Halloween Fantasy romances, break out the cool outfits!

Halloween proves that women can make anything look sexy—whether it's a nurse's outfit or a cop uniform or a nun's habit. (Especially a nun's habit.) Whatever your preference, there's very likely a woman somewhere who's willing to finish it off with fishnets and a low-cut top. And now's the time to bring up your fantasies: Halloween gives both of you cover. Anytime she's in costume, taking on another identity feels safer. And that gives you permission to embrace it. Try this four-step plan for a kinky night.

1. Jump-start Her Fantasy
First Gauge her interest. It's important that she does not feel pressured. That'll kill her arousal. You might just ask, 'Have you ever thought about dressing up?' When a woman just thinks about a sexual fantasy, she releases testosterone, which is linked to desire, within 15 minutes, Good to know. . Fantasies tend to be specific, so consider selecting costumes together,.She may love being a French maid, but what's hot to you may be tacky to her and vice versa. What, was the feather duster too much? <smirking>

2. Commit to a Character
The costume is just a start. Now you need to actually commit to the fantasy. Begin with some gentle reassurance: Tell her how sexy you think she looks in that bunny  getup, or how much you dig her Thai  accent. These compliments add up: There's an old saying: The better part of desire is being desired. Nothing is hotter than seeing lust in your partner's eyes. But remember, one night of role play won't revitalize an otherwise dormant sex life. Great fantasy requires that you already have a sexual charge going. It's a way of celebrating your sexual attraction to each other, not creating it.

3. Maintain Some Mystery
Now for the easy part: The positive reinforcement. The next morning, tell her how amazing you thought the night was, and leave it at that. In the meantime, just allow the memory to simmer—it will leave both of you wanting more. Fantasies take their power from the fact that they're things we dream about, If they happened with any regularity, they wouldn't be as special. In other words, there's no need for in-depth post-game analysis. Patience will lead to your payoff. Slip in a reminder, like 'Remember Halloween?' And that, of course, is the best time to spring an erotic new idea on her.

4. Raise the Sexual Stakes
Don't just send the costumes to the dry cleaner. What started with dress-up should lead to other, more creative experiments. Shared secrets, for instance—especially when you're doing something others may disapprove of—can be a potent aphrodisiac. So you might try a subtler move, such as asking her to wear lingerie under her work attire or surprising each other with R-rated Snap-chats when you're apart. Fantasy,  can also open the door to kinky new directions. Forty-seven percent of women, in fact, have tried bondage during foreplay and intercourse, according to a 2012 survey by the Swedish sex toy brand Lelo.  Now how would I know this?  Remember my initials are B.A.D. and I didn't just arrive on the scene yesterday!
 We are just 2 months away from Christmas so I'm placing this request  early.

Who's More Vulnerable to Online Harassment? Men or Women?

Approximately 40 percent of Internet users have been victims of online harassment, according to a new survey from the Pew Research Center.

The study, which comes three months into the Gamer-Gate controversy, is Pew's first such investigation into the subject. The organization split this online harassment into two categories: name-calling and harassment; and physical threats, harassment over a sustained period of time, 

stalking, and sexual harassment. Note: Women pride themselves by stating that they multi-task well, but that multi-tasking may cause them to be more vulnerable... they get distracted and a Troll creeps into their online time and finds ways to connect as if they know her. multiple chat windows open can lead to you responding to the wrong person while you are distracted.

The name-calling and embarrassment is a "less severe" form of harassment, Pew said. "It is a layer of annoyance so common that those who see or experience it say they often ignore it."

The second category, however, has gained attention as women in the tech sector are speaking out about being targeted; women like Zoe Quinn, Anita Sarkeesian, and Brianna Wu. Zelda Williams recently faced similar harassment following the death of her father, Robin Williams, while a number of female celebrities had their privacy violated with the leak of sexually explicit images stolen from their phones.
Pew examined the gender split when it comes to online harassment, and found that overall, "men are somewhat more likely than women to experience at least one of the elements of online harassment" - 44 percent to 37 percent. "In terms of specific experiences, men are more likely than women to encounter name-calling, embarrassment, and physical threats!"

Women are significantly more likely to be stalked or sexually harassed than their male counterparts, especially those ages 18 to 24.

"In essence, young women are uniquely likely to experience stalking and sexual harassment, while also not escaping the high rates of other types of harassment common to young people in general. 

