimacy may seem foreign to some, and there may be men that don’t think it’s that important, at all. I’m here to tell you that holding on to that perspective will likely lead you into an unhappy and un-fulfilling relationships. A man should be mindful of what his partner needs, and understand that what specifically speaks to her heart can vary from one woman to other women. So talk to her, as well as experiment with some ideas, which will put a smile on her face, and in turn it will make it even easier for her to make her man smile as well.
Words from an experienced Brotha : "Sometimes women just want to be held, shown attention and listened to attentively." Sometimes a soft peck on the lips or the forehead ( this my signature move) as you pull her closer and squeeze tighter makes her feel like there’s no better place to be (safe). Sometimes randomly bringing home her favorite candy bar, chocolate, ice cream or pack of gum creates a smile you could not have imagined. Having her preferred wine, juice or drink of choice in the fridge shows you care about her and it’s not about you! Take the time to really get to know her, her likes and dislikes so she feels special and understands how much she means to you! Women: You should pay attention and cater to your man as well! Non-sexual intimacy can be just what your relationship needs.
As the holidays are just around the corner, we should all recognize the signs as you are last of on someones list here are a few things that might make you think: "huummm"
1.He only texts you after 11 p.m. and hints that it's booty call time It's a scientific fact that all booty calls happen after 11 p.m. All those cars you see driving around after 10:59 pm ? People out on the streets past 11? They're most of them it not all on their way to a booty call.
2. He gets frustrated when you invite him over to watch a movie and actually just want to watch a movie. Most guys would be like, "Alright, cool. If I can't have sex, I guess actually getting to watch " The Hunger Games" in the entirety: Catching Fire is a pretty good consolation prize." But when you swat away his thigh-climbing hand he's suddenly tired and has to leave, maybe to the other chicks house. Players always have a backup waiting on the other side of town.
3. You never meet his or her friends. The less information you have about him, the easier it is for him to ghost you. If you don't know who he hangs out with, or where he lives, or what his last name is, he can disappear like a phantom into the night. A phantom who banged you a bunch of times and then stopped answering your texts msgs., which would make for a Broadway play than the kind of phantom that hangs out at the operas. But a phantom nonetheless.
4.They makes it really hard for you to sleep over. He never straight-up says you have to leave (That wouldn't get .him a next hookup!) but he always has a "thing" really early the next morning. A "thing with friends" or "a work thing" or "some family thing." You know families don't have picnics at 5 a.m. RIGHT?
5. They always hands you everything before you leave. Did you forget your bra? Some lipstick? Your purse? A single bobby pin? If you never forget anything there, you can never have an excuse to show up when he doesn't want you to. If you tried to show up unsolicited anyway, you'd probably find the place abandoned and boarded up, and some neighbor would tell you, "Why, that place has been abandoned for years!" like some episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark."
6. You've never go on a real date. Dates are for men who consider themselves boyfriends, not men who consider themselves booty call buddies or fiends with major benefits.
7. He always insists on splitting the cost of the pizza you ordered. If one of you doesn't pay for the pizza, it can't be considered a date. He will follow #6 if it kills him.
8. He's "busy" whenever you text him about something personal or emotional. Who has time to pause his game of Madden to talk to you about things like how you feel? If your text about your grandma passing away isn't attached to a sexy picture, he won't even bother opening it. Guys who just want you for sex aren't going to spend time playing the boyfriend.
9. He always tries to initiate sex when you hang out. An easy way to tell the difference between guys who like having sex with you a lot and guys who only like having sex with you is this: Think back to a time when the two of you were together but weren't having sex for more than an hour. If you can't do that, he only wants you for sex.
10. The only thing he's ever bought you that could be considered romantic is a vibrator/massage device. He was like, "Hey, I have a surprise for you," and you could hear a faint vibration, honestly expected you to be pumped about it. winks and says: "So that you can get ready before I get here!"
11. Every conversation turns flirty/sexual. Every time you talk or text, it immediately turns into a conversation about having sex. He's stopped even trying to be witty about it. "Oh, you're at the grocery store right now, or are you visiting your mom again? I sure would like to have sex with you … at the grocery store, but not at your parents house! <smirking>
12. He texts you to meet up with a group, but wants to go back to your place or his place as soon as you get there. You might think you're about to meet all of his friends at some bar, but when you get there, he's already waiting outside with his coat and some condoms.
