Marriage Is Not About The Ceremony And The Rings

Couples must stop getting carried away with the extravagant weddings at the expense of their financial security. The only people who matter on your wedding day are you and your spouse; that’s it! If couples are smart, they will invest their hard-earned money into a college fund, pay down their debt or put a down payment on a first home. I know that doesn’t sound sexy, but having debt will suck the passion out of your marriage faster than the last cold beer at a family reunion!
I know this may sound redundant but I have to reiterate. A marriage is a lifetime responsibility, not a staged event that ends after the reception. We want the ring but not the responsibility. We want the ceremony but not the commitment. We want the richer but not the poorer, the thick but not the thin. But marriage isn’t a buffet where you can pick and choose which vows you want to submit to. And simply calling yourself husband and wife doesn’t make your problems disappear. As soon as the ceremony is over, nothing magical is going to happen. You’re going to be the same two people with the same unresolved issues when the lights go out! And an expensive ring and flashy ceremony won’t change that!
~ Michael Baisden

I have no idea what he will think or do  if I get fat....  
I'm not sure  what he  really likes!

When I read the "we want" list above... I have to note that these are things women "want" and "don't want." Why?  Simply because men don't care about the Want(s) listed , men go along with what women want when it  comes to getting married, and may want to commit to the thick and thin, richer or poorer. It's women who bail out when the  richer becomes poorer, men may stick  around when things are thick and bail when they become thin ( or the other way around, depending on our taste.)      

We are now "ONE!"

While surfing TV channels one evening I stumbled and clicked on a program title " Married at first Sight". I thought "What the Hell?" then I decided to watch it for a few minutes.  Curious about who are these people in the Western World  who let others decide for them who to get married to. the Brides had never seen the grooms and the groom had not even spoken to the brides. Their families and friends were  all present for the big event. I was SMH. then I understood the concept. The  folks that put these couples together studies their personalities and their "wants" and "needs" and then  matched them up. It was interesting since I knew that matching couples up was not new. But here were mostly people who were so totally frustrated with their dating lives that they would trust others to find the right person for them. 3 couples   all went through with the weddings, with the understanding  that they could have the marriages annulled if the honeymoons did not work out. Or they  could consummate the marriages  during or after the honey moons.
Needless to say I didn't watch the rest to see who would stick with their marriages and who would have it annulled. I wasn't that interested..... no more than I would be watching " the bachelor " or any other reality shows. These are  terrible  actors  trying to entertain us. But I did think about a few things. So how is this different from  folks who rush to get married without really knowing the other person.  Here are few things I think you need to weather in your relationship before you get married. If you can deal with  all 9, then you would have tested the waters and be able to deal with issues down the road in a your marriage.  

At Peace and ready to commit long term! 

1. Understand your own feelings. Make sure that you can clearly state what's bothering you about any situation and then share it with your partner and trust them to understand.

2. Commit to forgiving.  Decide that you will take whatever action you need to feel better about what’s going wrong.

3. Focus on finding peace. The goal is to find peace and understanding. You won’t always be able to reconcile the issue fully so instead, focus on accepting what happened.

4. Get a new view. Look at the situation honestly. You’re likely letting past issue affect your present outlook so look at present circumstances to soothe those hurt feelings.

5. Control your stress. When you start to get upset, look for a way to immediately reduce your stress.

6. Eliminate expectations. Realize that you cannot control the actions of another person. Even if you wish someone would behave a certain way, don’t expect them to do so.

7. Channel your energy. Use your energy for good by finding new ways to get what you want.

8. Look around for love. Take the love and forgiveness that you can find in your relationship and internalize it.

9. Remember that you chose forgiveness. Whenever you think about the situation that hurt you, include the fact that you chose to forgive.

Good Luck, because these are not easy, but then again neither is marriage!