How to Avoid Wasting Your Time on the Wrong Person

having regrets indicates unfinished business!

Every woman (like every man) is the sum total of  life experiences. As such, she may unwittingly waste her time with the wrong guys if her life experiences have not provided her with wisdom and a consciousness of her basic needs. The most positive effort to avoid wasting time with the wrong guys is to “Know thyself.” This sometimes takes a combination of relationship advice, relationship counseling and, for some women, relationship therapy. While women can turn to counseling. therapy, or just ladies "Exhale sessions". Men on the other hand usually deal with wasted time in Solo sessions, experience is our best teacher.therefore men don't always handle it in the best way possible. 



The Woman and the Well

Looks like he looking deep into her soul 

Each woman is like a deep well. Like a well, she can be overflowing with pure spring water or, if her life experiences have been negative, her well might have run dry or poisoned. It’s important to recognize the one overriding feature of all wells: they run deep. So too, do women’s emotions. Emotions can be misleading. Emotions may lead a woman to believe she is in love, when, in reality, she is infatuated. The woman and the well may allow emotions to overflow and run dry. This is to be avoided at all costs. Always leave enough in your “well” to replenish your resources. We often hear that  men are shallow , superficial etc. that is not always true. Men do have emotions that we do not show to others ... mainly the opposite sex. this started when boys were often told "stop crying like baby or a girl." So men internalize hurt. or choose to  act out with aggression... to prove that they are not hurt.   

The Human Recipe
All human beings are comprised of the physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and metaphysical elements that affect our decisions. Good physical and mental health is always solid foundations for good relationships. Though some relate “spiritual” to religion, it may be learning who and what your true spirit is and has always been in order to advance your life experiences with guys. For many women, emotions can be destructive or productive. Unless, women can clearly recognize their judgments with regard to their emotional basis, some women find they waste time on the wrong guys. Women should ask themselves, “Are these feelings mainly emotion?” This is how many women separate themselves from men who waste their time. The human recipe and the “ingredients” of physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and metaphysical instruct women on how to make choices.

We are cooking!

News flash: Men do not see a woman as a waste of time... Men see spending time, like spending currency, the more a man spends the more he is willing to conclude that it is well spent or charts it  as a loss, and writes it off as Bad debt, never to be recovered.   



Wrong People  Waste Your Time
There’s a very simple method to uncovering wrong guys who waste your time: imagine yourself with the guys in question as your life partner of 50 years. How much of these guys characters can you live your entire lifetime with? This is one way to hasten your decision on which guys are worth your time and effort and which are not. It’s important to be honest about your feelings. If you are unsure, there’s always time to reflect, meditate and look deeply inside yourself for answers. In the final Analysis, none of us can see 50 years down the road. So thinking you can handle everything that comes for 50 years.. is asking someone to travel to the milky-way and back in  a matter of seconds. The  experiences are the only things that will provide clear answers to any questions. 

The way you see people is the way you treat them,
and the way you treat them is what they become.”
—Jon Wolfgang von Goethe

I would like to state one more thing.  I think this is very important... men are visual creatures... we see you now as you are and hope that what we like/ love about you  does not change. Even though we know that it will change. The changes that we see coming on the horizon is what, for some men, will cause a loss of interest ( pre-maturely). But that is not always the case.... Men will not always jump ship... just because you gain some extra pounds.. but hearing you down grade yourself will high-lite  what is changing.  If a woman is a confident woman and remains self confident  them  a good man will recognize her best qualities and continue to admire those qualities... Deserved admiration over long periods of time  will not fade!  

Try going forward without out false expectations. Change is guaranteed nothing else is.  

Could “old-fashioned” practices offer greater longevity?

Could “old-school” practices offer greater  pleasure to your relationship? Quite possibly. Here are some  tried-and-true strategies you can borrow from your parents’ marriage to enhance your own.
There’s a lot of wisdom to be gained from our parents and grandparents.They had companionship marriages, but we’ve raised the bar — we want romance, great sex, and more intimacy. We can reconcile these two approaches. With some of the gentleness and graciousness of previous generations with the technology and savvy of today’s marriages.

1. Don’t Go to Bed Angry
Even if you can’t resolve a disagreement before you hit the sheets, you can agree to let the anger go for the night. Remind each other how lucky you are — even as you disagree — to have each other to disagree with.
But if she is still mad as hell, try offering a massage... a neck rub, a foot massage will  make the anger flow right out of her like magic.