13. He only compliments your looks. He loves your BUTT but not your sense of humor. You always look "hot" but never "gorgeous." If his compliments are superficial at best and gross at worst, he's Just Not That Into YOU.
14. When he comes over, he heads straight for the bedroom. There's no loitering in the kitchen or hanging out in the living room with this guy. He has streamlined the process of sex-having by eliminating or minimizing the chitchat or talk about your day. He's like the Philip Glass of booty calls (that was a joke about the minimalist art movement that someone's dad will probably find funny).
If Being Married Is So Great, Why Do So Many Married People Cheat?
I think people will have better marriages when they start understanding that the work has to be done before the ceremony. Exchanging vows and placing a ring on your partner's finger does not magically transform them into compatible life partners. What Do You Think? ~ Michael Baisden a quote
Some people believe monogamy is unnatural, especially for men and women who want non stop attention. My response to that is, it’s not about monogamy; it’s about honesty. If you know you want to have sex with multiple partners then communicate that to your significant other and give them a choice to be involved or not. It’s not that simple! But at least it will not come as a big surprise to them when cheating occurs.
How could you sleep with that B!tch, she is so.... slutty.
However, there’s a reason why people lie about their affairs and it’s not just greed, insecurity, or even immaturity. The root of infidelity is the avoidance of accountability. Stay with me because this is about to get deep.
Accountability in an open relationship is not easy because once it’s revealed that there are more players in the game the stakes may be raised, such as a demand for equal time, equal money being spent, and most importantly, the option to see other people. I mean, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? And we know men don’t like to share, even though they’re cheating. Ain’t that a trip?
OK same time next month?
I advise women who are faced with infidelity not to focus on who or how many women their man is having sex with but instead challenge him on the basis of his resources and consistency. Men get away with cheating because women allow them to slack off on their financial responsibilities, i.e. proper dating and not helping out with financial emergencies, and most importantly, slacking off sexually.
The reality is most men can’t handle one woman let alone two or three but cheating is easy when women allow themselves to be cheap dates and men can be duds in the bedroom without repercussions. Yes, cheating is wrong, but if you’re man is going to play insist that he play like a pro and that’s starts with honesty, accountability, and consistency. having said all that.... woman however can handle multiple men. a whole lot easier. She can setup sex only dates with another cheater, and play innocent at home and their spouse will never be the wiser. do women do that.....? In today's world hell, Yeah! Women are great multi- taskers. When a woman wants non-stop attention, and she doesn't get it in one relationship she starts thinking that guy at work might be the right guy to cheat with, because he will be discrete as he also has a lot to loose if we get caught.... . something to think about if she is hanging with friends on Friday's for happy hour not all the time but specific weekends every month,,,, Huh? Just made you think didn't I.
A woman, I know, explains to me how she is having issues with her boyfriend and they constantly get into arguments and negative behavior. They have been together for some years now and have had good and bad times (for the record almost every relationship has “good times” so let’s stop using that as the basis for holding on). She then says how she has stuck by him through it all; financial issues, verbal abuse, and all the other women because she is a ride or die chick.
Ok, let’s stop right there. Do you see what this woman did? She basically used the glorified label of a ride or die chick to validate and defend her staying in an unhealthy relationship. Let me make this clear, it is in my opinion that you don’t get a badge of honor for sticking through bullsh!t. You are not exhibiting strength by holding on to a man who treats you like crap and/or disrespects you consistently by having other women. You don’t earn points for this at all, just a lot of pain, frustration, emotional damage, and more time that you are not getting what you truly deserve. Don’t get me wrong, I do think there are some things that I feel deserves a lot of admiration when a woman works through it all, and hangs in there.
A ride or die chick to me doesn't drop her man because his money isn't right. She understands that we all go through rough times and what that man needs right now is your love and support. At the same time she doesn't hold on to some man who wants to sit his ass on the couch and make no effort to provide for the couple. He should have a desire to make something of his life and if not then you should not be expected to sit there and be his mother.
A ride or die chick to me won’t allow others to destroy her relationship. She will stick by her man and the relationship will stand or fall based on his actions not the words and actions of others. On the flip side she won’t just make herself oblivious to his disrespectful behavior and view others calling it out as them just “hating”. She won’t sit there and act like it’s all good when in reality it is destroying her on the inside and causing so much damage.
