Why do Women Leave the Men They claim to Love

Now Fellahs this is a heads-UP. I thought I was doing the right things for years but  as it turned out I was guilty of a few mess-ups on the  following list. 

Love has no judgment, no agenda, no bias, and no bigotry. Love is love without a concrete definition. It lets go of boundaries, walls, and inhibitions. It is effortless. In relationships it does require work, but it’s just a rhythmic dance of ease and grace. Unfortunately, when it isn’t an easy dance, the relationship ends disastrously. It’s in those moments that we ask, “What happened?”
Here are some reasons women leave the men they claim to love:

I'm better of alone!

1. They feel alone.
A woman needs to feel that she matters. If her man is not there to support her, there is no reason to continue a relationship. Women are nurturers. When in a relationship they believe that the man is their entire world. Men tend to detach quickly when they get comfortable. Sometimes in the loneliness of being with someone who is not emotionally present, the noise is deafening. A woman realizes that there is no room for the worthlessness that keeps coming up through the avoidance. When love and attention is not reciprocated, they realize they do not need to stay in that relationship.

Guilty admission : After we  men commit we think our commitment is enough to sustain the relationship. We  started out seeking a mate that is compatible and may  even have most of the  attribute we can admire for years and years. then we relax and stop chasing Her. because our needs are met.
We pay more attention to what we don't have at home than who we have in our lives.  This can cost us men big time!    

2. They are not being acknowledged.
There is nothing more detrimental to a woman than not being fully present when she is speaking. A woman is moved by words. She needs to feel that she is understood, accepted, respected and supported. When she is sharing with her mate, it is because she needs to feel a connection with him. Chivalry is masterful. Women love the simple acts of communication and love. Taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, or anything that acknowledges presence is exceptional in a relationship. A woman will move on, while holding her heart, when she feels that she is being taken for granted.

I  packed so many times I became  pro at it.
 I even learned to pack light  so that when I left for the last time.
It was breeze to leave.
 

Guilty admission: every time we men make positive moves we re-affirm our commitments. In my early years of marriage  I planned many new beginnings, leaving the Cold North East and the  even colder Midwest and moving to a warmer city to raise a family. Planning to build our first home. Planning to have our first child then planning to have another child. Building our second home and moving from our first home to new gated community. These were all the things that we were working on together our focus was the same, we travel an even took our sons to see the Great wall, Well what about the in between times?    We stopped talking we stopped wanting the same things... SMH this cost me my family life. and I paid the price.. I'm still feeling the sting especially during Holidays.   

3. They no longer feel sexy.

He is so not romantic

Men are sexual creatures. When they want sex they are ready. A woman needs intimacy, foreplay, and the feeling of being completely desired by her man. Routine is the kiss of death. A woman wants spontaneity. She craves to be romanced. Women live in their heads. Therefore, when a man is only being stimulated by porn or other women or just wants to have a release, a woman will be completely turned off. There is a moment in a woman’s life when she realizes that if her man doesn’t desire her, or makes her feel special (in and out of bed) then it’s time to move on.

Guilty admission: We men are always confused.. as to what sexy really mean to a woman. We focus on the attributes she  possess  and that is where we screw-up  big time. She may not see herself the way you see her. she might think her attributes are no longer what they were or that you're fantasizing about someone else... as a man it is our duty to understand what she is feeling and be very careful not to say or focus on the things that she does not want you focusing on. Studying a woman's emotions is a big challenge so tread like you are climbing Mount Everest. You have to know how to weather chills and the icy slippery terrain you will have  to navigate your safes course of actions. Never  rush or you will fall down  the hill on the hard surface below, and have to start all over again.        

4. There is a significant life change.
Midlife hits everyone differently. Most women do not require a new car or fancy clothes. They need to know that they are sexy and wanted by their men. Menopause starts to creep into the picture, and what was once easily tolerated is no longer. Life changes: Children leave to college; a parent needs full time care; or financial stress is present. Women who overcome cancer or other illnesses also find a reset button that pushes the men out of their lives. A woman needs to know that these life changes are being navigated with strength and dignity alongside her man. When there is no support, a woman will quickly disassemble her life to get rid of her man.

Guilty admission: When a man hits that magical age   of midlife (sports cars, exotic vacations are   the top things on the bucket list that comes to mind )....... but what do women want? They may have more of a problem with their man's  bucket lists, and may want them  to love her  bucket list, more than yours .... OK, this where it get's complicated. walking and have to look for RPG (s) is not a  lot of fun. you better get a bomb sniffing dog that will warn you not to step there! Or you will not make it to your next b'day!

Saving my resources just in case

5. Women don’t like someone who is predictable.
Men fall into comfortable routines. The older they get, the less they want to participate in anything that is not about them. This is also why some men go through a massive midlife crisis. But, women need serendipitous moments. They need to know that they matter. Even a small note on a coffee mug is enough to bring appreciation into a relationship. Familiarity is not something that feels good in midlife. It feels boring. To a woman, a man is not a fixture. He is a companion.

