All other betrayals besides Cheating can Ruin a Relationship!

When people are discussing things that went wrong in their past relationships, physical cheating is often viewed as the biggest form of betrayal. Since a relationship is often defined as an agreement to only be intimate with your partner, it makes sense that cheating is the action that is most likely to harm a relationship. It is often seen as rejecting your partner for another person. However, cheating is not the only way that your relationship may end because of extra outside relationships. There are six other forms of falseness within a relationship that may result in distrust and discord between partners.

You knew who I was when you married me
what made you think you could change me?

1. Trying to Change Your Partner
Trying to alter your partner and make them into a new person is almost as bad as cheating on them with a new person. No one appreciates constantly being told to change their appearance and personality, and it is particularly insulting when it comes from a partner. People feel betrayed when someone was willing to enter a relationship with them and then they are suddenly faced with many conditions for remaining in the relationship. Though a relationship may continue to stumble along after one partner starts trying to change the other, this typically breeds resentment that ultimately results in the relationship falling apart.

So you want an occasional lap dance,
 to  keep you from going to "the Club!"

In my view  this is a breech of contract of  the original term of the agreement as I see it is the most damaging  to any relationship. When you pick someone you get what and who they are. You don't get with someone to to make them who you want them to be! 
It is an unwritten rule. Men marry women hoping they will never change (unless they change to be exactly who he dreamed about, and women marry man thinking of ways to change him, she want to mold him, train him, make him roll over and do things on command ( like die when they want to find someone new!) . The questions you should ask yourself are you being realistic in your expectations... Most likely neither of you will get exactly what you want......because your expectations are just flat out nuts.   

2. Always Insisting on Being Right

I just want to win at all cost

A relationship is not a competition, and always trying to be better than your partner is a way of harming their trust in you. No one wants to be in a relationship with a person that is regularly trying to one-up them and make them look wrong. Psychologists believe that arguing does not actually convince people of anything. Even if you are actually right, your partner is not going to agree with you when they are trying to defend themselves during an argument. Instead of focusing on being right, try to focus on communicating with your partner calmly.

In my view  this is where most relationship that fail when two competitive people  hook up... it goes  straight to hell very  quickly. Because  two competing people are just pushing and disapproving of the others short comings and trying to out do the other and get to finish line first . If you are constantly competing then you are not spending enough time finding compromises that allows for togetherness and harmony. 

3. The Idea of a Soulmate

My first soulmate brought me here on a date years ago,
 so I guess this means you are now my replacement soulmate!

One of the most toxic ideas in a relationship is that you can only have one soulmate. If you refer to a past partner who left your life due to tragedy as a soulmate, you leave your current partner feeling like they are not as important to you. Even if you think your current partner is your soulmate, you can face problems in your relationship. A 2014 study by the University of Toronto found that people are unhappy with their relationship if they have conflicts yet still consider each other to be their soulmates. This happens because people become very hurt when they think they cannot even have a harmonious relationship with their partner. Instead of putting a lot of pressure on your partner to be your soulmate, you should focus on growing and working together.

In my view.... the term soulmate is just a contradiction in possibilities. If you only have one soul your souls can join forces with another  and be compatible   so you can be mates, that's it.  I firmely believe Only identical twins can be complete soulmates.  Twins can either be monozygotic ("identical"), meaning that they can develop from just one zygote that will then split and form two embryos, or dizygotic ("fraternal"), meaning that they can develop from two different eggs; each are fertilized by separate sperm cells. In contrast, a fetus which develops alone in the womb is called a singleton, and the general term for one offspring. 
In simple terms....you were born as a singleton, you can merge with another singleton and combine forces as mates, two different souls separate and unequal tackling your journey and you missions in life.  

4. Caring More About Being in a Relationship Than Having a Good One

She doesn't care what I  do so let me just set myself up  a hookup
for the next 3 hours.

In the modern age of social media, appearances are everything. This can end up harming your relationship if you are focused more on appearing like an ideal couple than actually connecting and building a good relationship. Focusing on the looks of your relationship at the expense of your partner’s needs or desires is just as bad as focusing on another relationship while you are still in your current one. This betrayal is not often apparent at first, but you may realize you are in one if a partner always insists on being given expensive gifts to show off or makes posts constantly about how perfect the relationship is while it is not actually going well.

In my view.... often enough people just want to have physical presents under the same roof. They front that they are this happy couple. But neither one  of them are happy, so they live separate lives, but try not  to embarrass the other one with their extra relationship activities. the one with the better social life is always out. And the other one is at home pretending like they don't care, just as long as it does not cause a scandal.
    
5. No Longer Taking Care of Yourself

did he notice my toes and nails?
He better! 

Your partner originally started a relationship with you because they were emotionally and physically attracted to you. Many people end up feeling hurt and tricked if their partner immediately discards the qualities they were so attracted to in the first place. Instead, it is important for both partners in a relationship to continue maintaining their physical health and emotional well-being. In order for a relationship to function properly, both partners must be fully functional people. Continuing to make an effort for your partner will make them feel loved and admired.
In my view.....this only happens when one person becomes a home maker Male or female. But if both individuals are out in the workforce meeting people and looking to progress career wise.  Or if they  want to keep their options open,i.e.  the new company employee is looking your way and they look so good.  Sudden interest in spas can always reveal what is of new importance to one of the two  individuals. 


6. Neglecting Your Partner and Relationship

I need some ear plugs! she never stops yelling at me. 

Emotional neglect can be so harmful that it is often categorized as a form of emotional abuse. It may include a lack of physical contact, no longer listening to a partner, not providing emotional support during difficult life events, and only caring about their own needs. When a partner is intentionally not fulfilling the needs of their partner, they are trying to hurt their partner and make their partner feel uncertain or none-confident of their love. This can lead to a cycle of neglect where partners are trying to both show that they cannot be hurt because they are not invested in the relationship. Often, emotional neglect can lead to a broken relationship or infidelity.

In my view..... One person just pretended to want to be with the other for whatever reasons, be it financially, or what ever else.  Because these days two people start looking for compatibility first. Women start wanting us men to fit into their world, While guys want her to be the ultimate in every area he can think of. 

I can come to bed  now that he is asleep!

To have a happy, functional relationship, it is important to avoid betraying your partner in these six above mentioned ways. If you notice that your partner is exhibiting any of these behaviors, it is important to talk to them about it calmly before it becomes problematic issue....




In my view..... there is no where to hide, so let love have it's way! 

Kem - Love Calls

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