Here are some good reason to be married these days

Which rule will you follow, LADIES? The British rule states that on the 29th of Feb is the one day women can propose (ladies choice) Marriage to a man, or the Greek rule that states it's BAD luck to get married in a leap year.

The topic of marriage can bring about a myriad of emotional responses. Depending on the person and their experiences, marriage can feel like the plot of a romantic tear-jerking novel or a grand horror story.I’ll  focus on the benefits of marriage. Because, as it turns out, there are some amazing health benefits to the old ball and chain. Maybe the vows should include these 10 points. 

I like taking walks but I'm afraid of snakes..
your job is to keep them away  from me.

1. Companionship  
Simply put, companionship is the good feeling that comes from being with someone else. Knowing that someone is there for you and ready to support you can make life’s transitions smoother. Companionship is especially beneficial in terms of emotional health, as one study shows that married women and men are less likely to experience mental illness such as dementia and severe depression.


2. Staying healthy
According to the New York Times, contemporary studies show married couples are less likely to experience pneumonia, heart attacks, or be diagnosed with cancer. Married women and men are also five percent less likely to suffer from cardiovascular disease.

3. Sexual health 

So good sex means I will keep my figure 8.. come here dude!

This may make some people laugh, considering the ongoing joke about the lack of sex in marriage. But, research shows that couples who maintain an active and healthy sex life tend to have better sleeping habits which can lead to a stronger immune system. Sex also burns calories, which can contribute to maintaining a healthy  BMI, or body mass index

.

4. Financial health 

Financial merger  means I can shop twice as much!

For couples who choose to merge financially, marriage can mean huge savings. Sharing a mortgage can be far less expensive than renting two separate apartments. You can also save money by buying in bulk on pretty much everything from home items to cell phone plans and health insurance. There are also multiple tax breaks if you decide to file jointly. Keeping your financial health under control can prepare you for a smooth retirement.

5. Share parental responsibilities

Dude you have to help me carry this baby to term.

Sharing parental responsibilities can lower stress for you, your spouse, and your children. Typically, two-parent households provide better supervision, support, and resources for the entire family.

6. Better memory
We tend to forget things as we age. Intimate couples develop an “interpersonal cognitive system” from which they can rely on to fill memory gaps. A high level of intimacy is crucial to the effectiveness of shared memories.

7. Longer lifespan
The health benefits of marriage are so strong that a married man with heart disease can be expected to live, on average, 1,400 days longer than an unmarried man with a healthy heart.”

What's good for my heart is also good for him living longer! 

8. Success
Teamwork makes the dream work, right? This saying not only applies to school and work environments. It also applies to your marriage. According to US News, married people are more likely to have stronger social networks because they have access to each others contacts, which can provide important connections and resources.

9. In sickness and in health
Studies show that you’re more likely to recover from illness faster if you are married. Also, having someone to care for you while you are ill makes for a significantly speedier recovery.

Do you get the meaning of our vows?

10. Till death do us part
Married couples are more likely to purchase life insurance to ensure that their family maintains the same standard of living in the event of a death. Having a spouse to act as the beneficiary of your belongings and funeral arrangements can put a slight ease on worrying about how your family will be taken care of when you are no longer here.

There is different kinds of love!

There is a different kind of love; a love that isn’t always the happy kind, resulting in the joining of two people; the fusing of two lives into one; a love that gives you life.

this is what my fantasy was from the days when I was a little girl. 

Contrary to popular belief, or fantasy embedded into us at an early age – sometimes love doesn’t conquer all. There is a love that a person will feel when he or she can never, and will never, be able to be with that certain someone. It’s a darker love; a kind of love that happens when two flames that results in combustion, causing fireworks that leave you with burns to heal over time – but the scars never fade.

It’s odd to think that something so beautiful can also be the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with. Some people cannot, and will not ever end up together, no matter how much they love each other. It’s a sad truth – but a truth, nonetheless.

He will never leave his wife and marry me!

Some people aren’t ready to be happy or to be loved, and you meet them at the wrong time – at an unfortunate time. Not all people are able to handle showing you their dark bits; their gory bits. And no matter how much you love their demons, they cannot accept that they are worthy of this kind of love.

Some people run from love. With real love, comes the risk of pain; true heartache. The kind of pain that can crush your gut and eat your soul, leaving you gasping for air.

This is so an unreal dream, you will  be gone when I wake up !