Guilty admission: Once we men confuse the words, predictable vs accountable/reliable. A woman will tell you  " I hate surprises" it is up to  you to understand what that really means!??  some surprises are acceptable while others are not ever going to workout well for you. Take you time and get to know where to tread lightly. And don't telecast your next pass. Women want you to make passes at them even if she smacks you for doing it.  Know when it's a good time to risk getting smacked. 

6. Their man is not physically there.
Women tolerate a lot, but having a man who cares more about being out and about is a definite “no-no!” In today’s world of feminism, a woman doesn’t need a man to take care of her like  her mother did. She needs a partner who will work along her side and appreciate her presence. When a man is more interested in spending time any place but next to her, she will cut him loose. It might take time, but the longer she postpones it the worst it is in the end. She knows it is over when there is nothing spiritually and intellectually available.

Guilty admission: Wow, I remember this time period in my married life like it was yesterday.... I was so busy with the  Y2K  projects era, and my sons where in different sports and school activities, my then wife was working weird hours with the  airline she worked for... we almost did not see each other. Always on the go. I was on call 24/7 as most of the contracting  IT  professionals were and the support group was in   India, I had to be  available to answer their question over the Internet and over the phone  all the time ...... the time difference was brutal. So needless to say that was the beginning of the end of my marriage...  So what I would advise anyone.... know where and how to establish your priorities.  

I'm going to use your account to buy this item OK!

Women have evolved in our society. The “need” to have a man is surpassed by a “desire” to share a life with him. When there is no love, appreciation, touch, spiritual connection, intellectual stimulation, or presence, a woman will choose to be alone. Women work just as hard as men. To tolerate a companionship that is not stimulating is no longer on the agenda. It’s a reality check that it is time to move on.

Guilty admission: Feel the changes happening embrace the changes, don't resist the changes Fellahs... it's a good thing when her game is strong. You can partner with her... don't let your ego mess-up a good thing. Just because you want to rule the roost. Let her control the keyboard some of the time .  If she has her own money accept the fact that her money is always her money and your money is always going to be her money too. don't get left over things that are really trivial. She may love you and stop being in Love with the guy you are now.  Be  fixable and try to understand her issues. 
  

Things You Should Stop Expecting From Other People

After reading the following I have to  admit that most things that have  gone  wrong in my relationships...... have been due to my  expectations  of  the person in my life.   

Misplaced and unrealistic expectations can lead to some of life’s greatest disappointments, particularly regarding relationships and encounters we experience with other people.  One of the greatest lessons you can learn in life is how to manifest expectations that are reasonable and realistic, helping both you and others avoid a world of frustration and suffering.

I was  so expected you to come though for me!

Expectation are always, I repeat ....always  unrealistic, because the thoughts are happening in your head and no one else's mind.  When you tell someone something that you want and what you expect from them, then you are putting a burden on them to comply with your wishes, and you will often be disappointed.  You don't know, or may not even care to know what restrictions the other person may have on them.. So you assume they will do what you want. Often enough they will not do exactly what you expect ..... OK maybe they might surprise you .... Let it be a good surprise just don't expect too much! 


Focus on the things that truly matter and stop expecting these  things from people:

Expecting everyone to agree with you

Want to start living a happier life?  Stop expecting people to agree with the way you’re living it.  You know what you want out of life and you’re going to chase after it in your own way, so don’t bother with what others have to say about it.

The more you seek approval from yourself, the less you seek it out from others.

Expecting people to respect you more than you respect yourself

Self-respect is a great strength in this world.  Knowing your values, and what you stand for, and not backing down when questioned about them, gives you a greater opportunity to be happy.

People will never give you the love, respect and attention that you deserve if you don’t first show it to yourself.  When you become a better version of yourself, everyone benefits, not just you.

I can't believe you just disagreed with me and just fell asleep,
I so hate you right now!

There are many rules that we live by, most likely  they were influenced by how we were raised. Our Parents gave us directives, and after leaving home we try to live within the lines  that our parent drew up for us. news rules....not everyone will even listen to you and agree automatically, unless they just want to shut you up and stop listening  about what  you are talking about. They might agree to dis-agree and not even tell you that they are secretly disagreeing  with you, OR they will tell you "NO" and just move one! 



Expecting people to like you

Expecting every person you come across to like you is just asking to be let down.  There are over 7 billion people on this planet and each one of them is just as unique as you are, and there are certain people you don’t like for whatever reason, right?

You know you’re a good person, that you’re worthy and generous and kind and caring.  There will always be someone who doesn’t like you, regardless of how you treat them, so let it be no concern of yours.

I <smile>  when I think about every times I tell someone the story about how my initials... came about, explaining about my dad's slick moves, and watch their reaction. First impressions are often deceiving. She might like Bad boy or not. She might  have little respect for men who admit their flaws. Or she might even be intrigued at the thoughts of all the naughty things you are capable of doing.   I even <smirk> when I remember how  often women disagree with me about my BAD persona....


Expecting people to know what’s on your mind

I so know what you are dreaming about right now,
 because you are smiling while you sleep.