2. Give Compliments
To give a compliment, you’ve got to pay attention — really notice something about someone. If it’s been a while since you’ve doled out flattering praise, try it. It costs nothing to say, “You look good,” “You did a great job,” or “I like your new dress.” Yet compliments can really reassure and pump up your spouse.  You don't the  guy in the cubicle 2 desks away saying these thing to her . Or worse yet the dude on Social media. who offers that right on time flirt and inbox message!

3. Hold Hands
Back in our parents’ time, hand-holding and discreet pecks on the cheek were the tasteful, chaste displays of affection.
Although anything goes these days, its encouraged that couples simply hold hands in public. It somehow affirms to everyone your undying affection and love for each other, and it shows everyone that you are proud to be with each other and you want everyone to know it. There’s an actual electrical connection that passes between us when we touch. You can use that electrical connection to provide juice in your marriage. Give each other little pats and gentle touches and hold hands frequently when you’re walking or driving and you’ll keep the energy — and the sweetness — flowing between you. We are all star dust the energy what flows between us connects us  because we are part of the larger universe.

4. Cut Back on Complaints
Yesteryear’s couples had a comic reputation for nagging — yet, in truth, many partners often held their tongues. A stumbling block in modern marriages is a constant soundtrack of discord. Current generations think that closeness comes from sharing everything, letting each other know how miserable you are. But it doesn’t motivate me to treat you better. Relaying every annoyance is a bad idea. Instead, pick your battles. “Not everything needs to be addressed.”
 Hmmmm!  there just things that are better left unsaid!


5. Try Thoughtful Little Acts
Back in the day, with fewer stresses, limited technology and less multitasking, couples were more “present” in their relationships. The presence of little, daily thoughtful acts showed caring and appreciation for one another. Things like making breakfast for your spouse or packing their lunch, bringing them coffee in the morning or a drink or glass of wine at the end of the day, warming up their car or putting their keys and other personal effects on the hall table, ready to go. Sustaining a happy relationship requires careful thought, a generous spirit this not  hard work. If you look at it as being  the other persons personal organizer.

6. Maintain Same-Sex Friends — and Interests
Women, don’t try to regulate your husband’s or your wife's  pleasures and don’t be jealous if they don’t include you. It’s only been during the past couple of decades that couples expected to share a bulk of their free time together. Retro couples didn’t necessarily want to participate in each others hobbies. Couples should keep close ties with their same-sex friends throughout marriage. This will give you both time to cultivate your own interests, and not be totally reliant on each other for their entertainment.


7. Look Sharp for each other 
You can inspire romance by dressing up for the occasion. “With our hectic schedules, it’s tempting to resort to sweatpants all weekend or immediately changing into a ratty T-shirt after work. Instead, dress up the next time you and your spouse have dinner or plan a night out. Wearing a beautiful dress or a button-down shirt and slacks will be unexpected and make your partner feel special that you took the extra time to look nice. Taking time with your appearance inspires romance and shows your partner you care. Never let yourself go. Look your best as often as possible — it will make your partner feel loved and proud.

8. Put Pen to Paper
Back before cell phones and instant messaging, people wrote letters of affection to each other, often waiting weeks to receive them. Love letters exchanged between a couple can strengthen their relationship by helping them to connect to one another on a deeper level. These letters may also become treasured keepsakes that can be revisited and experienced anew each time they are read. You’ll reap bonus points if you hand write it on beautiful paper and enclose a cherished memento such as a photograph or ticket stub from a movie you saw together. and have teddy do the honors by delivering it.




9. Reinstate Civility

“Please,” “thank you,” “pardon me” and “may I” are phrases that seemed to have all but disappeared from present-day vocabularies, especially with our loved ones. You should extend your partner the same courtesy you would a stranger. When speaking to your spouse, don’t be rude, be respectful. Use a combination of old-school civility and modern frankness. Additionally, try more sweetness and tenderness by saying things more lovingly. Politeness is like a lubricant for your daily interactions; it makes everything go more smoothly.
Husbands, show her that chivalry is not dead: Pull out her chair, open the door for her, help her over a puddle, give her your coat when it is cold outside, help her to put on her coat. This act of affection shows that she is important and there is a level of respect for her.

