Ladies! Do simple things to keep him from wandering

These simple things  will bring wandering minds right back to you.

Lets face it ladies men are not that hard to figure out: 

• A man wants to make you proud. But he won’t necessarily come straight out and say how psyched he is about his accomplishments. That’s where you come in, especially since letting your man know you’re impressed when he comes home from, say, a big-deal day at work makes it clear you’re paying attention to the details of his life.
• It’s flirtatious, playful, and a perfect statement to try out when you’re both elbow-deep in weekend cleanup duty. Sex is an important part of your relationship—even when it’s not the first thing on your mind—and by bringing it up out of context, you’re reminding him of that. It’s good for your bond, and makes it more likely an encore performance will occur ASAP.
• No matter what else is going on, a simple expression of gratitude goes a long way toward resetting the conversation. Say you and he come in the door after a totally insane day. Before you launch into your usual what-did-you-do-today conversation, thank your man for something he did earlier. Even if you reference an act as minor as sending you a LOL link, it’s an instant connector statement that puts you both on the same page.
• I'm  not saying you should always take charge of date night, but if you've been trying to get one on the calendar for months, taking the plan-making reins can be super-sexy. “Being spontaneous can remind you both that not only do you share commitment and stability, but you also have fun in common,

• If you notice someone giving your man a backward glance, letting him in on the news is a harmless stroke to his ego—and to your relationship. Obviously, you shouldn't be spending every second scanning the room—or giving the stink eye to women who may also find your man attractive—but it’s great to let him know you feel lucky he’s yours. Showing your partner that you acknowledge that others find him attractive boosts his self-esteem.It also indicates that you’re comfortable with your bond and not jealous of strangers.
• Men are typically insecure about shopping for their woman, so if he’s given you something you love, the benefits of cluing him in are twofold. Knowing not only gives you a good chance of receiving a similar gift in the future, but it also shows that you acknowledge him—not just the present. Surveys of long-term couples show that while women want to feel desired, men most want to feel appreciated.
• Occasionally wagering things—from how "True Detective" will end to whether his annoying coworker will once again decide to serenade the happy hour crew with "I'm the Man by Aloe Blacc at karaoke—gives you an inside joke to add to your arsenal, which can make you feel even more like you’re on the same team. In addition, the competitive angle adds a little bit of spiciness to your connection—especially if the reward is X-rated.
• and last but not least: send him a text with this pic and the Question: Are you her Daddy?LOL. 

Oooh, Oooh!

My B.A.D rules on What you should avoid when dating

 Don’t force it,  be a gentle man!

Don’t push or force yourself onto the lady, it’s not man like and it may cause her to end the date early without giving you a chance to be more intimate with her. Ladies don’t like to be pressured instead they prefer gentleness and easy going. If you wish to invite her to dinner and she refuses. Let it rest, she might have other plans that night.

Avoid being late

Every woman likes a early man. Avoid being late and if you are really interesting in your date you’ll try be on time at all times. Be reliable do not give her a time that you know you won’t meet. Don’t tell her 7 pm and then you end up arriving 8 pm, she might cancel the date before you arrive.

How to make your date most happy

There are lots of things you can do to make your date enjoy her experience with you. Take her to places she never been before. Nothing makes a woman happier than going to her dream destination. Once you are around her enough you must know what she likes the best and what makes her extremely happy. In fact you should ask her at least get her hopes up a bit. This will make her think of having a long term relationship with you. Make she feels as if she has something to look forward to but make it actually happen by a grand surprise.

The little things do matter, do little things like giving her a bouquet of flowers unexpectedly of course a box of chocolate a day or two after. Don’t dose her with chocolates everyday just once in a blue moon. Take her to the movies but not just any movie. Don’t rush wait on a specific movie that you think she would enjoy not one you would enjoy, very important.

Women like to be pampered; the beach is a nice relaxing place to be for every lady. One of those beautiful Caribbean islands would be an excited venture for her to go. Those events are unforgettable for women.

Take in consideration of your budget thou, spend accordingly. Be creative, make public proposals to her, it could be at the mall or a dinner. If she’s shy chances are she will be brave at that eventful moment.

You are at a club give the DJ a heads up that you would like to dedicate a special song to her. The song that makes her screams every time she hears it. These moments she will never forget and will always treasure.