The sad truth is that no one is capable of reading minds, so unless you tell people what you want, what you expect or what you need, there’s no way they could ever know any better.  Wishing and hoping isn’t worth anything without action.

You may never get that promotion at work or meet the love of your life if you never have the courage to take action.  And action can be as simple as speaking words.

The thoughts that flow through your mind are like a river, it's hard to stop the flow. So just imagine what someone else is trying to do when they are trying to read your thoughts.  So stop expecting folks to understand your emotions and even your behaviors and your spontaneous combustion .... Speak to them about what your dreams are and what your expectations are..... Assuming that someone knows what you are feeling/ dreaming /anticipating.  it makes it just too complicated.  



Expecting people to be ‘okay’ all of the time

Have you ever went into work one day and noticed that your usually cheery coworker is somber and drained?  It’s because all of us have problems and issues that we’re dealing with that no one else knows about.

Don’t just expect people to be happy and enthusiastic all the time, because many people have lost their reason to be.  Recognizing and acknowledging that they’re not okay and that that’s okay brings us together on a human level.

You expect me to be  "Okay" with every thing
  just because you are here whispering "Nothing  important" in my ear?!
think about that for a minute!

We are all emotional creatures.... Men think women are too emotional... while women think men are not emotional enough...
"If you are confuse about what you want to do in life, and you are undecided as to what path to take, don't be surprised when it feels as if you are going around in circles. The Universe is a mind reader!"~ Soul DNA
People spend a lot of time waiting-- waiting for opportunity. a new relationship, a direction or a sign. You can be bench-warmer waiting to be put in the game or you can put yourself in the game and create opportunity. You cannot score big while you are sitting on the sidelines!
The things that make you feel Okay are just yours and no one can make it happen  for you. They can help you along the way but they can't start and finish it for you. If they do then you might be thinking what gave your the right to push me to do things your way! hmmm....

So who is really " REAL" these days?

Hopefully she will become a woman at some point
during the relationship.

I'm beginning to believe the word "REAL" is just being used to shame people to behaving in line with what some people believe and want. Real men or Real  women are mostly men and women with good qualities ( well this is what I believe). They don't need to be challenged every time one wants the other person to behave in  a particular way. Want me to chase you, then remain chase-able. Want me love you, then remain love-able
Ok the following  are 10 things some women believe REAL men do:

1. Feelings

There seems to be some wild misconception that men shouldn’t talk about their feelings, but the real men I know all have feelings, and will about their feeling with the right person . Rather than repressing emotions, these men  talk about their feelings, with the  person they trust . Real men  have the willingness to sit down with an open heart and speak from a place that isn’t guarded or shut down. They don’t hear the words “we need to talk” and run away with their vulnerabilities.

2. Get a woman's  Souls Naked

Real men know the juiciest and sweetest parts of a woman don’t lie beneath women's panty lines. Real men know the jackpot in love is undressing a woman’s soul, layer-by-layer, piece-by-piece. Real euphoria goes deeper than sex.

3. Scrape Windshields in the Dead of Winter 

I hope a REAL
  gentleman will be there to help me out After my shift. 

One night after a long night serving   drinks at a bar , one of the bouncers walked the female bartender   to her car and insisted on cleaning her car off from the snow that accumulated on the windshield. She gave up resisting and got inside her  car as he brushed the six inches of snow off and scraped the ice off her  windows in the  -30 degrees Celcius weather. It was one of the nicest things a man has done for her that  day. Not all women want to be picked up for a date, have her door opened, her jacket hung for her, the bill paid for, and to be walked to her steps without the expectation of coming in. Most women  have a hard time receiving regardless of their sex, and women have battled fiercely for equality on our planet. So sometimes they may insist on going Dutch and maintaining their independence, but at the end of the day chivalry is nice and so are acts of service. Beneath chivalry lies the intent that you want to take care of them, and they  like that.

4. Reach For your woman  Before the Cell Phone in the Morning
When we pick up our phone we immediately disconnect from the moment unraveling in front of us. Prioritizing a snuggle, followed by some morning breath kisses and maybe some hanky-panky gets a man far in some girl’s books. Emails, Instagram, stocks, voice-mails and texts will still be kicking around inside your phones twenty minutes from the moment you open your eyes.

5. Show Up On Time

Being on time is a matter of setting your priorities.  

Whether it’s a dinner reservation at a five-star restaurant or a Skype date in sweatpants, when someone shows up on time it communicates that they not only value your time together, but also their word.

6. Don’t Squirm When They Hear the Word “Period”

Lady time is part of life, gentlemen. A real man isn’t put off by talk of cramps, cravings or the occasional roller coaster of emotions that happen during shark week. Real men can buy tampons.

7. Have an Open Mind

Real men aren’t racist, sexist or homophobic. They don’t feel superior because of their gender, skin color or sexual preference. Real men don’t sit at the bar and discuss shop culture that “isn’t for their wives,” real men care less what color skin you have, or what country your genetics came from. They don’t believe they are stronger, more intelligent or superior because they are born with a penis.

8. Just Show Up

Nothing is sexier than accountability. Real men are accountable for their own well-being. They know the importance of showing up.