10. Have Couples Fun

Do you Remember the drive in movie days , recreate it as a private movie night 

Cocktail hour and formal anniversary celebrations with like-minded couples were common activities shared by our parents and their friends. It’s fun and a great way to be social with others and playful with one another.
It is important to identify friends who are healthy additions to your social circle. Your goal is to become close with other couples with similar standards and interests who have positive attitudes about marriage and family life. Gravitate toward fun couples who make you feel supported and enhance your active, healthy lifestyle. Friends like these are good for your marriage and overall well-being.

How well does Vengeance work for you!

After something really painful happens, whether it’s a traumatic experience or after, after you've  been cheated on and wronged in some kind of way, people feel a sense of loss of control. Sometimes the way to maintain control that people exercise is by being aggressive, irritable, and being vengeful towards the other person.

side kick to the face!

Vengeance can feel good in the moment — planning revenge can actually cause our bodies to release certain endorphin(s) because it feels good, it feels like we’re doing something to take action and maintain or regain  control.
However, in the long term,vengeance is more hurtful than helpful in general. It doesn’t quite allow for the healing that tends to be more therapeutic.

And things are even worse for those  who have to stick around and witness the aftermath.

People who are capable of feeling empathy tend to actually feel worse and tend to feel guilty over what they’ve done. Therapeutically, what we know is people who seek vengeance tend to not fare as well as people that allow themselves to grieve and make meaning out of tragedy or being wronged, and people that establish meaningful connections that allow themselves to recover.

You will pay for how you made me feel

In fact,  revenge and a decision to run away falls in line with being a  mysterious “paper girl” image. If you don't connect with people on that deep emotional level… maybe you  practices emotions on a superficial level. For whatever reason, this is why you could be  hurting yourself. Planning vengeance click on link— , is hurting the people who wronged you, but more than anything it’s hurting you. And that’s one of the reasons I think some people   end up running away  and really struggling with recovering.

So if you find yourself in a position where you’ve been hurt by someone else — like maybe if your boyfriend cheated on you with your BFF,what should you do? First item: don’t sneak into their social media profile late at night and mess with their stuff. <smirking>

The best course of action is to surround yourself with people that you love, to open up to loved ones and to that struggle that’s going on. I view emotional pain as almost like an infection. If we ignore it and run away from it, it sits there and builds toxicity and it poisons us from the inside out. On the other hand, if we treat it, initially it’s going to hurt but in the long term that’s how we heal.

"I'm going to kick this feeling of being a victim out of my system "

But self-care and compassion is just as important,   to notice how hurt you were and give yourself that same kind of love and support that you believe you  could get from someone else.

Basically, as cool as it might seem to be  starting a TV series called "Revenge", you’re better off being more like a person creating your series " Healing!" As a person  who has the emotional support you  need from your friends and family to help you  get through the bad times. And also yo might want to go on road trips never to return to the scene of the hurt, of course that is not always possible for everyone. But If you can take some time to stay away for a while  before returning. .....every little bit will help the Healing process!

How do men see you stacking up... Ladies.

Please permit me to state that this was not my research... But  I agree with many of these  percentages.
 let's start with what  most often grabs a man's attention first.

• 88 percent  of us men believe that enhanced breast  can be too much of a good thing. 34E is the average woman's bra size.This what we men are mostly satisfied with. Enhancement are fine for reconstruction after a serious medical issue.  Even though we might jump up to stare a 38DD walking by we are not going to freak out too much if you are not that fully enhanced.

life really starts at 40

A few weeks ago I received an e-mail from a friend, who is a 44-year-old law clerk. She stated “I got divorced four years ago — a surprise for my 40th birthday. And unfortunately, another surprise, when I found out that my husband traded me for a younger model type. At first, he was hiding it from me, but after we finally got divorced, it turned out that he moved into his fifteen years younger girlfriend’s apartment. It wasn’t a cool experience, I must admit, but when I finally got through it, I realized I forgot all my knowledge about dating. My last date was about 20 years ago. With my ex! How to start going out again now when everything is so different?”

It’s true — when we’re in our early 20th’s everything seems simpler and easy. We’re full of youth and spontaneity. We easily and quickly enter into close relationships, I know because this happened to me personally. Years later we want to come back to the stage of dating, to find a loved one, it turns out that we don’t quite know where to start. What once seemed obvious a simple process of engaging someone who caught your eye, now  suddenly becomes a challenge.

