Responding to Oprah's True to Life statement.

Thank you Oprah. 

HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN :

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE
individuals. Look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.

Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says... You should know that: You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one. They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts..❤

By: Oprah Winfrey

Here are a few of the points that I will share  my thoughts on:

News flash: We all want this kind of intimacy! 

• If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. 

we all roll the dice when it comes to finding LOVE

My perspective:The word "nothing"  is just too strong......most men these days, struggle a little more to closing the deal with women. Unlike 20-30-40 years ago when men used to  close the deal with the woman of his choice based on him wanting her. Men back then knew that women were still wanting and needing  men to take care of them. therefore a man with a stable income and good honorable  intentions were more successful in finalizing a courtship and culminating it into a marriage proposal. Women today are more independent and have more stable statuses than many men, women are more educated .. graduating  with higher academic degrees than the average guy so these guys are struggling with confidence issues ( because they still feel they need to take care of a woman and be the primary bread winner for their family) there are probably  more stay at home dads these days..... than all the stay at home dad over the 40 years in the  past  combined. This is not meant to make excuses for  guys who are not stepping up. But since stronger  women will let men know they don't need everything their mothers needed from a man.. men are less likely to go out on the limb and try and close the deal with a strong women.. Since there are still quit a few codependent women out there, Men can avoid dealing with independent women, and settle down with one or even have more than one of these codependent women.    

•   Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

 My perspective: Women who change themselves are less secure, and feel they have to do what the stronger independent women will not do.  So the numbers tell the story. go on a Festival at Sea cruise for example and single women out number single available men 5-10 to One. so guys don't go on these cruises in great numbers simply because..... there are just too many women to choose from. We never want to pick the wrong woman only to  find out later that we could have picked the one best compatible with us. 

women now have options that are
very acceptable in today's society

    

• Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. 

My perspective: stringing a woman along has as much to do with the numbers ratio I just mentioned before. since codependent women will most likely do most of what a guy wants.. he does not feel pressured  to commit to her. Or he might be thinking there is more fish in the sea. and the next time he hits a night out with the fellahs he might just maybe see "Ms Right" across the room.  

• You cannot change a man's behavior. 

 my perspective: OK, there is an old adage.. women marry a man planning to change him, a man marries a woman wanting her  to not ever change.so neither gets what they want. We all forget change happens everyday... just ask your mothers, if your dad never changed his behaviors over time.... if he was a player he settled down after awhile, if  he wasn't a player, he started wonder if he missed out on something when he was younger... and his more secure status ( mainly due to the woman he settle down  with) becomes more appealing to the woman who is looking for Mr. Right belonging to someone else. 

these locks have gone though some experiences over the ages,
they have the scratches and chipped paint to prove it.

• Never let a man define who you are.

My perspective: every woman has been defined by a man (starting with her last name.... which always belonged to a man). If she had a good dad or bad dad he defined her in some way or another...... if she had a good man or she had a bad man in the past  she was defined at some point by one of these  male figures. Now there are women who are influenced by other women... these women were roll-models who set the examples for others to follow... even when  that was  the case....... a man still had a hand in defining even the roll model, my  though is every reaction a now independent  woman has is due to a man in her life.  past, Present or never again ! note to the ladies: A good mentor will encourage you to step out of your comfort zone.

• You should not be the one doing all the bending... Compromise is two way street.

Bending over backwards is
OK if he is holding you 

 my perspective: Roads  bend and then straighten out eventually..... the rules of change applies in every single case...   compromise is never totally Yielding. compromise is an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. In my humble view  a woman who compromises  usually does not get the short end of the deal. She wins because she is better at making her case where the man will compromise more  and give in.   

• Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

My perspective: I believe you should  "Date  while you Wait!" However Dating is only Fun if both parties agree to take it slow in the  feelings and commitment expectations. However dating is often not about process of elimination, which it should be! It is often about hooking "the one" you think you want. when he turns out not to be "the one" a woman wants, after all is said and done ( maybe sex came into play way too early )  she thinks she  was used and her softness was taken advantaged of. Regrets  looms over these encounters, causing scars....... 

• Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful

My perspective: We men also stay in bad relationships because we don't want to give up a "sure thing..." (the proverbial " a bird in the hand"  belief that someone is  in our life is better than no one in our life )   so both parties are  short changing themselves.  because of fear of being alone...

I have to go, I can't stay because you don't need me!

• If he doesn't want you nothing can make him stay!

My perspective: Wanting is so different when times change in relationships. Everyone wants to be wanted. but after awhile people start thinking and questions what is it costing you? It might be costing you what you can't afford. Wants and needs are different in each case and  each person puts value on things differently. A man might want what a woman has to offer but situations might present themselves that make his wanting or not wanting  her an issue for both that can't be resolved.