A few ways on how men can be more supportive of women.

Over time you have become more supportive, thank you.!

 Often times, I see and hear grievances online and in everyday life that  we men need to be more supportive and loving of our women, and usually, I agree. But I can’t help but wonder why it seems to be such a difficult task for some of us?  Why is it so hard for us to just support one another? Could it be because we simply don’t know how? Let’s be honest, there aren’t as many positive representations of  love and support on a romantic and platonic level as we’d like, so it’s no wonder people get hyped up off of drama. So I decided to make it easier for the fellas who are making a conscious effort. And for those who aren’t…TO JUST DO BETTER!

APPRECIATE heR NATURAL BEAUTY

Appreciate me as I presents myself! 
and not how you think I should look! 

It’s cool if she rocks long weaves or crochet braids with a “beat” face, tight dress and stilettos, but it’s also cool if she doesn’t. It’s cool if she doesn’t take hours to contour and highlight her face and prefers a simple lipstick. It’s cool if she doesn’t touch her eyebrows. It’s cool if she’s the wash and go queen and only needs an afro-pick to start her day. Fellas, it’s cool. It’s cool for you to have a preference, but it’s not cool for you to bomb on and bash women because they aren’t your cup of tea. Appreciate the things that make women  who they are, physically, but most of all, internally. That means cut the crap on the dark skin slander, quit it with the nappy jokes, and let the ladies live without making them  feel like anything less than the amazing women they  are because they  don’t look or act a certain way.

LESS TALKING, MORE LISTENING 

With these headphone , I can hear you in my head!

Seriously,  she is not asking you to be Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent and fix her issues all of the time. She  just wants you to listen. Don’t be so quick to label a  woman as angry and bitter because she’s upset about something you did or something that happened during her day. Don’t rush to the defensive side so quickly. If you love women and sincerely want to support them, you’ll hear them  out. She isn’t angry or bitter, she’s just tired, and it might not necessarily be with you. It could be work frustrations, the perils of motherhood, her interactions with others, you never really know until you listen. And she could use a fresh pair of ears. Otis Redding  said it best in “Try A Little Tenderness.”

SHOW UP

I have to first thank my husband for showing up for this session.

As black women, they  show up and show out for everything. Most  show up for everyone. But when they  need their men to show up for they, often, all they  hear are crickets unless it’s the son, father, or husband of the woman who dragged them to an event, like counseling. Recognize that you can resolve all you problems on your own. Acknowledge that hosting a panel discussion for women or a writing workshop for kids is a good thing. Show up and make yourself useful. Women show up for their communities, their churches, their families, their professions, their education, their brothers, and Yes even each other. They need their men to do the same.

STOP WITH THE RESPECTABILITY POLITICS

Would you have respected me more,
if I had made you wait longer before we slept together 

The one thing women  hate when it comes to respecting the Black woman, is that there always has to be an exception. There should be no exception to giving someone respect. There’s the idea that if she doesn’t respect herself, then no one else will. NO. You show her respect still and help her see the value in her worth if she doesn’t. That doesn’t give you the green light to join in on the hate train. If you see something, say something. If you see a woman being bashed on social media or in public, don’t share it,  and stop the  giggles or being  a silent spectator, say something (positive)! Be accountable for your brother that’s bashing and degrading your sistah. Stop it with the respectability politics. You can’t say you love Black women, but then pick and choose which Black women you’re going to respect. They all are worthy of YOUR respect. 

REMEMBER: OUR LIVES, OUR CHOICES

We are eye to eye here! 
So tell me again who chose who?!

Seriously, can we live together here? Live without society policing our every choice? Can women at least get that freedom to choose from choices of available  men without judgment? Let their choices  be great. Let them  be great and single. Let them  be great and taken. Let them be great and natural. Let them be great weaved out. Let them  be great twerking ( OK maybe not so much) on a Friday night at the Hookah lounge. Let them be great in Sunday morning worship (but not after a late night out at the Hookah Lounge) . Let them be great in a tight body-con EYE candy  dress,. Let them be great in a hijab. Just let them be great and respect that their choices are their choices, and unless it’s causing you harm and danger then you shouldn’t be speaking except to edify.

CHECK YOUR EGO at the door

 She looked cute, enough!
 "OK whatever!" It was not meant to be.  

She don’t want you, bruh. And you know what? That’s okay! Life goes on and it will literally be about five minutes before you’re catcalling the next woman who walks by, so you don’t need to call her out of her name because she didn’t respond to you the way you wanted her to. Check your ego and squash it. Also, before you open  your mouth to speak to her, it wouldn’t hurt to ask yourself what you can do for her. Why should she stop for me? Am I being respectable in my approach? What are my intentions and what can I add to her life?

KNOW YOUR ROLE AND PLAY IT WELL

Roll the dice!

We all know women can be stubborn at times. Some times their pride gets the best of them when they say “We don’t want you!” but the truth is, we all  need each other as a race and as a community. The most you can do to support  Black women is play your role, as Brothers of class and dignity. Whether you’re a father, son, uncle, nephew, grandson, husband, or brother, be that and be that to the utmost extreme. A daughter needs her father; a wife needs her husband; a mother needs her son, and a sister needs her brothers.

Now, before anyone starts with the “Same goes for women,” or “…and vice versa,” let me just say I’m not addressing women right now, I am addressing men. I’m talking to you, my brothers. I applaud and send kudos to the Black men holding it down for Black women. The Black men who know that the only way Black people will progress is if we start loving each other unconditionally( or maybe with minor conditions) . The Black men who know that Black women are the future, but women can’t be that without men. For those of you who don’t, Just check yourselves and do better. It’s that simple!

   

"Love and War" -(Tamar Braxton Cover)-Amanda Cole.