Love can get too intense, too real – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world; the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil; beautiful and ugly. 

This intensity may cause people to have poor judgment, like lies we told or things we said. Because there are people who cannot handle real love, it makes them terrified and confused. Whatever happened in their past has left them on emotional  crutches; creating a broken part of themselves – a part that isn’t able to allow or accept love.

The fact is, love is not enough for some people.

Some people have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to be a team with the person who they love. Some people are broken; their thinking habits and tendencies make them very incompatible with the person they love.

Some people are self-destructive and no matter how great your love with them is, that love is not enough. Because remember: love isn’t rational.

Bitchette is surfacing again!

Sometimes there are other reasons why two people cannot and will not ever be together. Sometimes a person cannot forgive and forget. Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that hurt the ones who we love the most.

When those choices are made, love can scar, cutting deeply. The pain isn’t easily or willfully forgotten. When you hurt the person you love enough, they won’t come back to you. And because you still love them, you hate yourself and can’t forgive yourself for sabotaging it.

Relationships are built on trust and sometimes that trust is shattered. The grueling part is that you still love each other, and probably always will. The scars that will never heal is something that you both have to live with. Why? Because there really isn’t any other choice. 

I have more that my share of trust issues!

Love will never be governed by rationality, and no matter how dark and sad it ended up being, it’s still the closest thing to a flawless whole that you have been a part of. After some time, your heart will slowly reform, coming back stronger.

Time will pass and the darkness will eventually subside. After all, darkness is, in reality, the absence of light. New light will come, and you’ll wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old – which it can.

But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so it is. The gory side of love.

"Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination."

~Barbara Grizzuti Harrison 

 Fantasy!

The Fear Of Being Alone!

I love being alone! I look forward to it, I plan for it, I celebrate it! I run red lights to get home so I can close my door and shut out the world to enjoy my aloneness. Maybe that’s just the Cancerian in me.. But for most people the idea of coming home to an empty house is terrifying. And the older they get, the more terrifying it is. The moment they arrive home, they rush to turn on the television, radio or get on the phone with friends and family to avoid hearing their own thoughts. If they have children, they stay engaged with them all day, leaving little or no time for themselves.
Some people are so afraid of being by themselves that they abuse drugs, alcohol and pornography just to numb their senses so they don’t have to think about being alone. Others practically live on social network sites desperate to connect with other human beings. As a people person, I can relate to the need to feel the presence of other people. Each day on my Baisden Live page on Facebook and Twitter I post “Good Morning” and “Good Night” comments and attach beautiful photographs. I can literally feel the joy it brings to people who simply want to be acknowledged.
Unfortunately, many people don’t have that connection, and for others it’s simply not enough. Men and women both feel this void at different points in their lives and to varying degrees. Men don’t talk about the fear of being alone, mostly because it’s just not cool. No testosterone-filled man is going to call his buddy and say, “Hey, man, I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately; what should I do about it?”

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not implying that men aren’t looking for love or that special person to share their lives with, but men, unlike women, can be happy long term with one or more partners who are satisfying their sexual and social needs, especially if she’s not causing drama and she’s throwing down in the kitchen. Men will do anything to keep from feeling alone, even if it means having temporary women in and out of their lives for years. ~ Michael Baisden

Couples are always told; “Be friends first” but how many people actually take that advice? Establishing friendships almost never comes before sex, before we establish good communication, or even before conceiving children. Yes, we should be friends first but how often does that really happen? I just wonder why we keep saying it and not living up to it. What do you think? ~ Michael Baisden

My perspective isn't much different... from the above.
however For those wondering what’s on the minds of men,  like me. I'm  giving you the inside scoop on what many men really want to know about dating a  woman.

IS SHE ADVENTUROUS?"
More and more Black men are embarking on different hobbies such as running, hiking, kayaking, hunting, fishing, etc.. One of the first questions they ask is; “Will she do these things with me, or at least accompany me?” I encourage my female friends to keep an open mind and at least try to enjoy a new experience even if it takes them outside their comfort zone. Remember ladies, it’s all about creating memories.

"IS SHE SPONTANEOUS?"
Yes, ladies this one’s a biggie. I hear right from my Black male friends mouths that they get bored easily and are looking for a woman to break the monotony. Be open to trying new things like tasting different types of food or trying an adventurous or totally unexpected activity.

