Relationships get harder each New Year!

So is this your version of putting in work?

 In fact, The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work.

Our ideas about the “perfect” relationship often get in the way of the work we need to do. It’s easy to lose sight of the goal – which should be to live a happy life together. Sometimes, we accept things we shouldn’t have to in order to “keep the peace."

Knowing nothing is perfect, and that relationships are complex, it makes sense to be mindful about what we do and do not accept in them…

THINGS TO STOP ACCEPTING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!
If you tolerated them in the previous years then it's time for........ a new start....

STOP ACCEPTING BEHAVIORS THAT BREAK YOUR TRUST.

There is a reason that trust is number one – because trust is the most important thing  in each and every kind of relationship. Trust is the foundation upon which a relationship is built, and it is mistrust which often destroys it. Nothing weakens a relationship more than being deceitful.

Something to understand – when you trust someone and they continuously break your trust, it’s not your fault it’s theirs. It’s very natural to immediately blame yourself for having trusted someone only to have them break that trust, but don’t.

It’s only through experience where we determine whether or not someone is trustworthy; either way, you’ll learn a valuable lesson or add a great relationship.

STOP ACCEPTING NEGATIVE ENERGY

A positive relationship should mostly be uplifting, leaving you feeling inspired for the next meeting. You shouldn’t leave each meeting with someone feeling drained and negative, and you surely shouldn’t accept this negative energy in your closest relationships.

Sure, there are going to be some rough patches along the way, but it’s mostly a constructive experience. You should be accepting of each other, supportive and responsive.

If you hit a point where the positive aspects of the relationship are sporadic, it may be time to move on. You may actually come to a point where you actually attempt to avoid the person, while hoping to maintain the relationship. This may sound crazy, but people do it all the time. “Maybe it’ll get better” they think to themselves. Perhaps, but then it’s not a normal, functioning, or healthy relationship.

STOP ACCEPTING SLUGGISHNESS

In order to be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy with yourself. When life gets busy and hectic, making exercising together a priority can be challenging. There are a million reasons to skip your workout but how does that make you feel – sluggish or lazy, maybe? Those are not feelings you want to bring into your relationship.

Exercising together is a great way to build a stronger relationship. Couples that exercise together will see physical benefits, but you will be surprised to learn that your emotional connections also become stronger.

STOP ACCEPTING COMPETITION.

Maybe you have a shared goal of wanting to lose thirty pounds before summer vacation, so you start hitting the gym and eating better together. Soon, though, you might notice the other person lifting heavier weights, so you try to "one up" them, and eventually it turns into a vicious game rather than a mutual goal.

Remain supportive and encourage the other person to do his or her best while also putting in your greatest effort – as long as you try your hardest and cheer your partner on, you’ll both come out on top!

STOP ACCEPTING THE BELIEF THAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE AROUND THAT PERSON.

You should never feel the need to be another person just to accommodate someone. It’s exhausting first of all, and it is a telltale sign that the relationship is not consensual. There is some element of that individual that does not jive with the person you are.


Whether or not the person verbalizes their dissatisfaction with you or you innately know that you must change in order for them to accept you doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do not feel comfortable being yourself, which shouldn’t be acceptable to you under any circumstance.

When we do the right things, we create better harmony!

 Things To Tell Your Partner When Your Relationship Is becoming Difficult!


RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLEX.

Things are tough at home right now and have been for some time. Do you press the eject button, reset button or do you press on?

Before throwing your partner’s things in a bin liner and calling a divorce lawyer, let us take a trip to the beautiful islands of Hawai, (an alternative to many islands in the Carribbean are recovering from a monster hurricanes season) the warmth of the sand on Waikiki Beach between your toes with the refreshing Trade Winds gently blowing. Let your imagination comfort you for a moment and let's become one with the indigenous Hawaiian people, for part of our journey today involves teachings from H o’oponopono. As we go through the list, the parts of Ho’oponopono will become apparent and will be explained in relation to how to remedy difficulty in relationships.

 THINGS TO TELL YOUR PARTNER WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFICULT.

1. “WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME RIGHT NOW?”

Here is the normal scenario: There is a disagreement or argument brewing. Wife wants to fight. Husband wants to withdraw. She gives chase, hoping for a reaction and he normally tries to stay silent (trying to avoid a fight.) Naturally, these roles can be reversed.

Asking the above question to your partner tells them subtly that you want to connect, not withdraw or avoid. This will in turn calm them down, which gives licence to civilised discussion and possible problem solving.

2. “HOW CAN I HELP TO TAKE SOME OF THE BURDEN OFF YOU TODAY?”

The response could be as simple as a “please listen to me” after a long, hard day or as intimate as giving a nice back rub, foot rub if on their feet most of the time. This gives your partner an opportunity to let off steam in whichever way they choose. This shows that you are as cool as a cucumber under pressure, and not going bananas like a crazed person!

Asking the above question to your partner tells them subtly that you care for them despite what has gone on between the pair of you. You are in a relationship and both parties have the right to benefits by being in one.

3. “I’M SORRY!”

Being specific as to why and how to improve for next time.

Grab your sun-screen and your beach towel, folks, it is time to make our first stop in Hawaii. This is Ho’oponopono Rule #1. Being sorry, or “minamina” in Hawaiian, because you know that you have done wrong and want to make right that wrong breathes life into the lungs of a relationship, much like the aforementioned Trade Winds in the Hawaiian archipelago. Being specific about why you are sorry is very important because it disarms more powerfully and talking of improving on that foible can start to melt the Ice King/Queen.

Example: “I apologise for not taking out the trash last night, babe. I understand that the kitchen stinks because of my forgetful actions ..... I will be more aware next time.”

4. “THANK YOU.”

Being specific as to why.