However since there is perceived shortage of "Good Men." Men have seen an increase in  aggressive women coming after them , checking  men out online and even aggressively sending them messages with  bold  text:" Why don't your react when I send you text msgs.  I saw you  walking yesterday (you were on the phone), and you walked right by me and didn't speak to me."  or " why didn't you respond to me when I requested your friendship on Facebook?"  

These are the Qualitiesof of Confident Women!

 They admit their flaws.

No one is perfect. As much as we hear this trite nugget, a lot of you do not take it to heart. "(Nudge, nudge.)"

Self-assured women not only admit their imperfections, they applaud them. They know where their strengths lie, where they can improve and when to get the heck outta dodge and let others take the lead. Trying to be perfect at everything is inefficient, and confident women don't have  time for that. They love themselves for who they are -- and for who they're not.

 They say "No!"

Now, some people may think this practice is betchy (the PC version of b!tchy), but in reality, it's pretty respectful. Confident women don't over-commit and they don't make false promises. They just say no. Why? Because they'd rather state the truth and decline rather than tell a white lie and then flake out later. And, they don't have time for everything. No one does. The difference is, burnout simply isn't on a confident woman's agenda, so she makes sure to commit to things she'll actually enjoy instead of piling every little thing onto her calendar for the sake of other people. "Truth bomb."

FYI: Confident women do RSVP, because, well, not doing so would actually be betchy.

 They listen.

While self-assured women trust their own judgment, they are also secure enough to listen to others' opinions. They won't necessarily like what they hear all the time, but they don't throw a tantrum just because their boss didn't like their PowerPoint. They get that criticism should be taken as constructive, and that listening to others' answers is a good way to get their question resolved. Le duh.

To sum this up Twitter-style: Listening >Talking #blessed

 They don't conform.

Confident women don't wear, say, listen to, do, or become anything they don't believe in, because they aren't walking cookie cutters. They left the desire to fit in back with their battery-deprived Tamagotchi the second they realized they were friends with a Ms. whiney....Etch A Sketch. Confident women don't mirror others to find what makes them happy -- they are brave enough to look within.

"Slow clap.....Please. "


 They're open to love.

Regardless of how brutal or shameful one's romantic past may be, the opportunity for love is hardly off the table. A failed relationship is an opportunity. These women reflect on why it didn't survive (he was stupid), work to better their own unfavorable behaviors (OK, maybe I told him he was stupid a lot), and then search for a more compatible partner (one who isn't stupid).

"Kidding! Haha, hmmmm!."

Horribly lame jokes aside, confident women don't let their past hold them back. They know they are worthy of a great relationship, strong enough to survive if it doesn't work out and fabulous enough to weather the crappy outcomes.

 They ask for help.

So important. These women know trying to accomplish everything alone is virtually impossible. Self-assured women don't feel threatened or belittled by seeking help from coaches or counselors. Just like a CEO has an entire team to assist with daily functions, confident women have a support group ready to go.

Mental tune-ups are their soy vanilla lattes. They value a third party bringing out the best in them. Plus, they have someone to blab to about that epic slip-up with you-know-what at the you-know-where and stuff got real.

Sounds intense, girl. Blab to counselors, not to coworkers.

They own their feelings.

No matter what the circumstance is, confident women strive to understand their emotions AND own up to them. There's no hide and seek happening with their jealousy -- they let it all out.

Self-assured women take the opportunity to express themselves without blaming others, and confirm that they are understood. Then, they return the favor by listening to the other side. And then, they ride off into the sunset with their homies and get ice cream, because it's all good now.


 They release guilt

Guilt is supposed to be a temporary emotion. It pushes us to understand our actions, act to correct the mistake and apologize. But that's it. Guilt is not meant to spam your emotional foundation. Confident women listen to their guilt, figure out how to right their wrong and then they release it. Wam, Bam,  thank you, Spam.

 They support others.

Self-assured women love watching their friends soar. Cheering on others' businesses, relationships and successes does not impede on any of our own accomplishments; it highlights them!

ALL of you have heard the phrase, "guilty by association," right? Yeah, your moms probably mentioned that to you a few times in high school, ya little troublemaker. So, use it to your advantage! A killer social network only makes mommy proud.

Want to be confident?