9. Listen

Here is an example of a boyfriend who—for his girlfriends  birthday—took her  to a play she wanted to see, made her  a homemade card, played her  favorite songs on the drive, and bought her a  gift card. She had mentioned a month earlier that She’d never seen a play and spoke of her  desire to do so. She told him that her mother had sung “Nothing Compares to you” while I was in her belly and while learning to take her first steps. He wasn’t artsy or that creative but he knew she  liked that kind of stuff.  Listening goes pretty far.

10. Drinking her favorite drinks.

Real men can drink anything she likes,  rent chick flicks free of shame. They know their testosterone isn’t threatened by their taste buds. They don’t feel the need to drive big trucks, bench press small countries or drink whisky to validate their sexuality. They are comfortable with their masculinity and don’t need to prove anything. They just do as they please.

~

So what are the qualities of a REAL woman?

Ok the following  are 10 things some  men believe REAL women do.

Would you be able to define them if you were asked?

Staggering  numbers of single-parent households make it more apparent than ever that men and women alike are having a difficult time finding high-quality partners.

I’ve decided to flip the script and discuss some of the many great attributes possessed by strong and healthy women.

Part of being a real man is recognizing the value in a great woman.  

Whether dating or married your personal life can be greatly improved by looking for or appreciating these qualities.

Remember –  attraction and compatibility are different subjects in themselves, and relevant to the individual.

You’re not going to find anything about X color hair or Y type of body here, but you will learn that there are quite a few universal qualities that are attractive to just about everyone (outside of those with severe internal problems – leeches, parasites, users and abusers).

There are many similarities here to what you’d find in a great man.  The qualities themselves aren’t gender specific, but the intricacies of them can be.
A list containing great qualities a real woman can go on and on, but here are a solid ten that mostly anyone can appreciate and respect.

So many nights I think about all the things I need to  keep doing
to be a good woman! It gives me a headache!

1)  A Real Woman Is Confident

She is happy with herself and her own abilities.  She appreciates who she is as an individual, embraces her femininity and is proud to be a woman.

2)  A Real Woman Is Honest And Upfront

She recognizes the destructiveness behind undisclosed expectations.  She’s straight forward and respectful about setting boundaries and the tempo of her relationships early on.

3)  A Real Woman Has A Healthy Handle On Her Emotions

She knows it’s OK to feel down, bummed out, or really shitty that one week out of the month, but more importantly she knows how to weather the storm correctly.  If there are any shortfalls on the emotional front she recognizes them and adjusts accordingly.

4)  A Real Woman Is Strong And Independent

She is determined, driven and able to accomplish great feats.  Her ability to be so strong is derived from her own knowledge, intuition and ambition.

5)  A Real Woman Has Patience

For herself and those around her she knows how to play it cool.  In the face of adversity she is able to tap the proper resources to conquer any problem, instead of just giving up.

6)  A Real Woman Shares The Right Amount Of Drama

She has the right amount of drama to share with her man.  Positive and negative.  A great man will be always be there for her (to listen and understand), but anything above and beyond a certain threshold she know’s to dish with her girlfriend’s and not with him.

7)  A Real Woman Has A Defined Purpose 

Whether personally or professionally, she has great goals and desires.  She knows that with the right amount of inspiration and motivation anything is possible and is willing to do what it takes to make her dreams a reality.

8)  A Real Woman Is Secure

She’s comfortable in her own skin.  Jealousy, doubt and fear go out the window because she is confident in herself and her choice in a partner – as well as her partners choice in her.

9)  A Real Woman Is There

She represents a strong link in the chain that holds those close to her together.  She embraces the many roles she plays and is actively present as a mother, wife, girlfriend and friend.  When she’s needed the most, she is there.

10)  A Real Woman Values A Real Man

She appreciates and respects the value and worth of the men in her life.  She knows that part of being a great woman is recognizing and embracing the qualities of a great man.  She does not need a man in her life to be happy, but if she has one she stands by him.  She believes in his purpose and who he is – which makes going in the same direction with him that much easier.

In the end no matter if you are a REAL man or a REAL woman in other folks eyes. the Key to being real is to have K.I.S.S. principles.
A few  that are missing in the "keep it" group here are:
Keep it Loyal
Keep it Interesting
Keep it Sexy
Keep it Sensuous
Keep it Together
Keep it what you believe is real, really real
Keep it positive






And MOST IMPORTANT...  STOP IT  with the I will never(s)

Sex Myths That Keep some Women Single!

Let’s face it. Whether you're having it or not, sex does play an integral role in the world of dating today. Once you become sexually active, you begin to operate on certain assumptions about what you feel others are doing sexually, what men do and don’t want and what you believe sustains a committed relationship. Women are often confused because they don't have open conversations with each other... about who is getting the groove on and how often. so the Myths are as follows:

Myth 1: The Hookup Culture Is Everywhere

This is such a great hookup!

