It's rare to see anyone arriving baggage-free. In fact, nearly seven out of 10 people think their new partner brings issues into a relationship. Fellahs, take these few tips to handle her baggage with care—and keep it from crushing you desire to be with her long term.
Her Ex Is a Borderline Stalker. If she looks this good, could you blame him for stalking her
THREAT LEVEL: 5 (out of 10)
Ask Yourself
Is this chump really such a big deal? Exes usually lurk on social media because they can't do it in person. So don't go postal over a post. "It may have to do with simply fostering a friendship—which is often all that's left.
Consider This
If she has truly moved on, she'll be allergic to nostalgia. Look for signs she's dwelling on the past—texting him, meeting him for coffee, accepting his calls.
If she has truly moved on, she'll be allergic to nostalgia. Look for signs she's dwelling on the past—texting him, meeting him for coffee, accepting his calls.
Handle It
Just bite your tongue—for now. You may feel tempted to call her out or confront the guy, but opt for a quieter power move: Fill her calendar with adventures. Relationships thrive on novelty, and planning activities provides you with a strategic advantage. The more things you give her to look forward to, the less likely she'll be to romanticize the past.
Just bite your tongue—for now. You may feel tempted to call her out or confront the guy, but opt for a quieter power move: Fill her calendar with adventures. Relationships thrive on novelty, and planning activities provides you with a strategic advantage. The more things you give her to look forward to, the less likely she'll be to romanticize the past.
Dumb Move
Going all Alec Baldwin on her. There's a fine line between direct and accusatory. Cross it, and you'll only appear insecure and threatened. That's how exes win her back.
Going all Alec Baldwin on her. There's a fine line between direct and accusatory. Cross it, and you'll only appear insecure and threatened. That's how exes win her back.
THREAT LEVEL: 5 (out of 10)
Ask Yourself How serious is it? Sadly, this is common: Up to 90 percent of women are dissatisfied with their appearances. Long term, that could threaten everything from your sex life to your emotional health.
Consider This
Are her girlfriends also this hard on themselves? the way a woman thinks about her body is strongly influenced by her friends' feelings about their bodies.
Are her girlfriends also this hard on themselves? the way a woman thinks about her body is strongly influenced by her friends' feelings about their bodies.
Handle It
Go ahead: Lay it on thick. Tell her how much you love the dimple on her a$$ and the freckle on her back. Avoid staring at potential danger zones, like her stomach. Your thoughtful praise can help her beat back her insecurity and shout down that relentless inner critic.
Go ahead: Lay it on thick. Tell her how much you love the dimple on her a$$ and the freckle on her back. Avoid staring at potential danger zones, like her stomach. Your thoughtful praise can help her beat back her insecurity and shout down that relentless inner critic.
dumb Move
Comparing her to other people—even if it's meant to be positive. ("You've always been skinnier than Charles Barkley.) It just shows you're actively monitoring her, which can stoke those insecurities.
Comparing her to other people—even if it's meant to be positive. ("You've always been skinnier than Charles Barkley.) It just shows you're actively monitoring her, which can stoke those insecurities.
Your (Idiot) Buddy Dated Her First. Ok now you can't get this image of her and your buddy out of your head.
THREAT LEVEL: 4- 9(out of 10)
Ask Yourself
What's the real reason you're twisted up? Usually, it's jealousy—or worse, you're judging her. Don't expect her to be as virtuous as your mom. Dwelling on exes will only make you angry and insecure—and that kills relationships.
What's the real reason you're twisted up? Usually, it's jealousy—or worse, you're judging her. Don't expect her to be as virtuous as your mom. Dwelling on exes will only make you angry and insecure—and that kills relationships.
Consider This
Believe it or not, this could actually bode well for you: Nineteen percent of married couples met through friends, according to a 2013 study in Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences.
Believe it or not, this could actually bode well for you: Nineteen percent of married couples met through friends, according to a 2013 study in Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences.
Handle It
Give your pal a courtesy heads-up. Then be clear about what you want from her. She might think you're just after another hookup. So if you're serious about dating her, say so up front and then follow through. The rest of your issues—those nagging feelings of jealousy—are all ego, everyone has a past including you! so " let it be.... Let it be."
Give your pal a courtesy heads-up. Then be clear about what you want from her. She might think you're just after another hookup. So if you're serious about dating her, say so up front and then follow through. The rest of your issues—those nagging feelings of jealousy—are all ego, everyone has a past including you! so " let it be.... Let it be."
Dumb Move
Using it as ammo in the heat of a fight. Making her feel guilty about a sexual choice is called slut-shaming, and it guarantees you'll have lonely nights.
Using it as ammo in the heat of a fight. Making her feel guilty about a sexual choice is called slut-shaming, and it guarantees you'll have lonely nights.
THREAT LEVEL: 7 (out of 10)
Ask Yourself
How often does Mrs. Hyde emerge and then become Mrs. Jekyll again? Frequent heavy drinking could reflect deeper issues, ones that may require professional help. Otherwise it's mostly a question of self-awareness and her willingness to adjust her ways.
How often does Mrs. Hyde emerge and then become Mrs. Jekyll again? Frequent heavy drinking could reflect deeper issues, ones that may require professional help. Otherwise it's mostly a question of self-awareness and her willingness to adjust her ways.
Consider This
A bad drunk is more unpredictable than Joe Biden in front of a hot mike. And if relationships are fundamentally built on trust, then you're building yours on an insecure foundation.
A bad drunk is more unpredictable than Joe Biden in front of a hot mike. And if relationships are fundamentally built on trust, then you're building yours on an insecure foundation.
Handle It
Time for some tough love. Schedule a sit-down—a sober one—and ask her to reset her limits. Gently give examples of how she crossed the line. You said my haircut looked like a muskrat. Then set a new threshold—Let's stick to one glass tonight. If she can't resist the bottle, put a cork in the bottle and maybe your relationship.
Time for some tough love. Schedule a sit-down—a sober one—and ask her to reset her limits. Gently give examples of how she crossed the line. You said my haircut looked like a muskrat. Then set a new threshold—Let's stick to one glass tonight. If she can't resist the bottle, put a cork in the bottle and maybe your relationship.
Dumb Move
Expecting she'll change on her own. Hangovers aren't making her any wiser. Early in relationships, people tend to see positives and dismiss red flags. That's a mistake you can't afford to make. Speak up, but be gentle.
"Living the Single single life"
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