Then always keep in mind that confidence can grow. Maybe you are Remembering, what I talked about in a blog post  titled:"Ladies, you should Lean IN by leaning forward and make your case.. "

 OK now! That's the key to becoming better in this tricky department  of being a  Confident Women. If you're looking for more information! Try reading some of  the other  links in this blog post...(they are hot links)  maybe you haven't read them, yet! go back a click on each one of them between quotes.

Who Falls for Dishonest People? Not Who You'd Expect

Learn to recognize the traits that could make you vulnerable!

The proverbial "Opposites attract" is a myth!

Let us face it: Some people are far more decent than others. I would really like to believe that.
Researchers have studied this tendency and labeled it Honesty-Humility 

(1), a personality factor or "super-trait" that has been observed across many cultures. Individuals high on this trait are sincere, modest, fair-minded, and not-greedy. They do not exploit others, even when there would be no retaliation for doing so. Individuals at the low end of this trait, on the other hand, are dishonest, haughty( so when refer to me as naughty I don't see it as a compliment), and arrogant. They lack empathy and exploit others. In a word, they are narcissistic.
And sometimes honest, humble people end up in romantic relationships with narcissists.
After enduring a good bit of exploitation, lying, and cheating in such relationships, the honest person often wonders, “How did I allow myself to end up with this person?” or, “What is wrong with me that I tolerated such obvious manipulation and exploitation?”
The fact you are asking the questions is good thing... but don't blame yourself... Trustworthy people trust other people, as the see the good in all people. 

Yes, it is an outrage, but there is no reason to doubt yourself or your judgment.
Narcissists tend to be sexy because they spend so much time on their public image. They know how to dress, walk, and talk in ways to literally charm the pants off others. Following is a three-part explanation of why the honest person may be especially vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist:
Narcissists often seem very open and forthcoming, even disclosing very bad past acts. Such disclosures might even include having cheated with their ex-spouse’s best friend, or leaving the scene of a car accident because they did not want to get caught while drunk driving. The honest person hears these disclosures and thinks, “Wow, I am getting to know a really honest person who is willing to admit to such things!” The reality is that because narcissists lack empathy, they simply do not realize that their disclosures reveal such deviance and negative character traits. They may instead see their disclosures as showing how desirable, adventurous, and clever they are.
There is recent evidence that honest people tend to see others, particularly close others, as more honest than they actually are. No Prison warden is a nice person, they are flat out horrible human beings, they have to be, how else will they be able to handle all the tricks and evil things that harden criminals bring to prison. In contrast a good person has trouble seeing the evil in a Narcissistic individual because they would not see all the bad in another person. You have to have some experience in order to recognize the Narcissistic tendencies in other folks. By that time it's too late to un-ring that bell. that keeps chiming in your head over and over.       

Yes, it is an outrage, but there is no reason to doubt yourself or your judgment.
Narcissists tend to be sexy because they spend so much time on their public image. They know how to dress, walk, and talk in ways to literally charm the pants off others. Following is a three-part explanation of why the honest person may be especially vulnerable to the charms of a narcissist:
Narcissists often seem very open and forthcoming, even disclosing very bad past acts. Such disclosures might even include having cheated with their ex-spouse’s best friend, or leaving the scene of a car accident because they did not want to get caught while drunk driving. The honest person hears these disclosures and thinks, “Wow, I am getting to know a really honest person who is willing to admit to such things!” The reality is that because narcissists lack empathy, they simply do not realize that their disclosures reveal such deviance and negative character traits. They may instead see their disclosures as showing how desirable, adventurous, and clever they are.
There is recent evidence that honest people tend to see others, particularly close others, as more honest than they actually are. No Prison warden is a nice person, they are flat out horrible human beings, they have to be, how else will be able to handle all the tricks and evil things that harden criminals bring to prison. In contrast a good person have trouble seeing the evil in a Narcissistic individual because they would not see all the bad in another person. You have to have some experience in order to recognize the Narcissistic tendencies in other folks. By that time is too late to un-ring that bell. that keeps chiming in your head over and over.       

