What does entanglement mean in a relationship?

 An entanglement is a complicated or difficult relationship or situation. the term entanglement has no real difference from the term affair. In my mind, an 'entanglement' is the same as an affair as it takes one partner away from the other emotionally, 

let us have a zoom discussion about my entanglement.

If you realize that you are in an entanglement, you may decide that it is time to move on or take a “time out” to evolve yourself. I will say that it is possible to stay connected with someone and transform an entanglement into a healthy relationship - with some dedication.

How to Know If You Are in An Entanglement - and Not A Relationship!

I often get asked about how one can know if a romantic relationship has the makings of one that will blossom and last over the long haul.

There are definite signs of a healthy solid primary relationship, as well as signs of an unhealthy entanglement. I will briefly outline these signs below - but also encourage you to check out more that is out there on this topic.

One resource I would like to credit for helping me to grasp the differences better is the work of Dr. Margaret Paul. And, she offers powerful guidance to individuals on how to become whole enough to be able to have a healthy relationship. (I highly recommend her book, "Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved By You?"

Just a note: the signs of entanglement are many and varied, so the list for its characteristics below is not to be taken as complete. However, if one or more of these factors listed are present, it is time to take re-evaluate this romance!

So here are some definite markers of an entanglement and a healthy relationship:

1) One or both individuals are emotionally immature. This often is accompanied by some destructive behaviors in one’s individual life.

2) The romance repeats dysfunctional patterns such as:

(a) communication breakdowns

(b) over-emphasis on sex (over time)

(c) angry outbursts followed by distancing

(d) emotionally shutting down

(e) one or both tend to feel victimized by the other

(f) withholding the truth

(g) an obsessive need to stay connected motivated by a fear of abandonment

(h) one of both are not able to set boundaries

3) Withholding parts of you for fear of driving the other person away

4) Predominant sense of unsafety

5) A lot of conflict and power struggles

6) Feeling not seen or understood a lot7) More negative feelings than positive about the relationship

an entanglement with a younger man
brings out all of my insecurities

A relationship with an older woman can be so draining

A HEALTHY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPIf you realize that you are in an entanglement, you may decide that it is time to move on or take a “time out” to evolve yourself. I will say that it is possible to stay connected with someone and transform an entanglement into a healthy relationship - with some dedication. I know this, because I did this in my long-term relationship with my late spouse years ago. We needed to develop our own selves more as well as the relationship - and eventually, the entanglement turned into a thriving loving partnership with two whole thriving adults! But it was short lived, and ended in a divorce!

1) Both are emotionally healthy - and lead emotionally stable lives

2) Each are free to be themselves

3) Both feel safe and relaxed around each other

4) The relationship has:

(a) a predominance of love and affection

(b) humor and ability to have fun together

(c) mutual desire to be together motivated by adoration and respect (and not for someone to “complete” us)

(d) healthy sexual expression based upon love

(e) mutual comfort with space apart

(f) good communication - and a sense of freedom to share what is on either’s mind or heart

(g) honesty and openness

(h) a predominance of understanding one another

5) Both live from a place of radical self responsibility

6) Each is able to set boundaries in a way that deepens the connection

7) Differences or conflict are handled in a way that respects each other fully

8) More positive feelings than negative about the relationship

final thoughts

The reason that fish can't get out of the trap is because fish can't swim backwards. They can drift backwards with the current or they can turn away and go the other way but the way their fins are structured they are not designed to swim backwards. I'm just thinking like a true Pisces 
the fish sign.

We keep it real and therefore stay together

Believe it or not there are traits men love about women more than their good looks

 Everyone appreciates someone with good looks. Appearance isn’t everything, however. There are things that men find particularly appealing in women that go way beyond their looks. Of course, a lot of men are drawn in first by what they see on the outside. On the other hand, some men become attracted to women by things other than their looks.