A ride or die chick will defend her man against other people trying to tear him down and attack him. She won’t stand for you disrespecting her man and she will have no problem checking you on the matter. Yet she doesn't sit there and let this man think his bulls**t behavior is really ok. She will have no problem addressing the issue and expecting better from her man. She will be that chick you need but she will not continue to accept him being less of a man than she needs.
Maybe I have it wrong and a ride or die chick is truly supposed to embrace all the crap that man wants to throw at her. If this is truly your definition, then so be it, just don’t use that label like it’s a good thing when it really is not.Too many women think they are doing something special or commendable by holding on to situations that are not best for them. Sometimes it’s not even a man who does all this wrong, just a man who the woman deep inside feels is not for them regardless of how “good” a guy he might be. Ladies do not use the label of ride or die chick to hide the fact that your motivation to hold on to that relationship and that man is not really about how loyal you are. Most of you are scared and acknowledging that may help you see what you might need to do next. Many of you need to ride your behinds out of that relationship, or you will die being a chick that does not get the love and relationship that you truly deserve. This all is just my BAD opinion.
I'm just being BAD... when you see my comments in Italic below.
We can all give people plenty of tips and tricks on how to attract the opposite sex. Many are always looking for great ways to pull it off but in that process they overlook some very important things. Most truly desire a successful relationship but a good foundation has to be in place in order for that to happen. I’m not talking success as in just staying together because plenty of people remain in unhealthy and toxic relationships. I’m talking the success that creates a loving, positive, and fulfilling relationship in the way that all can appreciate. There are plenty of factors but here are four I feel are good to start with.
Know Yourself
Far too many times we try to run away from being single, and find someone to be with before we truly know and embrace who we are. Some feel you have to date or be inc to figure that out. I disagree, I believe you can achieve this in many other ways that don’t involve constantly getting into relationships that will likely cause more damage because you are not truly ready for one. If you don’t know and love yourself first then how can you expect someone else to truly know and properly love you as well.
OK, let me state for the record. I don't really think that we need to fully embrace Western cultures version of happily-ever-after.let's face it, it's had less than 50% success rate these days. If these Ethiopian couples (pic) bought into all that stuff "Of know thyself , love thyself" and know the other person to the utmost. They would not get together at all. All of this is designed to confuse people who are "too lost" to be in a happy relationship. Couples in the Eastern world do something right about finding happiness in their cultures. Now you might be thinking BAD has lost his mind. but bare with me. some of the folks in their culture don't even know each other when they get married (so how are we different .. we don't know the person we are marrying either in our Western world) . they start working on getting to know each other after marriage ( we are no different) . The first time they sleep together is after they have committed to be together. Our wonderful western world basically confuse people. just read the above statement again and see if it does not send you mixed signals. Be Honest
If you start a relationship on lies then there is a very good chance it will eventually come crashing down due to more lies. Lies eventually catch up to us and in the process create an environment of doubt and mistrust that will only spread more negativity in all aspects of that relationship. I know none of us are perfect and chances are that all of us haven’t been 100% honest. We still should do better and embrace a more honest approach. Not just with that person but with ourselves as well. Ignoring the truths you feel inside is typically a setup for living a lie you know is not best. "OK, so telling lies is not OK. or is it OK to pick carefully the lies you tell. because we live a lie and we are expected to be honest when we meet Ms. Right and Mr. Smooth. and we expect they will tell each other the truth and nothing but the truth. This is not a Court of Law, where you put you hand on the bible and swear like a drunken sailors in Bangkok that you are new to the dating games. Or you have only been with one other person before... meeting who you might perceive as your next baby Dada or Mammie. Just face it your choices in the past made you jaded, so now you are going to start over by being honest. (selective honesty, is now true honesty) REALLY?
Communication
Honesty is great but if you aren’t talking then you don’t have a chance to implement it and see how good it can be. We always hear communication is key and this is simply the truth. A relationship lacking in communication is one that is less likely to be successful. We can’t get to know each other or begin to have a greater understanding if we don’t take the time to talk to others, The other sides should feel like they can open up and express themselves. This minimizes the chances of issues lingering and not being properly addressed. At the end of the day if we can’t talk to each other then we should not really entertain trying to be together? Let me be the Devil again. There is exploratory communications, Story telling communication, Confession time communication, and Dreams and Hopes communication, and the Audacity to ask for what you want communication. Having said all that.. now you have to pick the order in which to execute the right plan of attack. to win over the other person. If you went to Militant academy(a person who thinks outside the box) you might get lucky and pick the right order.