 (2). By the same token, narcissists tend to see others as more dishonest than they are, and thus see even honest partners as deserving to be exploited. Because of this imagined similarity, honest people may give narcissists the benefit of the doubt when exploitation begins.
The final part of the answer comes from the commitment that honest people feel to their relationships, including with a narcissistic lover. After a glorious, passionate beginning to the relationship, the honest person discovers at some point that the narcissist is a liar and cheater who exploits them by making excessive demands for time and money. When the honest person responds by indicating a desire to end the relationship, the narcissist may attempt to induce guilt to maintain it, saying for instance, “You were just using me for sex!” Ironically, there is some truth to this claim—it has now dawned on the honest person how shallow their lover is and that the relationship was possibly founded on sex. To avoid hurting the narcissistic partner, the honest person—who is sincere and fair-minded and loathes exploiting others—might give the relationship more time to work. In doing so, the honest person is likely to become more racked with guilt because it has now become obvious to both parties that the sexual relationship is hollow. A personal experience "I once knew a woman, who was married multiple times, she was so good at deception that I  completely miss-read her.. she had good things about her that I saw, she was vulnerable like a little girl at times. but this a switch that she could switch on and off. We were fine until, we had an incident where she accused me of being in another relationship with another woman who had been her rival for many years. she hated that this person I were friends. She could not trust me, because her history of being not trustworthy. Which  was a well know flaw, that I was warned about, when we met. An old friend told me : " Boy, this woman is dangerous." I ignore him because he was a Narcissist also.   So if a Narcissists issues a warning pay attention because they know what they are talking about. 

(3) If you are an honest person with a narcissistic partner, I hope you can forgive yourself for tolerating the lying, cheating, and exploitation. It is because of your wonderful qualities of sincerity, fairness, and modesty that such a haughty, dishonest person could wiggle into your life. Please don’t think of yourself as a "target" or “sucker.” Next time, you will be more sensitive to signs of callousness and exploitation, and no doubt think twice before letting a narcissist into your life.
It is never too late to learn from BAD experience, because all memorable experience are lesson learned from, I repeat, really BAD experiences. 

Things no one ever told me, about being married!

If  someone offered couples an instruction manual to help contextualize and normalize the challenges that arise in any intimate partnership, I can only imagine how different our divorce rate would be. Or may folks might even get married!

When we don’t understand what’s normal, it’s easy to assume there’s something wrong with us, our partner, or our relationship. From there, it’s often a downward spiral to breakup or  even divorce.

Here are some things nobody tells you about marriage, a mini-manual that can help you understand what’s normal (and even necessary!) for a marriage to thrive. 

1. Marriage doesn't complete you. Hint, hint.

Contrary to Jerry Maguire and the implicit messages embedded in statements like "finding the One" or "your other half," a healthy marriage consists of two whole people who partner to create a third body of their marriage alive. In other words, one plus one doesn't make one or even two; it makes three. You are responsible for your own aliveness and wholeness, and your partner is responsible for his or hers, and you both need to keep the marriage going.

2. You won't always feel attracted to your partner.  OK, I always knew this one but never admitted it to anyone.

Even if we know this intellectually, when lack of attraction hits in marriage most people panic. We’re a profoundly image-based culture and we’re taught through mainstream media that if you’re not wildly attracted to your partner, you’re with the wrong person. That simply is not reality.

We see our partners in many different lights — from elegantly dressed for a special event to at their worse  retching over the toilet bowl. Even over the course of a day or an hour, attraction can fluctuate, and that's completely normal. Knowing this can alleviate much needless anxiety so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of “What’s wrong with this relationship?”

3. You won't always like your partner. LOL  OK so I don't use the word "hate " often... but I hate to admit I dislike you very much right now.......

His jokes will drive you crazy. Her laugh sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. That’s simply the way it is when you spend that much time with one person. We allow for this when it comes to friendships and family, but with partners, we absorb a fantasy that we’re supposed to like everything about each other all the time.

4. Being in love is a stage of relationship that doesn't last forever. It's hard to explain this to someone who has outrageous expectations......Of forever after wedded bliss!

The romantic model says: “You meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after.” We skip over an essential stage: falling out of love. I had to fall out of love before I learned what real love is all about. This is something rarely talked about in the mainstream.

And if you didn't have an infatuation stage, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed! Some people have it and others don't, and there is absolutely no correlation between having an infatuation stage and the success of a marriage.