These days, pretty much everyone’s having sex while dating, right? Wrong! “The hookup culture is more of a  urban legend than reality. If you take 25 percent off the market, and then you look at what’s left over, you have this belief that most people are having more sex than they are. Men included! Since the perceptions exist, many women feel pressured to have sex well before they’re ready.

Makes sense, right? But what about all of the women you know who speak openly and vividly about their sexual escapades? It’s the talk that’s damaging, because it normalizes the practice. “These women engage in risky behavior because they think everyone is doing it. Here is  an interesting analogy for what she feels is the “high supply sexual economy” we live in today: I believe, when it comes to sex, there are two distinct dating markets: One ‘sells’ bulk sex at a low price, and that price could be the cost of a drink or a well worded sexy talk, and the other sells sex to a very narrow market. And these are women who charge a high ‘price’ for sex, and that price can be love, attention, care or/and long term commitment.

Myth 2: Sexual Chemistry Helps Relationships

We have such great chemistry!

When women are debating casual sex, many will say sexual chemistry is an important deal breaker for them. But, does it really determine whether your relationship will thrive or fail?  no-way! Many women believe that jumping into bed very early in a relationship is the best way to test sexual compatibility. I’m sure that we men created this myth! If this theory were true, the people who did not test their sexual chemistry before committing to each other would therefore have shorter less happy relationships.
It’s because sex confuses the brain. As soon as you get that rush of dopamine, you are not making good choices. You are not deciding if this is going to be a good partner for you, you are now diluted with feelings that he must be a good partner. Science says hot sex too early in a relationship is a prescription for disaster.

Myth 3: Women Have Sexual ‘Needs’

Ooh I wish, he was here in bed with me
instead of just hanging around  in my head

Women have their sexual “needs,” just like men do, right? Wrong again!  wanting sex is less physical and more psychological where women are concerned because they have very different sexual needs than men. Women respond to sexual opportunity. When women see a cute guy that they like, everything sort of turns on for them. But when women breakup from a sexual relationship, they are less likely to replace it with pornography and masturbation like a we guys would.

For women,  feeling turned on by a man has an important psychological component. It’s often an extension of their emotional need for companionship. Some research has found that women often desire to be desired, and that’s a whole lot different than a biological desire for any sex with anyone. Still need more proof?  ask yourself this, Why haven't drug companies been able to come up with a drug that enhances a woman's sexual libido, only men's? Ok they came out with the pink pill, but I have not seen any women that I know rushing to use it. Touché.

Myth 4: Sex Leads to Love and Longevity

I can't believe that we would be together this long?

There are many important and valid reasons to wait to have sex with a man you deeply care for, but here’s one that’s often overshadowed: Good sex doesn’t make him care for you any more than he did before you do it! Slightly more than half of women in their 20s 30s and even 40s believe that a sexual hookup can be a stepping stone to a serious relationship, but the research shows something entirely different. Having sex early on in a relationship, good or bad, is bad for the relationship. I found a study that showed that if you have sex within 30 days of meeting somebody, you have an 88 percent chance of breaking up within one year. Eighty-eight percent! But if you wait 31-90 days, you’ve got a one in four chance you’re going to be together a year later. Just like that, it rises 25 percent. OK Steve Harvey's 90 day wait... may have a point here!

We know what you’re thinking: What about the men who insist that intimacy will bring them closer to a woman? Are they full of it? Yes! The more sexual partners a man has had, the more he perceives diminished attractiveness in each new mate. Therefore, sex does not lead to love for a man. If a guy is a player, sex leads to disdain for the woman he just had sex with, because he’s looking for something that doesn’t exist, and he thinks he’s going to find it by having more sexual conquests. Men fall in love because of trust, not sex!

Myth 5: Promiscuity Can Be Turned Off

Tell me again how many sexual partners you  have  had before me.

Did you know that sleeping around now can and will create trouble for you when you decide to commit or marry? Real talk! Faithfulness is a learned behavior. “Many of the women I’ve spoke with told me that they’re just hooking up because they’re auditioning mates but they’re confident that when they commit they can be faithful. Again, the research doesn’t support this! These women are training their bodies to be future cheaters. We can train our body for almost anything. The only way to train for monogamy is either to abstain from sex, or be monogamous. Well being monogamous can lead to abstaining from sex <smirking>  in due time.

                                                                                                     Sexaholics are So Anxious ~ Ginuwine

Things A Strong Woman Will Never Tolerate In A Relationship!

Many women refer to themselves as STRONG women. But how many are really strong emotionally?

Let's toast to understanding and supporting each other!

the following are what strong  women will not tolerate. I've know many strong willed women in my life so I will agree with these compiled  facts based on some  my BAD personal experiences....

Fellahs----You’ve managed to create a relationship with the strong woman in your life who may  love you, but you might be wondering how to keep her tough heart (which toughness is due to  BAD experiences from her past) bonded to yours. It can be a daunting task to allow a strong woman all the freedom she needs to spread her wings, while making sure that her heart belongs to you alone.
This challenging balancing act is easier than it sounds as long as you can avoid some seriously unacceptable behavior. Let’s discuss some things  that your strong woman will never tolerate.

1. Disrespect

Did you really think I would accept that from you or anyone? 

