These are some habits of lasting couples.

In a lasting relationship, couples demonstrate their love by doing things every day to support each other. Although a loving, committed couple can make a relationship look easy, it actually takes a little bit more  work than how easy it appears to be.

These are  the major benefit of
 marrying a  psychologists.
Frankly I never really thought 
we would last this long...!

One thing that lasting couples do is care for each other’s feelings by doing the emotional work that the relationship requires. Emotional work is something that we rarely hear about but psychologists study this topic as a factor in relationship happiness.
Researchers in the Journal of Family Issues say of emotional work that ‘Family members do work to meet people’s emotional needs, improve their well-being, and maintain harmony. When emotional work is shared equally, both men and women have access to emotional resources in the family. However, like housework and childcare, the distribution of emotional work is gendered.’ Women are the ones who typically take on the emotional work in a relationship.
The researchers show how important the emotional work is to healthy relationships; partners with a gender imbalance with emotional work tended to see an erosion of the marriage, which ‘posed a health risk to women and helped explain gender differences in psychological distress.’
For a lasting relationship, men need to learn to identify emotional cues from their female partner and help her to release feelings of anger/sadness/fear. When male partners are able to support their companions emotionally, they have the skills needed for a lasting relationship.

1. WORK ON SOLVING PROBLEMS

I am so glad we can put our head together
and solve problems

Every day couples face challenges just to get coordinated and get out the door for work, and they haven’t even discussed what they are having for dinner. Beyond that, larger problems come up with regard to finances, health, family planning, social commitments, etc.
Couples who have a lasting relationship are looking to the future together. They usually share a common goal, for example retiring early or paying off the house so that they have money to travel. A shared goal is a common problem that each partner is working on solving.

From My B.A.D. perspective: it takes skills of being an analyst to best  breakdown and solve problems .The prerequisites are that a least one or you have the ability to breakdown the problem and understand the cause of it. Followed by having Discussions with your counter part on who can best handle which area insuring that  each component is  handled by the best person.  


2. COMMUNICATE OPENLY

You are such
a great communicator

Of course you talk to your partner, but when you are in a lasting relationship you seek to understand your other half rather than just talking to them. You express your viewpoint and ask your partner to contribute their opinion as well.
Communication is a gift that you can give your partner in the form of excellent listening skills. Misunderstandings can be a source of tension and anger in a relationship. Prevent problems by being fully present when your partner is speaking. Eliminate distractions, make eye contact and do not wait to speak. Ask questions about what your partner said and restate their words so they know that you truly understand them.
The importance of excellent communication cannot be overstated for lasting couples. Open communication is also the basis of trust. Lasting couples do not hide things from their partner.

My B.A.D. perspective: Open communications is key to unlocking every door. When the door is not ajar, it is closed and sometimes locked. Communication can unlock and open the doors, allowing free passage and access to each others thoughts and emotions. This not a simple  task, but never the less do-able when the focus is on keeping the communication going to keep the doors open.  

3. CREATE A SHARED SPECIAL MOMENT

You can take me away
 any time you want!

Successful business leaders know that reviewing the workday to find the lessons learned is an excellent practice to follow. In a strong relationship with your romantic partner, you should also look back to see how your day went as a couple.
Was there a learning experience that you can apply right now? Did your partner smile or laugh with you today? Are you free of worries or is there something you need to get off your chest? What one thing would make your day together even better?
Creating one special moment each day with your love is not difficult. All it takes is knowing your partner well and finding the right moment to connect with them deeply. Think right now of one thing that your partner likes that you can give them.
For example, you might share a private joke while watching your favorite movie. The special moment could be when you sense your partner’s tension and give them a back-rub. Maybe your special moment is a cuddle in bed together. These small, but significantly intimate moments are what make a lasting couple blissfully connected.

My B.A.D. perspective: the most important part in maintaining  longevity is the fact that you and yours are willing to  review thing on a consistent bases, it allows for those moment where you can be serious and  playful at the specific times.   


4. REAFFIRM THEIR COMMITMENT

Just hold me and never let  go.