Surprise her on an unexpected visit, if you usually meet with her at 7 in the night. Surprise her by going to see her one day at noon, bring her lunch on the way and a bouquet of flowers.  Take note of her facial expression you might be the first to do something so special for her.

You can give her gifts indirectly leaving her in a state of curiosity but in a good way of course. In doing this you could send something special to her from a gift shop with even your friend to deliver .Write a pleasant note of admiral and of how she makes you feel. Express your feelings for her, you don’t have to write a poem just be honest and brief with your words.

If your lady is outgoing then you might want to take her out on special events that she follows. She might even want to go out with her friends only. Give her freedom of parting with friends, try not to let her feel as if she is in confinement and you are watching her every move.

In conclusion happiness is vitally important to every woman so you should always make the time and effort to maintain a happy dating relationship.
Don’t dress shabby

A lady likes when her date is well dress. You should dress to fit the occasion. Having a dinner at an elegant venue requires a formal or semi formal dressing. You wouldn't want to wear baggy jeans with a tie head, a Jersey shirt reaching your legs and 10 chains hanging around your neck. Instead you could just wear a decent long sleeve shirt with a close fitting jeans and forget chain, that’s it, simple but clean cut fitting the occasion.

Dodge multiple dating

Avoid dating multiple girls at the same time if you are seriously interesting in one particularly one. Reason I say this is; you might be out with your special date making every use of the moments you spending with her trying not to screw anything up. But of course that other girl you were flirting with but weren't really interested in comes along, sees both of you and ruins the moment by claiming to be your girlfriend.

Stay away from the crowd

Avoid taking your date around to many friends. One or two is good for a night out but not a crew of your peeps. You might get distracted from her and she might become distracted as well. Spend quality time with her alone at a park or a dinner, or even chatting online with her could give you quality time with her. You get to know her likes and dislikes and know exactly what to do to make her more happy this way. And most importantly be more open and honest at this point.

Things She Only Tells Other Men!

Is she verbally cheating on you?

You might only have one girl-friend in your life, after that they become women.... she has seen other guys and have male friends. And while the pairings are strictly platonic, you could still have some reason for concern, not jealousy.

Why? Your partner’s telling her father, brother, and other guys things she hasn't ‘fessed up to you. Maybe her secrets would bruise your ego, maybe she’s shy, or maybe the two of you just "aren't there yet."

Here’s what she might spill to the other men in her life, and whether or not you should worry.

To her dad: She has doubts about your job.

No matter how much you want to be her knight in shining armor, her dad will always fill that role first. And he wants to know his “little girl” is properly  provided for. That means he’s bound to grill her on your career, and she’s going to share everything—from how your salary isn't quit  big enough to how she has no idea what your job actually entails.

Skip the interview. If she really had that big of a problem with what you do, you wouldn't be together. So unless she starts dropping hints about money being tight or other people’s “awesome” jobs, there’s no need to broach the subject with her.

To her brother: She’s attracted to other men.

Her brother is on her side 100 percent of the time. So your girlfriend knows she can chirp to him about Denzel Washington type, the hot guy across the bar, or the ex who sent her a Facebook message last night.
Jealous much? You know you check out other girls, too. And just like with you, her wandering eyes don’t mean anything else is wandering. Unless you seriously suspect something, asking her about her harmless attraction to other men will probably only start a fight,


To her best friend’s boyfriend: She’s pissed at you!

Through the fine art of compare-and-contrast, her best friend’s boyfriend is exposed to her myriad unspoken criticisms about you. So if—and when—she sees her BFF's guy doing something she wishes you would do, she’s going to take it as an opportunity to vent her frustrations. It’s often easier for women to express their anger to someone else.  After all, he’s sure as hell not going to get defensive with her—especially if he’s being lauded as the model of good behavior.
Let her vent.She’s going to say she’s “fine,” but if something is obviously the matter, ask again and tell her you really want to know how she feels. Most importantly, when she starts spouting off, don’t shut down or get defensive. Just listen. Let her have her anger moment. Let her be irrational. By letting her know she can come to you and be heard, she’ll keep you in the loop more often, rather than letting things fester.

note: if she talks To her work husband: She’s thinking a lot about the future.