Staying in Hawaii for this  one. This is Ho’oponopono Rule #3. Being grateful is such an appealing trait and makes you a more attractive person. It works in Waikiki Beach or anywhere eldest . It makes your significant other want to do more things with you and for you because you let them know that you appreciate them and especially so if you are thanking them for mundane tasks, people do not expect it for those. This following example is like having your feet caressed by the warm Pacific Ocean waters on the Hawaiian beach. Mahalo!

Example: “Thank you so much for taking out the trash last night, babe. I really appreciate it when you take the time to do it, even though you have that important meeting with your boss this morning.”

5. “I’M PROUD OF YOU.”

Being specific as to why.

Knowing that you are doing well and having your good work appreciated at home is deeply rewarding. Feeling valued with your loved ones will give an ego boost guaranteed, making the smallest of us feel like the tallest. This is accentuated by big news, like a promotion or playing/coaching a grassroots sports team. Or even better when your partner does something outstanding.... Like make partner in their firm.

You did it.
I'm truly happy for you.

Are they as NICE as they seem?

Signs A seemingly  ‘Nice’ Person  may Secretly Have  Cruel predator  like intentions

“Sweetie, if you’re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
                 – Marilyn Monroe

The late Marilyn Monroe was a beautiful, gifted actress and model; and, as it turns out, quite insightful about the personal manipulation, she almost assuredly experienced during her ever-present, adored existence. Ms. Monroe possessed the beauty, allure and, yes, fortune, that screamed: “Take advantage of me!” But, despite her infamous reputation for playing “dumb blonde” characters, she was an astute judge of character. In fact, she was downright intolerant of those that vainly attempted such. Reportedly, she quickly disbanded those with ulterior motives.

Oh, and the “dumb blonde” reportedly had an IQ of over 160. I digress, however. This post is not about Marilyn Monroe. None of us are Marilyn Monroe, and 99.999 percent of us will never come close to achieving the fame and fortune of this intelligent and beautiful woman.

We do, however, share one thing in common: we’re all potential victims in the eyes of manipulators.

They’ll smile, speak innocently, all the while making a deliberate attempt to deceive and control our very minds. Unfortunately, these manipulators all too often get their way. Until they loose their grip on you.

So, what is the solution? It’s complicated, yet simple: we must remain keenly aware of those around us, while never hesitating to take the appropriate action.

We’ll discuss 5 signs of an all-too-common type of manipulator: a “nice person” with diabolical intentions.

HERE’S THE SIGNS A NICE PERSON SECRETLY HAS NEGATIVE INTENTIONS

CONVERSATIONS ARE ALWAYS ONE-SIDED

No surprise here. Nice people with cruel intentions are programmed to dominate discussions. Ordinary people, while some may lack active listening skills, will at least attemptto engage in a dialogue. Manipulators of this type are not to be considered ordinary people as it pertains to human conversation.

Here’s the caveat. If the manipulator senses a failure in their conversational tactics, they’ll devise some other method of achieving their aims. In some cases, such tactical diversion is sudden, inexplicable interest in your life and “what’s going on” with you.

Make no mistake, such enigmatic behavior has an explanation: they’re selfish and manipulative. Manipulators are so self-focused that, eventually, the dialectical spotlight will shine back onto them.

REPEATEDLY MAKING DEMANDS

Another talent manipulators of this type possess is the ability to wear you down. As an individualistic person of the highest degree, they’ll constantly reiterate – often in a subtle nature – the action that they wish you to take.

They’ll make demands incessantly. Why? Because their reassuring ego convinces them that their “superior” methods, however ill-conceived, will prevail over their target’s sense of self-control. Don’t allow this to happen. Challenge their words while adamantly refusing to participate in their game.

You’ll win this battle every time, but only if you’re strong enough.

USING PERSUASION AS A GAME

The third on this list relates to the second; as dialogical maneuvers are a favorite tool of manipulators. Similarly, manipulators of this variety have a penchant for persuasion – whether or not such diversions are effective is irrelevant. They think they are, and that’s all you need to know about such motives.

Persuasion and pressure can be potent weapons, especially when the victim lacks aptitude in discernment. Also, people who have trouble saying “no” can fall victim (sometimes knowingly) to such persuasion.

Use your best judgment, and – regardless of how difficult it may be – muster the fortitude to say no.

ABNORMAL EYE CONTACT AND BODY LANGUAGE

Predictably, leveraging my interpretation of sustained eye contact can be a weapon for manipulators. Too many of us, a steady and confident look indicates trustworthiness. Falsely “nice” people understand this psychological effect – and, often will change their gaze.

We can't go on pretending day after day!

We need to talk about our lack of passion issues.

Are we passionate enough?

A relationship therapist breaks down the most common problems couples have in bed.
You're not alone.

Once you enter a serious relationship, sex can get complicated.I read an article by Rachel Sussman, a NYC-based marriage counselor, about the most common problem couples have in the bedroom.Those problems include sexlessness and one partner being resistant to the others' fantasies.


Sometimes, getting into a serious relationship means that sex becomes less, well, less sexy. Both people are busy and there's no time to do the do. One person would rather have a glass of wine and think to themselves "This Is Us? It's gotten so boring." Maybe doing something different might be needed here!

These aren't reasons to be ashamed - you're hardly alone in your plight and there are plenty of potential solutions out there.

 Most common problems couples encounter related to physical intimacy. You need  to see what's really going down in your friends' bedrooms, they aren't doing it that much either

Partners have mismatched sex drives
 this is the most common problem I see related to physical intimacy. Typically, one person wants to have sex more often than the other, who's either happy with the amount of sex they're having or wants even less.

Sussman usually takes a two-pronged approach. She'll work with the person whose sex drive is lower to see if there's anything they can do to increase it. She'll also work with the person whose sex drive is higher to be patient with their partner and to manage their expectations around sex.