Develop a Friendship
When we are friends the other three on this list become a lot easier to accomplish. Many times dating is just an audition and the only people who go to auditions are performers. If we want to build something genuine with this person then we should not overlook the importance of being friends with that person. When a genuine friendship is in place you are able to enjoy that person for who they are and not necessarily what they can give you. It creates a great foundation for a fun, happy, and loving relationship. If they are not the type of person you would really be good friends with then why bother trying to be their lover?
So what is your reaction when someone new tells you"I just want to develop a friendship....with you first." You feel "REJECTION." Instant Negative thoughts hit you right away... HELL I have enough Friends, I don't want anymore just friend! We talk like we shouldn't be finding friendship first.... (deceiving ourselves that this person is the ONE, we want... before we go further than a hand shake but we feel dejected (right away) when someone new suggests friendship =. REJECTED when they insist they are not looking to have an intimate relationship with you right away.
.I believe the TV program the VOICES has the best way of showing us how to make a choice of just listing first.(we often listen to respond instead of listening to understand. Now think back about the person your could not stand but thought secretly they were sexy and you would like to spank then for being so BAD, now listen to that person communicate, with your back turned to them, where you can not see their face or their body language... could you see all of that person's true qualities? I don't know you might not like their smirk... You might prefer their wide smile (because that is your choice). Or you might think he is the Devil, or she such be a div-ah..... in the end our truths are always a selection of slightly false thoughts put in an order of expression of what will "get us over," does anyone say that anymore. maybe if a man walk up to a woman and says "I just want to get over on you" but really means " I just want to get over You" which statement would you really want to hear first. Or would you believe what you chose to hear and think "the first statement" when the latter is really first.
I believe that is a pretty strong four to focus on.(but my BAD way of seeing things, might make you think differently) Personally I am a man and I like to write my articles in a way that people of any belief can appreciate and gain something from it. So if I added one more to the list it would be about faith and spirituality but I’ll just address that in another blog post some day. Ultimately I feel we should focus less on getting a relationship right away and more on setting up the best friendships for us. One that can be fruitful and positive. It may take some time but it will all be worth it in the end!
Alicia Keys sang, “A real man knows a real woman when he sees her.” But what she did not know is that a real man was going to go and write a book and tell these young girls to think like a man, causing them to get totally confused and make twerking videos on Youtube.
As Santa says: Ho,Ho, Ho (three times) he does not mean act like a "Ho." Basically,you have it all mixed up. We can’t continue going on rants about how lost our young ladies are without taking the time to show them the way. So I took it upon myself to compile a small list of the preponderance (you like that word, huh?) that has our young ladies baffled. No, I’m not excusing men, but Rome wasn’t built-in a day, so work with me ...... here. For young girls who don’t know and for grown women who want to help out those following in their footsteps, these are the things you should NEVER get confused about.
1.Stop confusing Sex for Love: If He drinks a Red Bull, stretches, and even keeps his Timberlands on; then acts like everything but a gentleman in the bedroom until your toes catch a cramp. But thinks of you as a "Ho" make no mistake, his heart is in his chest, not his underwear.
2.Stop confusing Attention for Loyalty: “But he’s coming home to me every night” Equals the cry of a woman who forgot her worth a long time ago. A man will have sex with your sister, drive home with the gas money you gave him, and say “Baby I had a long day, I just wanna cuddle” when you try to give him goodnight sex. You think that attention he’s giving you means you’re not sharing him with someone else? Yeah. .OK, think again.
3.Stop confusing a Real Gangster for a Real Man: Some girls want a guy to “put them in their place” like a parent does a child. A real man wants a woman who knows her place is by his side. REAL difference!
4. Stop confusing Good looks for Beauty: You may go through life gracing every mirror you walk past, but if you treat everyone like they’re beneath you, you will be wondering in a few months ..... "Why did 't the mirror tell me, my looks was going to change like this" and you are alone.