From 9 to 5, she’s with this guy. Their cubes face each other, they take their lunches together, and they’re in cahoots on a slew of office pranks. Somewhere down the line, conversations on work doldrums morph into ones about open positions, career aspirations, and, ultimately, what her ideal future looks like—and how you fit into it.
Ask her about her day.While it’s okay—even good—if you aren’t a part of every aspect of her life, you need to ask her more about her day than the obligatory “how was work?” Ask to hear her day’s high and low points, and if you know she had a big meeting, ask her what happened in it. It’ll let her know she can share that part of her life with you and you’ll listen to her insecurities, stresses, and hopes. Otherwise she could think her work buddy is the one who really gets her.

I might write about on of these two subjects next:  'The New Monogamy.' or 'The Man On My Couch.'

Find Ways to Balance Friends and a Girlfriend

INTRO
allow me to introduce a new concept.
You've seen it before—guy meets girl, guy gets girl, and guy seemingly falls off the face of the Earth. Odds are you've lived it out at some point. Pulling a disappearing act with your friends when you are first involved with her is common. She has your nose wide open, she put a ring through your nose  and you're henpecked... Oooh, now what?
It has a cost. In fact, My experience tells me  that a guy loses an average of two people from his core group of friends when he enters a romantic relationship. that is BAD news fellows.
Be careful, as romances can come and go. It’s best not to burn bridges with your buddies over one flame that is a starter fire. Striking a balance between your  bro times and your new fling can be tricky—but it can be done. Here’s how you can manage the balancing act.

SET GROUND RULES
You just met somebody—she may even be the one—so you want to spend more time with her. Just make sure your pals know that’s how you feel about her, too. If you communicate how much time you think you’ll be devoting to her early on, it allows them to adjust their expectations of you and prevents them from thinking you've gone MIA.

Just don’t expect all your friends to be on board at first. Accept that your best friends might feel jealousy or rejection. Keep in mind the person entering a relationship has been enriched, while the other people will have a loss. And if your buddy isn't happy for you, you might not have a healthy friendship to begin with. He may be too dependent or needy—in that case, you may want to re-evaluate your friendship or make it clear that you’re not trying to shove him out of your life forever.

CONNECT IN NEW WAYS
At first, you’ll have less time to hang together like you did before the relationship, but that doesn't mean all is lost. Your friendship might become more dependent on technology—texting and emails, fantasy leagues, sending articles. Spending time together may become more difficult, so develop rituals with your friends via tech, like playing Madden one night a week,  or even a quick Face-Time while you’re both watching a game.

GET HER IN YOUR CREW

Instead of keeping the relationships in separate spheres, involve your friends in your new relationship. Bring her along to an event you know you all will enjoy. For example, if she’s really into basketball, have her come along when you meet your buddies for a tailgate and game, or gym time. She’ll get to know your friends in a friendly environment. Don't bring her along to poker night or Xbox tournaments.

DOUBLE UP

Obviously bringing just one pal along on a date can be awkward as the third wheel, but if the possibility for a double date is there, go for it. Double dates with another couple greatly strengthen your friendship. Couples on a double date—whether it's dinner out or at home—allows for more intimate conversation. And it has a hidden benefit: it get her hotter for you while also getting you time with your friend. Couples claimed afterward that this kind of date increased the passion in their relationship because they learned more about each other. Bonus! More hot  passionate Sex!

BENEFITS OF GUYS' NIGHT

Both people in the relationship should be working to maintain their friendships. This keeps either partner from becoming too dependent on the other. So when you have a night planned with the guys, suggest that she plan something with her girlfriends. Plus, you can legitimately claim that guys' night is good for your health. Men who got together twice a week were healthier, recovered from illness more quickly, and tended to be more generous. (You can also reinvent your guys’ night with a few simple tips.)
Warning: dance clubs, with wet Pole dancers, could be  cool.. but she does not like you going it could spell...... T R O U B L E!

Now this was written from a BAD guy's perspective.. but If  Ladies reading this try to understand the guys perspective they could adjust easier and try to fit in instead of taking over their new man's life.....

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS

The Best Way to Bounce Back from a Breakup, is to give dating another go and you won't stay down for too much longer.
Why are you still coping with   breakup issues in your mind?
It's over, give yourself a break and start making moves to go on with your life. There's no reason to avoid dating, except for the fact that you are punishing yourself for no good reason.

Ignore advise like this one: Take a HEART break ....and stop getting your HEART broken.... If you were guarding your heart, you wouldn't have so MUCH drama. Pregnancy scare, herpes scare, aids scare, HE'S married scare. Stop exposing your heart to needless trauma. Try saying NO to sex for 6 months and COUNT the Losers that Pass you by.... Your heart will thank you!