5. Love can grow with time and effort.

We also grow up believing that you’re either in love or out of love; there’s nothing in between. And we believe that love is quantifiable and a fixed amount, meaning that you can measure it — can you or do you love your partner enough” — and that what you have in the beginning is all you’ll ever have.

The truth is that real love grows over time. Love begins as an empty garden that requires attention and care, and when it’s thoroughly watered and the weeds are pulled, the flowers will blossom over a lifetime or until you stop being "the gardener of the Years."

6. You don't have to feel love to give it.

In our culture that says that love is only a feeling, it's easy to feel confused when the loving feelings fade. Then we balk against advice that says, “Fake it til you make it.” But sometimes, you have to act as-if in a long-term relationship, meaning that even if you don’t feel like giving your partner a good morning kiss, you do it anyway.

7. Sex is a sacred act of giving and receiving.

It's sad and often detrimental that we're offered zero guidance about one of the most complicated aspects of being human: our sexuality. We learn from pop culture, peers, and now, increasingly, from pornography, that sex is something you use to gain approval, validation or security. Healthy sex is none of those things. Loving sex is an expression of love, an act of connection where you practice the arts and skill of giving and receiving.

8. Marriage is a crucible designed to help you grow.

Marriage isn't "happily ever after." It isn't the end of the road, the resting spot for eternal happiness. Marriage is one of the most challenging and rewarding paths we can commit to as human beings.

As such, it will activate every element of unshedded grief, unattended fear, unfinished transition and it will bring to light the fear and false beliefs you've absorbed from your first blueprint and the culture about love. Knowing that the going is supposed to get rough can give you fortitude when you want to walk out the door.

9. Your first blueprint for intimate partnership informs how you approach your marriage.

If you witnessed a healthy marriage growing up, you're much more likely to naturally implement the principles and actions required for marriage success.

On the other hand, if you witnessed a marriage characterized by criticism, nagging, distance, arguing, or abuse, you’ll have to fight your template at every turn.

It’s not easy work, but just because it’s work doesn't mean you’re with the wrong person. If you’re with a loving partner, the work is a sign that you’re pushing up against your dysfunctional or limited blueprint and it’s an invitation to create a new legacy of healthy partnership.

10. Life with young children is stressful. 

That's it: it's stressful, overwhelming, rich, and beautiful — and it will put a strain on even the best of marriages. I often think it's a small miracle that any couple survives parenting intact, as there's such a demand on time and filling needs other than your own that the marriage is sure to suffer.

How do you know if the guy you’re dealing with is your Mr. Right or just a good man?

 Is he truly ready to be the man you need him to be, or is this relationship doomed to fail? It can be difficult to analyze if you have found your Mr. Right and ensure that you are moving forward with the man who is truly best for you.

Below are some signs you can factor in that can help make your decision easier.

1. Mr. Right Is Willing To Open Up & Be Honest

When a man feels comfortable enough with you to open up and be honest, that is a great indicator that you two may have a genuine connection. Men don’t typically open up easily, and it can be a struggle even with a woman he truly cares about. His ability to open up to you will help nurture great communication and allow you two to properly address any issues that exist. in contrast if he just a good man, but not YOUR Mr. Right, he will be someone honest but will not open up completely, there is a difference between the man describe above as you Mr. Right and a genuine good guy that is not the right fit for you.don't get them confused.  .

2. Mr. Right Has Learned How To Be Self Sufficient

If he can’t take care of himself, how will he be able to take care of you. If you don’t mind raising a grown boy, then do as you wish, but know what you’re setting yourself up for. This isn’t about how much money he has but simply about his willingness to handle business when needed. If he truly cares about you, then he should want to alleviate some of your burden. If not, say hello to Mr. Wrong for YOU. He is still a good guy but, he is not feeling the need to over commit..... now you might ask what is over commit in today's world? A  committed man  is willing to run through a burning building to save you. he will not leave it up to anyone else to do it. You are his responsibility. And he will show you what he is willing to sacrifice for you.

3. Mr. Right Is Protective not Possessive

Most men are programmed to be protectors and providers. So it is very natural that when a man truly loves a woman he will become very protective of her. It doesn’t mean he is ready to fight every guy that looks at you too long, but he will always look to keep you out of harm’s way. When a man starts to stop you from having a life outside of him, now he is being possessive. Don’t confuse that with love, it is about control, and Mr. Right knows the difference. so you in turn should understand the difference. 