"CAN SHE MAKE DECISIONS WITHOUT FAMILY PRESSURE?"
He wants to know 1. Will your business stay between just you two? 2. Do you need your parents or other family members’ approval before making decisions? Or, will you make important decisions together as a team?

“IF SHE’S SPIRITUAL, THAT’S A PLUS. BUT WHAT ELSE CAN SHE OFFER?”
Many of our Black men love a woman who believes in God and will pray on their behalf. But will she beat him over the head with her religion every chance she gets? Will she require every date and every conversation to be consumed with her love of the Lord? They share that they want her to have more to offer and to discuss besides all things church. Although spirituality is most often a plus with these fellas, they would rather you showcase the characteristics and hobbies that make you unique in addition to your love of God.

"CAN SHE FLIP IT?"
Many Black men tell me they want a woman they can bring around their friends but who can also represent them well with the right amount of professionalism and sexy whether it’s accompanying them to a work event or going out on a romantic night on the town. Cliché, but sadly, still a true question they do emphasize.

“IF SHE’S AMBITIOUS, CAN SHE STILL BE DOWN TO EARTH?”
The majority of my friends over the years  were successful, professional, affluent singles. What they shared with me is that they are extremely proud of our sisters, however they don’t want to hear about work, work, work all of the time. They want to see the fun side of you and have you turn off the HSIC (Head Sister In Charge) button at 5PM. He wants to know you can be strong when needed but also his fun, spontaneous, sexy woman he can unwind with when the two of you are together enjoying each other.

"CAN SHE BE AS VULNERABLE AS SHE IS STRONG?"
Some  Black men tell me, that early on in a dating relationship, it’s sometimes difficult to get to know the real woman beneath the hard exterior she’s developed to cope with past hurts and failed relationships. They want to know more about you early on and what makes you tick. Try to start off every new relationship with a clean slate; give him a preview of who you are at your core and welcome him to get to know more and more of the real you. It’s okay to be optimistic and it will help you form a deeper emotional bond.

"DOES SHE DISCUSS THINGS OR JUST COMPLAIN?"
Many men mention concern over dating women who would rather argue than discuss what’s on their mind.

"DOES SHE HAVE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK?"
One thing that can be a huge turn-on for our Black men is the woman who consistently operates as if the glass is half full—someone who is encouraging and can see what seems impossible for both herself and her man.

"IS SHE CONFIDENT WITH HER BODY?
We have said this a million times: Our Black men tell us the most attractive thing about a woman is her confidence, no matter what size she is. If she likes it and looks and feels beautiful, he loves it. Case closed. Stop pointing out all of your flaws. Most often you are bringing attention to things he doesn’t even see. I say, own it, sistah!

"IS SHE ON MY TEAM?"
Black men tell me they just want to know they have a safe, nonjudgmental place in you to feel safe and secure. We ask things like: Will she have my back? When I have a bad day, can I trust her to lift me up and encourage me? Does she support me as much as I’ll support her?

"IS SHE VAIN?"
 Is she willing to get her hair wet? The natural hair movement is here to stay, but Black women (natural or relaxed) don’t want to get their hair wet. This limits activities they love such as swimming, splashing around at the beach and jet skiing. Our Black male clients who are active in water sports like boating and fishing worry that certain styles take a lot of work for a woman to maintain if it gets wet. He would rather her experience these activities with him and have a style that allows her the flexibility to not make her hair a huge issue.

PLEASE, DON'T MISS THE POINT HERE
MY goal is always to provide our sisters with a better understanding of what the real men ARE looking for L-O-V-E,  are thinking. Whenever I see a trend or hear a reoccurring theme in one area or another I want to let you know. Understanding how men look at dating and hookups can help you better understand their dating behaviors. I want you to be well informed and have successful, happy, long term relationships and marriages. Here’s to love!

How frustrated are you? Are you trying to fix a dude?

Stop Trying To Fix Broken Men, By Michael Baisden.

Stop trying to Fix a Dude Syndrome lecture.

Some women approach being single philosophically and decide the universe simply hasn’t lined up properly for their ideal mate to reveal himself, or they accept that it’s not in God’s time. Others look at being single as an opportunity to take a break from men altogether and practice celibacy, while others throw up their hands and join the ranks of the ‘Other Woman Club’.

