Some of us become really Romantic , when someone we Love speaks or sing to our heart

Before you start reading this post listen and watch this video. She is Loving me still, Waw. this is music to my ears.

 I was asked not to long ago if I'm a romantic Dude.... After all I do have B.A.D intitials , My response was my BAD- label came about in my case as a result of me  living in N.Y. back in the day, it meant real Good  back then. 

I'm a romantic dude for the most part..... One lady commented in one of my post . That she could hear Barry White singing in my words 'dripping with Honey.' I must admit that was one of the greatest compliment I ever  received.  I believe that being Romantic is where a Man will express himself in a thoughtful manner  to the woman he is addressing. The gift of gab is for comedians. Who  say things that are funny and make everyone laugh. A  guy, like me don't want to or need to do that. We want to whisper in her ear and make her get goose bumps. Instant 'Foreplay' 101.... It  starts in how she reacts to my voice, my touch and my command of the moment. If you can't establish that connection you have nothing going on later, so make a great impression from the out set. 

  Think of ways to set the mood just right.... If you live in place where you have access to a beach. Setting up this kind of romantic dinner may not be as hard as you think some resorts may be willing to do it for you.

I'm a guy who  believes nature is the most effective Romantic setting you can find. WE are always force to do our thing in-doors because the World is so over populated it is hard to find your spot in a natural setting to express your romantic side. I love being in the Caribbean for this simple reason. Just picture yourself  chilling  in a setting like this with that special someone,
Forget about the  rest of the World...

This is that other--- Oooh Aaah moment---  I know that this will creat specieal memories

 If two people can't find each other in this setting then they don't need to be together.
Life together should be about trying to create Adam and Eve moments you will remember for years and years..

The water is calm and the right temp. So just get wet... even it is only your feet.

A little Blue Magic: What's come over me might set the right mood . 

So When the sun is shining and the breezes are cool, try and make it a great day. If you can't go to the beach at least look at this pic and imagine yourself there... With the right person.

 .

If you are committed to it, you can fix it.....

If people aren’t perfect, relationships can’t be perfect. There will be things said and done that will be sweet and bitter. There will be good days and bad days, richer days and poorer days, sick days and healthy days.
I must admit this pic got me thinking, what happens to us Men when we need to clean up our messy lives? We usually don't ask for help or we get help and advise from the wrong sources. More often than not we deal with our problems in a negative way and  in the wrong places. Like  turning to mind altering drugs and living in the 'Bottle' local bars,   drinking instead of being home with a 'Loving Queen'  who God  created to be at your side and protect you. Yes, just like in Chess, the game of planning and making the right moves. The King goes down and the game is over. The Queen protect and tries to prevent the King from destruction . We play life of Chess with Checkers rules, making moves that don't make sense.

I have seen it first hand. I see it happening every day, just look at how many relationships fail because good men don let their Queens protect them from themselves.  We are men and we don't need help from the person who is you life partner, we want a servant to wait on us hand and foot and never question us. But when we are failing we don't look for help from the person who vowed to standby us through good and BAD, for richer or poorer, Sickness and health.
We have lost the meaning of what those Vows mean they are not just words they should be practices. When a relationship fail it is because neither Men or Women refer to their vows before calling it quits...... It has become so simple to cancel a contract legally. We finalize the process in the Courts that started at the alter witness by God,our families and friends.



Life is about changing what isn't working, If you don't like what is happening in your relationship find away to resolve it quickly. Don't let it linger.
A poison that cause a slow death is agonizing, the antidote is in quick resolution of conflict, you need to get back to the normal happy moments you committed to.






It all starts with commitment and it should survive based on continuous commitment.
The guy pulls out the ring and the princess thinks "For me" and welcomes the gesture.

She shows off the ring to her girls who are all at the wedding but  most of them are almost never in the courts with you when you are ending the marriage. They are watching from a distance and trying to stay out of your business. LOL. Those who know what it takes to make a relationship work and last should advise others, who don't, so that we can save the next generation from copying these  destructive practices.
We need to copy our Grand parents who are the right examples on how to do it right.  They often made it last,  way into their later years, where they have someone who Loves them  by their  side saving  and comforting each other. They vowed to stick it out and didn't quit when thinks got tough.