Disrespect is a very broad category of behavior that a strong woman will not tolerate in a relationship. You may be worrying, but how will you know if you’ve disrespected her?
Disrespect for a strong woman could be anything from telling her that she throws ‘like a girl’ to disagreeing with her opinion in a belittling way. It could be your disagreement that women deserve equal pay for equal work to your tone when you say something you thought was a compliment.
Following the Golden Rule is to treat her the way you would want to be treated. Even better than that is to treat her the way she wants to be treated. You aren’t a mind-reader, most likely, so the easiest way to avoid treating her disrespectfully is to ask her how she would like to be treated.


2. Dominating the relationship

You will be doing those things by yourself!

Control can be kinky at times in the bedroom, but when one partner totally dominates the balance of power, it puts a strong woman in a position of powerlessness, which she will never tolerate in a relationship.
Strong women know how to take the lead, when to be in control and when to be vulnerable and they can do all of it without you telling them what to do. To be in a relationship with a strong woman, you have to let her be in the drivers seat frequently.


3. Treating her with inequality
Treat the strong woman in your relationship as your equal in every way, and if she needs your help, trust her to ask for it. Make your relationship a level playing field, regardless of your income, education, ethnicity, gender, political affiliation, social status, etc. and your strong woman will appreciate the respect that you’re giving her.

4. Breaking her boundaries

I said "NO"  you better learn to respect my decisions!

If a strong woman has already told you ‘No’ or ‘Don’t do that again’ once, you’d better be sure not to break her personal boundaries again. Women have been repressed as the weaker sex for a long time in our social norms, and as a result, strong women everywhere have had to stand up and demand that you do not tread on them.
A strong woman knows her personal limits, values, morals, and beliefs and she knows where to draw the line. Don’t push her boundaries or you will feel her anger.
5. A negative attitude toward her suggestions
Everyone can have periods of negativity and they will reject their partner’s ideas, but a strong woman will never tolerate someone who is always negative about her wonderful suggestions.

6. Not supporting her dreams or her heart
‘There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer’ – Marilyn Monroe

Thank you for supporting the things that I want in my  life!

Do not think that a strong woman will continue to tolerate a partner who has no interest in helping her achieve her dream. For that matter, she doesn’t want you to stomp on her heart either. Be supportive of her desires or a strong woman will be looking to leave the relationship.
Not being supported is stressful for both men and women, however the strong women are more socially active than men, which meant that they would have  even higher levels of stress if they didn’t have the emotional support of their friends.






7. Emotional constipation

Well he didn't  know I was really paying attention
to everything not just the things he thought he was showing me!

Just let it out already. In a study of women in lesbian relationships, most strong women wanted two things; - --
-Independence of decision-making
- communicating emotions to form a deep, intimate connection to their partner.
These two qualities are also desirable in a relationship with a strong heterosexual woman as well.
Women possess higher emotional intelligence than most men do. As a result, they are able to pick up on the subtle body language, tone, and verbal cues that reveal hidden emotions.

The  above seven could result in your  Guitar Gently Weeping - 

Is a Prenup kind of Romantic?

Dating would be less stressful if people understood that it's a process of elimination not inclusion! Never lower your standards for the sake of saying, "I have a man...or woman."
It's hard enough to maintain a relationship; I’ll be damned if I'm going to struggle just to have trust, chemistry, and intelligent conversation. That should be a given! And to those people who call you picky, leave them alone! 

A prenup is my way of  protecting you and me!  

Allow me to first state that I totally get this. Especially these days where women as doing better than men in so many areas. Only gold diggers will not like the following. So "Be Selective!" and avoid the " Too late false starts"
OK what would you consider as "Too Late?"  It's never too late unless you  are at the starting gates. i.e. Like in track and field contest (running the 100, or 200) you can't  have more than one  "false starts" that will  forces you go back to the starting line and take a penalty   you can be disqualified instantly for more than one  "false start" your best bet is to just wait patiently until it's the right time to  move forward.

 
This article is made available for informational purposes only by Kimberly Gantcher Spodek PLLC, and should not be construed to be formal legal advice. By reading this article, you understand that there is no attorney-client relationship between you and the firm. The content of this article should not be used as a substitute for obtaining competent legal advice from a licensed professional attorney.

In the prenup we agreed that you will get the dogs
if we split. OK?

  
When you hear “prenup,” you may immediately cringe and think, “How unromantic.” However, considering a prenuptial agreement may prove to be one of the most romantic steps you take in your relationship — that is, if you consider a long, healthy marriage romantic. Starting a marriage with a common financial understanding can help avoid the future disagreements and distrust that destroy so many marriages.
Having the “prenup conversation” sets an enduring precedent for the marriage. It infuses the relationship with openness and honesty, and ensures that both spouses are knowledgeable about finances from the outset. The conversation enables partners to share their values and ideas about money before it is too late.


While an agreement can be put in place at any time during the marriage, particularly when financial circumstances change (simply called a post-marital or post-nuptial agreement), ideally couples should begin the conversation prior to an engagement or soon thereafter. Any agreement should be entered into at least several months before the wedding. Agreements executed within weeks of a wedding, or even after invitations have been mailed, may be vulnerable to challenge in court.