The most desperate act of all is when a woman becomes so frustrated that she begins to experiment with same sex relationships knowing damn well she isn’t gay or bisexual. Eventually the majority of them will get bored with their alternative lifestyles and jump back into the dating scene looking for the perfect man to date, marry, or at least have sex with. And if they can’t find the perfect match they’ll settle for one with ‘potential’ and attempt to create their ideal.

I like to refer to this as the Fix a Dude Syndrome. That’s when women date men who they know don’t measure up to their standards but they try to talk themselves into being with him by focusing on one good quality. “I’m not really attracted to him but he has a good job,” they tell themselves. Or “He sucks in bed but he’s great with the kids.” Gimme a break ladies, it’s hard enough to maintain a relationship with the perfect man but settling for a guy who doesn’t stimulate you mentally or sexually is a recipe for disaster!

Excerpt from Michael Baisden's new book, 

My perspective: Many years ago, a good friend of mine said something that completely changed the way I viewed sex and relationships. He said: “Before a girl sleeps with a guy, she has all the power. Afterward, he has all the power.” I’ve told this to countless friends, both male and female, over the years and have been met with a resounding: “That is so true!.” while others will just state "that is B.S." You can choose to agree or disagree, but there’s no denying that sleeping with a guy has a significant impact on the relationship and can either deepen it or turn it into a physical thing without an emotional leg to stand on.

"Maybe if I cook for her, she will spend the night with me!

Most  of us men want sex and most women want a commitment.Simple fact a man will sleep with  a woman without  even thinking  about committing, very few women will do that, it will be on her mind right after she climaxed. That’s not to say men don’t want commitment, we do, it’s just not the driving force behind our behaviors, getting a lot of sex is. You can blame it on biology and a man’s innate need to spread his seed, or blame it on today’s culture which deems men who sleep with lots of women studs (and women who sleep with lots of men sluts), but it’s just the way it is. As such, women have control when it comes to sex and can decide whether to give in or not, while men have the control when it comes to commitment whether to give in or not!

"Maybe if I cook for him.... he might be willing to commit.
I have to regain my power!"

There will be some women who will argue with this fact, and counter by saying they know tons of women who enjoy casual sex and lots of men who are yearning for commitment. Yes, there are people like this, but I’m speaking about the rule, not the exceptions. You don’t often see a woman plotting ways to sleep with many men and wiggle out of any sort of commitment, or a man trying to figure out how to get a woman  to just commit and want only him. Just as there is a stigma against women who sleep with a lot of men, there is a stigma against men who are super into commitment and invest way too soon. I’ve dated women  like that, the ones who were ready to marry me on the first date, and I wasn’t flattered…I was freaked out.

The truth is, deciding when to sleep with a guy is important and will have an impact on your relationship. And it’s your decision to make. No girl has ever lost interest in a guy because he slept with her on the first date while guys lose interest in girls all the time for giving it up too soon.

Before sleeping with him you have to really realize that having sex with him will not guarantee a relationship or any sort of commitment, <smiling > cooking for him might..... If that’s what you’re hoping for ....then you’re setting yourself up to be greatly disappointed. It seems obvious, and yet, so many women get tripped up in this area. Before sleeping with a guy you have to determine if he’s interested in you or interested in just having sex with you. The trouble is,  it’s not always easy to distinguish between these two vastly different things.

Start thinking  about alternative ways to make it happen right....find out who you are dealing with.. before having to Fix him or her.  What's love and commitment have to do with it? 

You should work to be respected in all aspects of your life

I remember it like it was yesterday.A female   friend smacked the hell out of her boyfriend in front of an entire party during an argument they had  when it seemed like he was paying too much attention to another woman. This was after he caught her exchanging business cards with another guy. Now I’m not sure what he said to get her riled up, but her actions were inexcusable. Year after year, I watched this guy fail at demanding respect from his lady.She dismissed anything he had to say, and publicly humiliated him in front of friends and family.

Honestly, it appeared as if he had not one bone in his back and it was painful to watch.

I’m the type of person who believes in treating everyone with respect until they are disrespectful. Respect should be a given in a relationship, especially when one claims to love, cherish and adore their mate. But after a series of ridiculous observations,  I’ve learned that respect is definitely something that is earned, no matter how special someone claims you are to them.

It shocks me each and every time I witness someone talking down to their significant other or behaving inappropriately in or aside from their presence. Here are three tips on how to demand respect in a relationship.

