So where are you going?

 a Walkout speaks volumes "about you" not the the other people whom you are walking out on

.to suddenly leave your husband, wife, or partner and end your relationship with them:

So who looks like a  ??? the person who walkout or the other person?

Men have been "taken for one half of everything they had in a divorce," women have laughed all the way to the bank when cashing out -- I had a flashback to my own divorce  over18+ years ago, when I read the following.

Some marriages were never meant to be

When we talk about how marriages end, we promptly round up the usual suspects: money issues, infidelity, lack of commitment, among other things.

But we can’t forget that some people were never meant to be married in the first place. They don't know what a good marriage is supposed to look like!

The truth is, bad relationships turn into bad marriages every day.

When two incompatible spouses break up a marriage, the incompatibility isn’t always something that developed over time as both spouses grew apart, sometimes it had been there from the beginning.

We’re great at ignoring important signs of incompatibility when we like someone. We brush them under the rug and explain it away with lame excuses, hiding behind our belief that love can conquer all.

Love doesn’t always conquer all (let alone lust).

There are always two people responsible for maintaining a relationship

According to researc, the difference between happy and stable marriages and unhappy ones is the ratio of positive to negative interactions.

“That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.

While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, the way you handle conflict, and the way you interact when you’re not in the middle of a conflict, makes all the difference.

If a stable and happy marriage requires 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative, it’s both spouse’s responsibility to strive for that 5 to 1 ratio. That doesn’t mean you have to keep count, it only means you have to be conscious that a happy marriage is your responsibility as much as your spouse’s.

A long-term marriage requires feats of Herculean strength

Ask any couple who’s been together for over thirty years and they’re likely to tell you it hasn’t always been a smooth ride.

They’re likely to tell you there were moments of disconnect and moments where one spouse had to pick up the emotional slack and give the other spouse strength to carry on.

If they’re honest, they’re likely to tell you of moments where one spouse felt like he or she could not go on, and how the other took the marriage upon his or her shoulders and carried them both through. That’s usually a temporary solution, no one can carry a marriage on their shoulders alone for the long run. Eventually, the balance needs to be restored, and that’s where stable, happy marriages shine through: when both spouses know how to be thankful for one another’s efforts and are selfless enough to pick their partner up when he or she needs it the most.

We tend to get comfortable and lazy

As humans, we’re tempted to get comfortable and take the people we love,and who love us for granted.

We become so used to having someone by our side that we begin to take liberties we wouldn’t dream of taking with other people. We treat our partners as an extension of ourselves, and God only knows we don’t always treat ourselves with the utmost kindness.

We say hurtful things in the name of “honesty,” forgetting that being honest doesn’t always mean saying whatever comes to mind with no filter.

We try to control our partners because we think loving them means we always know what’s best for them.

We use our partners as emotional dumpsters, believing it’s their duty to absorb any and all emotions we don’t feel capable to handle on our own.

We stop making an effort. We settle into a “couples fight” mindset and neglect to strive for that 5 to 1 positive to negative interactions ratio.

Sometimes things just go to shit

If blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort, our tendency to blame might come from an inability to sit with our pain and discomfort.

When we’re lost and confused, when we’re still dizzy from the metaphorical punch in the face that is divorce and we don’t yet know what hit us, blaming is an instinctive response.

Sitting with our pain not knowing what went wrong is too uncomfortable, we need certainty, so we blame. We find the easiest possible answer and we hold on to that instead of facing the pain and discomfort that is knowing it all just went to shit, and chances are one simple explanation will not cover it all.

Who’s to blame for the divorce after all?

No one, but safe for cases of physical and emotional abuse, you’re each partially responsible.

If you’ve been physically or emotionally abused, nothing you’ve said or done can justify that. Don’t let anyone hold you responsible for being abused.

Abuse aside, you might need the help of a therapist to see clearly how you have let your partner down, and how they have let you down. Once you see that, let go of the blame.

Don’t descend into a spiral of questioning what you could have done better, or what would have happened if you had tried this or that. Take the lessons you’ve learned and make an effort to do better in your next relationship.

You might have learned not to ignore obvious red flags early on, or to put more effort into promoting positive interactions in your relationship.

You might have learned not to take the person you love for granted, or how to seek help when you feel your mental health is somehow compromised (and jeopardizing your relationship).

You might have learned how to be more independent, or how to be there for the person who needs you the most.

You might also have learned how to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and carry on despite the incredible pain you’ve just been through.

You might have learned that you’re a survivor, and yo are stronger than you ever thought you could be.

These lessons are valid and precious, and they can help you build a better life moving forward.

black women  often assume that a  Blackman leaves to chase other women of different cultures. AREthey wrong in that assumption?