5. Stop confusing Compliments for Respect: He went and ‘liked’ all your bathroom sink mirror pics and recited a couple Drake lines so you think it’s real huh? The more you blush, the more he’s going to tutor his homeboys on how to get you to have sex after he tells you he’s “just not ready for a relationship”.
6. stop confusingNice personality for Good character: He can make you laugh. Check ~. He’s smooth with words. Check ~. He’s witty and can hold an intelligent conversation? Check~. But on that weekend you’re on your period, will he turn down those thirsty chicks he used to have sex with that never learned to let go? They are one text away and may even bring a girl friend for s threesome. ~check ~
7. Stop confusingLust for Chemistry: You know that tingly feeling you get when you first see him. Everything just seems right about his smile, his walk, and the way he looks at you? It’s called hormones, not love at first sight.
8. Stop confusing Cockiness for High Self Esteem: A BAD b!tch has nothing on a woman who knows she’s a queen. Period.
Well here comes that hug your Dad would give you after he gave you an a$$ whooping and told you you’d thank him for it later.
Ladies, stop getting things mixed up. No, it’s not your fault you have to decode anything, but it’s better to know now than to be left feeling lonely years later running into the arms of some man who just is not for you. Knowing the game keeps you from having to play it, and if you don’t play it, you’ll never lose.
I feel BAD for marital "communication," because it gets blamed for everything, when it is not working. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It's not!
Marital communication is getting a BAD rap. It's like the kid who fights back on the playground (I can relate because this was my youngest son's biggest problem in school for years). The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn't create the problem; he was just reacting to the problem. But he's the one who gets caught, so he's sent off to the principal's office.
Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist's office.
I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he's just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:
Term limit 1. Some Marry a person because they like who they are. People change. you can Plan on it. Don't marry someone because of who they are when you marry them , or who you want them to become after you marry.Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.
Term limit 2. Marriage doesn't take away our loneliness. To be alive is to be lonely. It's the human condition. Marriage doesn't change the human condition. It can't make us completely un-lonely. And when it doesn't, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.
term limit 3. Shame baggage. Yes, we all carry it around We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend our shame doesn't exist so, when the person we love triggers it in us, we blame them for creating it. And then we demand they fix it. But the truth is, they didn't create it and they can't fix it. Sometimes the best marital therapy is individual therapy, in which we work to heal our own shame. So we can stop transferring it to the ones we love.
Term limit 4. Ego wins almost every time. We've all got one. We came by it honestly. Probably sometime around the fourth grade when kids started to be jerks to us. Maybe earlier if our family members were jerks first. The ego was a good thing. It kept us safe from the emotional slings and arrows. But now that we're grown and married, the ego is a wall that separates us from each other. It's time for it to come down. By practicing openness instead of defensiveness, forgiveness instead of vengeance, apology instead of blame,vulnerability instead of strength, and grace instead of power.
term limit 5. Life is messy and marriage is life. So marriage is messy, too. But when things stop working perfectly, we start blaming our partner for the snags. We add unnecessary mess to the already inescapable mess of life and love. We must stop pointing fingers and start intertwining them. And then we can we walk into, and through, the mess of life together. Blameless and shameless.
Term limit 6. Empathy is hard. By its very nature, empathy cannot happen simultaneously between two people. One partner must always go first, and there's no guarantee of reciprocation. It takes risk. It's a sacrifice. So most of us wait for our partner to go first.A lifelong empathy standoff. And when one partner actually does take the empathy plunge, it's almost always a belly flop. The truth is, the people we love are fallible human beings and they will never be the perfect mirror we desire. Can we love them anyway, by taking the empathy plunge ourselves?
Term limit 7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them. Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they're more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they're less important, they'll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the balance.
Term limit 8. The hidden power struggle. Most conflict in marriage is at least in part a negotiation around the level of inter-connectivity between lovers. Men usually want and need less. Women usually want and often demand more. Sometimes, those roles are reversed. Regardless, when you read between the lines of most fights, this is the question you find: Who gets to decide how much distance we keep between us? If we don't ask that question explicitly, we'll fight about it implicitly. Forever.
I will quote Chris Rock: " Folks argue to create distance and irritation"
term limit 9. We don't know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore. We live in a world pulling our attention in a million different directions. The practice of meditation--attending to one thing and then returning our attention to it when we become distracted, over and over and over again--is an essential art. When we are constantly encouraged to attend to the shiny surface of things and to move on when we get a little bored, making our life a meditation upon the person we love is a revolutionary act. And it is absolutely essential if any marriage is to survive and thrive.