1. Take time to defend yourself

Defense is something you should never have to worry about in a positive, healthy relationship, but sometimes things happen. Luckily, life always gives us the opportunity to get stronger in each and every area of weakness. If you happen to be dealing with a partner who disrespects you, it’s imperative you learn to stand up for yourself verbally and physically. Each time s/he says or does something to offend you, let them know if you want to continue the relationship . Communicate to them how their actions made you feel, and provide as much detail about the offense as possible. Let your mate know that you will not tolerate such disrespect and that they only have one time to do so.

Hmmm no more msgs first thing in morning?

2. Be willing to take away certain privileges

No, you’re not training a dog or raising a child (at least you shouldn’t be), but the worst thing you can do is reward bad behavior. Allowing someone to disrespect you with no visible repercussions sends a signal of acceptance. Ideally, your life partner should be greatly contributing to your overall mental, physical and emotional development, so hold them accountable.

Do not carry on as if life is peachy. Do not act in a passive-aggressive fashion. If they notice you’re not being as affectionate, tell them why. If they notice you didn’t fix their lunch that day, let them know it’s due to them taking you for granted, because that’s what disrespect is. When you respect someone, each and every thing you do to them and regarding them reinforces that notion. There is no concern about how someone feels about you, because they consistently display that they hold you in high regard like a good mate should.

3. Be strong enough to walk away

He dissed me and expects me to still be here for him.
Think again!

I’m a no nonsense type of person. If you disrespect me, I will give you one time to correct your behavior, depending on how invested I am in the relationship. But sometimes, the level of offense is so bad that no second chance should be offered. No matter how much you love a person, some things cannot be repaired. Be strong enough to determine what you can and cannot tolerate, and be prepared to exit the relationship if need be. You will save yourself a lot of pain, grief and blows to your self-esteem.

You should work to be respected in all aspects of your life, not just relationships. Being kind is a noteworthy trait, and you should never allow anyone to take your heart away from you. But you know what else is noteworthy? Being firm. Having a “don’t try it” attitude doesn’t make you a bitch or an A-hole, it gets you respect. That’s something that cannot be bought or sold, and once you have it, only you can lose it.

I am who I am and that's
all I have to offer.

Now I would like to add the following:

Fellas WE need to stop making our Women feel insecure by comparing them to these "Celebrity Women" who have make-up artist, time and the money to invest in their looks. They have an unfair advantage in looks. I salute the regular Woman who still manages to keep herself up while while working a 9-5, sometimes 2 jobs, going to school, coming home to cook, clean and raise the kids sometimes by herself. Let YOUR Woman know that her imperfections are perfect..., those stretch marks and c-section scars are sexy, she is sexy, her little or big booty  is sexy, that Little belly she tries to hide is sexy, . We are quick to praise females with these manufactured bodies, so much so,  we no longer appreciate what a REAL Woman actually looks like.

If you love her and she is your woman...you respect her and show her she is the baddest/nicest/ sweetest Woman on the planet...she can be a 10 to you and a 5 to everybody else but that's alright because she is not for everybody else. 

Why Women Need Men Who Challenge Them and Visa Versa!

Why Women Need Men Who Challenge Them 

I challenge you that I can  have the most glasses of this  wine!

By Michael Baisden.    It’s easy to become defensive when you hear the word “Challenge.” Too often it’s associated with going into battle or drama. But to be challenged also means to be stimulated intellectually or to invite someone to do better. Unfortunately, not many women meet men who challenge them in that way.
For the past 30 years women have been making huge strides financially and educationally. They read more than men, they graduate at a higher rate, they start more businesses, they travel more, and they purchase more homes. With so many advantages it makes you wonder, what do women need men for? The honest answer is, they don’t!
I believe a man’s true value is not in being needed. In today’s society men should be more focused on being respected. But how can we as men demand respect when we aren’t bringing anything unique to the table? Most mature women are financially stable; they have academic and book sense; and over 80% of them are holding down the household as single parents. Although a man’s help would be appreciated, for many established women, money and help with the kids is not a “NEED”!
What mature and intelligent women long for is quality companionship and stimulating conversation with a real man who leads by example. As a young man I was told, “Nothing turns a woman on more than watching a man handle his business.”
But just as a team is only as strong as its weakest link, a woman’s development is arrested when she’s not partnered with a man who offers the perspective of a strong man she respects.
My responsibility as a man is to bring my resources to the table — intellectual, financial, life experience — and challenge my partner to do the same. At some point, we will have a difference of opinion on a number of issues, but it is through those differences that we challenge one another to grow! As a man, it’s not about being in charge or being right, it’s about making my partner feel secure and challenging her to see the world through the eyes and mind of her man.
The challenge for us men is to gain more knowledge and insight through reading, traveling and listening, to broaden our perspective so that an intelligent woman will respect our point of view enough to listen to what we have to say. We can’t beat our chests and raise our voices believing this is the way to lead. We must lead by our example and strength of character. Only an insecure man would expect a woman to submit to his way of thinking when he hasn’t accomplished anything with those thoughts. And only a woman who is a fool would follow a man who talks a good game but doesn’t have anything to show for it. As I said earlier, most women don’t need a man, but they definitely want a good one … and a strong one.
To put it frankly, a woman can go to the sperm bank to make a baby or use a sex toy to give herself an orgasm, but they’ll never create a device that can stimulate a woman’s mind like engaging in a conversation with a man of depth and intelligence.