This may sound corny, but really, each day that you choose to stay with your partner, you are making a conscious commitment to them. Let’s face it, you do have free will and you could choose to find another partner. The fact that you don’t do that is a very important decision that you have barely even been aware of making.
The author knows a man who each day says to his wife, ‘Thank you for allowing me to continue to stay with you.’ Bring your awareness to the reasons for your decision to stay with your partner. Think about the importance of your relationship and how you have managed to be a lasting couple, no matter how long you have lasted so far.

My B.A.D. perspective: Re-affirmation is the most important component to longevity. commitment  affirmation basically states that you would  commit at that point to each other knowing more about each other, after experiencing the ebbs and flows of your relationship, you are still willing to re-commit to keep doing for each other.   This is  where you sign off on,  what is not often done enough... by couples who split..... because at least one of the two  thinks that the other is no longer feeling  the same way about the relationship as they did in the beginning. So re-affirm and make sure your are assured that longevity is in the cards for both of you.   

You need to be willing to come on and go with me.

 How else will you know if I'm really in-love with  you!  

Mindfulness plays a major influential role in romantic relationships.

She is willing to  hug the pole but not you!

Respect is so often thought of as the key ingredient to a great relationship, but it’s a concept that’s hard to define. When it comes to respect, most of us know when we’ve been disrespected.

What we expect when we ask others to give us respect is harder to define. Respect may mean different things for different people.

There’s the Golden Rule; Treat others the way you want to be treated. And then there’s the Platinum Rule.
Basically, the Platinum Rule is the ultimate definition of respect:

Treat others the way they want to be treated.

Let me be clear about what I'm expecting here!

In order for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated, you must be very clear about how you want to be treated or...... they have to be a mind reader. If you feel disrespected by your partner, be very clear in your communication with them.
When you feel disrespected say ‘I need you to ........’ and state the new behavior that you would prefer to see instead. For example, you might say ‘I need you to speak to me with less anger in your tone.’

Very little research has been done on respect because until recently, it had not yet been defined as something that could be measured.
Researchers attempting to study respect in relationships created a definition that included the following psychological traits:

* loving, * caring, * understanding, * honesty, * loyalty, * listening openly, * not abusive or judgmental, * considerate

In another study on respect, the same researchers found that respect was so highly correlated with relationship satisfaction that it seemed to resemble the same concept for research participants who were surveyed.

Let me tell you about your deficiencies!

1. YOUR PARTNER TELLS YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
No one is perfect and you certainly don’t need your partner to keep reminding you of that. It’s hard enough for you to accept your own faults without a reminder.

If you hear this from your partner, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you. Tell them that there’s nothing wrong with you, and although you may make a mistake from time to time, you would prefer to hear about all the positive things that your partner likes about you.

2. YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T LISTEN TO YOU

OMG there she goes again!

Listening is a basic sign of respect and both of you should have a chance to listen and speak your minds. When one partner interrupts, talks over, or shows disdain for the other person when they are speaking, communication begins to break down.

Responding to your partner when they speak is essential to a respectful relationship. In a study of mindfulness and relationship conflict, researchers found that being fully present in the moment could help couples to feel more respect for their partner after an argument.

A mindfulness study showed that ‘mindfulness may play an influential role in romantic relationship well- being. ‘It  is possible to maintain your cool during an argument with your partner. Try some deep breathing, tighten your abdominal muscles and focus on maintaining emotional control while you work through your problem.


3. YOUR PARTNER ALWAYS GETS TO HAVE THINGS THEIR WAY
A successful partnership has to be a two-way street. One of you shouldn’t be always getting things their way. Compromise, especially on things that are not your top priorities, is key to a respectful relationship.

When your partner tries to control the relationship and insists on having things their way, it is a sign that they do not respect your needs. Try asserting yourself, especially when it is important to you. If your partner still will not allow you to have things your way, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable to you.


4. YOUR PARTNER DISRESPECTS YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY

Nice to finally meet you,
you have a great Butt.

Your partner doesn’t have to love your friends or family like you do, but they do need to treat them respectfully. As a couple, you will be spending time together in the future and part of your lives together will include family time.

It is important to a healthy, respectful relationship for you and your partner to have a good relationship with each other’s friends and family. Even if you are only civil to each other, respect for your loved one’s loved ones is important.