People who enter a new relationship within a couple months of a split enjoy higher rates of well-being and self-esteem—and more respect for their new partners—than those who put off dating for longer periods. remember dating is socializing and meeting someone new, not an instant fix for what did not work.  There’s no evidence that rebound relationships are more likely to falter. so go out and interview new candidates.
Be wary of all the old romantic-comedy clichés,  anxiety or fear of being single is often what keeps you back. The results hardly ever  change if you don't change it. those folks who dive  right back into the dating pool following a breakup experienced better emotional and psychological outcomes. They find happiness easier than those who delay, delay and delay.
Maybe you have heard the saying, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.” Ladies. That seems to be true. A rebound makes folks feel wanted and desirable, dating also provides emotional stability, as well as a distraction from thinking—or obsessing—about an ex. If there’s a downside to rebound dating, I  haven’t found it yet!
Consider  bounce-back dating, there’s no reason you should not take a chance if you meet someone you like on the heels of a breakup.
And if you are having the urge to have sex with this new friend. then make sure that your new partner is into long SEXUAL FOREPLAY.
Fellow here is why  Foreplay Matters to Her
think about it this way. Plowing through the pregame could ruin the real show!
A barely-cooked appetizer  doesn't exactly pump you up for the entree, and the same can be said for sex: If the foreplay is rushed and half-assed, the main event probably won’t feel as pleasurable.
Consider this: When you take your time during foreplay doing something sexually exciting for your partner, more blood flows through her genitals. And when that happens, your babe’s body produces natural vaginal lubrication—extremely important for her comfort and pleasure during sex.

Seal the Agreement with a K.I.S.S. methodology.

There is a right time and a wrong time for most things in our lives... you will agree, and you will dis-agree with others. So try the old-fashion  method of fighting fairly. Agree and seal in with a K.I.S.S., agree that you will agree to dis-agree and seal it a K.I.S.S. This not rocket science, this a stealth operation. The other person will never see it coming, but it may turn a frown into a smile. They will be disarmed before they know it. You will not attack with deadly force.. nothing destroys a relationship faster than dis-agreements, men would be less likely to walk out on a woman, if this method is applied. Women will be less likely to drop a man. If they sealed their actions with a K.I.S.S. methodology.

Just in case  you don't know K.I.S.S. Stands for Keep It Simple Stupid ( if you are a man) and Keep It Simple Silly ( if you are a woman). A very wise man once told me; “son never argue with a woman, you will not win.”  He was my dad, He was very playful whenever  him and my mother got into an argument. She would rant and rave, and he would joke about whatever issue she was mad about. She would chase him around the room with a belt in hand (as if he was her kid), and he would just keep laughing (not taunting, just laughing) occasionally cracking a joke, which made her calm down eventually, and they would both be laughing in the end. Fights never lasted very long between them, because they both stopped making the issue a deal breaker. I'm not sure why my dad was able to laugh while taking on friendly fire. I use to think of him as being drunk, which sometimes he was, because he ran a bar for a period of time. The neighborhood bar played loud happy music (all selections were made by the dudes who hung there)  until midnight on week nights. The entire neighborhood could hear it.  I would be in bed and often fell asleep listing to  the songs they played on jukebox, which was a coin operated jukebox. This music and the bar  was the place many men went to unwind after a hard days work. Then they went home to their women. But my dad came home later, he would never drink while tending bar... he would have a drink or two after the bar closed, so he came home  with a buzz, wish made my mother mad as hell. She hated the idea of him drinking (because she thought he was drinking all night) she was wrong, he knew she had the wrong idea, but he had made a promise to his cousin ( the original owner of the bar) that he would run it until it got sold. His cousin had retired and relocated back to his original home the place of his birth, St. Maarten. My dad and him were very close, my mom hated that agreement my dad made with his cousin, because she felt that alcohol  would kill her husband, like it killed most of his male relatives. My dad worked in construction all day and then would go and run the bar until midnight.  She took matters in her own hands and  sent her in-law a very strongly worded  letter; stating that this agreement needed to come to an end soon, because she was not willing to put up with a drunk husband every night. My dad's cousin agreed, and made arrangement to sell the bar, ASAP. Freeing my Dad from the promised he made. You see my dad was a carpenter( who was a specialist in roofing, he would walk a tightrope on beams all day long never losing his balance; he had always worked very hard thought his entire life. Physical work was very taxing, so he was  getting tired of doing the same thing for a living, year after year. That slight break in his routing was a good thing, it may have caused him to out live my mother by 20 years. The K.I.S.S. Method worked well for my parents, because my mother was able to get what she wanted, which was getting her husband to return to the route she had got used to. He would get home at 5:00 pm every evening from work. The bar changed that and she hated the thought she had lost her husband to a lifestyle she hated. She didn't loose him, he needed a break from what he had been doing since he was a teenager. He knew it would not be forever. So when it ended, he was happy also, because the disagreements stopped, and he went back to doing what he was very good at (balancing on rafters). The K.I.S.S. Method  allowed both my parents to get what they wanted. I learned a valuable  lesson from this. Even though it took me years to understand that my dad's method was the  K.I.S.S. method, my method for years was not like my dad's (even though our birthday's were 2 days apart.) I believed that I ran my life ( after watching my very strong mother, almost always getting her way) I thought my dad was too easy going. This is why his marriage lasted 45 years until my mother died.  Mine lasted 25 years so emulated half of what I learned from him. My wife could make suggestion but she could never push me to do anything.   I strongly believed that my father, a very strong physical man allowed my mother to run his life... which was not true. I didn't understand while growing up that my dad was a master at compromising.