two heads are better than one!

My perspective: We are living  in the 21st Century, things have changed significantly  between men and women.... gender rolls are no longer what they were in the 20th Century , as we look at history we will note that things also change from the 19th century where the most progress was made in the 20th century in terms of gender rolls. I often tell women who would see me as someone who thinks somewhat differently.... that I grew up around  strong women (my mother, aunts, and older female cousins) were women of the 1990(s)mentally,  way back when other  women let their men take the lead and they just followed.  

 We have to deal with  Back to back challenges.

This  was not the case in my family, so I knew strong women, who were self-starters from the days when I was a child. My view was of go-getters who consulted their husbands about their initiatives,  but didn't wait for the men to lead them in any ventures. I saw Strong women who felt they could stand on their own two feet, so this  concept  is  not new to me. They were resourceful, I learned to respect women as equals and sometimes even superior minded, never would I put my foot down and insist that things had to go my way , I would always find ways to compromise. If she had an idea that needed some additional analysis and even suggestions I would give my support  freely, even challenging  her to think out-side of the box. Lending a helping hand got me better results than being selfish and wanting just what I wanted, and not caring about her needs and wants. Living  on a two way street, is where most people have to live in terms of relationships. So if you can't deal with two streams of mental traffic... you'd better get on an one-directional road were you are going one way only... never encountering anyone who is doing something different from you. The challenges are great in a World that is changing way to fast to keep up. Challenges are becoming a greater force that divide couples... so two people who collaborate have a better chance of making it and are often a mayor force to deal with. The Obama couple is prime example. 

Loida and Reginald Lewis.

I really like the story about  Reginald Lewis and his wife Loida.  He build an empire and then died from brain cancer, his widow Loida ran the company to greater success because she was his equal and partner when he started.. initially  his subordinate in a wall street law-firm, but in the end his successor. So when you are challenging each other to be  the best you can be you are building a solid foundation.  A foundation  where the other partner  can take over and enhance your dreams if or when the time comes!         

Your emotions flows over! Especially during Valentines day!

I just need to STOP these critics from interrupting my thoughts.

This is my version of Think like a man, just learn to put things in compartments and address then in order of importance!
Do you want to know what's the worst noise in the world ?  It trumps the high-pitched squeal of an old-school dial-up modem, tires screeching on a dry pavement and any drill you encounter at the dentist’s office.  I’m talking about your inner critic. Deeper than any audible sound, your inner critic is that devil of a voice that cuts to your core and jumps into your consciousness at a moment’s notice, reminding you that you might have tackled this small feat, but you butchered that big one, royally. The voice stands at attention, ready to wreak havoc, birth fear, doubt, and loathing, just because!  And it needs to die.

But chances are, you may not be able to send your inner critic to an early grave.  You are human, after all, and you’re equipped with this thing called a brain, replete with firing synapses that will pop off whenever they damn well please.  Which basically means that it’s kind of impossible to control when an inner critical thought occurs.  Short of magically acquiring that What Women Want ability so you can hear other people’s thoughts and take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone, there’s a method that’s way more feasible (and less cumbersome) to find some peace of mind.

It’s called the clap-back.  Not a new invention, but if you need some pointers and helpful tips, see Amber Rose, Rihanna or Tamar Braxton for inspiration.  I think a lot of people with harsh inner critics  give that voice way too much power.  Whenever it strikes,you’re like helpless children being reprimanded by an authority figure.  And as children, most of us knew not to talk back to an adult, lest we incur serious consequences.

