Mindfulness plays a major influential role in romantic relationships.

She is willing to  hug the pole but not you!

Respect is so often thought of as the key ingredient to a great relationship, but it’s a concept that’s hard to define. When it comes to respect, most of us know when we’ve been disrespected.

What we expect when we ask others to give us respect is harder to define. Respect may mean different things for different people.

There’s the Golden Rule; Treat others the way you want to be treated. And then there’s the Platinum Rule.
Basically, the Platinum Rule is the ultimate definition of respect:

Treat others the way they want to be treated.

Let me be clear about what I'm expecting here!

In order for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated, you must be very clear about how you want to be treated or...... they have to be a mind reader. If you feel disrespected by your partner, be very clear in your communication with them.
When you feel disrespected say ‘I need you to ........’ and state the new behavior that you would prefer to see instead. For example, you might say ‘I need you to speak to me with less anger in your tone.’

Very little research has been done on respect because until recently, it had not yet been defined as something that could be measured.
Researchers attempting to study respect in relationships created a definition that included the following psychological traits:

* loving, * caring, * understanding, * honesty, * loyalty, * listening openly, * not abusive or judgmental, * considerate

In another study on respect, the same researchers found that respect was so highly correlated with relationship satisfaction that it seemed to resemble the same concept for research participants who were surveyed.

Let me tell you about your deficiencies!

1. YOUR PARTNER TELLS YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
No one is perfect and you certainly don’t need your partner to keep reminding you of that. It’s hard enough for you to accept your own faults without a reminder.

If you hear this from your partner, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you. Tell them that there’s nothing wrong with you, and although you may make a mistake from time to time, you would prefer to hear about all the positive things that your partner likes about you.

2. YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T LISTEN TO YOU

OMG there she goes again!

Listening is a basic sign of respect and both of you should have a chance to listen and speak your minds. When one partner interrupts, talks over, or shows disdain for the other person when they are speaking, communication begins to break down.

Responding to your partner when they speak is essential to a respectful relationship. In a study of mindfulness and relationship conflict, researchers found that being fully present in the moment could help couples to feel more respect for their partner after an argument.

A mindfulness study showed that ‘mindfulness may play an influential role in romantic relationship well- being. ‘It  is possible to maintain your cool during an argument with your partner. Try some deep breathing, tighten your abdominal muscles and focus on maintaining emotional control while you work through your problem.


3. YOUR PARTNER ALWAYS GETS TO HAVE THINGS THEIR WAY
A successful partnership has to be a two-way street. One of you shouldn’t be always getting things their way. Compromise, especially on things that are not your top priorities, is key to a respectful relationship.

When your partner tries to control the relationship and insists on having things their way, it is a sign that they do not respect your needs. Try asserting yourself, especially when it is important to you. If your partner still will not allow you to have things your way, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable to you.


4. YOUR PARTNER DISRESPECTS YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY

Nice to finally meet you,
you have a great Butt.

Your partner doesn’t have to love your friends or family like you do, but they do need to treat them respectfully. As a couple, you will be spending time together in the future and part of your lives together will include family time.

It is important to a healthy, respectful relationship for you and your partner to have a good relationship with each other’s friends and family. Even if you are only civil to each other, respect for your loved one’s loved ones is important.


5. YOUR PARTNER IS FREQUENTLY UNKIND

Sorry I didn't mean for you  to hear that
 I was was just thinking out loud!

Respect begins by not causing anyone harm. This includes not hurting feelings intentionally. Everyone is responsible for his or her own words and actions. Intentional name-calling, belittling, angry words, threatening language, or even a judgmental or accusing tone are all ways that your partner might show their disrespect.




Here are a few of  my views on the following points: 
* loving - is something that is simply different for everyone .... some of us expect unconditional love, because it is the ultimate love in our minds. While others expect constant confirmation that there is  still love in their relationship. Both are great to have..... especially if you are on the receiving end. But how are you showing you gratitude for what you are receiving.. are you being reciprocal in your actions.....  or are you taking it for granted, accepting and  not returning in kind? If your mindset is  all about giving and not just expecting and receiving then you might receive more of what you want because the flow between you and your lover will be a give and take, followed by a return and a return and return and return!     

* caring - this is an emotion that few people know how to measure... You care about your partner, but you constantly wonder if the other person cares as much as you do... once again  the feeling of weighing what the other person is showing you is a scaled balancing exercise.  Who cares more will tip the scale. If you are weighing every action before you act you might note that this scale will never be balanced it will always tip in favor of the one who really cares the most. 

* understanding- all to often we listen to respond and push our own  agendas,  never bothering to fully understand what the other person is saying or what their agenda really is. If you truly listen you might not be so quick to point out what you think. Thinking  is time consuming process, being quick to draw a conclusion may make it seem that you have given some thought to the  issue already......... or you just answered without thinking! 

* honesty - How often do you  hear... "this is how I honestly feel" and you wonder to yourself what really caused  the other  person to feel that way  truly and  honestly?! Sincere honesty is an action... Sincerity of purpose is one of the best positive qualities of an individual. Sincere dealings may be in our homes, in our workplace, in our day to day dealings with our peer groups, with formal and informal interactions, etc. If we are sincere in our actions then we need not care about the results of our actions. Sincere actions are self-rewarding and can be attested at all situations.
A sincere person, who is honest,  always thinks of  the welfare of others over his/her own. 

* loyalty - What or who are your really Loyal to? A person whose  ethical behaviors is cemented with sincerity as one of the main constituents will never aim for result of his actions.

* listening openly - There are some people who have selfish motives as a prime -movers in getting things done through other means than legitimate. Much of the corruption that pervades in the society today is due to self-centered approach that we adopt in our lives. We attach too much emphasis on ‘I, my, me’ and less of ‘ours’.

You're guilty

* considerate - this is defined as "careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others."  I don't think I need to say more!

* not abusive or judgmental - Hmmm my mind goes directly to a caption I once read " 

High-Conflict and Abusive Personality-Disordered Women: The Emotional Judging Mind Vs. the Discerning Mind" you can read it for yourself  by click on the link