5. YOUR PARTNER IS FREQUENTLY UNKIND

Sorry I didn't mean for you  to hear that
 I was was just thinking out loud!

Respect begins by not causing anyone harm. This includes not hurting feelings intentionally. Everyone is responsible for his or her own words and actions. Intentional name-calling, belittling, angry words, threatening language, or even a judgmental or accusing tone are all ways that your partner might show their disrespect.




Here are a few of  my views on the following points: 
* loving - is something that is simply different for everyone .... some of us expect unconditional love, because it is the ultimate love in our minds. While others expect constant confirmation that there is  still love in their relationship. Both are great to have..... especially if you are on the receiving end. But how are you showing you gratitude for what you are receiving.. are you being reciprocal in your actions.....  or are you taking it for granted, accepting and  not returning in kind? If your mindset is  all about giving and not just expecting and receiving then you might receive more of what you want because the flow between you and your lover will be a give and take, followed by a return and a return and return and return!     

* caring - this is an emotion that few people know how to measure... You care about your partner, but you constantly wonder if the other person cares as much as you do... once again  the feeling of weighing what the other person is showing you is a scaled balancing exercise.  Who cares more will tip the scale. If you are weighing every action before you act you might note that this scale will never be balanced it will always tip in favor of the one who really cares the most. 

* understanding- all to often we listen to respond and push our own  agendas,  never bothering to fully understand what the other person is saying or what their agenda really is. If you truly listen you might not be so quick to point out what you think. Thinking  is time consuming process, being quick to draw a conclusion may make it seem that you have given some thought to the  issue already......... or you just answered without thinking! 

* honesty - How often do you  hear... "this is how I honestly feel" and you wonder to yourself what really caused  the other  person to feel that way  truly and  honestly?! Sincere honesty is an action... Sincerity of purpose is one of the best positive qualities of an individual. Sincere dealings may be in our homes, in our workplace, in our day to day dealings with our peer groups, with formal and informal interactions, etc. If we are sincere in our actions then we need not care about the results of our actions. Sincere actions are self-rewarding and can be attested at all situations.
A sincere person, who is honest,  always thinks of  the welfare of others over his/her own. 

* loyalty - What or who are your really Loyal to? A person whose  ethical behaviors is cemented with sincerity as one of the main constituents will never aim for result of his actions.

* listening openly - There are some people who have selfish motives as a prime -movers in getting things done through other means than legitimate. Much of the corruption that pervades in the society today is due to self-centered approach that we adopt in our lives. We attach too much emphasis on ‘I, my, me’ and less of ‘ours’.

You're guilty

* considerate - this is defined as "careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others."  I don't think I need to say more!

* not abusive or judgmental - Hmmm my mind goes directly to a caption I once read " 

High-Conflict and Abusive Personality-Disordered Women: The Emotional Judging Mind Vs. the Discerning Mind" you can read it for yourself  by click on the link

Signs You’ve Found the Right Relationship

Couples that cook together eat together.
and spend quality time together 

Sometimes it’s easy to tell when a relationship just isn’t heading in the right direction.  Sometimes things are going great when a sudden patch of roughness turns things upside down, leaving the two of you reeling and confused.  It can be hard to tell if you should stick it out or decide to part ways.  But there are little things that let you know the two of you are doing things right.
From my BAD perspective: "When Hungry. if you wait for the fish to jump into your boat, you are going to starve to death. However, if you throw in your fishing line and imagine what a wonderful dinner you are going to have, the Universe will send many fish your way!".. the same mindset should applies to relationships when a sudden patch get's rough remember  what it was and imagine what it will  be like when the waters calm down. Your minds eye  is power thing use it wisely.

Let me just lean on you!

You have the support of others
Friends and family are the ones we turn to for acceptance of our choice in partner because we trust that they only want the best for us, and because they’re outside of the relationship so they can see things a little more clearly.  If your friends and family want to see you and your partner together, there’s something to be said about that.  Don’t get too caught up with what others think, but it is a good sign.

From my BAD perspective: The old song "Lean on me, when you're not strong... I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on"..... comes to mind here. When you have someone you can lean on when things get rough, you know you have someone you can count on. Good times are never a true test of how your support of  each other is strong, it's  when things get rough and the person in your life steps up and helps you solve issues that is when you know that it is real, and that is what commitment is all about.  