I'm not a therapist, I can't teach a couple how to communicate in an hour. It's not complicated but resistance makes it damn near impossible. By identifying and dealing with the troublemakers who started the fight we ac overcome some of the biggest problems in marriages. Well, that takes a lifetime for most.
It's a lifetime that forms us into people who are becoming ever more loving versions of ourselves, who can bear the weight of loneliness, who have released the weight of shame, who have traded in walls for bridges, who have embraced the mess of being alive, who risk empathy and forgive disappointments, who love everyone with equal fervor, who give and take and compromise, and who have dedicated themselves to a lifetime of presence and awareness and attentiveness.
Are you having a problem getting a man you want to ask you out? Well, I have some tips to solve your issue. Many times I get asked by women how to make themselves more approachable. Some men may think that a woman should already know how to do that. Believe it or not, many still struggle with it. They tend to overlook the simple things that can give a man a hint, or the confidence to ask her out. That man can be just as nervous, as or more nervous than you are.
1. Smile
This has got to be the simplest thing a woman can do, yet so many neglect this effective tool. I am not saying walk around everywhere with a big old grin on your face. What I am saying is that when you see a guy you like, then it’s time to break out that winning smile. That will instantly give him notice that you may have some interest. It will also create a more pleasant environment for him to feel comfortable enough to approach.
Looking at him like he stole something will do nothing to increase your chances of exchanging numbers. Side Note: some of you may go with the “sexy” look instead, but the risk is some men can’t tell the difference between the “sexy” look and the “what in the hell are you looking at” look.
2. Give him a Compliment
Ladies, you are not the only ones that like to receive a compliment. We men enjoy it as well, especially when it comes from a woman we may be interested in. The other reason why a compliment can really help in showing interest is the fact that a lot of women do not do it. So when it does happen, it immediately catches the man’s attention (most men).
Some women have become immune to compliments due to the frequency in which some of you receive it. Though I would argue that even those women still want compliments from the man they love from time to time. Men though, we aren’t used to it and it is a great way to say, “I am interested, don’t be a jerk and ask me out already”.
3. Engage in conversation
I remember once approaching a woman and trying to make conversation. She didn’t seem very much into it, so I assumed she was not interested and went about my business. Later when I spoke to a female friend, she told me the woman actually was interested, but is just like that. Well, how in the hell do you expect me or any man to know you have interest if you are not making an effort to carry on the conversation.
I understand that some men will overlook this and still try to get your number. For the guy that you actually like, you are making it harder for him to realize you want him to ask you out if you are not saying much. Not to mention that you may simply lose his interest because you are coming off as maybe boring and not having much personality. If you don’t want a man to proceed, then continue with the vibe of just waiting for him to shut up and walk away. Just know how to not let that happen when it is a guy you actually want to have future conversations with.
For some of you ladies, this list may be common knowledge and what you already practice in your daily life. For others, this may simply serve as a refresher for information you are already aware of. Then there are some who just flat out overlook how these simple acts can do wonders in increasing your chances of having the guy you want approach you and ask you out. Men already have all the pressure of having to typically initiate things and attempt to read a woman to see if he should proceed or not. The least you could do is make that process easier for him which is a benefit to the both of you at the end of the day.
Yeah I know, just get naked....and let's do the horizontal Mambo, but not this time. I will let you know in advance that I intentionally left off things like appearance because most of you already understand that men are very visual. I wanted to point out the qualities of more substance that may come as a surprise to some women. Make sure you read it all, and truly process what’s being said. I asked around, and did a quick survey on asking my player friends. So sit back and learn some of the qualities that can turn a man on.
1. Transparency
When a woman can be honest, clear, and consistent, that can be very sexy, to an intelligent man . When a man feels he has to constantly play the guessing game with a woman, that isn’t very appealing, it’s just confusing and frustrating. This doesn’t mean a woman has to tell all her business to a man she barely knows. It just means that you don’t play games, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say.
2. Confidence
A confident woman knows who she is and embraces her self-worth. It is refreshing to see and it definitely draws the attention of most (if not all) men. It can easily raise a man’s desire for that woman, and only enhances her beauty. Confidence is sexy point blank period, but like it was mentioned on the men’s list, don’t confuse it with arrogance and being stank! Yeah I said stank, and that will only get you so far.