Maybe now that I understand it better; I might be a better man, and agree that I'm not always right, And Seal all agreement and dis-agreements with a  K.I.S.S.

BTW my dad's initials were M.C.D.----May he rest in Peace----which I now interpret as Master Compromised Deals!

Try holding hands while enjoying peaceful moments, and find ways to be able to  M.C.D.

 and seal it with a  K.I..S.S agreements.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A mature man's attention changes and is now on  the rise for what he might have ignore in his younger years. If there is distance between you at key moments it's not the perfect situation!

 

Men in their younger years would abduct the girl of  choice and may not be set in  his mind on marrying her, willingly. He might truly believe that she loves him and she wants to be swept off her feet. Only to find out that she didn't really want him. She didn't want to be swept off her feet, by him. This is often not driven home until it is too late.

This temperary  romance can come dramaticaly to a halt, as his train derails, when he sees his lady-love-interest in the arms of another man.  At that point he walks around with a bruised heart, mind and body.  He is, for the first time, in his adult life in the reality world, so now he is confused, dazed and insecure. He walks around thinking he has lost her to nothing more than a joker he knows is up to no good. There is some solace in that, but the loss of, his  love interest , he  thinks he  would have  marry someday...(now that she is with another) is deeply disturbine. He had been enchanted with her, but originally was not thinking marriage... but now that she might be gone for good, these images of walking down the ile is creeping into his mind, over and over.  He found her delightful of mind and character. He also found her very desirable and thought she actually wanted him, but she was playing a game, just like he was. His pride has taken a throttling, i.e an A$$ kicking, his heart has been beat-down to the max. So now he takes a long hard look at himself , and finds he no longer likes what he sees. It comes home to him that he knew she wasn't really enarmored with him. In the beginning he didnt care.  But now  he is asking himself, what kind of man has he become? Was he so spoiled that he only looked to his own needs? Somewhere along the way, he has lost the man he has been and has become a stranger to himself.  It is no wonder that his Lady-love has rejected him, he feels ill, because he was playing a game and Ms. lady- love had teased him, played him, flirted outrageously with him! Now the question remains ---- had he been truly in love. How could he have been in love and not seen that she could love another? How could he have been in love and not really taken her needs into consideration? He had simply decided to abduct her because in his heart he knew that was the only way he could make her his own. The questions are now  un-answered as the loudest slap in the face--- ouch!

What was he thinking? The truth is, he hadn't been thinking--- that was the trouble. He believed, or though he believed that given her impetuous nature, she would enjoy being swept off her feet and fall instantly in love with him.

What a complete fool he had been.  She told him; just before she rode of in the car with her new man of choice that he was not in love with her.  Was she correct? Time, only time would tell. What was that thing philosophers always said? Ooh hell, "time washes love's wounds clean." OKay, with an elevated view of the surf, he stares at the sea. The surf breakers crashes, flinging pebbles on the sand and he paces a bit with some of his frenzy returning to haunt him, as he stands on the pier where they sat and had dinner, just nights before.  What does he do now, thoughts of  all kinds of BAD things creep into his mind, blackmail, she has played a role in his life... maybe her new lover  might want to know some of the things she did with him... He suspects that she has not told her new lover everything about herself.  Any Guy, no matter how much of a Joker, does not want to know that he is with a woman who has been  doing things with someone else he knows.... that he is not her first great experience.

 checkout “The best man “

 this movie is a perfect example of how images in a man's mind can drive him crazy, even to violance , as he imagines what she might have felt while  doing the nasty with another man. Oooh, that is so painfull. 