You guys fight fairly
It’s a good thing if the two of you can have conflicts that do not resort to personal attacks and/or insults.  If your arguments are focused mainly on resolving known issues while still considering each other’s feelings and desires, then it’s a good sign that the two of you are good for each other.

From my BAD perspective: Go figure.... how different it must be to fight without insulting words hurled at each-other, no implied  short comings remarks, avoidance of physical altercations.  When you think about it... you would not tolerate others doing harm  physically or verbally insulting your partner, so why would you do it when you get angry at someone you love. 

 So how long do I need to stand against the wall
all the way over here
before you speak to me about the problem? 

You’re growing together
Any great relationship is great because there is growth by both people involved.  When the two of you do not inhibit one another’s emotional, mental and spiritual growth, then it’s a good sign that you’re meant to be together.

From my BAD perspective: Now this is meant to be pure elementary dear Watson, but as we all know even if you plant two trees the same day in the same soil, water them evenly. the root system will not grow at the same pace and the nutrient elements  in the soil may not be equal so one tree will grow faster than the other.  Now let's think about men and women for a split second in this same light. The woman might most likely mature  way faster than her man. So Ladies be patient if you really Love me...give him time to spread his roots and grow.   

let the brain waves connect without speaking!

You view each other as life partners
When you can’t imagine a life without your significant other it’s very telling of how deeply you care about them.  If you struggle to imagine a world where the two of you aren’t together in some form or another, and know that your partner feels the same way, you’re in the right relationship.

From my BAD perspective: Okay! Even life time partners have term limits. You should  function and deal with each other as if you are  having  the rest of you lives to enjoy each-other...    

footsy time causes a special connection!

You’re not interested in another love
While there are all types of love in this world, each of them are different, you can’t imagine yourself loving anyone but your partner.  Physical attractions will come and go harmlessly as long as we acknowledge them for what they are, and then let them go.
When you’re positive that no other bond in the world can compare to the connection the two of you have, it’s a good sign you’ve found the right relationship.

"Giving yourself to others is the most important thing. When you give, you get something in return."

From my BAD perspective: 
The misconception  that there is more fish in the sea, so if it does work out between you and yours  you can go fishing... Be very careful none of the fish, you catch,  might not be what you would consider as a permanent partner. Casting your net can result in many throwback fish being caught... Your biggest problem is that you will be doing some comparing and nothing and no one  ever compares with the best you have ever had. if you haven't had   the best then do what ~Michael Milken states.  

                                                                 Let's make a house a home!

A few Ways You might be Sabotaging Your Love Life and How to Fix It ASAP

This just feels so real, and right... we  are cooking here!
Come bring me your softness, your sweetness, 
comfort me with all you tenderness...
 woman with you I'm reborn.

Falling in love is one of the life’s greatest mysteries and deepest joys, but it can also be a breeding ground for self-doubt, negativity, and jealousy. Whether you’re in a relationship or coming up empty in your search for your soulmate, there are plenty of ways that you may be ruining a good thing without even realizing it. Here are some ways that you could be sabotaging your love life and simple steps that you can take to fix things and get back on track.



You Put Yourself First in the Relationship

This feels really good! 
Come give me your sweetness
Now that there's you with me,
 there is no weakness
Lying safely within your arms, 
I'm feeling born again

There is no rank system in love. Far too many women enter the dating arena with a privileged mentality, and the skewed representation of feminism on social media has led even more women to think that they deserve to be number one from the start,  and one and only all the time. While you should never settle for anything less than being treated like you’re worth a million bucks, you should never demand it either. When someone loves you, they will want to put you at the top of their priorities. The only catch is that you have to be willing to do the same with them.

Plenty of relationships end with broken hearts and bitter words tossed around behind one another’s backs. Many times you’ll find men complaining that his ex was selfish, overbearing and bossy, constantly placing her needs over his and demanding that she be treated like she’s a Queen. Unless your face is on the United Kingdom’s currency, you aren’t royalty and shouldn’t expect to be treated as such. A relationship is about being loved equally in your own unique ways.

food prep, this  is like foreplay!
 Come bring me your skills 
let's go  through all this madness together,
 and we can  play later!