Here are some practical tips:

1. Find your strengths 

Note that ripe age is not just nostalgia for a lost time, it’s also valuable experience. You already know what you have to offer. Lay back with a notebook and a pen, write down what you’re proud of, what you like about yourself. These may be traits of character but also skills or physical characteristics. Be aware of them. Also, think about what exactly you seek in a partner. The search is always easier when you get a clear image of who you’re looking for. not someone you will be sparing with daily....

2. Get to know your drawbacks

You’re not perfect. Who is? Imagine how boring the world would be if everyone was “perfect.” Consider, however, which of your habits may be uncomfortable or kind of a pain for another person in the formation of a new relationship. Are you shy, have never opened up to anyone? Being aware of that, you can always tell the other person — “Sorry, I’m not too effusive, it doesn’t mean that I’m not into you.” It really works.

fairless

3. Be natural

When we are concerned about finding the right partner, too focused on making a good impression, women think they often appear much worse than they actually are. Sometimes women try too hard. What about effortless behavior? When women feel comfortable with themselves, others will also feel at ease with them. Artlessness is often way better than perfect make-up.

4. Reduce expectations, increase curiosity

You never know how the first date is going to flow. That’s why it’s always better to go with the slightest of expectations. Instead of expecting something, it’s better to go on a date with natural curiosity. Openness and true interest creates the best conditions to get to know someone. Even if you’re not going to fall in love with someone, there is a chance for good communication and interesting friendship.

Fun loving

5. Have fun!

When you look at your situation as an opportunity to begin a new, an exciting stage in your life.

 BTW Ride-or-die men who are looking for ride-or-die bae are the kinds of guys who are into this look. I mean, if you can rock heavy-ass dreads or brains, which are doing nothing other than absorbing the cruel summer heat to the point that your neck is now as hot as a skillet that’s used to fry catfish, then he knows you can handle the ups and downs of a relationship. He will worship you and call you a queen on the daily, and if he already has dreadlocks, you best believe he is planning on you two creating an army of black, dreadlock-headed babies. Adios, birth control!

So where could we go wrong?

Loving someone with all your heart isn't what got you hurt. Trying to love the wrong person for all the wrong reasons was the real issue....
"You can't be scared of love, and then expect to find it..... Heal from your past, and then you'll be able to receive it." 
Have you played the game where you drop  these conditions on someone: 

• IF you love me, you would .... (fill in the blank) 
• IF you value me, you would.....( fill in the blank) 
• IF you want the best for me, you would.... (fill in the blank) 
• IF I'm the keeper of you heart, you would....(fill in the blank) 

How many times have these types of conditions not work out, in you favor. Leading to disappointments and even break ups!!
When you were Daddy's princess you thought things would turn out perfect when you grow-up.  however .....these things turn out not be true!

• No One Will Ever Hurt You

You don’t want to be hurt, so you want to believe it. But the bottom line is that it just isn’t true. Everyone, no matter that person’s sex, is going to get hurt at some point in life. It’s better to know this and to accept it than to be disenchanted when someone hurts you.

• Prince Charming is Out There, So Is the White Horse

Maybe he is. Maybe he has a white horse, too. But that isn’t the case for everyone. At our base, we are human beings who hurt it each other. It’s better to find a person that you can accept for imperfections and still love than to idealize a fantasy romantic partner.

•  Life is Easy

Life can be easy. It can be fun and happy. But it also can be tragic. A healthy life and a healthy relationship is one in which these two realities are held in balance.

• He Won’t Play You

He will play you. Maybe you’ll play him, too. That’s the odd and difficult journey of the dating world. It’s not right. Some people are more mature than others and have better character. You’re looking for that person. So keep looking until you find him or her.

•  Dad Won’t Let You Down

Being Daddy’s little girl is a wonderful thing. But even Dad can let you down. The basic premise of this entire blog post is that we can’t put all of our trust and admiration in one person alone. We have to accept imperfections, learn to stand on our own, give forgiveness and love freely.

•  You Can Have it All

To have a career, a marriage and a family is possible. But no woman who says she has it all will say it didn’t come without some sacrifice in some category. It’s not fair, but it is reality for a woman in the modern world.