OK that would be low.... very low,  to tell him. (maybe writting  a fictional book  might be the answer) OK she definitely did not want him.... and yet... he abducted her for one night  all the same, after a few drinks she was his for a quick moment.  Here is what escapes most younger men. Do you think you can change her mind with just your cavalier behavior?  What we learn later, as we mature, is that we needed to take a good hard look at the man we want to become and prepare to repair the damage before we do  damage that can not be reversed. By being prepared to repair, we can avoid doing damage, before it is too late. As we mature we learn to put things in categories, this experience should go in the drawer  labeled “ lessons learned”, becuase we need to learn to put horrible businesses behind us and become the man we should be. This is the pre-quisite  to finding true happiness.

 All  good lessons come from BAD or semi-good experiences! 

A nudist colony might be the best place to get to know someone!

 

 

"I'm not in the mood." "I've met somebody else." "I'm just not interested." these are statements of Romantic rejection, they comes in many forms, and the side effects are never Welcome. Your heart races, your palms sweat, even your sleep suffers. Men often say it feels as bad as being punched in the stomach. In fact, those guys are onto something: Researchers at the University of Michigan found that the consequences of social rejection can feel similar to being physically hurt.

Why is that pain so tough to shake off? We Men associate our status with whether or not women like us. If women don't like you, your social status is lower. It affects the way a man sees himself.

And once you've entered that dreaded cycle, it's hard to escape. A study from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine found that rejection affects the same regions of the brain linked with addiction. Recovering isn't always easy, either. But managed properly, a rejection could signal the start of a stronger, more confident, more resilient you. Flip these five romantic turndowns into your chance to step up.

The following are a few moves and long-term plans to consider:

 

1. Your online dream girl backs out of a first date. Ooooh wow!

YOUR FIRST MOVE
If her excuse sounds legit or she seems to have the jitters, it's worth going out on a limb: Send her a message saying, 'I really think we should meet each other. How often do you find someone who has so much in common with you? By emphasizing your potential as a match and not just the fact that you're attracted to her, you'll set yourself apart from the other dudes clamoring for her attention.

YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Online dating's upside—so many singles!—is also its Achilles' heel; many people feel overwhelmed by so many choices. If the first 10 women turn you down, your expectation about the 11th will be low. So if that's affecting your confidence, remember that it was her profile—a façade, not the whole person—that drew you in. Search by common interests, not physical attributes. And consider switching venues while you're at it.

 

2. You go in for the kiss. . .and get the dreaded cheek.

YOUR FIRST MOVE
She may not be saying no forever, but respect that she's not interested now. Smile and say, "Too soon?" and drop it—even if you're dying to demand answers. With a sexual issue, it's often better to relax than to turn it into a big discussion. So why did she deny you? It could be that she's not attracted to you. or maybe she's being coy. In fact, she may want a real relationship and doesn't want to start too fast.

YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Send her a text later asking why she dodged your kiss. If you caught her off guard or she wasn't ready, lay the groundwork well before your second attempt. Don't move in for a kiss as a test of whether she wants you or not. Wait until you've built a little chemistry. Prepare her by incorporating small acts of physical intimacy—reach across the table to briefly hold her hand, or touch the small of her back as you open the door. By the time you say good night, her signals will reveal whether or not she wants you to plant one.

 

3. Weeks into dating, she says, "This isn't working."

YOUR FIRST MOVE
Shocked? You probably just missed the signs. Maybe there wasn't physical chemistry.. Or maybe she found someone else. If chemistry is the problem, address it head-on: Say, Maybe we don't feel it now, but we're enjoying each other's company. Let's go out again and see if anything builds. Sometimes if people are a perfect match on paper, they feel pressure to have chemistry, which actually dampens it. The chemistry will build when you start to relax"

YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Ask her on a date that caters to her interests—and puts her in control. For example, if she prides herself on her cooking, propose an evening during which the two of you tackle a complicated meal—and you bring the wine. Or if you're both golf nuts, challenge her to 18 holes. "These are things a woman does when she really likes somebody. Which means the simple act of doing them could subconsciously help her shift from "I don't know" to "This guy is great!"