If you feel like you constantly need to be placed on a pedestal and admired, it’s time to do some introspection and figure out where the desire is coming from. You may have been hurt and severely undervalued in past relationships or been deprived of support and attention from family growing up. Start to recognize your strong qualities and make it an effort to identify them with your partner. Knowing reasons why you want to be appreciated and loved, as well as why you love someone else, will level the playing field and leave you both happier.

I was half, not whole in step with none
Reaching through this world
in need of just one
 to make me whole again!

Having identified all of  these above things as sabotaging factors.... I believe you need to put yourselves  in a perfectly calming environment to fix what is fixable. If your relationship is valued by you and yours, it behooves you both  to do all that you can to make it right. Words like these;  "Come share with  me your kindness. In your  arms you know I'll find this so much so that I will and  you'll also feel reborn 

Lying safe with you..... I'm rejuvenated 

Lying side by side  you know I'm relaxed and  feel happy like a person born again!

This is the song that should rejuvenate your relationship 

Sexually speaking. How honest are you ?

I read the following and decide to share it because it made me think...  maybe it might make a few people think also.

In a relationship, it’s OK (and expected) for two partners to have different desires. It’s how you talk about them — well, how honestly you talk about them, really — that’s truly important.

Like any new language one learns, learning the basic verbs is step number one.
There are the seven essential verbs you need to know to begin speaking the language of sexuality:
-to ask, -to take, -to give, -to receive, -to share, -to imagine and -to refuse.

Do you speak my language?

Do you feel comfortable asking for what you want? Can you allow your partner to give it to you, and accept a more receptive stance? How easy is it for you to share your fantasies with sexual partners?

Men frequently state that  they find receiving the most challenging — as it elicits vulnerability and passivity, and counters stereotypical male socialization. Some only like receiving if they’re paying for it: they’re essentially paying for the right to be selfish. And some guys are reluctant to take, because they don’t want to feel predatory. That said, the less they care about their partner, the easier it may be for them to take.

Choose one verb, and think about how this action plays a role in your own sexual encounters. If you never give, ask your partner if there is something they would like.

Talk about your desires before and after sex, not only when you’re in the heat of the action.

Room service can turn into something different
 with added value

Communicating about your wants, fears and anxieties, and understanding those of your partner are crucial to erotic intimacy. These conversations are much better when you’re not experiencing the pressure, the expectations and the performance anxiety that can reign supreme during sex. You may think this is a tough conversation to bring up over brunch … but it’s even more difficult, (and less effective) while you’re in the act. Ironically, sex is better discussed outside the bedroom.


In the bedroom, it’s OK to use nonverbal communication.
I value talking, but we also speak with our bodies and with our actions. If sharing verbally is extremely difficult for you, try starting by showing your partner, non-verbally, what you like. Gently take his or her hand, guide it around you and put it where you like it. Alternatively, try writing to your partner. Great success has occurred when someone expresses themselves via the written word.

When you do talk about your turn-on(s), know that you’re not being “strange.”
Men are often afraid of being hurt if they express their desires — they have an anxiety of not being accepted or inducing disgust. But you should talk with your partner about what you want to do, even if you never do any of what you talk about. Knowing that your partner knows this about you and accepts you is an intimate revelation on its own. And there’s a difference between telling someone what you want to do and asking them to do it.

Do you really want to talk about sex here? 

When you start a sexual dialogue, ask questions.
To begin a conversation, say, “I realized I’ve never talked about our sexual experience together.” State that honesty is important to you, and your partner’s pleasure truly matters. Ask questions: How was it? Do you like some things more than others? Are there things you want to try? What kind of touch do you enjoy? These are easier types of conversations to have. It gives you a sexual blueprint of what your partner prefers.

There are ways to say “no.”

Sorry I have  to say "NO", because  I just can't on our first date!

If you say “no” because an experience is unknown or you’re not a risk taker, you may need to stretch your boundaries a bit. Try it once. You might like it. If you say you won’t do something, but won’t give a reason, it can devolve into power dynamics. The beauty of talking about doing something new is processing it, and the anticipation. It’s often just as rich an experience as actually doing it.