4. Mr. Right Listens

The fact that he can talk to you is just one part of the equation. The willingness to listen to you and not dismiss your feelings has to be there as well. A man who will not listen, is a man who will not be able to grow with you. Getting in tune with you won’t happen, and that will lead to plenty of conflict. When a man shows the patience and willingness to listen, that is going to be a great asset moving forward in a relationship, and that is a good sign that Mr. Right may be in front of you. But just because he is willing to listen does not mean he will agree with you on everything. I you want a guy who is going to say:" stop you are wrong" when you are then he is being honest and will not let you go down the wrong road. 

5. Mr. Respects You

If a man doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t deserve you. It really is that simple but it gets overlooked far too often. When a man respects a woman he has the ability to love and care for her the way she needs. He is less likely to betray her or mistreat her. In some cases this respect is exactly what separates one woman from the rest. He can give you all the attention in the world, but if you don’t have his respect, then you have nothing at all.

6. Mr. Right Makes You Smile

Smiling is good for you and the man who can make that happen with ease may truly be the guy that is best for you. A man who is truly into you wants to make you happy, and will put in the effort to put a smile on your face. When he is Mr. Right It doesn’t necessarily have to be something specific he did at the moment, his mere presence can give you a boost of positive energy and make your day better. He should have the ability to uplift you and help steer you onto a more positive path.

 So ultimately no matter how many of these signs you see or don’t see, trust your intuition. That can guide you to Mr. Right better than anything your mind can analyze. Be patient, and remember that focusing on building a friendship can help set the stage for you and Mr. Right, Mr. nice Guy might have all the qualities you are looking for still may not be the perfect fit for you. 

Traits of a Good Lover

A key aspect of sexual power is emotional intimacy, an instinctive desire to bond to a lover, to feel comfort. This makes the difference between pure physical sex and lovemaking. Emotional intimacy comes from affection, from sharing feelings, from being vulnerable. By caring you reinforce each other’s attractiveness and make each other feel special. As friends and lovers, you are fundamentally there for each other which creates trust. You see each other as real people, the good and the bad, not some idealized version. When conflict, anger, or hurt feelings arise, you’re committed to working through them. 

What makes a good lover? There’s an electric chemistry between couples that is unique to them. Smell, voice, touch, and kissing style all figure in. Technical skills and good hygiene are also important. But beyond these, here are some characteristics to look for.

Traits of a Good Lover from The Ecstasy of Surrender

1. You’re a willing learner

2. You’re playful and passionate

3. You make your partner feel sexy

4. You’re confident, not afraid to be vulnerable

5. You’re adventurous and willing to experiment

6. You communicate your needs and listen to your partner

7. You make time and don’t rush

8. You enjoy giving pleasure as much as you enjoy receiving it

9. You’re supportive, not judgmental

10. You’re fully present in the moment with good eye contact and can let go

What stops us from being good lovers? Frequently it’s time constraints, self-centered-ness (is that even a real word or did just make it up), inhibitions, and lack of technique. Also, our minds won’t shut off which keeps us from being in the moment. Further, many of us resist surrendering to how sexy we really are. Why? We haven’t learned to see ourselves as sexy. Women have been brainwashed by the “skinny ideal.” Also, sex is frequently viewed more as a performance feat (this is a male issue) than a holy exchange. Growing up, most of us haven’t been given the right kind of education about what true sexiness is. If only we’d been taught that sexuality is a healthy, natural part of us that we must embody in a mindful, loving way–not something “dirty” or something to be ashamed of. Early on we learn that the words vagina and penis embarrass people. Except between lovers, they are rarely ever part of our vocabulary. We are a culture that embraces shame, only there is nothing to be ashamed of!

 I want you to acknowledge that allowing someone into your life is a privilege. You must value your time, be stingy with you space and guard your peace of mind like a precious gem.

Now, sit back, take a deep breath and then ask yourself, "Who deserves to be in my future?

If you’re fortunate enough to find someone who loves you, understands you, and accepts you, go for it! Don’t allow the attitudes of friends and family to cause you to miss out on a good thing. People who are happy want you to be happy regardless of the age or race of your partner. But those who are unhappy will always attempt to block your blessing. As the old saying goes, “Misery loves company.”

They  will never have some say  "Hold Me. in your arms tonight". and mean it!

