We can all give people plenty of tips and tricks on how to attract the opposite sex. Many are always looking for great ways to pull it off but in that process they overlook some very important things. Most truly desire a successful relationship but a good foundation has to be in place in order for that to happen. I’m not talking success as in just staying together because plenty of people remain in unhealthy and toxic relationships. I’m talking the success that creates a loving, positive, and fulfilling relationship in the way that all can appreciate. There are plenty of factors but here are four I feel are good to start with.
Know Yourself
Far too many times we try to run away from being single, and find someone to be with before we truly know and embrace who we are. Some feel you have to date or be inc to figure that out. I disagree, I believe you can achieve this in many other ways that don’t involve constantly getting into relationships that will likely cause more damage because you are not truly ready for one. If you don’t know and love yourself first then how can you expect someone else to truly know and properly love you as well.
OK, let me state for the record. I don't really think that we need to fully embrace Western cultures version of happily-ever-after.let's face it, it's had less than 50% success rate these days. If these Ethiopian couples (pic) bought into all that stuff "Of know thyself , love thyself" and know the other person to the utmost. They would not get together at all. All of this is designed to confuse people who are "too lost" to be in a happy relationship. Couples in the Eastern world do something right about finding happiness in their cultures. Now you might be thinking BAD has lost his mind. but bare with me. some of the folks in their culture don't even know each other when they get married (so how are we different .. we don't know the person we are marrying either in our Western world) . they start working on getting to know each other after marriage ( we are no different) . The first time they sleep together is after they have committed to be together. Our wonderful western world basically confuse people. just read the above statement again and see if it does not send you mixed signals.
Be Honest
If you start a relationship on lies then there is a very good chance it will eventually come crashing down due to more lies. Lies eventually catch up to us and in the process create an environment of doubt and mistrust that will only spread more negativity in all aspects of that relationship. I know none of us are perfect and chances are that all of us haven’t been 100% honest. We still should do better and embrace a more honest approach. Not just with that person but with ourselves as well. Ignoring the truths you feel inside is typically a setup for living a lie you know is not best.
"OK, so telling lies is not OK. or is it OK to pick carefully the lies you tell. because we live a lie and we are expected to be honest when we meet Ms. Right and Mr. Smooth. and we expect they will tell each other the truth and nothing but the truth. This is not a Court of Law, where you put you hand on the bible and swear like a drunken sailors in Bangkok that you are new to the dating games. Or you have only been with one other person before... meeting who you might perceive as your next baby Dada or Mammie. Just face it your choices in the past made you jaded, so now you are going to start over by being honest. (selective honesty, is now true honesty) REALLY?
Communication
Honesty is great but if you aren’t talking then you don’t have a chance to implement it and see how good it can be. We always hear communication is key and this is simply the truth. A relationship lacking in communication is one that is less likely to be successful. We can’t get to know each other or begin to have a greater understanding if we don’t take the time to talk to others, The other sides should feel like they can open up and express themselves. This minimizes the chances of issues lingering and not being properly addressed. At the end of the day if we can’t talk to each other then we should not really entertain trying to be together?
Let me be the Devil again. There is exploratory communications, Story telling communication, Confession time communication, and Dreams and Hopes communication, and the Audacity to ask for what you want communication. Having said all that.. now you have to pick the order in which to execute the right plan of attack. to win over the other person. If you went to Militant academy(a person who thinks outside the box) you might get lucky and pick the right order.
Develop a Friendship
When we are friends the other three on this list become a lot easier to accomplish. Many times dating is just an audition and the only people who go to auditions are performers. If we want to build something genuine with this person then we should not overlook the importance of being friends with that person. When a genuine friendship is in place you are able to enjoy that person for who they are and not necessarily what they can give you. It creates a great foundation for a fun, happy, and loving relationship. If they are not the type of person you would really be good friends with then why bother trying to be their lover?
So what is your reaction when someone new tells you"I just want to develop a friendship....with you first." You feel "REJECTION." Instant Negative thoughts hit you right away... HELL I have enough Friends, I don't want anymore just friend! We talk like we shouldn't be finding friendship first.... (deceiving ourselves that this person is the ONE, we want... before we go further than a hand shake but we feel dejected (right away) when someone new suggests friendship =. REJECTED when they insist they are not looking to have an intimate relationship with you right away.
.I believe the TV program the VOICES has the best way of showing us how to make a choice of just listing first.(we often listen to respond instead of listening to understand. Now think back about the person your could not stand but thought secretly they were sexy and you would like to spank then for being so BAD, now listen to that person communicate, with your back turned to them, where you can not see their face or their body language... could you see all of that person's true qualities? I don't know you might not like their smirk... You might prefer their wide smile (because that is your choice). Or you might think he is the Devil, or she such be a div-ah..... in the end our truths are always a selection of slightly false thoughts put in an order of expression of what will "get us over," does anyone say that anymore. maybe if a man walk up to a woman and says "I just want to get over on you" but really means " I just want to get over You" which statement would you really want to hear first. Or would you believe what you chose to hear and think "the first statement" when the latter is really first.
I believe that is a pretty strong four to focus on.(but my BAD way of seeing things, might make you think differently) Personally I am a man and I like to write my articles in a way that people of any belief can appreciate and gain something from it. So if I added one more to the list it would be about faith and spirituality but I’ll just address that in another blog post some day. Ultimately I feel we should focus less on getting a relationship right away and more on setting up the best friendships for us. One that can be fruitful and positive. It may take some time but it will all be worth it in the end!
Geen opmerkingen:
Een reactie posten