 Bitchelle you are driving me crazy!

Your inner critic is a mean S-O-B.  It always tells you that You're not good enough. But you should have learned to combat it by pretending the voice is coming from someone else entirely.  Clapping back to yourself, after all, is another form of negative criticism.  But imagine if a complete stranger or your worst enemy were targeting you in the same way as your inner critic You  wouldn’t tolerate anyone calling you incapable, untalented, dimwitted, unworthy or any of the other lies Bitchelle hurls at you.  Yes, give your inner critic a name.
You should  also learned to pick your battles.  You can’t respond to everything your inner critic says because 1)You have better, more important things to do and 2) some insect bites sting more than others.  Therefore, whenever You declare “challenge!” to your inner critic, it’s a strategic move.  It’s like building muscle memory. You should be  mindful of the thoughts that offend or impede you the most, you should  choose to tackle those.  Everything else is categorized as fodder.  Slowly chipping away at the thoughts that consume you will guarantee that they’ll eventually turn to dust.  Dust, you can sweep away.

Girls travel well together and support each other. Right???

You should also make a point to share whenever possible.  Your friends are your lifelines, and You know you can turn to them for support and kindness when your inner critic gets the best of you. They may not always be well equipped or willing to tell you what you think you need to hear, however.  But you should..... don’t fault them for that.  Then again, that’s not really the point.  Getting the negativity out, getting outside of your head is what matters.  Doing so can help neutralize those beyond harsh inner criticisms.  And when you share your innermost thoughts with your friends, you will always end up laughing, uplifting and comforting one another.

Hug yourself and remember
how it felt the last time you were  with someone special.

Another method you should  utilize to combat your inner critic is to drown it with positive thoughts.  That can include quotes, upbeat music or simply recalling the past and how you got through a difficult situation.Self-criticism is one thing.  It can help you make necessary adjustments and changes for the better, whether in your personal or professional life.  But an inner voice takes criticism to a mean girl level.  You should  recognize that enough hurdles exist outside of yourself.  Having an abusive inner critic makes those hurdles all the more challenging, and life is too damn short to be at war with yourself.  So you will chip away one day at a time and strive to live your best life despite the inner voice that suggests otherwise.

Happy Valentine's day!

Critical emotions will never be governed by rationality, and no matter how dark and sad it ended up being, great positive thoughts are still the closest thing to a flawless whole that you have been a part of, and should be again. After some time, your heart will slowly reform, coming back stronger.Time will pass and the darkness will eventually subside. After all, darkness is, in reality, the absence of light. New light will come, and you’ll wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old – which it can.

Good Women vs. Bad Apples

Good Women vs. Bad Apples, By Michael Baisden

Good women aren’t appreciated as much these days. The obnoxious ones who show their ass get all the attention.
It must be hard as hell to be a good woman nowadays. With so much attention being given to women who are loud, ignorant, and showing half their asses, it can be difficult for a quality woman to stand out. I’m certain that many of you have had your share of attacks and negative comments. Being beautiful and intelligent is bad enough but add class and integrity and you almost become alien.
Now, throw in a sprinkle of open mindedness and ambition and now you’ve just gone too far. Not only are you a threat to other women but an insecurity issue for most men.
It’s not that men can’t appreciate a good woman or that they‘re insecure or intimidated. The truth is most men don’t want to put in the work or be accountable to a good woman, and who could blame them with so many desperate women lowering their standards just to have a warm body to lay next to at night.
All I can tell you ladies is never settle and maintain your high standards. There are plenty of men like myself that prefer to climb to the top of the tree to pick our fruit rather than pick up those bad apples off the ground.

Have a great day and always keep your head up! In my eyes you will always be Queens but it takes a King to see you. ~Michael Baisden

My perspective on  the good(s) and Bad(s) of the good woman

She’s nice and dependable:

Let me call him and make sure he has eaten well today!

Kind of like your Labrador, this woman  will never let you down. Think of her as the Topanga to your Cory. If you’re in a bad mood, she’ll be there to do anything in her power to cheer you up. She actually cares about your feelings, and your happiness is important to her.
She rarely bitches at you just because you’re a man. If you messed up, she probably won’t flip out, rather she’ll have a nice wholesome conversation with you about how to fix the situation. She’s is the mediator of your relationship.