Maybe a different approach might work. check off the don't and find your do(s)
  

• Don't marry for sex, don't marry because you are of age.
• Don't marry because you are getting older,
• Don't marry because you are lonely, don't marry because you need someone to support you financially..... 
• Don't marry because you mistakenly got pregnant.
• Don't marry because you don't want to lose the person, don't marry because of family pressures, 
• Don't marry because you like the idea of marriage and admire every wedding gown you see.

• Don't marry because all your friends are getting married

But get married because you are in love, get married because he or she is your best friend and when that love is no longer the same , he or she can still make you smile....!
   

Responding to Oprah's True to Life statement.

Thank you Oprah. 

HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN :

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says... You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts..❤

By: Oprah Winfrey

Here are a few of the points that I will share  my thoughts on:

News flash: We all want this kind of intimacy! 

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 

we all roll the dice when it comes to finding LOVE

My perspective:The word "nothing"  is just too strong......most men these days, struggle a little more to closing the deal with women. Unlike 20-30-40 years ago when men used to  close the deal with the woman of his choice based on him wanting her. Men back then knew that women were still wanting and needing  men to take care of them. therefore a man with a stable income and good honorable  intentions were more successful in finalizing a courtship and culminating it into a marriage proposal. Women today are more independent and have more stable statuses than many men, women are more educated .. graduating  with higher academic degrees than the average guy so these guys are struggling with confidence issues ( because they still feel they need to take care of a woman and be the primary bread winner for their family) there are probably  more stay at home dads these days..... than all the stay at home dad over the 40 years in the  past  combined. This is not meant to make excuses for  guys who are not stepping up. But since stronger  women will let men know they don't need everything their mothers needed from a man.. men are less likely to go out on the limb and try and close the deal with a strong women.. Since there are still quit a few codependent women out there, Men can avoid dealing with independent women, and settle down with one or even have more than one of these codependent women.    

•   Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

 My perspective: Women who change themselves are less secure, and feel they have to do what the stronger independent women will not do.  So the numbers tell the story. go on a Festival at Sea cruise for example and single women out number single available men 5-10 to One. so guys don't go on these cruises in great numbers simply because..... there are just too many women to choose from. We never want to pick the wrong woman only to  find out later that we could have picked the one best compatible with us. 

women now have options that are
very acceptable in today's society

    

• Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. 

My perspective: stringing a woman along has as much to do with the numbers ratio I just mentioned before. since codependent women will most likely do most of what a guy wants.. he does not feel pressured  to commit to her. Or he might be thinking there is more fish in the sea. and the next time he hits a night out with the fellahs he might just maybe see "Ms Right" across the room.  

• You cannot change a man's behavior. 

 my perspective: OK, there is an old adage.. women marry a man planning to change him, a man marries a woman wanting her  to not ever change.so neither gets what they want. We all forget change happens everyday... just ask your mothers, if your dad never changed his behaviors over time.... if he was a player he settled down after awhile, if  he wasn't a player, he started wonder if he missed out on something when he was younger... and his more secure status ( mainly due to the woman he settle down  with) becomes more appealing to the woman who is looking for Mr. Right belonging to someone else. 

these locks have gone though some experiences over the ages,
they have the scratches and chipped paint to prove it.

• Never let a man define who you are.

My perspective: every woman has been defined by a man (starting with her last name.... which always belonged to a man). If she had a good dad or bad dad he defined her in some way or another...... if she had a good man or she had a bad man in the past  she was defined at some point by one of these  male figures. Now there are women who are influenced by other women... these women were roll-models who set the examples for others to follow... even when  that was  the case....... a man still had a hand in defining even the roll model, my  though is every reaction a now independent  woman has is due to a man in her life.  past, Present or never again ! note to the ladies: A good mentor will encourage you to step out of your comfort zone.

• You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street.

Bending over backwards is
OK if he is holding you 

 my perspective: Roads  bend and then straighten out eventually..... the rules of change applies in every single case...   compromise is never totally Yielding. compromise is an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. In my humble view  a woman who compromises  usually does not get the short end of the deal. She wins because she is better at making her case where the man will compromise more  and give in.   

• Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

My perspective: I believe you should  "Date  while you Wait!" However Dating is only Fun if both parties agree to take it slow in the  feelings and commitment expectations. However dating is often not about process of elimination, which it should be! It is often about hooking "the one" you think you want. when he turns out not to be "the one" a woman wants, after all is said and done ( maybe sex came into play way too early )  she thinks she  was used and her softness was taken advantaged of. Regrets  looms over these encounters, causing scars....... 

• Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful

My perspective: We men also stay in bad relationships because we don't want to give up a "sure thing..." (the proverbial " a bird in the hand"  belief that someone is  in our life is better than no one in our life )   so both parties are  short changing themselves.  because of fear of being alone...

I have to go, I can't stay because you don't need me!

• If he doesn't want you nothing can make him stay!

My perspective: Wanting is so different when times change in relationships. Everyone wants to be wanted. but after awhile people start thinking and questions what is it costing you? It might be costing you what you can't afford. Wants and needs are different in each case and  each person puts value on things differently. A man might want what a woman has to offer but situations might present themselves that make his wanting or not wanting  her an issue for both that can't be resolved.  

“Compliments” That may Only Piss Her Off.

Men mean well, but we don’t always know the right thing to say. Some things that men may consider compliments actually just piss a woman off, the opposite of the desired effect! Becoming familiar with what not to say will help you learn how to actually compliment a woman, which could benefit you in many ways.
Compliments are not always as kind as they seem. Before you give a girl/woman a compliment, ask yourself if there’s any way it could come across as rude or stupid. If there is, throw it out, and keep thinking! The following are thoughtless compliments:

1. “You’re different than the other girls I’ve dated.”

He's a damn idiot, for comparing me to anyone in his past! 

Complimenting women by making comparisons is a huge no-no. It’s rude, because it puts the past women down, but it also makes her wonder what’s different about her, and whether it’s good or bad.
My BAD perspective: If you as a guy  consider yourself an individual, you think of yourself as different to everyone else... You may like the compliment about looking or acting like any of your heroes. M.J.  which ever one or  great leaders like President Obama. Now picture how a woman feels to be categorize. You are telling her you've made bad choices in the past and now you are in uncharted water. Women may excuse one dumb remarks. but she will start thinking you are a fool.       

2. “I love that I don’t have to try around you.”

Who is this fool, does he know who I am? 

Even though you’re trying to tell her that she’s easy to be around, she may take it as you saying that she’s not worth the effort. It’s not smart to compliment a woman by telling her you’re not willing to work hard for her.
My BAD perspective: this falls in the category of OMG. If  you are not  trying and you don't care to give her your BEST.... Now reverse the situation and ask would you settle for a woman who is not willing to give you her best? SMH. If it isn't good for the gander it sure isn't good enough for the swan.

3. “How are you still single?”

While most men mean it theoretically, she’s going to take it literally. This does nothing but put her on the defensive, because you’re essentially asking what the deal breaker was with every other guy.
My BAD perspective: If  she's single for whatever reason take it to mean she has been wait to meet the "right guy." by asking her you are telling her You are NOT that right guy. 

4. “You’re a keeper.”

Read my eyes, that was not a compliment.. you are a fool! 

Saying this one too fast can make it seem like you’re rushing into things. Not only that, but it’s evaluative, making her think you’re checking off a mental check list.
My BAD perspective: If  you are at a horse stable  looking to buy a horse, you might think to yourself she is the perfect ride or die chick.  However women in the 21st century are not looking to be kept... Women want to be  partners with a good man who is willing to give her her props she has worked hard for.... and if you  are trying to turn her into a possession you are losing ground by the second.   

5. “You look gorgeous in that pic.”

This tells her two things: that she doesn’t look good in other pictures or that she doesn’t look good in person. Neither are things you would want to use as a compliment. My BAD perspective: OK this one  is a double edge sword .  She want to think she is gorgeous all the time in your eyes not just in a particular picture. You need to just say you are gorgeous.... and leave the rest of the words in your head. You can't go wrong if you say less and think more.  

6. “You look great.”

Don't tickle me, I  will not forgive you,
and you will not be getting any of this tonight!

While this may be an actual compliment, it’s incredibly half-assed and shows her that you’re putting no effort into complimenting her hard work. My BAD perspective: If  she spent time at the hair dresser, nail salon, spa  just to look right for you. You better come up with some thing better than great.  We men go to the barber shop get a hair cut and even  our facial hair trimmed in 30 mins. So we tend to not know, understand or care..... what trouble women go through to get ready for a date or work or an outing.  Think if you would appreciate her saying to you: " you're .... OK!" the pause will make you think is that the best she come up with? What's wrong with how I look, or sang to her, or performed sexually? 

