Dating People With Children....

If you meet someone who has children, you’d better be prepared to be a second priority, if not the third or fourth. Being a single parent is a full-time job with no days off. More than likely there’ll be canceled dates, phone calls during dinner and drama with the child’s mother or father. If you can’t handle that, keep it moving.

I know because I have dated many women who had children. When you’re young you don’t really think about all the variables probably because you’re only focused on one thing, sex. But as you mature and your time and resources become more valuable, you realize that children can change the entire dynamic of a relationship. They can dictate how often you see your partner, for how long, how available they are to travel out of town, and here’s the big one, how stressed out they are due to their constant arguments with their child other parent.
The first order of business is finding out how many children they have and how many baby mothers or fathers are in the picture. These days it’s not uncommon to meet someone who has children with three or more people. And the numbers can, and often do, matter.

Three or four kids with three of four kids’ fathers or mothers can mean four times the headache, not to mention one big expense. I don’t care how well-off that person is financially; unless he or she is rich, those children are going to become a financial responsibility. But even when we set aside the money challenges, what about the drama that three or four mothers and fathers can bring? We all know the hell that one can take you through. Can you imagine the nightmare of having several people adding to the stress of your already hectic life? It would be unbearable! And with that many parents involved, there are bound to be issues.  ~ Michael Baisden

I can't believe I'm doing this every night now!
These are not my kids!

MY perspective..... What do you prefer " the Ugly truth , or the pretty lie" . Let's talk about blended families  for a little bit. My experience in this area has taught me some valuable lessons.  the following are a few examples:

Portrait no. 1: boyfriend (who was married before) with children starts dating  never-married, no-kids girlfriend. 

Dads who are seeking to remarry often expect their new brides to assume a similar role to their former wife. The new wife, on the contrary, steps into the relationship ready for romance and quality time together as a couple. Instantly filling the role of wife is challenge enough; being interim Mom is often overwhelming. Wives in this situation often feel frustration and disillusionment when they are handed someone else's kids to care for (and the kids don't like it, either!).

In this scenario, Dad must step up to the plate and handle the disciplining of his children to avoid conflict with his new wife. He should also teach the kids to treat their stepmom with respect and talk through (or even write down) household duties with his new wife until a fair arrangement is reached.

Portrait no. 2: Wife with children marries no-kids husband.

Would you spank your own ?

Entering this marriage, Mom's relieved at having a new partner in her life... this  might result in her handing off too many responsibilities to her new husband. The kids,  usually will rebel. They have a dad (or had one); they don't think they need a new one. Tread lightly with any step-parent administering discipline. Biological parents are the ones who should handle rules and punishments, at least initially.

This couple needs to bond and show solidarity to the children. The wife must be careful not to shut out her new husband in favor of her children. Avoid inside jokes with the kids and subtle put-downs that would cause the kids to disregard their new stepfather altogether. There is a fine line between handling the discipline and devaluing the husband's position in the home. Require children to show the same respect for their stepdad that they would any teacher, law enforcement officer, or other adult in authority. Don't try to force love.

Portrait no. 3: Divorced mom with kids marries divorced dad with a kid.

He miss is real Mommy 

This type of step-family may seem to come with the most hurdles to overcome initially, but has potential to be the most successful makeup because Mom and Dad are motivated to pull together for the kids. Kids, however, experience the most loss when their parent marries someone with children. Access to their biological parent must now be shared by not just the new spouse but also by other children. Their physical space is shared with a stepparent and step-siblings. New home, new school and new roommate are also common changes when families join. And, some children must face the end of their dream of their parents reuniting.

The first two years in any step-family, but especially this type, are crucial. Expect conflict and extend grace — lots of it. There will be different relationships between members of this type of step-family, different levels of intimacy, connection, and love between step-siblings and between children and stepparents. Don't worry; that's normal.

Portrait no. 4: Widow or widower with kids remarries.

Ghost daddy is always in the picture!

When a family experiences the loss of a beloved spouse and parent, the new spouse/stepparent will inevitably confront the “ghosts of family past.” On some level, grieving continues for years after the death of a spouse.

