Whats the rush?

It's funny that when a man hasn't anything in the world to worry about, he goes off and gets married."—Robert Frost

What the hell was I thinking? I was 22, single, making good money and living in Chicago, after leaving N.Y . I was living the life my father told me to live when he was a young man living the Dom. Rep.: "Why get married and try to make one woman happy ... when you can stay single and make all of them  happy?" My dad repeated this to me after my mother died as he was a widower  with many female friends visiting him daily, He  would have been proud of me being single again at this stage of my live after 25 years of marriage.

Lately, though, I've been trying to find the right  woman to make  happy, but I still wonder if she will be the one long term. I've had One woman for 25 years and another for 2  and another 2 more years and so on sharing my bed. Since 2005, I've woken up to, eating  my meals with, one single woman, had sex with one , done everything with the same one woman, until we broke up and I started over again.....

As my 9th  anniversary of my divorce  approached, I'm starting to think  about my relationships and wondering how I've  made it this far without making a bad commitment. Of course, 25 years of marriage is a long time, many  don't even make it to that point, including many of my closest friends, I just spoke to my best man, who is now on his third marriage. And, I'll admit to my own moments of self-doubt about how I'd handle commitment right after the glorious height of my second single-dom. I hadn’t had any catastrophic issues come up in my relationships, because I'm a nice guy...., but I  have dealt with a few  living with the wrong someone issues, I've had a career change,  relocated to an Island in the Caribbean, as well as some other  challenges that are par for the course.

Things that have taught me good lessons, my marriage stayed intact for 24 years before we split just before our silver anniversary, it actually worked pretty well, and that made me comfortable. So now I thinking I'm ready to try it again. You see, I didn't fully understand why my marriage was flourishing, and I feared that if I didn't understand what we were doing right, how would we know what to keep doing?   So after we split I was confused for 8+ years.        

Well, I think I've figured it out, and my eureka moments came and went. As I was putting together a business email the other day...... I asked myself why don't I have someone  to review it, before I send it out, what if  the tone of the email was too aggressive, confrontational and  perhaps a bit negative.  I could use a female  input to stop me from making the mistake of hitting send. That innocuous example is emblematic of the relationship I had with my ex-wife our entire relationship. In all I did, I had a partner looking out for me, advising me, keeping me on track and stopping me from making a  mistake, no matter how great or small. 

I'm still the same guy at my core, but I'm  looking at what has changed in my life since I got divorced: My family and I are still close, my individual net worth has not gone up, but I'm healthier, I use the negative-words less, I listen to Sunday church services and attend  more, I'm a better friend to my friends, I'm more forgiving than I used to be, I'm more involved in charitable work.  

In every way, I'm better off  since my divorce. So, for me, a successful marriage has to revolve around this principle: I want to like who I am with her. 

My pastor  reminded me in his Sunday sermon: You should get around people who make you say to yourself, "I got to do better." I want to marry the person who makes me say that to myself everyday. I want her to be proud of me. Her presence should be a constant motivation. I want to always succeed at what we agree to do, because I'm always at least trying to do the right thing or improving, and in doing so, I've become a better friend,  citizen, and now I want to be a good husband again.    

Like many other men, I thought that I wanted to reach a certain level of success again before get married again. You know, making the right amount of money, getting  the right projects completed,  etc.. Now, I firmly believe the success we men seek can come a lot quicker with a partner helping along the way. Believe me, my ego is as big as anyone's, but recognizing my own deficiencies, admitting to myself that I need help and accepting that help have all been critical to my success in the past.  I shudder to think of the kind of man I might be if I wasn't married before and did not  know how good marriage can be.... When Women Succeed, men Succeed.