Sometimes the person with the higher sex drive takes on a predator-like role and that's not healthy. Here is the biggest problem is predators have a sense of entitlement..... usually that's the man.
 Why ? Because if the woman has a higher sex drive... her man sees her as "the lady on the streets and freak between the sheets..."
Win win.... for both.

I'm going to drive you crazy tonight!

Try this For example, try snuggling and the partner with the higher sex drive has to resist the urge to initiate sex. 'Torture' for men, but sexy as hell in the woman''s case! Because she has the remote. He must comply with what she dictates.


Interestingly,  couples in this situation "are not always upset about it. Instead, they feel they should be doing something about it and think, "This can't be normal!" Dig a little bit. The question you should ask  what  was it like when these folks were [first] dating. Did they both have a sex drive then? Did they have a lot of sex back then? What kind of sex did they have? What were the patterns? How did it feel?"

If it turns out that a couple used to have a more active sex life, then  try to figure out what's changed. It could be many things, they've gotten too familiar with each other, thats not sexy. They're repressing their sex drive, (Men do not repress theirs) or they've gone so long without sex that now they're shy (scare) with each other. It's also possible, too, that one person is having an affair.


One study found couples assigned to double the amount of sex they were having didn't wind up any happier. The Carnegie Mellon researchers behind the study recommend focusing on quality, not quantity - though this strategy might not apply to couples who aren't having any sex.

The relationship isn't as passionate as it used to be in the beginning of your dating.

We need to view this  is as the inevitable decline of passion in a romantic relationship is evolutionary. Thousands of years ago, people didn't live long enough to have to sustain passion with the same person for 50 years. Now, many of us do.

So when it comes to sustaining that passion, you've got to be creative, sometimes very creative!

One strategy is to schedule "sex dates" - a tip I have heard before. That's especially helpful if you're both busy, if you have young kids, or if one partner goes to sleep earlier than the other.

Don't feel like something's wrong with you..there is something wrong with both of you. You are not having Sex. You should both be magnets negative to Positive. Figure it out and "Just do it!" Avoid being in a rut for TOO long.

Find ways to be in a better Relationship partner in the New Year

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” ~ Barbara de Angelis

This is not war-paint

Relationships that lend value to our life are important for our overall well-being and happiness, and the quality of our role in these relationships is what matters most.

When a relationship hits a rough patch, we often look at the other person and emphasize all the things that are annoying as if those traits are at fault. The reality is we should be looking at our behaviors because that is all we can control…

HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO BECOME A BETTER PARTNER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS:

1. LEAVE THE BAGGAGE BEHIND

We all have baggage. Whether it’s the expectations we bring with us from childhood or experiences from past relationships, baggage prevents us from realizing the true potential of our current relationships.

Everyone at one time or another has felt lonely, empty or inadequate. No matter what we have, something always seems to be missing. The way out is to get to know the real you. Become comfortable having a relationship with yourself first, and everything else will begin to take care of itself.

2. ARGUE FOR THE OTHER SIDE

When we get into a disagreement, it is usually because one person has one opinion, and the other has the opposite. When we argue our position, we look for evidence to support our point of view, and we keep looking until we feel we can “win.”

Imagine what would happen if you switched sides? Instead of gathering evidence to support your point of view, start gathering evidence to support the other side of the story.

It’s fair to say, that both sides of any argument will have valid points, and if you wanted to, you could argue either side. As you start to make the case for the opposite side, you can usually see that there is some validity to the opposing position. In fact, you will be amazed at how convincing you can be – so convincing that you might find yourself on a road that leads to the end of the argument altogether.

3. REACT LESS ACT MORE

In the midst of emotional situations, it is a natural reaction to over-react. It is easy to see when the other person is over-reacting. However, we are not as likely to recognize own over-reactions.

Our actions develop based on how we feel. And sometimes, we have big feelings which cause some big actions. Reacting less doesn’t mean ignoring or minimizing problems, just controlling our reaction to them. The key to reacting less is choosing to act based on how we want to feel, not how we feel.

4. STOP COMPLAINING, START EXCLAIMING

The average person complains between 15 and 30 times per day. That’s a lot of complaining, and almost everyone is guilty.  Of course, eliminating the need to complain is easier said than done. First you have to recognize and understand what you are complaining about.  Once you understand why you are complaining, you have two courses of action: You can accept the situation, or you can change it.

Once you’re ready to change what you were complaining about, start exclaiming what you are going to do about it – and follow through. When you repeat powerful positive mantras that train your brain to create thoughts, words, and ultimately actions, you’ll quickly bring about change in the areas you were once complaining about.

5. FIND FAVOR

The Benjamin Franklin Effect takes on the assumption that we do nice things for people we like and bad things to those we dislike. The psychology behind the effect, however, says the opposite, which is we grow to like people when we do nice things for them.

In a nutshell, asking, and receiving a favor generates good feelings on both sides. Want to eliminate negative feelings and establish good rapport? Don’t hesitate to ask them for a favor, and certainly don’t be afraid to provide one yourself.

6.  STOP SWEATING YOUR SMALL STUFF

Common advice for relationships is to “stop sweating the small stuff.” A little sweating of the small stuff in relationships can be a good thing – when it’s your least important issue. Whenever you feel stressed by silly issues, try dancing with your significant Other.

Of all the vices I have,
 dancing is the most addictive!

Let's make progress in the New Year.

He is rude and has no manners...

Here are some tips on how to handle males who "Manterrupt" Females during Meetings or even in One VS One conversations.

Studies reveal that men interrupt women 33% more often than when they were talking with men. This could be why those work meetings don't always go as planned. Here's what  women—and men—can do to stop this annoying pattern in meeting cabins and conference rooms.


If you've ever stepped out of a meeting confused about what just happened in there after your idea was presented by a colleague (male) as his own, you're not alone..... And neither are you paranoias . It isn't uncommon, either, if your presentation is interrupted so many times that you find yourself waiting for your turn to speak. This has nothing to do with your competence or knowledge on the subject.