Low Mileage:
The best part about good women is the low number of notches on the bed post. Don’t get me wrong, they are semi-experienced; it’s just that their experience won’t make your pee burn. Also, since she hasn’t had sex with that many guys, she consequently won’t have that many men to compare you to, so even if you suck in bed, you’ll be alright.

Makes a good wife, mother, best friend:

Oooh he is perfect just like you!

The typical good woman is nurturing, down to earth, and responsible. Whether men like to admit it or not, our DNA is biological programmed to find a mate with which we  can settle down and start a family. Good women generally come from good families.

In many cases we want to carry on these good morals and values into a family of our own. She can also be your best friend. She truly enjoys your company, misses you when you’re gone, and showers you with attention when you’re home … this gets back to the Labrador theory I mentioned before.

OK enough with the delusional fantasies....!

Now for the bad(s) of the good woman:

She’s vanilla:
Life with a good woman  can be as exciting as watching your hair grow. They generally tend to be homebodies and like to curl up with a good book. Although this is alright behavior for a rainy Sunday, it transcends into weekend habits as well. Think Katie Holmes circa Dawson’s Creek when all she wanted to do was sit by that shitty creek, cuddling underneath the stars.

I wonder what his reaction would be if he saw me this way!

She chooses comfort:
She often chooses comfort over fashion. The hair is pulled back in a practical way. She wears very little make-up. She forgoes the high heels and sexy dresses for sweats that she feels “herself” in. She wears underwear that can be used for hand gliding; and the list goes on.
Basically, she just doesn’t put any effort into keeping her man, excited about her. Don’t get me wrong, every guy loves a woman that can be herself around him. However, sometimes it’s necessary to throw away sensibility and trade it in for sexy. <smirking>

She’s boring in bed:
Like I’ve said before, good women typically have low mileage. Although this may seem perfect for you on some nights, it may also come back to bite you on the ass. For example, there’s a good possibility that you’re going to have to be the one to constantly initiate sex which can get repetitive and boring.
Chalk it up to inexperience or lack of desire, but good  women tend to leave the manliest part of a man very unfulfilled. In which case, he will probably start to stray towards the bad girl with the nipples peeking through her shirt and the long wraparound legs.

Don't lock yourself out of heaven!

I will write about The good(s) of the bad girl in another blog post. Tune back in! 

YOUR SECOND MARRIAGE MIGHT BE BETTER THAN YOUR FIRST

What did your divorce teach you about marriage? How will this helped you the second time around?

So your first marriage ended. While it was unfortunate, you decided that it would not hold you back from finding the love you deserve. As fate would have it, you eventually meet someone new, and while you may or may not have been expecting it, the two of you got to a point where neither of you were able to imagine life without each other. You begin to see yourself building a life with this person and before you knew it, you are on the road to the altar. Here’s why your second marriage will probably be better than your first.

You already know what to expect

Chances are that when you entered your first marriage, you were in your 20(s) with no real idea of what to expect. Now that you’ve been down the aisle and back, there will be less surprises. “Marriage requires work” is no longer a lofty concept to you. You know firsthand what this means and you’re ready to handle the tasks ahead. You know that there will be both good and bad days and you’re ready to embrace the good and tolerate the bad.

You know how to choose your battles

In the past, you were more likely to overlook things that you probably shouldn’t have. However, you now know how detrimental it is to stay quiet when you know good and well that you should speak up. You are also able to recognize when you’re nitpicking and you know when to let things go.

You already know the pain of divorce

You’re well aware of how dreadful divorce can be and you’re committed to giving this second marriage your all so that you never find yourself in that place again. You’ve learned not to allow your ego to take over during those difficult moments. You’ve learned to silence that tiny little voice that says “Hey, you don’t have to take this.” Because you’ve been through a bitter divorce, you recognize that while working through this marital issue is difficult, it’s nothing in comparison to divorce proceedings.

You did your work 

You took the time to reflect on your first marriage and what went wrong. You’ve accepted what happened as well as the role you played in the dissolution of that relationship. And most of all, you’ve allowed yourself to heal.

You know what you want

You learned from your first marriage what you don’t want in a husband or a wife. This unfortunate but life-changing experience helped you to become a better judge of character. You’re honest with yourself about your desires and needs as well as what you can and can’t live without. Perhaps you thought that you preferred traditional marriage roles the first time around, but experience has taught you otherwise.

The second time around might be  better than the first time!