K.I.S.S.  tell her  "Your are a shining STAR"   

Things That Make HER "THE ONE!"

There is nothing wrong with putting value on your appearance and that of your partner – we all do it. I know I do. Physical attraction is the fundamental starting point of essentially any relationship – but if that is the only glue bonding the two of you together, it will quickly weaken and break apart. The flame may burn strongly – but briefly.


You don’t have to win the lottery in the gene pool to be sexy. We may not be able to decide the cards that are dealt to us, but we can decide how we play our hand. when we look at the other person as "the ONE"  we need to Choose wisely. here are a few things that might just be the deal maker. Look for...

Confidence.
Confidence is key. Being ‘perfect,’ is not. A strong, purposeful walk, head held high, eye contact, and a wide, welcoming smile – go a long way.
Confidence breeds more than just a strong presence or attraction, it’s the foundation for a strong life. Successful, whatever that means to you. The ability to go after what you want, which is also extremely sexy.


Ambition.
Ambition gives a woman a purpose, a drive, a direction in life. Ambition is sexy because a man who has his own goals can see her as a partner, a teammate, someone he can take on the world with – and that’s how a relationship should be.

Passion.
Passion for life. Passion for another person. Passion for an interest, a hobby, art, music, anything that drives you. To see a woman in her element and truly loving what she is doing, is once again very sexy.

Kindness.
To treat others with kindness is an disappointingly rare quality in modern society. Taking a few moments to go out of your way to talk to someone, showing compassion to another member of the human race, regardless of who they are or where they’re from shows heart, and a level of depth that could never be made up for by a beautiful exterior.


Honesty.
When a woman is genuinely herself and doesn’t change for anyone, it displays many of the above qualities all together. It also shows that she has enough respect for you to be up front with you and not hide anything.
How long will you stay in a committed relationship with a beautiful or handsome liar? If you cannot trust your partner or believe what they say, how can you construct a solid, lasting foundation with them? You can’t.

Classy.
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again. Class has nothing to do with the price tag on your outfit. Class is about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you show to those around you.
It doesn’t matter what kind of car someone is driving, what part of town they live in, or what brand of clothing they’re wearing – if they have an ugly attitude and embarrass others in public, none of it matters. But on the positive side if she acts classy no matter where she comes from...... she has plans to go places.


Intelligence conversation.
There is no denying that someone’s looks are what initially draws us to them. It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Many a fling was built on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?
When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical activity together, but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone on that alone. Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics, will always trump shallow beauty in the long run.

Hmmm! Men Are Afraid Of Independent Women?

Why?  Independent Women are just women ..... Right?

Men are afraid of independent women because of societal norms that have been propagated throughout history. Men have been the heads of households in the world for most of recorded history, and societies have been established to benefit men. Women who are strong and independent do not need a man to run their lives or manage the household. Women’s standards have increased so much over the past few decades that men have been completely stricken by the strong women they meet.

My BAD perspective is: The words "strong women" are taken out of context... Women throughout the ages have been strong for over a century....... just that today's independent women have to be stronger because they don't have a fall back. Having to deal with all of life's stresses... is challenging enough, which make these women less willing to put up with the male fragile  ego of  having to worry that he has to compete with her success, to impress her!  

#1:  Independent Women Are More Than Looks

Many men become instantly afraid of women they meet who are massively intelligent or successful. A beautiful woman is just a beautiful woman until a man talk to her, and men are intimidated by a woman who can take care of herself. The male archetype of breadwinner and protector is not always accurate, and a woman who has a good life without a man seems impossible to please. Men often give up until they find a woman who is needy.

My BAD perspective is: Most men see "independent women" as movie star types, where Rihanna and Beyonce are at the top of the charts... women in the corporate world have similar public admiration. any man who walk into a gala on her arm is a back drop  filler. instead of the guy and his date. Men with  pride  don't want  play second violin. men never want  to be the shadow.

#2: Women Are Interdependent

Women have support systems that involve many other women and sensitive men. There are men searching for women today who do not understand the social structures women have. A woman has friends to talk to about her relationships, and a woman does not necessarily need to have a romantic relationship to be deeply intimate with someone. Women get emotional intimacy from their friends, and men are often unable to provide that level of intimacy.
My BAD perspective is: Heads up... women can go to their Male hair dresser (sensitive men) and talk about their encounters with men. Women can have "let's all exhale" sessions with their BFF(s). Intimacy has become the requirement.. and  many men see intimacy without sex as a waste of time.