Rewind back to 2009 when Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards, where she had received an award and ended up waiting for her turn to speak until he was done with whatever he had to say.

Here are some terms to arm yourselves with, ladies:

Manterrupting: Being interrupted by a man (who has no manners)

Bropropriating: Stealing a woman's idea and taking credit for it

Here are a few not-so-fun facts and stats to understand the magnitude of this issue.

According to Deborah Tannen, a renowned expert in gender communication, men talk to achieve power and status. Women speak to achieve connections. Women's inherent inclination to connect doesn't allow her to interrupt as she knows that it is disrespectful. Considering the upper-hand that men have enjoyed for centuries, the awareness of their male privilege seeps into how they interact with women, irrespective of the context or roles they play. They use this underlying, centuries-old gender dynamics to interrupt women and occupy the center stage because that's where they believe they belong.

A 2014 study at George Washington University states that men interrupt women 33% more often than when they were talking with men.

Sociologists at the University of California, Don Zimmerman and Candace, conducted an interesting study titled “Sex Roles, Interruptions and Silences in Conversations.” The study, which involved recorded conversations in public places such as cafes, drug stores, and university campuses, reveals that of a standard 48 interruptions, 46 of the instances were of a man interrupting a woman.

Studies that focused on professional interactions between genders suggest that women speak less, get interrupted more, and have their ideas criticized more harshly than their male counterparts.

Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant shared their views on the subject on New York Times. They state:

When a woman speaks in a professional setting, she walks a tightrope. Either she’s barely heard or she’s judged as too aggressive. When a man says virtually the same thing, heads nod in appreciation for his fine idea.

Experts' suggestions for organizations to resolve this issue

i) Hire more women in leadership positions.

ii) Bring in the no-Kanye rule. No one (irrespective of gender) will interrupt the other when she or he is pitching their idea.

iii) Introduce a process that allows for people to offer solutions anonymously. Let each idea be evaluated and chosen based only on credit.

iv) Encourage 360° feedback for all members, including those in top positions.

We need more women in leadership positions to tackle the bias. Source: Leaders in HeelsHow can individuals break this annoying pattern in meetings?Men

 We men need to Understand that we might be unconsciously sexist and admit it

Due to centuries of conditioning, the male mind is so hardwired to be biased against women who exhibit (assumed) masculine traits—decision-making, authority, leadership—as opposed to (assumed) feminine traits—nurturing, connecting, and following. Women might find the confidence and authority  to be able to pitch their idea... without being interupted... we men need show Respect ....it's that Simple.

Mindset choices, that You can control

Let me prevent you from falling,
I want you to fall for me, just not accidentally! 

Understanding Positive and Negative Energy in People



You may or may not be consciously aware of people’s energy.

Certain people radiate positive energy, and others negative energy. It’s a combination of a person’s past, their mindset, their dominant thoughts and beliefs and their perception of the world. Sometimes that energy is easily felt, and other times it manifests as an instant like or dislike of a person you’ve just met (without having any obvious clues as to why you feel this way).

Positive people are loving, happy, compassionate, kind and supportive. You intuitively feel safe, happy and relaxed around them. Their vibe is welcoming.

Negative people are judgmental, unhappy (complainers) and they like to put others down. You intuitively feel insecure, unhappy and tense around them. Their vibe is off-putting.



The important thing to remember is that energy has polarity (opposites) and where there is one type of energy, you can swing the pendulum over to the other side. You have the power to move from negative to positive instantly. Here’s how:

1. Do whatever makes you happy

What lights your inner fire?

What makes you feel right and good?

Do more of it.


2. Tune in to your mind/body

If you have a gut feeling about something, follow it. Sometimes the gut feelings are danger signs and sometimes they’re welcome signs. Either way, your body is just one way for your Higher Self to communicate with you, so heed those red flag/green flag signals and don’t try to second-guess them or override them with logic.

Your Higher Self can see the bigger picture. What happens if you go against your intuitive wisdom? You will be unhappy, resentful, frustrated, guilty, sad, angry… yuck! Always go with the gut feelings that feel GOOD and listen deeply to the ones that feel bad. If they feel bad now, before you’ve acted on your decision, then you can be sure that they will be even worse once you’ve crossed the line.

3. Choose to see the good in people

Some people are simply awful to deal with. There’s no getting around that.

However, you don’t have to allow their negativity to impact you and once your interaction with them is over, you don’t have to carry their negativity around with you. You definitely do not have to allow them to drag you down. You don’t have to lower your vibration (and thoughts, words and actions) to their level, either. You can remain above all their negativity. Instead of criticizing, blaming or judging someone, make it a point to:

compliment them on somethingbe compassionate to the inner pain that is causing them to behave badlylet it go!4. Know that you are in control of your own energy

You are influenced by the energy of others, but to what degree, is actually entirely up to you. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

The same philosophy applies to making  you feel angry, sad, worthless, etc. It’s your choice whether to treat someone’s words as the gospel truth or just an opinion!

5. Depression and anxiety can take hold very quickly but you don’t have to wallow in them

Wallowing begins with embodying an emotion by saying “I am.”

How many times have you said, “I am angry” or “I am sad”?

Saying that embodies the emotion! It’s better to experience the emotion – “I am feeling sad” or “I am feeling angry” – but do not ever say, “I AM sad” or “I AM angry.” Do not embody those feelings. Experience them and let them go. Only embody positive, empowering feelings: “I am happy” etc.

It takes one positive person to change the World around them.

I know my smile
will make you smile in return

6. Talk about what can go right instead of what can go wrong
With Focus on the future you want to create – a future based on love, happiness, abundance and freedom – and avoid speaking of a future based on fear, pain, lack and problems. This takes effort but you can retrain yourself to raise your vibration by deliberately focusing on the best-case outcome.