Reaching a 'Climax'

I was watching this Video when I decided to write this post  (click on it) 'Reaching a Climax' by Usher.
I kept playing it over and over, so I could understand the New mindset of 'Reaching a Climax' these days. Something has changed, Reaching a Climax use to mean the ultimate in pleasure, But today it means breaking up, get to that point of no return.  This is how language has changed as has the mindset on Romance and Love,  it is all about confrontational  issues. I'm a man who thinks a bit old school. When I saw the title I started thinking Usher will telling  a story about making his lady smile for weeks. My BAD, not in this era. The relationships these days are  like Arenas with Gladiators,  fighting to the death. Or to the splitting up. 'Love' is now a battlefield, so you better have your game plan and your play book ready when you get ready to go out on a date..... with someone New.

Who thinks like that any way ? Definitely Not someone who is looking for happiness and Endless Love.
When a guy walks up to a lady he would like to get to know, her new line of choice is  'Oooh, Jesus has my heart ' .......but Jesus was all about Love not rejection. So you are using 'Jesus' name in vain to reject a dude.... Not cool
The fake approach
And even before you even meet you start with a little 'sexting.' So you generate interest. Maybe when he shows up and he is not your type, you can say 'those  boobs aren't mind' when he shows you the pics you sent him.
His surprised  reaction is ' Are you sure those aren't yours?'

Some women create interest with 'a disclaimer' ready and on hand ,if he does not meet her standards.  This is the mode we are operating in these days. 
     
It keeps getting harder and harder, because we are not trying  to be 'real,' it's all about 'the game.' To get past the brick wall requires a Jack-hammer to chisel of the ice first.
Sorry, I don't have the time or the interest in doing that kind of work. So warm up to the idea that you are one of many on the open market.  You can be special, but you have to act that way. Not the opposite. Being cold  and Bitchy is not a turn 'On'. The laws of physics  for instant combustion maybe using friction. But mental friction is like turning on the gas and stiking a match when the room has filled up with gas. Boom!
 We blowup and the end happens before we even get started. The 'ultimate Climax' in the New Romance era. So if artist like Usher are driving women crazy with these lyrics then we are going nowhere fast. 
Bring back Peabo Bryson 'reach for the stars,' and Roberta  Flack a little 'killing me softly with his songs.'
I can listen to Usher but I will not use his lines on someone I want to get close to.

Even Christmas starts with an argument and ends with a Bang these days

Let's bring Sexy back
For me it's about chemistry.
It all start with the look of confidence and the walk that says  'can you handle this,' come strong or stay away. No knuckle-heads  with smart instant negative  remarks will get my attention.
Her walk needs to tell me that she knows what a real 'Climax' feels like.

Finding ways to connect in a personal way

We all would like to connect with that special person, instantly. No drama ------off beat script that keeps bringing some annoyance into the mix. ----   Can we just hold hands and not start wondering  if an ulterior motive is at play here, every time we touch. The peaceful energy we should get from each other is often interrupted by thoughts of ---where are we going with these touches--- Am I putting myself  at an disadvantage if I stay too relaxed and let what ever happens from this point on just  happen.
I wish we could just relax and enjoy these moments, with out negative thoughts, creeping into our heads.

A lot of us men take the term "foreplay" quite literally—it's the work put in before playtime begins. But in a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 60 percent of women said foreplay was their favorite part of sex. It's no wonder: A surveyed of nearly 1,900 women  found that 68 percent of them considered excellent foreplay very important (or even essential) to their ability to orgasm.

This might come as a shock to some guys, but it doesn't surprise me, for the past 12 years I've worked hard at trying to understand what women want  (I was working at saving a relationship heading for a cliff, that did go over the cliff.) I've learned  that we Men and women take different paths to the big payoff. Guys generally just want to plunge into the pleasure zone, while women are...women.That is to say, well, a bit more complex.

Which leads me back to 'foreplay.' Follow this 4  step to the  stairway to heaven and you'll give her orgasms she'll brag about to her friends.(maybe)....

4 Ways to turn her on, Location, location, location location

Let us look at the things we men  should not do: There’s a reason why you and your wife of 20 years don’t ravage each other anymore, and it isn't for the fella's lack of trying.  Women in a committed relationship report lower levels of sexual desire over time. While a guy’s desire stays the same. (Yet another reason to start with a lusty woman to begin with!)

So are you to blame for her lack of lust? Not necessarily,  For women with a lower sex drive in the first place, the switch to a deeper emotional bond may reduce some of the excitement associated with sex in new relationships. 

4 Things You Do That Kill Her Sex Drive (avoid them)

1. Ignoring Her Appearance
Guys in long-term relationships tend to stop noticing when their partner looks pretty, and so much of female sexual desire is tied to a sense of self-esteem. Pay her a few simple compliments every day, like letting her know she’s sexy. (I actually screwed up royally for years on this one.)