I can't believe you rejected me in the past!
And now you can't wait to have me.

And even if what you end up doing is not to your liking, it can end up being funny — that in itself is a dialogue that is sexy.

It’s about rejection. On both sides.
Men usually have to initiate sex. Rejection is a major part of their lives. And women think men always want sex, and may take it personally when they’re turned down. Sexual rejection is more painful than other kinds of rejection: there’s an emotional nakedness there. It makes us feel unloved or undesirable, and it can make men feel like a dirty little boy or a voracious creep.

So continue the dialogue. Why did your partner say no? Is it categorical? Is it “No today, but maybe/yes tomorrow?” Is your request evoking some sort of negative reaction, like fear, disgust, or trepidation? Stay curious. Stay open to listening. Stay in the conversation — this isn’t about setting a goal, but understanding why your partner had that reaction.

From my point of view these verbs can cause internal conflicts: 
-to ask,  while we often assume that asking for what we want encounters a door that's slightly ajar and it will possibly close (with a slam) just because we asked.... thinking about asking often  leads to fear of  instant rejection and even a possibility of permanent rejection. After all most members of the opposite sex are taught to say "No" so we expect "No" to be the first answer. This is a confidence killer, for most men ....  

 -to take, OK take me I'm yours ( old school song) comes to mind here. As inviting as that sounds most of us will hesitate to say it, or even accept it  if our lover says it .... we are wired to expect the opposite  so words like "take me I'm yours...." just causes  us  to pause ......

-to give, Giving is always the one thing that men are expected to do, but if it's the woman who is giving ... men have an instant  case of ego issues.  Giving you "All of me"   means I'm willing to receive of all of you too......

-to receive, So you are on the receiving end of the giving  part of the relationship. you have to think about returning the favors. Often folks like how it feels when they are on the receiving end but hesitate when they are expected to return the favor for example performing  filatio in return for the opposite member giving cunnalingus, or vise versa 

-to share, Now we are talking even Steven, this is where the action becomes intense and the sharing is extremely beneficial and equally beneficial to both parties....where I'll write a song for you of love, you write a song for me.

-to imagine, Here again an old school song flashed into my head, Imagination  leads to conceiving loves ecstasy. Imagining you, imagining me the beauty we both can now play out in reality. 

-to refuse. Now this is  the downer where the power  of the refusal game  leads to disappointments for at least one of you...... I want to get next to you leads to not word said, and maybe not even having you look my way...

Who Needs Lust if you have Love?

We often think we should separate love and lust, but isn't  a little lust necessary to keep a loving relationship going?

Our Love is so passionate!

Put  a few ladies together in a group text and the possibilities are endless. Women will dissect any topic if given the chance, and will at some point discuss life, career love and anything in between. That's why it wasn't shocking when a friend recently asked me , "How much does passion and attraction matter in a relationship?" Even with a mix of dating statuses, the answers all seemed to point one way: Love needs lust, and lust needs love to last.
It's important to have both. in my view.  For some reason, many women think they have to choose between the loving guy that is faithful, trustworthy and caring and the guy that gets them all hot and bothered but that's all he does. That's just not the case. Of course many women have probably been in that space before where passion made them  do some crazy things and quickly realized that it can't be the end all be all in love. So then they go the other way looking for someone "safe" and realize that's not what they  want either.
Sure, as you mature, I think you learn quickly that just being attracted to someone will not sustain you. As you begin to get more serious and even begin a life together, you will need..... way more than a heightened libido to get through life's challenges. Many of women  want someone they  can also talk to about their dreams and passions in life, someone who will be a leader, a great parent, and the list goes on. At the point where your frontal lobe fully develops, I think is when the real life stuff starts to matter just a bit more.

Let's spice things up a little, with a little roll playing

But that also does not mean you should throw passion out  the window. It's really important too! Who really wants to be with someone they are no longer  physically attracted to or longing to be around? At the core of your instincts, sex and sexuality is a huge part of our mating process. To sustain healthy connections as you move into long-term relationships and marriages, it's essential to keep passion in the mix. As the years go on, passion can certainly wax and wane, but it's an important ingredient along with just loving another person to sustain. There will be times in your relationship where you will want to pull on both your physical attraction to one another and your deeper mental and emotional attraction.

