The Fear Of Being Alone!

I love being alone! I look forward to it, I plan for it, I celebrate it! I run red lights to get home so I can close my door and shut out the world to enjoy my aloneness. Maybe that’s just the Cancerian in me.. But for most people the idea of coming home to an empty house is terrifying. And the older they get, the more terrifying it is. The moment they arrive home, they rush to turn on the television, radio or get on the phone with friends and family to avoid hearing their own thoughts. If they have children, they stay engaged with them all day, leaving little or no time for themselves.
Some people are so afraid of being by themselves that they abuse drugs, alcohol and pornography just to numb their senses so they don’t have to think about being alone. Others practically live on social network sites desperate to connect with other human beings. As a people person, I can relate to the need to feel the presence of other people. Each day on my Baisden Live page on Facebook and Twitter I post “Good Morning” and “Good Night” comments and attach beautiful photographs. I can literally feel the joy it brings to people who simply want to be acknowledged.
Unfortunately, many people don’t have that connection, and for others it’s simply not enough. Men and women both feel this void at different points in their lives and to varying degrees. Men don’t talk about the fear of being alone, mostly because it’s just not cool. No testosterone-filled man is going to call his buddy and say, “Hey, man, I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately; what should I do about it?”

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not implying that men aren’t looking for love or that special person to share their lives with, but men, unlike women, can be happy long term with one or more partners who are satisfying their sexual and social needs, especially if she’s not causing drama and she’s throwing down in the kitchen. Men will do anything to keep from feeling alone, even if it means having temporary women in and out of their lives for years. ~ Michael Baisden

Couples are always told; “Be friends first” but how many people actually take that advice? Establishing friendships almost never comes before sex, before we establish good communication, or even before conceiving children. Yes, we should be friends first but how often does that really happen? I just wonder why we keep saying it and not living up to it. What do you think? ~ Michael Baisden

My perspective isn't much different... from the above.
however For those wondering what’s on the minds of men,  like me. I'm  giving you the inside scoop on what many men really want to know about dating a  woman.

IS SHE ADVENTUROUS?"
More and more Black men are embarking on different hobbies such as running, hiking, kayaking, hunting, fishing, etc.. One of the first questions they ask is; “Will she do these things with me, or at least accompany me?” I encourage my female friends to keep an open mind and at least try to enjoy a new experience even if it takes them outside their comfort zone. Remember ladies, it’s all about creating memories.

"IS SHE SPONTANEOUS?"
Yes, ladies this one’s a biggie. I hear right from my Black male friends mouths that they get bored easily and are looking for a woman to break the monotony. Be open to trying new things like tasting different types of food or trying an adventurous or totally unexpected activity.

"CAN SHE MAKE DECISIONS WITHOUT FAMILY PRESSURE?"
He wants to know 1. Will your business stay between just you two? 2. Do you need your parents or other family members’ approval before making decisions? Or, will you make important decisions together as a team?

“IF SHE’S SPIRITUAL, THAT’S A PLUS. BUT WHAT ELSE CAN SHE OFFER?”
Many of our Black men love a woman who believes in God and will pray on their behalf. But will she beat him over the head with her religion every chance she gets? Will she require every date and every conversation to be consumed with her love of the Lord? They share that they want her to have more to offer and to discuss besides all things church. Although spirituality is most often a plus with these fellas, they would rather you showcase the characteristics and hobbies that make you unique in addition to your love of God.

"CAN SHE FLIP IT?"
Many Black men tell me they want a woman they can bring around their friends but who can also represent them well with the right amount of professionalism and sexy whether it’s accompanying them to a work event or going out on a romantic night on the town. Cliché, but sadly, still a true question they do emphasize.

“IF SHE’S AMBITIOUS, CAN SHE STILL BE DOWN TO EARTH?”
The majority of my friends over the years  were successful, professional, affluent singles. What they shared with me is that they are extremely proud of our sisters, however they don’t want to hear about work, work, work all of the time. They want to see the fun side of you and have you turn off the HSIC (Head Sister In Charge) button at 5PM. He wants to know you can be strong when needed but also his fun, spontaneous, sexy woman he can unwind with when the two of you are together enjoying each other.

"CAN SHE BE AS VULNERABLE AS SHE IS STRONG?"
Some  Black men tell me, that early on in a dating relationship, it’s sometimes difficult to get to know the real woman beneath the hard exterior she’s developed to cope with past hurts and failed relationships. They want to know more about you early on and what makes you tick. Try to start off every new relationship with a clean slate; give him a preview of who you are at your core and welcome him to get to know more and more of the real you. It’s okay to be optimistic and it will help you form a deeper emotional bond.

"DOES SHE DISCUSS THINGS OR JUST COMPLAIN?"
Many men mention concern over dating women who would rather argue than discuss what’s on their mind.

"DOES SHE HAVE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK?"
One thing that can be a huge turn-on for our Black men is the woman who consistently operates as if the glass is half full—someone who is encouraging and can see what seems impossible for both herself and her man.

"IS SHE CONFIDENT WITH HER BODY?
We have said this a million times: Our Black men tell us the most attractive thing about a woman is her confidence, no matter what size she is. If she likes it and looks and feels beautiful, he loves it. Case closed. Stop pointing out all of your flaws. Most often you are bringing attention to things he doesn’t even see. I say, own it, sistah!

"IS SHE ON MY TEAM?"
Black men tell me they just want to know they have a safe, nonjudgmental place in you to feel safe and secure. We ask things like: Will she have my back? When I have a bad day, can I trust her to lift me up and encourage me? Does she support me as much as I’ll support her?

"IS SHE VAIN?"
 Is she willing to get her hair wet? The natural hair movement is here to stay, but Black women (natural or relaxed) don’t want to get their hair wet. This limits activities they love such as swimming, splashing around at the beach and jet skiing. Our Black male clients who are active in water sports like boating and fishing worry that certain styles take a lot of work for a woman to maintain if it gets wet. He would rather her experience these activities with him and have a style that allows her the flexibility to not make her hair a huge issue.

PLEASE, DON'T MISS THE POINT HERE
MY goal is always to provide our sisters with a better understanding of what the real men ARE looking for L-O-V-E,  are thinking. Whenever I see a trend or hear a reoccurring theme in one area or another I want to let you know. Understanding how men look at dating and hookups can help you better understand their dating behaviors. I want you to be well informed and have successful, happy, long term relationships and marriages. Here’s to love!