Are Men Turned Off By Women who keep Pursuing Them?

Secure and mature men have no problem with a woman taking the initiative. But after she expresses an interest the man should reciprocate and take the lead. This is my sincere believe!

When I was a 22-year-old freshly graduated from college new Professional,I moved from N.Y. to Chicago. Left my first serious girlfriend behind. I didn't think about the months and years to come – and how distance from the most exciting city, where I lived in for more than 5 years would affect my career and my love life to come.  I didn't have to pursue women because I was the only black professional male on the Computer systems designing team on contract at Allstate Insurance  corporate office. and there were many females showing interest in the New York guy who just hit town (Northbrook Ill.).  

Before long, I had more phone numbers than I knew what to do with.--- but I wouldn't say outright that I had too many options. all of these females  were no way close to being as interesting as the one Lady who worked for Motorola.(since I didn't like the idea of drama that came with  dating one or two young women working for the company )  I decides  to chase this one lady that worked for Motorola she was a professional recruiter. who caught my eye at a Friday night happy hour at a place in the burbs outside of Chicago called "KISSES." In fact, I believe she played me just right. she wanted to recruit me to boost her recruiting numbers so I miss read her interest in me. it was just the opposite to what I had hoped for. I've always believed that a woman should wait for a man to show interest in her, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't let him know – in subtle yet obvious and ladylike ways – that she likes him. She played me just right, asked me to dance and gave her business card. offered to take me to lunch on Monday, after sat and spoke for a few minutes. I was hooked in an instant!  Only to find out that she was only interested in recruiting me for her company. I was still very flattered! Well, that feeling didn't last for very long..... I didn't see her again  for about two years, so when we ran into each other at another social gathering. I was Happily married. surprise surprise! She was shocked that I was Married and Kept saying: "No you are not Married" she was trying to convince me and herself that I could not be married to someone else after meeting her two years ago..... She was in other words delusional........  thinking that time stood still, for both of us, and I would be available when she was.

Of course,  Christians types like to point to the fact that the Bible says that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing,” a verse that insinuates that it’s the man who does the looking and pursuing, not the female that’s on a major hunt for a husband. (Even if she is, she doesn't need to look like a Needful Nelly all the time.)

Even though I’m  a man, who do mind being pursued. ,  If she’s shy, and has on a nice girlie-dress and pretty make-up she may look at me  with those eyes that says what are you waiting for. then it doesn't hurt to return the  attention, but as far as have her pressure me  for a date – that just seems desperate to me. Men know what they want and if they are really into you, they’ll find a way to make it happen.

A Side note: The World is changing and women feel more pressured to find Mr. Right because if they don't grab him someone else will. OK. "Grab" is too strong a word, but you should show interest and not play games, this will work best  for you. If he is a stand up guy... don't waste time trying to figure out if you are soul-mates or not. He might just move on to someone else who is not going to waste time on stupid stuff. Men who know they are in demand have options. Women who are young and attractive are fighting a loosing battle with  father time.Please Notice I said: " Father time", not Mother nature because Mothers are kind. Father's tell it like it is, and keep it real time.... Just to be specific.. Listen to a person who knows your real age and you will hear them say... "You look good for your age" or "You have not aged a bit, since the last time I saw our" They seldom, almost never say: "OMG you look older than you really are" that would just be unkind! 

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Want to learn how to turn him on?

 Yeah I know, just get naked, but not this time. I will let you know now that I intentionally left off things like appearance because most of you already understand that men are very visual. I wanted to point out the qualities of more substance that may come as a surprise to some women. Make sure you read it all, and truly process what’s being said. I made sure to ask around.  So sit back and read some of the qualities that can turn a man on.

1. Transparency

When a woman can be honest, clear, and consistent, that can be very sexy. When a man feels he has to constantly play the guessing game with a woman, that is not appealing, it’s just confusing and frustrating. This doesn't mean a woman has to tell all her business to a man she barely knows. It just means that you don’t play games, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say.

2. Confidence

A confident woman knows who she is and embraces her self-worth. It is refreshing to see and it definitely draws the attention of most (if not all) men. It can easily raise a man’s desire for that woman, and only enhances her beauty. Confidence is sexy point blank period, but like it was mentioned on the men’s list, don’t confuse it with arrogance and being stank! Yeah I said stank, and that will only get you so far.