This step-family needs to make sure it is taking steps to heal from their grief in order for the new family to unite. Rather than trying to assume a parental role, the successful stepparent in this situation will step into the role of friend and mentor. Family members can honor their loved one with photographs and memories, but erecting a shrine and idolizing their past prevents intimacy with the new spouse and stepparent. Establishing common ground and moving forward together is difficult but possible.

Portrait no. 5: Divorced or widowed parents of adult children marry.

No more children at home, let's go home and enjoy the quiet

Even if the children have left the nest, remarried couples with children still qualify as step-families. Due to a lack of daily interactions, bonding and connecting may be more difficult. Many relationships will be strained for years or may never achieve any level of intimacy. Stepparents and stepchildren can make an effort to connect through cards, letters, phone calls, emails and family get-together(s).

Unique issues to this step-family may include establishing healthy grand-parenting relationships and inheritance tension. Family fears can be alleviated by communication and a welcoming love. Distributing family keepsakes ahead of time or deciding how you will distribute your property can ease some of the tensions related to inheritance.

No matter what type of step-family yours may fall under, with the right resources and the help of God, family, and friends, your step-family can find encouragement and hope.

Portrait no. 6: boyfriend (who was married before) with no children starts dating  never-married, with kids girlfriend. 

Pick me up!

This is an opportunity for drama non-stop. As the girlfriend finds it a perfect opportunity to  rub her new status in  the face of the ex-boyfriend/Baby-daddy that she has found a better man to help raise their child with. If the new man is not careful his name and reputation will be dragged  through drama non-stop.  Ex boyfriend may even challenge the new guy raising his son. but then ex-girlfriend will sue accusing  him of  being an unfit father.  New step Dad must step up to the plate and handle the disciplining but  avoid conflict with his new lady and her baby daddy.  He should also teach the kid to treat him with respect and talk through (or even put his foot  down) avoid  public displays until a fair arrangement is reached with the ex-boyfriend/baby-daddy to just let them be Parents of his son.

Here is another article that might make you go hmmmm!

SHOULD YOUR CHILD CALL THEIR STEPPARENT MOM OR DAD?

It’s an age-old question that still doesn’t have a right or wrong answer, but is, however, still very relevant in our culture. With blended families becoming more and more prevalent and the amount of influential adults in our children’s lives increasing, many wonder if their child should refer to their stepparent as Mom or Dad.

On the one side there is the group who believes that if a stepparent has been in the child’s life for an extended amount of time and spends a respectable amount of quality time with the child, it’s totally fine for the kid to call their parents’ spouse Mom or Dad, they are live-in bonus parents for goodness sake.

Then there is the group who thinks that it is, under no circumstance, okay for a child to use Mom or Dad when referring to their stepparent. I mean, given the child has both parents in his or her life already, they already have one mom and one dad and don’t really need to call anyone else by the endearing term.

I’d have to agree with the latter.

There is one caveat to my point—if one parent is deceased or absent, then maybe that’s something I’d consider, but for the sake of this argument, let’s assume both parents are alive and active in the child’s life.

As the mother of a two-year-old son, I cannot imagine him referring to anyone else as Mom, nope, not even his grandmother, who he affectionately calls “Mom Mom.” That’s about as close to comfort as I can get to him calling anyone else by my name.

Mom is special, and I’m sure dads feel the same.

Mom isn’t just a name, it’s a role and a gift. I brought my son into the world, have been there for every pivotal moment and love him unconditionally, so him calling someone else Mommy when he needs help, or wants a sippy cup or needs a hug is nearly unfathomable.

And his dad feels the same, so when we decided to end our relationship and begin making plans for my son’s future, we both agreed that Mom, Mommy, Dad and Daddy, and most other derivatives would be off limits to any future spouse. Those would forever be our names, our roles and our place in his life.

And I’m happy with our decision. Have I second-guessed myself, sure, but so far, so good.

I’m totally cool with and actually encourage having a nickname for stepparents. This helps to make the relationship a bit more casual, and having had stepparents myself, I can testify that the more casual, the better when cultivating a child-stepparent relationship.

So, one mom, one dad and as many influential adults as possible—it takes a village, but Mommy and Daddy should be sole chiefs of the tribe.