I'm so glad we have a post-nuptial agreement!

Couples who do not necessarily intend to marry but who live together, share property, share expenses, or contemplate starting a family should also consider putting a financial agreement in place. Indeed, without the legal protections afforded married couples, people in less traditional relationships are particularly suited for agreements that specifically detail how financial issues will be handled in the event of a breakdown of the relationship.

People do not sign prenups because they think they are headed for divorce. A prenuptial, post-nuptial, or other financial agreement between couples is a safety net. The hope is that it will be put at the bottom of a drawer and never looked at again. However, it is there should the relationship sour. Some agreements include a “sunset provision” whereby the agreement expires, is amended, or the terms automatically change if the relationship lasts a certain amount of time.

Couples should be prepared to have an open and honest conversation and to share all financial information. Consider using a mediator, especially one who is a lawyer, who will be able to guide you with respect to questions you should be asking each other and what kinds of provisions can and cannot be included in the agreement. Whether or not you use a mediator, each person should consult an independent attorney. If either party has not been represented by counsel, the agreement can be susceptible to a challenge in the future.

Having a conversation about financial values and expectations is right for every couple. Some situations that might especially warrant consideration of a prenuptial agreement include:

We both have grown children,  an agreement will
 prevent future problems.

Parents of college-age children — If you’ve set aside money for your children, own property you wish to keep in the family, or expect a bequest or inheritance, start speaking to your children before they are romantically attached. Plant the seed that you expect or hope that they will make smart financial decisions, be open with their future partner, and enter into a prenuptial agreement.

Age — If you are older when you embark on a marriage, one or both of you may have attained a high level of financial and career success. A prenuptial agreement can allow you to specify exactly how you wish to share or not share in each other’s financial successes.

Premarital ownership of property — If either or both of you own property or have accumulated assets prior to the marriage, a premarital agreement can ensure that you protect separate property, even if shared money is used to pay expenses or make improvements.

I'm a  ‘Mompreneur’ I have to think  about the 'what if(s)' 
in all of my dealings

Entrepreneurs — Even if your venture has not taken off prior to a marriage, you may have invested a lot of time and money, and wish to ensure that you retain full ownership and profits.


Successive marriages — If you have been married before, you may be more inclined to have a forthright conversation about finances in advance of marriage, especially if there are children from previous marriages.

A prenup is  actually very Romantic, isn't it honey? . 

Modern marriage — Young couples today tend to be financially savvy and open, and share comparable career goals. Discussions about expectations around families, career breaks, and finances are more common than in prior generations and can lead to enduring understandings reflected in well-written, balanced prenuptial agreements.


As difficult as financial conversations may be, having the prenup conversation early can help set the tone for a long-lasting, honest, and cooperative marriage.

It seems like you're ready to go all the way,

 now that the prenup and post-nup are agreed on....and signed!

Is your spouse/partner causing your financial downfall?

Do you and your spouse fight over to much spending?

You went shopping again? 

If you have ever checked your joint bank account statement at the end of the month and are confused as to what some of the purchases are, you are not alone. Sixty-four percent (64%) of couples put all of their money in joint accounts, and many identify one person in the relationship as a spender. While it may feel comforting to know you are not the only person facing this, studies also show that husbands and wives typically spend about the same throughout the year but on different things.
Instead of feeling like your partner is ruining your financial lives, come together to create new financial processes and solutions for your relationship.
Maybe  these suggestions help your situation

Create a spending account.

You just can spend money and not tell me!

No one wants to feel like they are being watched for every dollar they spend. Consider keeping your joint accounts for things such as bills, savings, and activities for the kids, but create separate accounts for spending with an agreed upon amount for each of you. This way you both have the liberty to save or spend how you like, but from a limited amount of money and with no chance to overspend or short the bill money.

In my BAD experiences. Joint accounts is like having two exit doors to one small room and each person has a key... to their door. when you use your key ( debit-card, cheques) and the other person use theirs you deplete the account twice as fast. So every time  each of you check your balance it will not show the  actual  amount because, your or yourspouse have  other debts  pending.  It is the most difficult thing to keep control of. It become a personal attack when one person ask:" what did you spend this money on?"

Set some ground rules.

We agreed to cut back on spending
on things we can do with out!

Agree to a few parameters for your household. Discuss whether it’s OK for one person to decide to save all their personal money and make a large purchase without consulting the other. It’s not about asking for permission, it’s about promoting and maintaining a healthy level of communication with your spouse.

In my BAD experiences: Rules are meant to be broken in relationships. the best ground rule is to keep money matters under control. Keep it Simple to avoid causing  fights. Agree to put a fixed amount in an account for household bills, and go shopping for food together, send out the mortgage first, then pay the utilities.... Keep solid control to avoid  out of control spending. 