4. She turns you down for sex. . .again.
YOUR FIRST MOVEWhen things go cold, try another way in. Suggest foreplay that doesn't involve genitals, like a massage. Once she relaxes her body, she's more likely to be interested. But the better tactic, at least in the long term, is to say; That's fine, babe. Want to watch a movie instead? Respecting her refusal can be a turn-on for her. It shows that you value her. And by suggesting an alternative activity, you prove that it's real intimacy you're after, even if it's not sexual.

YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
There are only so many nights that movies can stand in for sex. You might have what's called a  sexual desire discrepancy. In other words, your libido may far outsize hers. So Don't make a move right away, after you have entered the door. Tease her and then pull away. This keeps a sexual undertow flowing. In time, you'll reawaken her sexual mind, and her body will follow.

5. You're in a serious relationship. Then she dumps you.

YOUR FIRST MOVE
Don't harass her in the immediate wake of your breakup. Rejection can lead to obsession, where you idealize the person and devalue yourself. You may have an overwhelming desire to call her constantly or to stop by her office. This falling off the deep end phase is not attractive. So wait a couple of weeks, and then approach your ex once your intense drive to win her back has weakened and you're thinking more clearly, Or do it the B.A.D way, say good bye and  leave town for good.

DON'T MAKE ANY LONG-TERM PLAN, AFTER A BREAK UP OF A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. PERIOD!

Execute the U-turn option in your relationships!

 

 

We've all been there at one point or another, where good common sense kicks in and we want to make a U-turn and change directions. Men seldom do this..... when the woman is great looking and even greater in bed, because we want our cake and cookies and don't want to loose the options we have, so we  ignore the major issues that will make us use the U-turn option.  The woman you are about to have an affair with is involved with someone else, and you don't want to  act jealous when  you see her talking to another man. There is an old saying, "the guilty can't  trust anybody." Mind you she is having an affair  and not a one on one exclusive relationship with you, this is not  on the up and up in your book. Women will read this and say.... Wait a minute , that is how men behave. Men have affairs while they are in a relationship, not women... really, are you serious? That was true 50 years ago, when your mothers stayed faithful because she had no other options, she needed the support of her man or husband who was the bread and bacon winner. The new independent woman has options her mother did not have.

Don't get me wrong I'm not a knocking   modern women, this is a reality check where we see women acting like men. She knows that there is shortage of good men, in her community, so if she can attract two men  why not, enjoy the benefits of  both, one at a location far enough away  . One guy looks good in public on her arm, (he is the guy at home) has the high profile and some financial means, while the other guy is great between the sheets (off-shore contact). I can hear the woman reading this right now; "OMG are you.....serious? "Players come in both sexes these days.  Any guy who has dealt with this..... knows what I'm talking about.

A wife complains to other wives about men behaving badly at work with their co-workers., but husband's seldom know about their wives miss-behavior with her office Husband. He  just rocks her world and makes her sexual fantasies a reality, and her husband may never ever know.

Think about the moves  you see on the movies big screen these days, "the single moms club" even weekly TV programs called "Scandal", "Mary Jane", "the good wife", and even the old TV series now in reruns "SEX and the city." These are not about men's fantasies, these fantasies are about  woman's fantasies. They play out the way men behaved in the past and may still do,  Sex in elevators, sex on the desk, sex in the limo, sex  on the hood of the car, in the mini-van etc. Think about it we guys have been doing this stuff for decades with hookers, and  girlfriends..... A movies about that stuff today is not that interesting to men, because they expose our worse fairs, that our women are doing the nasty with someone else in another city, on the beach in the Caribbean on a cool Jazz cruise, Soultrain cruise. etc.....