#3:  Independent Women Have Male Friends And Standards

Women who are strong and independent have male friends who have raised the bar for any man she might date. A woman does not need a man who cannot treat her at least as well as her male friends or her brothers. Women whose best friends are men often compare their relationships to their friendships, and anyone who is not a true gentlemen is not worth the time a woman must put into the relationship.

My BAD perspective is: Every totally independent woman has girlfriends who are married to  that guy who fits that not so stereo typical "perfect man"  need I say more. these guy spoil it for Joe Average. 


#4:  Independent Women Are Not Babysitters

Women have been expected to babysit their boyfriends and husbands throughout the centuries, but the modern woman will not babysit a man she dates. Men must be able to manage their own lives without help from their girlfriends, and a woman who must manage your life will drop you in a heartbeat. You must get yourself out of a misogynistic mindset before you approach a strong and independent woman.

My BAD perspective is: Seldom do men kick-start their adult lives by being home owners.... having your own place, is put on the list for when a man has found  the "one"  she will choose the home he will invest in, she will pick the furniture, she will decorate the dwelling in her "feng shui" style. Most men unless we are subscriber to Architectural digest  don't know what we want.. we are waiting to be shown what we like ... so being shown has a few problems it's an ego deflating scenario.   

Her bracelet tells all there is to know about her!

 'She is not A GOLD DIGGER''

Things Guys Tell Their Friends About You:

Guys talk. For some it may not be a lot, but we do. Here are seven things he’s telling his friends about you:

1. He exposes the intensity to your beauty treatment.

Sure, it may sound like the stereotypical “You wouldn’t believe how long it takes my girlfriend to get ready” type of banter, but what is actually happening here is that your man is bragging about how thoroughly you work to ensure you look good for him, indicates this is an endearing quality he sees in you. When women take the time to read self help books.. They know what will impress a man enough to talk about then to their buddies.

2. He talks about your most frequent sexual exploits.

While this definitely depends on the guy, many men engage in this conversation not as a way to embarrass you but, instead, as a primal need to show other males their pack-leader characteristic. Notifying “the guys” of last night’s  romp is your man’s way of reminding everyone that he is still on top of his primal game. He has a conversation on your skills ....she plays the piano and know how to make an evening very romantic. the tune she played lead to an amazing after events.  .

3. He talks about your raise, promotion, salary.

While you may be mystified that he never wants to discuss last night’s dinner or you saving $40 on last week’s grocery bill, he does want to disclose your salary. The reality is that his pride is two-fold. He is excited to share your accomplishments, sure…but men also value power (and benefits of power) even indirectly associated to them. Sharing these status symbols is his way of proving your awesomeness to his buddies in a way they value. She is not about my money she works hard for own money.

4. He talks about your latest fight.

He could just be blowing off steam, but chances are when he discloses major details about your fight he is looking for support from his friends or, at the least, to see whether or not this is a common fight his buddies are experiencing, as well.

5. He talks about your family.

If your dad is standoffish or your mother is vocal about hating that beard he is growing, he’s probably discussing it with his friends. Men often use their friends as a gauge for how they should handle a situation. Additionally, he may feel the need to let off some steam about those close to you instead of telling you for fear of hurting your feelings or, worse yet, fear that you will try to patch things over with your parents by relaying his disclosure. They may not appreciate it creating unnecessary rifts between everyone concerned. No guy want to that, if he know his woman is all about family. So friends become a sounding board.  

6. He talks about your future.

This is simple…whether you’ve began discussing expanding your family, buying a house, or moving, your man is discussing what all of this means to him, to his friends. things like,She turned my place into a feng shui house  the first time she spend a day over. she is so very organized. News flash men really admire women who can organize  their lives with out fussing at him. Like like Nike she just does it. No man sees that as a  "Not Good thing."  

7. He tells them you’re the one!

What a bummer, you won’t actually be there to hear it…but if you are new to a relationship, chances are his friends will be the ones to hear firsthand as he begins to recognize that you are "the one" he needs his grandmother’s ring for. It may be stated outright or in subtle ways, but it’s there.