I couldn't wait to get you alone!

I also like to think that sometimes physical attraction can develop from mental and emotional attraction also. Sure, you may not think of a prospective mate in the physical sense at first but you connect with them in  another way and then become attracted to them physically. Then there are some people you are attracted to right away and actually learn that they have more to offer as well.
The reality is, passion and attraction matters a whole lot, but it's just not the only thing you should focus on when choosing your mates.  as a man, with experience,  I can guarantee you that just chasing the passion will lead you running around in circles, making phone calls and texts at 2:00 am that you never meant to, situation-ships and much more. But when you consider both. When you think, "Am I attracted to this person, but also interested in this person?" You are raising the stakes of finding something long lasting instead of a fleeting tryst.

I'm coming along for more than just the memorable ride!

On the other hand, if you are only focused on the things that make someone an ideal "life partner," you could end up in a dull, unexciting relationship. A relationship without passion is a friendship with out lust or passion. Just like everything in life, it's  balance that is the key to knowing what's most important to you. So what are your thoughts? How much does red hot passion matter in your relationships?

Smart Rules of Engagement.

Ask a woman, today, what do you want in your ultimate relationship. And the  list rolls out. I want love. passion, honesty and companionship.. Sex that drives me crazy and conversation that keeps me inspired and sane.
I would say that is a do-able list, providing that the man she wants is capable of doing all  these things willingly with  little or no effort.

Fellahs we need to do the simple things...... the following are 5 Ways To Make Love To Your lady  Without Having Sex....  Ladies, find out who is willing..to do these things  without having  sexual intercourse...... Making love is the ultimate form of expression in a relationship, many  folks engage in sex  prematurely . There are ways to make love without having sexual intercourse while sharing emotional intimacy. Stimulating the mind can be just as much of an aphrodisiac as the act of sex itself. In relationships we require connections on many levels.

1. Build a Strong Friendship

You have become my best friend 
in such a short time.

Good relationships don't just happen over night. They require mutual love, trust and respect. Creating a strong foundation as friends, who share everything. This will enhance your sexual pleasures at a later time in your union. The act of allowing and acceptance is a beautiful bond in human sexuality. Feeling safe is foreplay. When you know your partner has your back and  your best intentions at heart  makes you feel happy.   
This leads to the release of the love hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin creates a sense of happiness and will-being. This hormone is associated with empathy and trust . therefore releasing even more feeling of love and security in a relationship. Friends don't require sex. they require acknowledgment, understanding and mutual admiration. You cultivate love through   the depth of a strong friendship. 

2 Connect through Food

Let me feed you!

there is something arousing when someone you love cooks for you. To have a meal prepared with love is a true turn on. Women love men who cook. And it is said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Even if you cannot cook, just picking out a meal at a restaurant and enjoying the moment together is enough to feel good. Food connects us through cultures, heritage, and social events. We  need it for health and fueling our bodies. 
Try taking a cooking class together. Make dessert for one another. Turn off all phones, get a glass of wine and enjoy the culinary arts. The simple act of feeding is stimulating and arousing. Food is symbolic to love when words are inadequate. 

3. Find hobbies and activities to do together

It's time for the game! 

Share  a bucket list of things  you want to do with each other. Finding ways to interact outside of the bedroom is romantic. You can hike in the rain. chase a sunset , or take an art or dance class in town together. Make  time to do the things that you like to do alone and share them with your partner. Teach each other new things. Read to one another. Have playtime  and a picnic in the park. Go to a baseball game. Go roller skating and return to places that you enjoyed in your youth. Or just enjoy the cool sound of the surf together. Longing and sipping your favorite beverages. These parts of yourself enhances your emotional connection. Exercising together can be sexy. You are interacting in a physical level that also mimics the actions of having sex. Your union will be stronger because you are sharing what you love.
  
4. Be vulnerable and open up about your dreams and fears.  

 The eyes are the windows to the soul.
 I can read it all in your eyes!

Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and joy -- the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light. Being able to mentally bond is a huge release to our emotional and physical bodies. Ask questions about the past and present.  Get to know each other by breaking down the barriers of embarrassment and shame. Be courageous with one another about those things that scare you. to fully give of yourself to another requires the expansion of vulnerability, It forces you to put down your walls and give all of yourself.  

5. Be affectionate. 

I so love this feelings 
you have awaken in me!

There are ways to be physical without having intercourse. A back massage cuddling, kissing, snuggling and hugging are forms of physical connections that are needed in relationships. there are also ways of mentally stimulating your partners with a love letter, a handmade note, or just a post-it note on a mirror. sending a sweet playful text during the day create a feeling of sentimental devotion. There are ways to be physical without having intercourse. A back massage, a nice foot rub, or even the stroking of your partner's arm while watching TV or walking, is enough to send those hormones into the love canal. We feel loved when we are touched. We feel loved wanted when we receive kind words of encouragement from a partner. Affection is a point of contact that enhances emotional, spiritual and physical relief.  there is a difference between sex and making love. We have sex to satisfy the physical needs while making love satisfies the soul and emotional desires, Making love without sex removes the carnal need to survive because sex satisfies a lustful hunger of emptiness in us. Taking care of your partner requires a deeper connection. We nurture and grow through these unions while allowing love to be the vehicle that takes us there.  .  

What is the '80-20 Rule' in a Relationship?

The 80-20 rule is a rule of thumb that states that 80% of outcomes can be attributed to 20% of the causes for a given event. But is that even  possible in relationships? Really? Maybe in business, the 80-20 rule is used to help managers identify problems and determine which operating factors are most important and should receive the most attention based on an efficient use of resources. Resources should be allocated to addressing the input factors have the most effect on a company's final results.
Nobody’s perfect, right? Well there’s some truth to that and there is also a big, bold lie wrapped up in there as well. Sometime we fool ourselves into believing age-old myths about relationships that was handed down to us by our parents, friends, pastors, etc. But in reality, 100% can exist for you. I’m no a relationship expert, just a brother who’s been in more than a few relationships and have taken the time to learn from them all.
So, with that said, here’s three ways you may be settling in your current relationship.

Hmm... You bring me flowers 20% of the time
 and expect them to count as 80% of the time ?

1. You believe that ALL men/women do “x” – Whatever that “x” may be: cheat, lie, cover up, have stinky feet, whatever…if you believe that they all do, then you may be settling for less than what you deserve. Here’s a news flash for you: not all men or women are the same! Just because your ex did it, doesn’t mean that you new love he/she will. It sounds simple enough but one of the top three complaints that dating men and women in serious relationships (2 years or more) state that they dislike being compared to previous lovers/mates.
And, just a side note: be careful who you bring into your relationship (friends/ family members with agendas) . You can look at your partner all you want, but if you keep bringing up something that your ex did, you are bringing him or her into your current relationship. Don’t speak your ex back  into existence. They are an ex for a reason, leave them in the past.

It's Friday night and I'm painting my toenails

2. You’re not happy alone (not even in bed ) – this can be a recipe for disaster. If you and your partner can’t enjoy a stimulating conversation with just the two of you, then you may be settling. If the only satisfaction you can find is when you have sex, then yes, you are probably settling. Sex can sometimes, (let me take that back)…Sexy can cloud our judgement MOST of the time, and allow us to make concessions for our mate.
So before you get even more “into” him or her, see what similarities you have. Can you just sit in a quiet room together and be content? Can you watch the same shows and enjoy them? Does he/she add to you mentally? If you don’t know the answers to these, find out.

Let read up on him, I might gain some insight!

3. There’s something missing – you don’t know what it is, but him/her looks great on paper, they fit well with your friends, they get a long with your parents, but there’s just something that’s not taking you over the edge. I mean, you like him/her, but you don’t know if your LIKE them like that, know what I mean? Sometimes it’s that gut feeling that tells you move away from something safe into something even better. Don’t confuse this feeling with lust for another person. In fact this has nothing to do with anyone outside of your relationship. It’s solely based on you and your mate. If you feel something just ins’t there, don’t rush it and don’t force it. Sometimes the person is great, but just not that great for you.

And last but not least…Maybe you are looking for someone who agrees with the following. 

Let's spit the 80% of the duties