2. Putting Her Under Pressure
Don’t worry or question her about getting orgasms, just stay relaxed and focused on playful touching,  This means no performance pressure on either of you. Let whatever happens happen in its own time—or not. Good sex is about connection and sensual satisfaction, not number of orgasms produced. And here’s a nice added benefit to staying calm: The relaxation is good for erections, so that is plus for both of us.

3. Using Porn As a Benchmark
It’s good to keep the sex hot—but it’s more important to keep it real. In other words, forget that cool move you caught on XTube.  ”Just because you saw a sexual practice in a film doesn’t mean it’s safe or satisfying.  And it might not even be something she’s into. If you need extreme stimulation to perform with a partner, you may want to cut back on overstimulation. A desensitized brain can also find sex less arousing. As you restore your brain to normal sensitivity, regular sex behaviors become enjoyable again. Time to rediscover the wonders of the missionary position. 

4. Leaving Her Lips Hanging
As men get comfortable in a relationship, our approach to 'foreplay' tends to focus on the moments leading up to sex. But female desire doesn’t operate like a light switch that turns on and off—it’s more like a dimmer, Small acts of intimacy like hugging and kissing can get her in the mood. But don’t get antsy: “Don’t expect her to be immediately turned on.

We men should learn how to relax our women, a massage is something she may not want from a stranger, who may have the perfect technique down. But she will appreciate it from her man, who took the time to learn how to do it just right!
I'm still a work in progress in this area, going from BAD to good is not easy.... My last lady- love  would ask for me to give her massage often (at least twice a week) and I would think 'not again' but it often lead to a pleasurable experience from time to time, so it is worth the effort.

When in doubt 'Let the feeling flow.'

    

The BAD girl you will never forget!

Do you ever wonder whatever happen to that one woman that challenged you at every turn to perform at your peak level? Every man should have a woman that does that to him at some point in his life. Either professionally or/and sexually. You never forget her and you wonder sometimes what you would do if she suddenly were to appear out of nowhere, and shocked you with a line that she would challenged you with back when you were together.    

We men never forget that one female from our past that rocked our Worlds. There is just something about her that made her unforgettable. Not just the Sexy exterior but also the passion that she generated in you with her seductive nature that made you get up in the middle of the night by just  tapping on your bedroom window after she hung out with her girls and decided she would come over and live out a new fantasy of the things they talked about.

News flash: Women talk dirty when they get together and have a few drinks.  We men drink and  boast about our exploits, while some women talk about what they would like  to have done to them.

When she left her friends after drinking a few glasses of whatever and heads over to your house to visit you at 3 am and request that you blow her mind, which is what she deems as the ultimate passionate roll in the sheets for 3 hours or more. She might even keep the bowtie on after disrobing, adding to the fantasies that you are now sharing. You never forget these experiences and sometimes wonder what happened to her, you may have seen her once or twice, from a distance, after the last time you had an encounter. She has moved on and you have moved on.       

She is and always was that  special memory.  The term ‘classy freak’  comes to mind when you think of her. I can now understand why President J.F.K and his brother R.K. were both obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. She was sexy to the point where men in almost all age groups had fantasies about her.  I was lucky to have someone in my memory banks who ranks in that fantasy category. I consider myself fortunate  to have had someone like that  play a roll in life.

The one that caused spontaneous combustion just by sitting across from me or next to me in the car and had me wondering if she was wearing panties. Then she would reveal that  she wasn't. OMG. What a night followed that  dinner date. If my bedroom only had the cameras I now have installed for security purposes  around the house in my bedroom. I would have the proof  of what I’m now describing. That 'she was all that and a bag of chips.' 

The original BAD girl who had this guy with the BAD initials’ nose wide open for as long as it lasted. I still remember the flat stomach and the rebellious attitude. That spoke volumes on ‘I dare you to try and satisfy me.’

We broke up before I had my ultimate fantasy with her as my limousine driver/ BAD girl…… playmate!

One of the only problems was I started thinking that I couldn't hold on to her  because she was a flirt and attracted fellas left,  right and center. Here is where your mind works overtime thinking if she makes me perform like this, who else will she or did she have feeling this way.

Come on Baby light my fire, in a BAD way!

Why didn’t we make it last?

I often ask myself these questions…. What went wrong? What was that one thing that started the snow ball of negativity rolling down hill?

