"I'm not in the mood." "I've met somebody else." "I'm just not interested." these are statements of Romantic rejection, they comes in many forms, and the side effects are never Welcome. Your heart races, your palms sweat, even your sleep suffers. Men often say it feels as bad as being punched in the stomach. In fact, those guys are onto something: Researchers at the University of Michigan found that the consequences of social rejection can feel similar to being physically hurt.
Why is that pain so tough to shake off? We Men associate our status with whether or not women like us. If women don't like you, your social status is lower. It affects the way a man sees himself.
And once you've entered that dreaded cycle, it's hard to escape. A study from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine found that rejection affects the same regions of the brain linked with addiction. Recovering isn't always easy, either. But managed properly, a rejection could signal the start of a stronger, more confident, more resilient you. Flip these five romantic turndowns into your chance to step up.
Why is that pain so tough to shake off? We Men associate our status with whether or not women like us. If women don't like you, your social status is lower. It affects the way a man sees himself.
And once you've entered that dreaded cycle, it's hard to escape. A study from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine found that rejection affects the same regions of the brain linked with addiction. Recovering isn't always easy, either. But managed properly, a rejection could signal the start of a stronger, more confident, more resilient you. Flip these five romantic turndowns into your chance to step up.
The following are a few moves and long-term plans to consider:
1. Your online dream girl backs out of a first date. Ooooh wow!
YOUR FIRST MOVE
If her excuse sounds legit or she seems to have the jitters, it's worth going out on a limb: Send her a message saying, 'I really think we should meet each other. How often do you find someone who has so much in common with you? By emphasizing your potential as a match and not just the fact that you're attracted to her, you'll set yourself apart from the other dudes clamoring for her attention.
YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Online dating's upside—so many singles!—is also its Achilles' heel; many people feel overwhelmed by so many choices. If the first 10 women turn you down, your expectation about the 11th will be low. So if that's affecting your confidence, remember that it was her profile—a façade, not the whole person—that drew you in. Search by common interests, not physical attributes. And consider switching venues while you're at it.
YOUR FIRST MOVE
If her excuse sounds legit or she seems to have the jitters, it's worth going out on a limb: Send her a message saying, 'I really think we should meet each other. How often do you find someone who has so much in common with you? By emphasizing your potential as a match and not just the fact that you're attracted to her, you'll set yourself apart from the other dudes clamoring for her attention.
YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Online dating's upside—so many singles!—is also its Achilles' heel; many people feel overwhelmed by so many choices. If the first 10 women turn you down, your expectation about the 11th will be low. So if that's affecting your confidence, remember that it was her profile—a façade, not the whole person—that drew you in. Search by common interests, not physical attributes. And consider switching venues while you're at it.
2. You go in for the kiss. . .and get the dreaded cheek.
YOUR FIRST MOVE
She may not be saying no forever, but respect that she's not interested now. Smile and say, "Too soon?" and drop it—even if you're dying to demand answers. With a sexual issue, it's often better to relax than to turn it into a big discussion. So why did she deny you? It could be that she's not attracted to you. or maybe she's being coy. In fact, she may want a real relationship and doesn't want to start too fast.
YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Send her a text later asking why she dodged your kiss. If you caught her off guard or she wasn't ready, lay the groundwork well before your second attempt. Don't move in for a kiss as a test of whether she wants you or not. Wait until you've built a little chemistry. Prepare her by incorporating small acts of physical intimacy—reach across the table to briefly hold her hand, or touch the small of her back as you open the door. By the time you say good night, her signals will reveal whether or not she wants you to plant one.
YOUR FIRST MOVE
She may not be saying no forever, but respect that she's not interested now. Smile and say, "Too soon?" and drop it—even if you're dying to demand answers. With a sexual issue, it's often better to relax than to turn it into a big discussion. So why did she deny you? It could be that she's not attracted to you. or maybe she's being coy. In fact, she may want a real relationship and doesn't want to start too fast.
YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Send her a text later asking why she dodged your kiss. If you caught her off guard or she wasn't ready, lay the groundwork well before your second attempt. Don't move in for a kiss as a test of whether she wants you or not. Wait until you've built a little chemistry. Prepare her by incorporating small acts of physical intimacy—reach across the table to briefly hold her hand, or touch the small of her back as you open the door. By the time you say good night, her signals will reveal whether or not she wants you to plant one.
YOUR FIRST MOVE
Shocked? You probably just missed the signs. Maybe there wasn't physical chemistry.. Or maybe she found someone else. If chemistry is the problem, address it head-on: Say, Maybe we don't feel it now, but we're enjoying each other's company. Let's go out again and see if anything builds. Sometimes if people are a perfect match on paper, they feel pressure to have chemistry, which actually dampens it. The chemistry will build when you start to relax"
YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
Ask her on a date that caters to her interests—and puts her in control. For example, if she prides herself on her cooking, propose an evening during which the two of you tackle a complicated meal—and you bring the wine. Or if you're both golf nuts, challenge her to 18 holes. "These are things a woman does when she really likes somebody. Which means the simple act of doing them could subconsciously help her shift from "I don't know" to "This guy is great!"
4. She turns you down for sex. . .again.
YOUR FIRST MOVEWhen things go cold, try another way in. Suggest foreplay that doesn't involve genitals, like a massage. Once she relaxes her body, she's more likely to be interested. But the better tactic, at least in the long term, is to say; That's fine, babe. Want to watch a movie instead? Respecting her refusal can be a turn-on for her. It shows that you value her. And by suggesting an alternative activity, you prove that it's real intimacy you're after, even if it's not sexual.
YOUR LONG-TERM PLAN
There are only so many nights that movies can stand in for sex. You might have what's called a sexual desire discrepancy. In other words, your libido may far outsize hers. So Don't make a move right away, after you have entered the door. Tease her and then pull away. This keeps a sexual undertow flowing. In time, you'll reawaken her sexual mind, and her body will follow.
5. You're in a serious relationship. Then she dumps you.
YOUR FIRST MOVE
Don't harass her in the immediate wake of your breakup. Rejection can lead to obsession, where you idealize the person and devalue yourself. You may have an overwhelming desire to call her constantly or to stop by her office. This falling off the deep end phase is not attractive. So wait a couple of weeks, and then approach your ex once your intense drive to win her back has weakened and you're thinking more clearly, Or do it the B.A.D way, say good bye and leave town for good.
DON'T MAKE ANY LONG-TERM PLAN, AFTER A BREAK UP OF A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. PERIOD!
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