She does not want any children...does that turn you off?

It happened recently with a new acquaintance who, in getting to know her, I asked her whether she has any children.  When she  said "no," this new acquaintance followed up with her own question: “Do you want to have anymore children?”  When I replied with a resounding “no,” she gasped as if I had told her I plan to vote for Donald Trump.  I guess she didn’t consider the possibility of a direct and absolute "no." since most men in my age group have huge egos, and want to show that they can still father kids in their later years with younger women.  She quickly lost  interest in the conversation thereafter. I wiping the sweat from my brow, now that I knew  what she really wanted.... and I would have been  her targeted baby daddy.(grand Daddy,  would be more like it in my case.)

My career comes first, No diaper changing for me!

In all fairness, she couldn’t have possibly  known how tired I am of hearing  "why would you deny a woman a chance to have a child with you,  if  the woman  was in a relationship with you?"  But I'm also seeing  that it's  not unique that many career women do not want children either. The shock and awe I’ve witnessed over the years from family, friends and acquaintances alike is as baffling to me as a woman proclaiming she doesn’t want to procreate is to them.  Worse yet is the obligatory follow-up question that arises when a single woman of child-bearing age states that she wants to remain childless: “Why?” Personally  I can think of some good reasons.

"Would you consider having kids if  I'm that right guy?"

If that question is coming from a woman's  parents, that’s one thing, because it’s not at all unusual for parents to want grandchildren.  But some women  don’t like answering that question (especially to people who aren’t their parents) for several reasons.  Namely because the "why" is never good enough.  If a woman says: “I don’t want to have children” is not a sufficient answer in their eyes.  Neither is, “I’ve never seen myself as a mother type ,” or any other reason I can list. Their insistence on remaining without child often turns into a reassurance party. Accusations and assumptions are hurled their  way – “You’re just scared,” “You’re only saying that because you haven’t met the right guy,” “You’ll make a great mother,” and so on , and so on.  I can picture them saying:" Thanks for the vote of confidence, but it’s not that deep.  And I still don’t want to have children."

Leave me alone, NO more comment about having children!

Not taking people’s so-called advice about having kids into consideration often and inaccurately translates to an assumption that some women  don’t like children.  Which, in the past, called for additional explanation.  Or so I thought.  But I've  learned that   people are  not responsible for any confusion or misunderstanding that might arise simply because they  check "no" on the child box.  I’m perfectly clear on what it is that I want. So I'm therefore perfectly comfortable at this stage in my life that what others want should not put you in a defensive position.  People should  don’t need to justify or explain their  reasoning, and They certainly don’t need to put anyone else at ease.   Nor has a woman  committed a crime or offended women or parents the world over just because they don't want to do what everyone else expect them to do.  A woman's  choice to not have children is exactly that – a choice.  Why must she  be made to feel bad or different?  Or like less of a woman?

"I knew I would regret having sex with you!"

Another thing I’m sure women are  tired of hearing is that they'll live to regret their  decision.  I remember One of my aunts who never had children has said this to young women  her niece  on numerous occasions.  It was her truth, and she assumes that it will one day be their truth if they  refrain from bearing a child.  I really  feel  sorry for those who feel that way and if years from now she turns out to be right about her decision, then so be it.  But guilt-ing her into wanting to procreate isn’t going to make a woman  change my mind, if she really does not want children.  Sure, some are  open to the possibility that things may one day change.  I’ve seen it happen with other women.  In fact, one of my best friends was adamant about not having children and then one day, several years into her marriage, she changed her mind.  But she couldn’t have predicted that would happen.  The same can be said for other women... who are adamant that they are not willing to have children... and will stick with their decision.

"So we agree on the children subject!"

The final kicker of all this why-don’t-you-want-a-baby madness goes a little something like this: “Do you really think you’ll find a man who doesn’t want to have kids?” I'm raising my hand, I'm available, if I'm your choice NOT to have a baby with ! (I'm a man who already has two offspring)  more children would be a crowd.   That question basically suggests that if women want to have a lasting relationship, she has to suck it up and have a child to satisfy the man in her life.  It suggests that romantic love cannot exist or bears no meaning without a child in the mix.  It suggests that a woman is completely alone in her thinking and that she  have to, therefore, remain single.  But some career women are  not falling for any of that.  Having a child is kind of a big deal and doing so because it’s what one person in a relationship wants is a setup for failure in my book.