Recently, scientists have proven that persistent negative thoughts and emotions impact the body. Negative beliefs make people prone to diseases.

You are Vibrating with the wrong partner.

Your friends are sending you msgs
You should not ignore!

Noticeable  Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship..... (But Don’t Want to Admit It)



“A Poisonous relationship can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless. But you’re not worthless. You’re underappreciated.” – Steve Maraboli

The willing  participants of a toxic relationship are probably the last ones to realize that their relationship is unhealthy. People on the outside notice it before the participants do and even if the outsiders try to tell the participants that the relationship is toxic, they won’t acknowledge it as the truth. They might feel that people are becoming jealous or paranoid for no reason. It is only after the relationship takes a turn for the worst and ends that they realize that people were right.


Marriage & family therapist and author Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT says, “Healthy relationships nourish and support us. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is like poison to us — instead of lifting us up, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience Post-Traumatic Stress or a lessening of self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others.”

We tend to ignore all the signs to protect ourself worthiness that’s how we are programmed to behave but its possible to realize the situation with some behavioural insight.

Here Are a few Signs You’re In A Bad Relationship

1.You’re Wondering If Your Relationship Is Bad

If you’re constantly questioning yourself whether or not your relationship is worth it, it may be your subconscious telling you that something is wrong This is your subconscious telling you something, very important about your status..

This doesn’t mean that all relationships are unhealthy because every ship rocks but if thats  all its doing; if its rocking all the time, it may be good to sit down and think things through.

2.You don’t feel like you are a priority.

People in healthy relationships will always keep their partner is a priority; they will do everything in their power to make you feel supported and cared for. If you feel single even when you’re in a relationship, you would  better off be single!


3.If they don’t want to do something, then you can’t do it either.


They’ll be really controlling. If they don’t feel like doing something they will not let you do it as well. Your opinion won’t matter to them, your needs are not a priority.

In a toxic relationship, … you are constantly put down, criticised and forced to do what is unacceptable to you and your values. When your autonomy in thoughts, words, and decisions is taken away and you start actually believing and accepting that you have no choice in any matter.

4.Your Friends And Family Dislike Your Partner

You might notice that your friends and family don’t like your partner. These are the people that will always look out for you and want the best for you so their opinion should be taken seriously.
Listen to them... the are seeing what you are not. Don't assume they are not seeing the good that your toxic partner brings into your life.

5. A plastic partner is never going to make you happy.

The notion that people change... is a dillusional concept. Some do! But most never change at their core. Selfish people do not become unselfish just like that.free.  it is all about then. They will try and convince you that your World should rotated around them. You need to do a 180 rotation, and move on... if you do a 360 you will never stop rotating around their axle.
 Trust me a guy with B.A.D. initials I recognize  bad when I see it.

So what are you thinking?

FELLAH Let women tell the World who has NOT harassed them.
Matt Damon thinks we should talk more about men in Hollywood who are NOT sexually assaulting people


'Dude, shut up!'

Let a woman or a few women talk about upstanding  guys in Hollywood... and other elite groups.

Matt Damon needs to stop talking about sexual harassment until he actually gets it. Even Women interprets Harrassement differently..... but sexual assault is an unlawful  act.... you can and should go to jail if you break the law.
Let me explain.... black men were lynchened because white women accused them of rape.... need I say more?
A man..... these days need to ask concent for everything he does when it comes to women they are not involved with. Don't grab her like you saw the the dude in movie do. Ask yourself a simple question would I like it if someone did this to my sister, mother, cousin, best female friend..... if the answer is "I will not like to see it happen" then do NOT TREAT a woman disrepectfully, show respect... PERIOD!l

In fact, Damon thinks we should be talking more about the men in Hollywood who are NOT sexually assaulting people. In an interview with Business Insider, promoting his new film, Downsizing, Damon said he thinks men "who don't do this kind of thing" should be given a pat on the back.

“We’re in this watershed moment, and it’s great, but I think one thing that’s not being talked about is there are a whole s—load of guys — the preponderance of men I’ve worked with — who don’t do this kind of thing and whose lives aren’t going to be affected.”

Look, Damon appears to be coming from a good place, but dude, this moment in history is not about men who "don't do this."

Damon goes on to congratulate himself on being one such non-harasser, and refers to an ambiguous "sexual harassment thing" that he would totally sign, guys.

"If I have to sign a sexual-harassment thing, I don’t care, I’ll sign it. I would have signed it before. I don’t do that, and most of the people I know don’t do that.”

It may surprise you, but the reaction to Damon's comments has been less than positive.

Look, we get it Damon, you're trying to be supportive of your workmates who haven't assaulted anyone, that you know of.

But perhaps, given the circumstances
surrounding your ol' pal Harvey Weinstein, who is facing sexual assault and harassment accusations from over 100 women, it'd be the perfect moment to lend support to victims, acknowledge Hollywood's systemic sexual harassment problem, and shut the hell up.

My B.A.D thought on this subject.

If YOU do Not  have a perfect memory... and none of us do.... then you should not hit a bee-hive with a stick.... and stand under the hive to see what happens.

All it takes is you setting yourself up as the next bee stinging  target... and the swarm will come get you....too! So do us good guys a favor and SHUT UP!

He is really caught for sure, by your curves.

Men Who Marry Curvy Women Are Happier, Says Science..

The department of psychology at UNAM conducted a new study which revealed that men were 10 times happier with chubby/ curvy women than men who were in a relationship with skinny women. Let me offer you 10 reasons why is this so.


1. You have  more of a  woman to love.

More pounds to adore.

2. Sweetness everywhere

These women are sweet in looks, and they adore sweets as well. And are willing to share the carmel popcorn.


3. Food Lovers

Which men would not love a girl that likes food? Eating with your girl is just an  enjoyment.