3. Sense of Humor

A woman doesn't have to have jokes ready to toss out every time she talks to a man. But the ability to smile, laugh, and just lighten up can go a long way. Some women are just too serious, and don’t really know how to have a good time. When a woman can learn to let go, throw some humor in from time to time, and enjoy life, that makes her very appealing. If she can make him laugh too, big bonus, but just being able to laugh with him will have a positive impact.

4. Poise

A woman that knows how to carry herself is a huge turn on for a lot of men. She knows how to be a lady in the streets, and we’ll leave the freak part alone for today. Being very secure with herself and knowing how to be classy when needed is very much respected. When a woman seems to be all over the place, or emotionally unstable, that will make most men eliminate that women from any potential of a serious relationship and will flat out turn a lot of men off.

5. Knowing How To Cook

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. I don’t completely agree with this quote, but I do know that when a man finds a woman who can cook, a lot of them get very excited. Literally they will report back to their friends, “man this girl is fine, has a good job, super cool, AND SHE CAN COOK!”. They may break out in celebration right there, because she obviously is now a keeper. Or course this isn’t a turn on for all men, but it surely has never been a turn off. Cooking skills are almost always a plus.

6. Loyal

A lot of men don’t trust women. They may have been burned in the past or seen a lot of betrayal in other situations. So when that man comes across a woman that he views as loyal, it can have a very strong impact on him. Loyalty is an attribute men place a lot of value in. It doesn't matter if it’s family, friends, or sports, they want it and are drawn to it. This is one attribute that it will take longer to assess, but once it’s acknowledged, it can speak volumes.

7. Passion/Desire

If a woman comes off as boring and lacking any passion in her life, that can actually make her less attractive in the eyes of some men. Yet when a woman is comfortable and confident enough to show desire and passion, that can be a huge turn on. This doesn't mean a woman should throw herself at a man (that’s where poise comes in). It just means having that energy that can be very contagious and contribute to sparks flying.

8. Intelligence

Contrary to what some women may believe, a lot of men love smart women. They don’t like the women who thinks that her high level of intelligence gives her a right to be condescending, rude, or disrespectful. Yet plenty of men appreciate and are intrigued by a sharp woman who can also have a good conversation on a variety of topics. A smart woman adds value to the relationship, and a lot of men are very turned on by that.

9. Unselfish

Selfish is never sexy. A woman having a me, me , me attitude can quickly push a man away and cause him to lose his desire for her. When a woman has a caring, giving, and nurturing spirit, that is exactly what most men are very happy to see in that woman. Men crave that, and are just drawn to that type of energy. It’s a very good look on a woman, and a man is likely to take notice of it.

10. Genuine

Just be yourself. It’s that plain and simple. People are drawn to those that are genuine, and men are no different. A woman who keeps it real, and embraces who she is, is very sexy. It will exude that confidence I spoke about earlier in this blog post. Some women go out of their way to try to be and look like someone they’re not. You might pull off sexy for a day, but being genuine can make you sexy for life.

11. Independent

Yes, a lot of men are turned on by an independent woman. The fact that she can be self sufficient, and doesn't need a man to survive definitely works in her favor. This woman adds value to a man’s life, as long as she doesn’t devalue the need to embrace the love he wants to give her. It isn't her ability to be independent that most men dislike, it is the unwillingness to bring down walls and understand that interdependence is needed and desired for a very happy and fulfilling relationship.

12. Embraces Respect

First that means having self respect. A woman with standards and demands respect, not in a overly aggressive or abrasive way, but does so while still embracing her feminine energy is greatly admired. When she also knows how to treat others in a respectful and positive manner this just makes her that much more beautiful. She isn’t a pushover by any means, because that isn’t a turn on at all. She just knows she deserves to be treated with respect, and she knows how to speak to a man in a way that makes him want her, not hate her.

I know some women will read this and say they have seen plenty of women get men despite lacking many of these qualities. The choices that some men make don’t tell the whole story, and it doesn’t change the fact that a lot of men do genuinely desire these qualities when they are entertaining the possibility of more than just a sexual relationship. If you’re still saying that men overlook good women all the time, well consider checking out teleseminar “Why Men Overlook Good Girls & What You Can Do About It“. Either way, these qualities should be embraced and can bring very positive results.