Questions like these are asked,  so  many times, by many folks these days----- that it now seems like the norm  to split- up after just a short or even a long period of time of living with the right person (we thought was the right person.) Now the future of happiness seems like an impossible dream. Many Triggers generate feelings for years later, bringing back painful emotions and memories of strong words that cut deeper than a 10” blade are still fresh in our minds even after a few years have passed. These deep emotions are like hell on earth,  because “ Never  did  you stop caring about this person that you vowed to Love honor and protect until Death do you part , but yet you couldn’t make it last. Why didn’t we find a way to make it last?  People always seem to have a pride issue that will destroy what might have been a salvageable relationship, had they just dropped their pride. These are the famous words that still ring pretty loud in my head: “I’m no longer happy with you. You are no long the person I thought you were. You are a stranger who no longer make me smile. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t Love you like I once did. You will always have a special place in my heart, but I no longer want to share my life with you. I want a divorce, it’s over….” When you are on the receiving end of that, you walk away thinking how could I have been so wrong thinking that these mega years of sharing your lives together were all a lie. But they weren’t a lie, they were temporary truths (temporary truths are feelings that stop flowing.) The relationships today are not based on the permanent truths. Folks are not willing to work overtime to make it last. Why should we give it that extra effort it is so much easier to split up? Throw away all the years as if it wasn’t of any value to hold onto the investment, the sacrifices.  

My very Talented Eldest son sings about “Please stay, don’t walk away from me” I have to believe that his parents split affected him pretty deeply that he created the song because he does not want what happened his parents to happen to him, to have history repeat itself in his life. You know, the sins of the father (mistakes) will affect the son(s) deeply,  and the emotional issues of the mother will affect the daughters outlook on life ( feeling like I will never let what happen to my mother happen to me.)

As a man you react  by walking away ---Since you have your pride and nothing else, you pack what you can pack and book your escape route to new horizons. You start searching for happiness because the new status is that of solitude and loneliness. Then when you do meet someone (you think you can find happiness with.) That new person stirs those feeling of possibilities. But that doesn’t last either. 

Why can’t we make it last?

Clear and simple you have unfinished business (the mess that is still in your head), you have to close the door you just walkout of before you can open another door and setup residence, your life is still swirling   with the drama which brings back memories of the past…. You want peace and honesty in your NEW relationship, but you are not at peace with your own emotions. Since most men are never taught to deal with emotions very well we either turn emotions that are deep and painful into anger or we just shrug it off as ---‘I should not be feeling this crap, I’m a man and men should be able to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and move on.’ Only women deal with these emotions ( it’s a sign of weakness when a man shows emotions that make us seem vulnerable. We either move on or we become a crazy vindictive maniac filled with hate and envy, jealousy or we turn off those emotions and replace them with --------not caring anymore----- which makes it seem easier to let go of the past. 
Because you have turned off the switch of caring you can’t find instant happiness in a new person, who for the most part has all the attributes you want in a woman, and you have feelings for her that you treat as superficial so that you can’t see as a relationship that can go the distance. Which is what you want at this stage in your life (creating conflict) but you are still dealing with the lack of faith that you can make a relationship last, your history is that----- you blew one long term relationship not too long ago.     Dating and games are for other players. You had your days in that arena. It was fun, but once you matured and have started building a solid foundation for---- your version of an ideal family. As a mature man - You live for others, you are dependable and you want to have those members of your family with you every Holiday and every special occasion. But the end of your prior relationship has put you in place that makes it hard to do that.  Maybe the answers aren't all that complicated you may just need to get back to the point where you let the Feeling Flow.
 Whenever you stop the feelings from flowing you interrupt the natural order and then you question ‘IS THIS IT?’, is this all there is?, are you seeing  others living the life you wish you could and suddenly the person in your life no longer fill that need you have for Happiness, BECAUSE you have not resolved the issues that still haunt you. You stopped the feelings from flowing and now you can’t get it started again because of what is still in your head.
Maybe the answers are in these words below.

We just need to just ------let the feelings  Flow, and never let  go------- to make it work.

Who's fantasy is it anyway?

Many moons ago I was compelled to read some of Sigmund Freud works. Now that I’m older and maybe a bit wiser, I find myself analyzing situations on ‘Expectations’. These thought take me down a road that makes me wonder what is truly happening between the sexes and how would Sigmund Freud analyze it. We Men would love to think that we have some control with statements like “Act like Lady, and think like a man” and women are thinking it’s their turn to grab control and have their fantasies fulfilled.