4. Curvy Women Are Better Cooks

Of course, if you want a man to love you, make him great meals.



5. Adorable Hugs

We all know that hugging chubby people is definitely a joy.


6. Funny, Funny, Funny.

Chubby/curvy women are funnier. And, laughs equal happiness.


7. Curves

Women with curves are a definition of attractiveness.

8. You Have An Easier Time Making Them Happy

Whenever you need or want to buy them something, you know that chocolate would make them extremely happy.


9. They Know No Diets

They would not bother you with diets, so you would enjoy eating with them.


10. No Boring Gym

Chubby/ curvy women do not force their men to be fit. Well, instead of lifting weights, you will lift boxes of chocolates.

As you can see, you simply cannot dislike chubby/curvey women. So, if you have one, you know the joy of the experiences.

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The art of negotiating the deal you can live with

Ladies..... you  don't get the results you deserve you get the results you NEGOTIATE!
So what does negotiations have to do with LOVE in longterm relationships?

The following will display my thoughts:

You can Negotiate anything, i.e. the terms of getting together with your future  lover
Everyone wants something..... you want something too. You have to be able to talk someone else into doing what you want. And be willing  to compromise when the odds are not stacked totally in your favor. I.e you are attractive, but so is he.. ++ you look good together. You sound intelligent and he does too.., so.. you make a perfect couple...hold it.....not so fast. What will be the terns of your  potentially longterm life together... here is where you bring your terms and conditions to the table. Be assertive and point out "your wants' and your needs. Have a "my future, my choice attitude."

Start speaking using friendly term.

Sometime we think of negotiations  as WAR,  when you are trying to find a happy ending, you want to start with kindness laughing is a great ice breaker ( cracking jokes) it brings warmth into the talks between you and the other person...... you know something about him, fits the dreams you have. That person needs to feel  as a willing contributor... not a reluctant  one. Trust me, we men  will make up our minds about persuading you that we will do the right things if your terms are solid points.

Keep a Poker Face

Are you sure
you can handle me?

This might sèem like a contradiction to the previous point, but it's not... friends play poker and bluff.. with a smile, all the time..... i.e you are trying to keep the other person guessing as to how many cards you have in your possesion that they want .
As a A+ woman you have the most to gain if you don't give away what you want to   use as leverage..... giving you an advantage longterm i.e. you have an executive position  in your personal life... and have, already aquire some assets, and liabilities, you need to negotiate how you will share your assets, and get help with lowering you outstanding debt on your liabilties.  Guess what he is also thinking the same way... this  is where compromise moves to the front of the line.

Dont make the First Offer and Dont Negotiats with Yourself.

Think about this... for minute
most women almost never make the first moves, but if you do then you don't want to offer what you want to use as leverage later.i.e. he wants to have you in his life, have babies that look like the both of you... his list of wants don't exactly matches yours..at the moment... Negotiating with your self is second guessing yourself during your talks...you may want to stick to having moment of silence..... where you let the wheels turn and you think about where you can have that happy crossover to his wants and your want... your needs and his needs... need to come to a point of compromise.

A great way to augment your negoiation by Bundling.

You have heard of BoGo, this is always a good deal. It's slightly different to GoGo... which make things work out even beter... let me explain; BoGo  is Buy one Get one, where as GoGo is Give one Get one.... the best deal for an unselfish relationship.

Barter.

Do you have assets that might be of interest to the other person you are negotiating with. You can only know this if you negotiate smartly. I'll leave it at that.

Use Silence and Time as a Tactic.

Don't jump to the idea that you are ready to put the keys to Your happiness in someone else's Pocket.... i.e. they are your key. Make it a negotiations point to moving forward or bailing out.

Be willing to Walk Away.

Hmmmm... but but ....he is perfect for you.... So how can You  just walk........ if it's "ideally perfect" then you are dillusional. Nothing is perfect it should always be  "compromisingly perfect"

Keep it Light

Negotiations should not be confrontational... if you bring hostile thought to the table  you will blow it.

Use written Communication when possible.

What can I post that will make him
think about me as an
 happy forever after, equal partner.

We are in the information age, you text and post using Social Media ALL the time... use it to get the person to notice what is so special about you, and communicate with the other person and get that potential "GoGo person" to reveal what is special about them.

Ladies take your time and read the signs

Men Reveal Signs That Show They Are in Love With You.



Beginning a new relationship or finding someone who you feel a connection with is always exciting. If you’ve felt that way before, you know the drill: butterflies when you see them, and every text or call from them is a thrill.

We all express love in different ways, so it’s only natural to feel unsure whether the person you are falling for is also falling for you. That part can be a bit stressful. It’s tough to be vulnerable, and no one wants to feel that pang of disappointment or rejection.

Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, but if you’re unsure whether your guy has taken the plunge, I've gathered a collection of signs that indicate he’s getting to the point of head over heels!

1) He actively listens to you and hears what you’re saying: We all share un--interesting stories and details about our day sometimes. If you’re talking to someone polite, they will at least nod and listen. If you tell your guy one of these stories, and he brings up a detail about it later it means he was really listening. He wishes to be closer to you and so he will remember as much information about you as you give him.

2) He is ready to fix whatever you need or call a professional: If you have something broken and mention it to him, he’ll do whatever he can to help. Sometimes that’s how men express love.


3) He wants to get to know your family: Most people are scared of meeting their S/O’s family for the first time. So if he shows that he’s ready for it, it usually means he’s ready to take your relationship to the next level.

4) He values your opinion of his clothes: This may sound trivial, but if a guy is beginning to fall in love with you, he will want to dress in a way that will attract you the most. If he starts to ask for your opinion of his clothes, he  values your thoughts on how he looks.

5) he wants to do everyday things with you: Believe it or not, it’s not always the fancy dates that a guy will take you on that shows how much he’s into you. Sometimes it’s the fact that he wants to spend time with you, no matter what you two are doing together. That’s a true sign of love.