Be transparent.
The purpose of a personal spending account is not an excuse to keep financial secrets. If you purchased something new for $500 and you saved to buy it, don’t lie and tell your spouse it only cost $150. You also don’t want to use your personal spending account as a way to hide debt. All debts should be paid from the joint account, which means both parties need to be aware of its existence. The same goes for income, there should be no bypassing of the joint account for your personal spending. All of these situations breed financial mistrust, which is extremely damaging to relationships long term.

This was my actual pool table I bought without telling my then , now ex-wife
 it was a very BAD decision on my part.....
mainly because it took up more space than she liked...
but my sons  entertained many of their friends using it.
So they were happy I bought it. 3 out of 4 were happy!
But one unhappy wife can make the husbands life miserable. 

In my BAD experiences: everyone sees things with different values i.e. a pool table for $2,000 was a good deal to me, but not to my then spouse. A purse that cost $500. is not a good deal to a man but to woman it is all in the value of the brand-name.... Men are from Mars , women are from Venus. It's never going to be simple.  

You Need To Cut them loose!

 There are clear Signs It’s Time To End A Relationship...
If you are in a relationship and you feel unhappy and unfulfilled, you may find yourself contemplating whether or not you should end the relationship or continue to try to make it work. It’s normal to have second thoughts about relationships. However, if you find yourself dwelling on the idea of moving on, you might want to take your thoughts seriously. In fact, it might just be time to let go.

But How Do You Know for Sure It’s Time?

He is such a nice guy, but I'm no longer feeling him!

Deciding whether or not to break up with someone you love can feel like torture. The longer you have been in the relationship, the harder the decision becomes. A decision to break up can be further complicated if your partner is giving you some of what you need, but is unable to provide you with the things that matter most to you. Well Lucy....let me explain.



Suppose you are dating someone who is easygoing. There is low drama in your relationship and the other person is consistently there for you. All good, right? But, let’s say you feel something big is missing. You might not have a significant emotional connection. The relationship may be lacking passion or you may no longer feel attracted to them.

Your relationship may have reached the point where you do not communicate anymore. Maybe you no longer look forward to interacting because you don’t feel connected to one another. Maybe it is not a good support system for you. You don’t feel the love. You don’t feel that the other person is fully present in your life.

But your relationship is fine. Not a mess, no chaos; just not that rewarding. Are these valid reasons to let go and move on?

Yes and no???.

At the fork in the road I will go right and you go left,
let's just  keep it simple! 

Yes, you should move on if it just isn’t working for you. For instance, if you have communicated that you need certain things to feel secure, but your partner has failed to change, compromise, reciprocate or understand where you are coming from, this is a sign to re-evaluate the relationship.

No, if you have explained how you feel and the two of you are working to make things better. If you are trying to change the relationship, this could take time. And if both of you are vested in seeing things through, your relationship may improve significantly. Give it some time and see how things look after the two of you have put in the work on what you want to improve in the relationship.
Clear Signs to End a Relationship


1. Your heart is not in the relationship and your intuition is telling you to move on.

How can I give all this up,  so much time invested..
but I'm so not happy!

A clear sign it’s time to end a relationship is when your heart tells you to do so. It is easy to overthink your feelings. The mind can create paralysis analysis when you are constantly looking to solve a relationship dilemma. Your mind can play to your fears about being alone. The mind will focus on what you are losing by leaving the relationship. Common obsessive thoughts include the fear of being lonely, apprehension about not finding love again, lifestyle changes or inertia about making a life change.

Your mind can easily create more fear and scenarios than may even come into play. And while such thoughts and feelings can be valid, your intuition is usually a more accurate guide. Your heart will tell you what you feel often before your mind is ready to accept and embrace this truth. The mind will usually justify and negotiate, but the heart is clear. The heart doesn’t lie. Your heart will give you clear indicators that something does not feel right, something important is lacking, and you need to move on. The heart is a passive voice, but this is our emotional intuition and can place us on the right path.

When your heart is urging you to step out on faith and move away from someone, don’t ignore it. Avoid the temptation to drown out intuition with your mind, which will keep you mired in inaction.

2. Being with your partner is causing you more emotional pain and discontent than happiness.

I tried to do the best I could, but it seems it's just not enough!

If you are really unhappy in your relationship and have been for a long time, it is time to go. No one is responsible for your happiness, but if someone is taking away from your happiness, that is a real problem. No relationship is happy all of the time. That’s unrealistic. But if you are unhappy with someone the majority of the time you might want to re-evaluate. This is a clear indication it is time to decide if this relationship is the right one for you.



3. Your partner is not fully present in your life.

Our bodies are touching but our
connection has been  lost 

If he or she is not working to improve their presence in your life, even though you have made repeated efforts to give them a chance to improve, that’s another telling sign it’s time to consider moving on. By using your inner voice to carry on a conversation with your self  about your relationship, and your inner voice is winning the argument, and forcing the decision to end it then you should follow that voice's advice. Nothing can be said out loud to change what is going on inside of your head. They actions speak louder, than words... but your inner voice determines your continuous actions that will speak volumes,  Follow the script and  follow the direction  it is telling you to take.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. However when the negatives outweigh the positives, it’s probably time to let go.