Men so do not want to deal with the attitudes that make us feel like we are inadequate in a modern World where women are leading in so many different category.  In some countries (like Colombia) a good man can still have choices of many willing women and can take his time and pick one of many whom will say to him: ”I will Love to call you ‘Papi’.”

Therefore I have to state for the record that Sofia Vergara is my fantasy woman of late. A mother of a 19 year old son who is hotter that ‘hot’ who's thoughts are  like many Colombian woman, that coming to America she will find the  --Al Bundy type--- , and he will become  her  dream husband.

Please note that the back of this dude’s head looks like mine (with not much hair at the crown) .  But the ladies in the room don’t seem to care about his looks, they are looking at him like he is special Knight in Armor  and is saying all the right  things that is connecting with them ,(maybe the translator next to him is making everything sound like a script written for Denzel Washington)

Man's delima with his fantasies. (they seldom happen)

A night out at a local club can have a man wondering what it would be like if he could just have his pick of performers on stage. Just this once!

“I which that I could live the life I keep dream about!”after 4 beers and a boiler maker he is feeling  no pain. So rejection will not faze him

A dream come through.

The phone call you can’t believe

the call you’ve been dreaming about finally comes and as a fella that wished that his mate would surprise you once in a while with a fantasy night, you are surprised by the tone in her voice and the direct question 

”How about a threesome tonight?”

So you go shopping for trouble? A threesome might be on her mind (her version may not exactly be  most guy’s fantasy!

So, whose fantasy is this anyway? 

What is she thinking???

Ever wonder if she is really into you? Or are you just servicing her fantasy.

Here is the problem women watch porn now also and expect men to last for the duration of the night. Men are pressured to last longer by focusing on something else might be the order of the day to go the distance.

I can go all night, I hope you can keep up!

You are so 'hot' I'm sorry I forgot  your name…….. Ooops!

"Why do you seem so not interested?"

“I'm thinking about  a new BMW..”

Once again I’m so disappointed, after all that hype!

In the End I believe woman still prefer having MEN surprise them in a way men are seldom  willing to.

"Honey get ready for a surprise to night. I’m cooking up your favorite. Dinner will be served upon your command."

I believe Sigmund Freud would  have a lot to say about  the word command being a ‘Freudian slips’ 

Woman can act like a Lady (male definition or female definition), but will not think like a man

Here is WHY, I believe that the book and the movie is dealing with fictional issues , but not realistic events.

No woman will see the humor in this wedding cake  picture. Whereas A guy married or single can get with his boys and laugh at this being a good prank to have the caterer send this cake to his wedding ceremony. But no Woman even his mother and female family members will see the humor in this implied escape from captivity, even if they don’t like his bride of choice. If a guy with his boys ever called the caterer and suggest the creation of this cake  the woman in his family and her family will shoot the caterer  for even entertaining this as a funny joke. To them this is a symbol of men not wanting to be tied down to commitment and vows.

This is ‘Not FUNNY’ to women. They just can’t laugh at this!

Exhibit I

Another Point and case is a man getting Tired of dealing with a woman’s issues.

Fellas will see another fella in a crowd with this T-shirt and comment “I know exactly what that dude is talking about”, while his Lady will not understand how a man could ever feel this way about his woman!

Exhibit II

Exhibit III

Men can entertain the idea of being with a woman whom they see as useless for the most part as long she looks good. But women can’t be with  a man that can’t do the  things she wants…. done

All men single and Married would Love to have his  remote control that he can press a button and get what he wants when he point it at his girlfriend  or wife.

 

Exhibit IV

If a single guy had the 2 button remote sitting on his coffee table his boys would have a good laugh and want to borrow it, while no girl friend would come over and see it as something funny.

If a married Man had the multi-button remote even hidden in his desk or night stand he would not be able to get his wife to even crack a smile when he points it at her and press one of the buttons. No matter which one he pressed it would not be funny to her. The thought that she could be controlled with a remote, is simply not even a thought that she would entertain… as a possibility!

So after displaying these 3 examples as to why woman will never think like a man, (humor is necessary to think like a man. ) IF they can’t see what men see as funny they will never be able to embrace what men think as their own thoughts. I rest my case.

Steve Harvey, may be the best salesman on selling this message in his book and have a movie created on the subjects. Folks will buy into it as a entertainment possibility.  I however know better, by knowing that women can’t single file their thoughts. As soon as a thought is tied to an emotion it is not longer a single file it has ties therefore it  becomes a female thought, and no longer is how a man thinks, therefore woman cannot think like a man.