6) He cooks for you: He can very well like cooking, but cooking for someone is an intimate act. If he doesn’t usually cook, well then he’s doing it just for you and that says a lot about how he feels for you.




7) He takes initiative to plan trips and doesn’t forget the dates: When you're excited about an upcoming event you count down the date until it’s here. If he’s putting in this effort, it means he’s excited about spending time with you.



8) He worries about you and isn’t afraid of getting emotional: Not to get confused with being controlling/jealous/overprotective because all of those things are red light signs...... If he’s falling in love, he wants you to know that he’ll be right beside you and be supporting you in all your endeavors, every step of the way. He also isn’t worried about expressing his emotions and being vulnerable with you.

Romance her by knowing her birthstone!

Her birthstone may be different than her zodiac signs stone, as a man of  the 21st century you should know that. the following are the stones by month... not  necessarily the same as her Zodiac signs:

Birthstones By Month – Overview

Birthstone Chart

January Birthstone – Garnet

February Birthstone- Amethyst

March Birthstone – Aquamarine

April Birthstone – Diamond

May Birthstone – Emerald

• June Birthstone – Pearl, Alexandrite, Moonstone
• July Birthstone – Ruby
• August Birthstone – Peridot
• September Birthstone – Sapphire
• October Birthstone – Opal
• November Birthstone – Topaz, Citrine
• December Birthstone – Turquoise, Tanzanite, Zircon 

There are lots of reasons to buy a gift for your ladyfriend. Maybe there’s a holiday right around the corner, hint,hint, or maybe her birthday is coming up. Or maybe she just had a tough week at work, and she could use a little something to boost her spirits. Finding a great gift can be tricky. The best gift for her depends on the occasion, and how long you’ve been dating. After all, the kind of birthday gift you’d buy for a lady you just started dating a few months ago is going to be very different from the gift you’d pick out for your ladyfriend of five years.

There are guides to the best gifts for ladyfriends is packed with cool, creative, and romantic gift ideas. Whether you’re on the hunt for something small and sparking, or a jaw-dropping gift for a special occasion, there’s something on her list that will appeal to her taste and your budget.

When in doubt, roses are always a safe gift. Roses symbolize love, making them the perfect any time gift for someone you love. If 24 roses seems like too much, a less expensive option would be this bouquet of a half dozen roses.

She may have plans for "Out with old replace with the new."

A few Signs That Your woman might be Cheating on You, or maybe starting to thinkg about cheating.

Girl did you see how that  buffed
guy was checking you out?

Society constantly makes the assumption that only jealous people sense the feeling of infidelity in a relationship. Society also makes the assumption that men are the usual culprits. But women are just as likely to cheat on their partner as men do. With that said, there are signs that your woman is cheating on you.

Getting the feeling that your woman is cheating is not easy to explain, especially if she doesn’t appear to have done anything wrong. But you have this strange feeling in the pit of your stomach that she is. Unfortunately this feeling is not enough to accuse or confront her about cheating. You need to treat it like a law case; you need to be able to prove it.

In order to prove it, you need to look for patterns or signs that can help you build your case. Below are the top signs that your girlfriend is cheating on you.

You’re No Longer an A Team: There is nothing more beautiful than an independent woman. For many years women have fought to get equal rights and they will do everything in their power to keep them. But when you’re in a committed relationship, you have to learn to start working as a team. If you and your lady were once a team, but now you notice she is going back to her totally independent ways, this could be a sign that she is planning on replacing or leaving you. This is one of the most common signs that your woman might be cheating on you. Maybe just a little

She Points Out Every Flaw you have since you got together: Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect in this world, and your woman knows that. But if you notice that she has been pointing out every flaw of yours, she might be trying to give herself some fuel to break up with you. She may also be trying to make it seem that the reason she’s breaking up with you is because of all the flaws she’s been pointing out.


She is Constantly Wondering Where You Are: You might think it is sweet that your lady wants to know what your plans  for the day are, but there is a chance that she is only doing this so she can make sure you two don’t run into each other. When someone is  thinking about cheating, the obvious goal is to never get caught, and the only way to do that is to know where your partner is at all times.



She has become dismissive: If your woman is usually a good listener and a very approachable person, then it might be a red flag if she begins to be very dismissive. If she stops listening to things you are telling her or shrugs off questions when you ask her, you might want to start looking for cheating clues.

Is this really cheating?
OK maybe it is, don't stop until I tell you!

It's not hopeless... I hope!

Evaluation options oportunity
Under the kissing plant!

So one of your  New Year’s resolutions is to find yourself a relationship that works well for you. But where do you start?


We find ourselves deep in the party season, when even those who are antisocial the rest of the year feel obliged to enter the fray. Now, if at no other moment, one is compelled to meet people, commune, converse – meaning the suggestion of sex hovers alluringly in the air as surely as you are beathing. Christmas is a time for encounters: social, sexual, romantic.

And I know of what I speak. A few Years ago, I met someone at a Christmas party and we lasted 2 years together, after years of living the solo life, including writing blogs about being single,  I then found myself thinking about committing again. I still think of myself  as temporarily single. I guess!

‘How,’ people constantly ask me, ‘did you pull it off?’ – given that I defied conventional platitudes by relishing my lone life, having a ball now and then, not being particularly bent on it ending, then meeting  many perfectly charming women ....seeking love, that other men might refer to as the perfect ‘illusions’, or ‘dreams’. If  you see dating as the process of "evaluation," then it's easier to make the choices. Others might say dating is the process of "illimination..." I disagree, simply because "evalution" means that there is a possibility... that you might make a connection.  While " illimination" implies less to no chance of possibilities of making a connection with someone.