In fact, some men find these particular traits more appealing than their appearance altogether. Ladies, if you’re wondering what it is that draws men to you – or, even, if you’re wondering what you can do to attract more positive men into your life – consider enhancing or working on these traits within yourself. They’re all positive (+++++) – so you’ll feel better about yourself, and your relationships all around will benefit!

+1. GOOD PERSONALITY

To me this seems like a no-brainer, because everyone likes someone with a good personality. However, a charming personality with a sense of humor can supersede men’s interest in outward appearances altogether. Being able to connect with someone is a basic human need and having a personality that meshes with your own is a great way to form a real and lasting connecting.

A sense of humor goes hand-in-hand with a good personality. Being able to laugh at yourself (with or at him) – in a good-natured manner will make the both of you feel good and more comfortable around one another. If you’re laid back, like to joke, and love to laugh, many men will be absolutely charmed, and you’ll find yourself starting to form a very good connection.

Wow a good morning, E-mail from him.

+2. GOOD LISTENER

Listening requires more than just hearing what a person is saying and waiting for your turn to enter the conversation. An active listener takes in what their partner is saying and processes it and offers feedback and conversation on the words that were said to them. Some of us men have trouble with this, but all men appreciate a woman who is a good listener.

When you demonstrate active listening skills, your partner will be more likely to reciprocate, because they feel like they’re being heard. Being a good listener will benefit you not just in your love life, but in all areas of your relationships, both familial and platonic.

+3. COMPROMISING

Men appreciate women who are willing to compromise and negotiate on an issue. Staying rigid in something is a good way to cause stress and tension in any type of relationship, but especially a romantic one. Compromising doesn’t mean giving up your stance altogether, however. It also doesn’t mean conceding to everything your man wants!

Compromising is working together to find a solution that benefits both parties – and compromising works both ways! Compromising benefits a relationship in the long run, and gives you the skills to communicate and work through your problems

let's make a toast to SPONTANEITY

+4. SPONTANEITY

If you’re the type of woman who needs to make lists and schedules and have everything planned out to the second, you might want to consider loosening up just a tiny bit. Being able to roll with the punches and take mishaps in stride is a trait many men adore in a woman. Being spontaneous is also about random acts of love, kindness, appreciation. It’s also about being able to enjoy when your man plans a surprise vacation or shows up with flowers at your office. Being spontaneous is one of the ways to keep all the spark alive in a relationship.

+5. ACCOMPLISHED

Women who own what they do and wear their accomplishments with pride are the kind of women... men find attractive regardless of outward looks. This doesn’t mean you have to have a prestigious job or an impressive CV – it just means that you know what you want and aren’t afraid to go out and get it. Being happy with who you are and feeling fulfilled in your life is enough to pique a man’s interest.

There’s nothing more appealing than a woman who knows who she is and what she wants out of life, regardless of what that may be. Knowing that you’re capable of achieving your dreams will make you feel good as well! Being confident in who you are will boost how you feel and be a positive force in all your relationships. Men may be notorious in media and pop culture for only caring about looks – but that couldn’t be further from the truth (mature men, want what no one else sees). There are plenty of things about women we  mature men adore, and these are all traits that can be found in anyone, regardless of gender! Recognize the things in yourself that make you attractive beyond your appearance. Once you’re able to harness them, you’ll be irresistible to the men in your life, and you’ll attract more positive influences to surround yourself with.

I'm trying not show him that I'm into him...
. but it is hard

Final thoughts

Just a few thought that came to mind while writing this blog....We guys who pay more attention to a woman’s smile, eyes, hair, lips, breasts, hips, or legs, initially. While this might sound like objectification, some neuroscientists believe men’s biological wiring equate a woman’s desirability to their physical traits first, before anything else.

Men love the way women make such cozy little spoons. A woman's body just fits so perfectly into ours at night. Spooning is so underrated. . Men find it attractive when women aren't afraid to cry or be some what emotional.