Are You Being Unfaithful to Your mate and not even Know It

Foreword: I've been guilty of all these at some point in my life. this not a disclaimer or and excuse. I will counter each point from my Bad perspective . 

Relationships  can be tough. Having to deal with someone else’s needs on a daily basis, and often having to prioritize them above our own, can create some wear and tear. Naturally, we seek relief from other outlets in our lives. But…what’s normal and what’s encroaching upon your marriage? These are 10 ways that people are often unfaithful, without even realizing it.

1. Talking about significant others behind their backs.

This one is so common that it often creeps in without us even realizing it. The problems start to arise when we do this with someone that we consider attractive. This can become a very dangerous situation, so be extremely mindful about sharing your relationship woes with someone. 

My BAD perspective: there is talking and there is bashing. talking is not necessary bad..... what if the person you are talking too is a therapist.... who can help you solve your issues that seems to be up setting your mate. If you are in a relationship with someone who keeps things internal, lives in their head. you may need to talk to someone outside the relationship to get a different perspective. I would suggest a person of the opposite sex. 

2. Finding yourself in an inappropriate situation.

Inappropriate situations can occur in the blink of an eye. One likely setting is the classic business trip. On business trips, a lecture or meeting can turn to drinks, thus setting up a tempting situation if there is a co-worker that one fancies. A recent study revealed that 36 percent of men and 13 percent of women cheated on business trips.

My BAD perspective: I travel for work all the time, and my then wife worked for the airlines so we were often in different parts of the country.. Since we trusted each other we could do this for years and not have any problems. If I traveled for work she knew she could join me  if  she want to, and sometimes would.   

3. Developing intimacy with an attractive friend.

Do not send constant emails or text messages about your life to an unattached friend who has feelings for you.

My BAD perspective: Now here again we have that trust issue, My best friend was a female I went to college with. She had a secret. she was gay and didn't want her family to know. So we hung out all the time. She  was fine as all heaven. but was not into men. So when  we went to  a club she would scan the room and tell me who was checking me out. After I left N.Y. and moved to Chicago ( got married) we would communicate all the time. she was my friend I could tell anything to, so I did.and she told me everything . who else could give you advise about women....than a woman. We had an intimate one night  stand just a few months before I became engaged. so our relationship was now complete. we could relax and share, things few people could without wanting more from each other. . 

4. Dressing up like you’re “on the make.”

This goes for both men and women. Certain ways of wearing clothes can send out signals to others that you’re available. Don’t be that person.

My BAD perspective: I have been a suit and tie guy from my teen years. So I would always wear suits to work and therefore  almost every place else. except to the beach or a ball game. My ladies (some liked me that way, while other felt I should stop trying to look GQ all the time)   the  thought that women would be  attracted to guy in suit, just did not make sense to me, so I dismissed the idea that I was dressing to attract..  

5. Getting an online boyfriend or girlfriend.

In addition to taking away from your marriage, this can also pose a potential physical risk. Just don’t do it.

My BAD perspective: LOL. who lives in a World were online friendships can be a physical risk. texting and chatting is common ... but you never get to tough the person unless you go out of your way to hook up. Believe me it is safer than  people think.  

6. Having an office boyfriend or girlfriend.

Such relationships can pose a huge threat to marriages. People at work are often at their best…well-dressed, humorous, intelligent. Just remember that their behavior at home may not necessarily be the same. It’s not worth risking your marriage for this fantasy.

My BAD perspective: Here is where my "guilty as charged" moment comes in. folks spend more time together  in an office than they do at home when you have a high stressful job. Working hours and hours of overtime .... can become a problem...... a simple shoulder rub from a co-worker can spark that "why don't we make out" thought and if the moment got acted-on you have trouble. . 

7. Becoming addicted to online porn.

This is a really common modern predicament, as highlighted in the film Don Jon. Constantly watching porn causes one to disassociate from the real world, often leaving a spouse to feel neglected and abandoned. It won’t be long before they’re looking outside of the marriage for some TLC, but for them it will be in real life.

My BAD perspective: there is not much chance for addiction if your partner would watch it with you and start wanting you to do the circus acts they saw in the flick. If you become realistic about your abilities to do this stuff. you stop wanting to see it.  

8. Flirting too much.

All people can enjoy some flirting from time to time, but you have to realize when it’s gone too far.

My BAD perspective: what's that, people smile and they get accused of flirting, people lick their lips after eating something tasty and they get accused of flirting. People respond friendly and they are accused of wanting to hook up with the person. this just  silly. OK but if you have their number you might be tempted to call.

9. Constantly prioritizing everything else above your spouse.

Whether it’s a constant stream of boys’/girls’ nights out, or an addiction to Real Housewives or football, you have to realize when it’s time to put down the martini or the remote control.

My BAD perspective:  OK, guilty. In my defense I always like to do the thinks I like to do, and if my partner  is not into it. then I will say go do your thing. I want to watch the game, I don't hang out in bars , so that was never a treat. But if I'm home and there is a good game on.. don't make me choose, you might loose. think about it. the game is in real time. I will not be able to see it in real time again. I can always have an interaction with you afterwards. So don't make me choose. 

10. Not being intimate with your partner.

To be faithful means that you are being considerate of your partner’s needs. Sex is a very important part of a marriage, so don’t leave it by the wayside.

My BAD perspective:  One word K.I.S.S 
Keep It SeXXXy Silly        (3 pointed pitch-fork) . Just like woman know that men are like microwaves. we heat up in a matter of seconds. Men should  know that women do not. If you are not aware of the difference in the gender needs, then you better take a course..  

On a final note: I just  borrowed the following from a facebook friend  initials A.L. 
I didn't feel like writing another blog post but thought it was worth sharing
her version of not cheating:
 Some couples like to watch their spouse with another partner... Is that cheating to me?
 No.

Some couples like threesomes, is that cheating on each other? 
No.

Some couples have overseas relationships, and God damn it sometimes we need to get off. If we agree to it while we are apart, is that cheating? 
No

Sometimes your wife is pregnant and can't stand the sight of you and actually sends you pdf to a whore house.. Is that cheating?
No.

Maybe a spouse has a sickness that doesn't allow them to be able to perform and agrees for the other to outsource sex. Is that cheating?
No

In all of those circumstances, both partners are aware of the act.


Now do any of those.... Behind my back, that's cheating. TO ME ......ANYWAYS.