3. Sense of Humor
A woman does not have to have jokes ready to toss out every time she talks to a man. But the ability to smile, laugh when something is funny, and just lighten up can go a long way. Some women are just too serious, and don’t really know how to have a good time. When a woman can learn to let go, throw some humor in from time to time, and enjoy life, that makes her even more appealing. If she can make him laugh too, big bonus, but just being able to laugh with him will have a positive impact.
4. Poise
A woman that knows how to carry herself is a huge turn on for a lot of men. She knows how to be a lady in the streets, and we’ll leave the freak part alone for today. Being very secure with herself and knowing how to be classy when needed is very much respected. When a woman seems to be all over the place, or emotionally unstable, that will make most men eliminate that women from any potential of a serious relationship and will flat out turn a lot of men off.
5. Knowing How To Cook
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. I don’t completely agree with this quote, but I do know that when a man finds a woman who can cook, a lot of us get very excited. Literally we will report back to our friends, “man this girl is fine, has a good job, super cool, AND SHE CAN COOK, and she looks sexy while doing it!”. They may break out in celebration right there, because she obviously is now a keeper. Or course this isn’t a turn on for all men, but it surely has never been a turn off. Cooking skills are almost always a plus++.
6. Loyal
A lot of men don’t trust women. They may have been burned in the past or seen a lot of betrayal in other situations. So when that man comes across a woman that he views as loyal, it can have a very strong impact on him. Loyalty is an attribute men place a lot of value in. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, friends, or sports, they want it and are drawn to it. This is one attribute that it will take longer to assess, but once it’s acknowledged, it can speak volumes.
7. Passion/Desire
If a woman comes off as boring and lacking any passion in her life, that can actually make her less attractive in the eyes of some men. Yet when a woman is comfortable and confident enough to show desire and passion, that can be a huge turn on. This doesn’t mean a woman should throw herself at a man (that’s where poise comes in). It just means having that energy that can be very contagious and contribute to sparks flying.
8. Intelligence
Contrary to what some women may believe, a lot of men love smart women. They don’t like the women who thinks that her high level of intelligence gives her a right to be condescending, rude, or disrespectful. Yet plenty of men appreciate and are intrigued by a sharp woman who can also have a good conversation on a variety of topics, even if is during a chat session. A smart woman adds value to the relationship, and a lot of men are very turned on by that.
9. Unselfish
Selfish is never sexy. A woman having a me, me , me attitude can quickly push a man away and cause him to lose his desire for her. When a woman has a caring, giving, and nurturing spirit, that is exactly what most men are very happy to see in that woman. Men crave that, and are just drawn to that type of energy. It’s a very good look on a woman, and a man is likely to take notice of it.
10. Genuine
Just be yourself. It’s that plain and simple. People are drawn to those that are genuine, and men are no different. A woman who keeps it real, and embraces who she is, is very sexy. It will exude that confidence I spoke about earlier in this article. Some women go out of their way to try to be and look like someone they’re not. You might pull off sexy for a day, but being genuine can make you sexy for life.
11. Independent
Yes, a lot of men( yours truly is surely one of them) are turned on by an independent woman. The fact that she can be self sufficient, and does not need a man to survive definitely works in her favor. This woman adds value to a man’s life, as long as she does not devalue the need to embrace the love he wants to give her. It is not her ability to be independent that most men dislike, it is the unwillingness to bring down walls and understand that interdependence is needed and desired for a very happy and fulfilling relationship.
12. Embraces Respect
First that means having self respect. A woman with standards and demands respect, not in a overly aggressive or abrasive way, but does so while still embracing her feminine energy is greatly admired. When she also knows how to treat others in a respectful and positive manner this just makes her that much more beautiful. She is not a pushover by any means, because that is not a turn on at all. She just knows she deserves to be treated with respect, and she knows how to speak to a man in a way that makes him want her, not hate her.
I know some women will read this and say they have seen plenty of women get men despite lacking many of these qualities. The choices that some men make don’t tell the whole story, and it does not change the fact that a lot of men do genuinely desire these qualities when we are entertaining the possibility of more than just a sexual relationship. If you’re still saying that men overlook good women all the time, . Either way, these qualities should be embraced and can bring very positive results.