 

 

Now men have to wonder, about  every time they meet a woman that looks great and has a profession, Is she a player? She may be a career woman and she might be  single but she might be in a relationship, traveling to another city or Country for business or a week long get away. Now the guy who is searching for a quick exciting  adventure with a woman from out of town can go to a hotel bar during happy hours, and check out who looks like she is from out of town. He can down load  the Hotels.com app and have his cell phone ready to make a reservation and pay for it, on a moments notice without having to  go to the front desk and asking for a room.  He can play out the script as soon  as she gives him the green light. He can excuse himself and go around the corner and get the room key and then go the room. Why does a guy have to get his own room? because women seldom want to take a man back to her room. But if she is giving him  the signal that she is in a relationship a guy should execute himself and use  the U-turn option. Why? Because if  she  is so fine and traveling alone there might be  more to the story. A man's ego seldom can handle being the second choice on her priority list. So if your fragile ego can't handle it. Step away and don't even play the game. Because women seldom choose the number two option (and trust me you are the number 2 option)unless the number one option is  a complete dog and a screw up, he is on schedule to  being dumped, in her mine, and she is just waiting for the right moment to end it. If you (as the #2 option) want to risk getting your feeling hurt, you can try, but be aware you might be a good man, so you  are running the risk that you  will be playing with a losing hand.

 

 

 

Whats the rush?

It's funny that when a man hasn't anything in the world to worry about, he goes off and gets married."—Robert Frost

What the hell was I thinking? I was 22, single, making good money and living in Chicago, after leaving N.Y . I was living the life my father told me to live when he was a young man living the Dom. Rep.: "Why get married and try to make one woman happy ... when you can stay single and make all of them  happy?" My dad repeated this to me after my mother died as he was a widower  with many female friends visiting him daily, He  would have been proud of me being single again at this stage of my live after 25 years of marriage.

Lately, though, I've been trying to find the right  woman to make  happy, but I still wonder if she will be the one long term. I've had One woman for 25 years and another for 2  and another 2 more years and so on sharing my bed. Since 2005, I've woken up to, eating  my meals with, one single woman, had sex with one , done everything with the same one woman, until we broke up and I started over again.....

As my 9th  anniversary of my divorce  approached, I'm starting to think  about my relationships and wondering how I've  made it this far without making a bad commitment. Of course, 25 years of marriage is a long time, many  don't even make it to that point, including many of my closest friends, I just spoke to my best man, who is now on his third marriage. And, I'll admit to my own moments of self-doubt about how I'd handle commitment right after the glorious height of my second single-dom. I hadn’t had any catastrophic issues come up in my relationships, because I'm a nice guy...., but I  have dealt with a few  living with the wrong someone issues, I've had a career change,  relocated to an Island in the Caribbean, as well as some other  challenges that are par for the course.

Things that have taught me good lessons, my marriage stayed intact for 24 years before we split just before our silver anniversary, it actually worked pretty well, and that made me comfortable. So now I thinking I'm ready to try it again. You see, I didn't fully understand why my marriage was flourishing, and I feared that if I didn't understand what we were doing right, how would we know what to keep doing?   So after we split I was confused for 8+ years.        

Well, I think I've figured it out, and my eureka moments came and went. As I was putting together a business email the other day...... I asked myself why don't I have someone  to review it, before I send it out, what if  the tone of the email was too aggressive, confrontational and  perhaps a bit negative.  I could use a female  input to stop me from making the mistake of hitting send. That innocuous example is emblematic of the relationship I had with my ex-wife our entire relationship. In all I did, I had a partner looking out for me, advising me, keeping me on track and stopping me from making a  mistake, no matter how great or small. 

I'm still the same guy at my core, but I'm  looking at what has changed in my life since I got divorced: My family and I are still close, my individual net worth has not gone up, but I'm healthier, I use the negative-words less, I listen to Sunday church services and attend  more, I'm a better friend to my friends, I'm more forgiving than I used to be, I'm more involved in charitable work.  

In every way, I'm better off  since my divorce. So, for me, a successful marriage has to revolve around this principle: I want to like who I am with her. 

My pastor  reminded me in his Sunday sermon: You should get around people who make you say to yourself, "I got to do better." I want to marry the person who makes me say that to myself everyday. I want her to be proud of me. Her presence should be a constant motivation. I want to always succeed at what we agree to do, because I'm always at least trying to do the right thing or improving, and in doing so, I've become a better friend,  citizen, and now I want to be a good husband again.    

Like many other men, I thought that I wanted to reach a certain level of success again before get married again. You know, making the right amount of money, getting  the right projects completed,  etc.. Now, I firmly believe the success we men seek can come a lot quicker with a partner helping along the way. Believe me, my ego is as big as anyone's, but recognizing my own deficiencies, admitting to myself that I need help and accepting that help have all been critical to my success in the past.  I shudder to think of the kind of man I might be if I wasn't married before and did not  know how good marriage can be.... When Women Succeed, men Succeed.