In my mind, the answer is not luck (when you find someONE who just feels right, but by avoiding these platitudes in the first place. Smug I most certainly am not. My single life could end tomorrow, and I hope I would embrace my new circumstances with the gusto I’m recommending. Neither do I believe that coupledom is for everyone. Cue my first tip…

Work out whether finding someone is what you actually want.

It’s not always self-evident, that single means "lonely" or in a relationship means "happy."A lot of people assume that, merely because they are single, you must thus desire a partner. However, the message of their behaviour may be entirely the opposite. A friend once informed me that I was ‘ideologically single’ – and she was right. My relationship status wasn’t going to change until this did.

Relationships are hard work – a different sort of hard work to keeping the show on the road..... There can be an ease to single living: a briskness and knowing where one is with it. And, despite their ability to act as a salvation to loneliness, one is never more lonely than in a difficult, or failing, relationship. I know this because I've not always been single my status is listed as "divorced " which means I have experienced coupledom.

There are many ways of having love, companionship, and/or sex in your life, and different approaches may be appropriate to different stages of that existence. Consider whether it is a partner that you want, and – if it is – act on it.

Cultivate a dazzling social life!

Go through the process of evaluation
instead of illimination!

This one’s a no-brainer, whether you are determined to stay solo or become conjoined twins . If you’re single, your social life  is your life; if seeking a relationship, then socialising will be the only means of achieving it. In either case, new blood  encounters is all that you need. Plus, it can be terrific fun.

The majority of my closest alliances were forged when  I became single and I would take a bullet for each and every one of those friends. (I'm being dramatic here) They are far more involved in my life than friends of yesteryears; what a pal refers to as ‘heritage friends’ (like ‘heritage tomatoes’, only frequently  less palatable).



A lawyer I know, who has been unhappily single for  about 12 years, invariably barks, ‘I don’t need new friends. I have enough friends. What I need is a boyfriend,’ then wonders why she never meets someone new, while spending her time hanging about with the same two friends from her university days. Hmmm!

The 'One,' or even merely A.N. Other (place holder), is not going to appear on your doorstep by way of some benevolent deus ex machina. You’re going to have to put the work in: meet people, risk vulnerability, put yourself out there. Falling back on the argument that  you ‘never meet anyone’ means you have only yourself to blame. What are you doing about it? Now? Tonight?

I get it. I’m kind of a (closet) introvert myself,  but even introverts tend to want to have  human encounters. Take some responsibility, and get off your butt, and meet people.

Embrace change!

Not only do you have to work at it, you also have to work on yourself – as we all do, single or enmeshed, at every stage in your life.

Sex crimes that go unpunished ??

Why are we still so shocked that men in power positions abuse women when Donald Trump is the US President? Lets just get Real here....these dudes who use this kind of power plays are not men they are evil hoggish creatures. Real men who have scrupulous  mindsets,   that are in good shape mentally and physically, have swagger who carry themselves with pride... would not resort to having to bully women, for sex or any thing else.

If a man is powerful enough, people of their kind simply don’t mind whether or not he abuses women, or even children. It all just gets brushed under the rug... Society has lost its morals if they can't see that these pigs are doing the wrong things.

Donald Trump was caught on tape making lewd sexual remarks.  Once again a rich low-life rises to the top position in the USA. and people think what he says and does is just fine.

The allegations against Harvey Weinstein are becoming more prolific and more severe. Recently, Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie have joined the ranks of the myriad of actresses who have explained the ways in which Weinstein used his power to sexually exploit them. (See now victims have famous faces) Three women have now accused the Hollywood mogul of rape. The scale of the alleged abuse is staggering. It’s sickening to think that so much wrong doing, ranging from misconduct to violent crimes, could have been going on without redress.

But perhaps the most deeply disturbing  facet of Weinstein’s behaviour is that it isn’t shocking. We’ve heard this stuff before. A recorded conversation in which Weinstein allegedly discusses having groped actor Ambra Battilana Gutierrez reminds us of the well-publicised recording of Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by "the pussy."??

Released sections of reporter Katy Tur’s new book, Unbelievable: "My Front-Row Seat to the Craziest Campaign in American History", refuse to shy away from the reality that, as a young female journalist, she was bullied and manipulated by the now President, who used his power, like Weinstein, to make her feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Harvey Weinstein's  reputation as one of Hollywood’s leading executives was long cemented in stone. The acclaimed movie mogul, who produced Oscar-winning films Shakespeare in Love, The English Patient, and The Artist, clocked up box office successes and accolades aplenty. But this has  now quickly changed since a chorus of women have come forward to accuse the Hollywood producer of sexual harassment and assault. Are we outraged or is this just "fake news!" Since the New York Times’ bombshell report disclosed sexual harassment and rape allegations against the film mogul dating back Decades, Weinstein has been fired from his namesake company, expelled from the Oscars and has had his wife leave him (did she now). Weinstein has apologised for having “caused a lot of pain” but has denied all allegations of nonconsensual. Did he really apologises... if he denies that he forced women to do things?

I've reached a certain conclusion about why the mistreatment of women seemed to have no barrier to international esteem and financial or political success. I've  concluded that, if a man is powerful enough, people simply don’t mind whether or not he abuses women. It's  all just the way they control people, who work in their employment.
But I’ve heard this same narrative too many times now, and this theory’s starting to waver as I think about the relationship between sexual abuse and the capitalist success formula peddled out in so many platitudes. “He’s a real leader. Always gets his way. Won’t take no for an answer. Could argue that day is night.”

These qualities of selfishness, deceptiveness, are not just excused in men – they are unashamedly valued. A woman who wants to get her way and plays fast and loose with the truth is a lying bitch. But a male who pushes his way to the front of the line for a photo.. Is a leader?

Men who admire and LOVE the females in our lives don't do these kind of things.  We are ashamed to even think of tolerating such behaviors... let alone DO them!

Don't be alarmed I'm harmless!