The simple formula for a successful union!

Respect and compromise are two sides of the same coin. And honor is the edge side.

Its About committed relationships, understandings. A few years ago I started writing down my thoughts... and I published most of them in  blog post... people in SXM stared referring to me as "the love Doctor"
I'm not sure if I deserve that honorable title, but I'll take it.
When I read things from time to time I  share them, combining them with my B.A D version.
A young couple, who are good friends with my sons are getting married next weekend..this got me thinking as I was invited to the wedding but can't get back in time to attend their special day. Here are  a  few quotes that made me write this one, while thinking about them.

- "A willingness to share power and to respect the other person's view is a prerequisite of compromising."

- "emotionally intelligent husbands have figured out the one big thing: how to convey honor and respect!"

Has there ever been a time in your life where you didn't want to understand someone else's point of view because you were so convinced that you were right, and that your perspective was the only one that mattered? You may have been aware that you were thinking this way, or you may have been thinking this way unintentionally. Either way, this type of thinking and attitude has no place in a happy and successful marriage. Here is why: "If your ears are closed to your spouse's needs, opinions, and values, compromise just doesn't have a chance.

Isn't that what marriage should be about? Compromising? Maybe that's not all that marriage is about, but compromise is a huge part of a marital relationship. When you get married, there isn’t just you to think about anymore! You have someone who you love, and who loves you, to think about and to care about. I know that personally, I have a hard time compromising on things that I really want, or things that I think are more important than what my now ex wanted This way of thinking can be detrimental to a marriage, or any relationship really. But, I know that as you work on being more compassionate, understanding, and selfless, compromise becomes easier and your relationship becomes stronger. You start to understand the other person better, and understanding them better leads to even more compassion, understanding, and selflessness. It's a happy circle!  "We can see our spouses with compassion rather than with irritation." This won't come right away; it will take time, sometimes way longer than necessary, but it is possible.

In John Gottman's book titled The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, he shares a story about a man who was planning on buying a car. The seller is telling him all these great things about the car, and is appalled when he learns that the man wants to consult his wife. He says, "You let your wife tell you what to do about cars?" The man ends up consulting his wife, who wants him to take the car to a mechanic to get it looked at before they purchase it. There was something wrong with the car, and because he consulted and listened to his wife, they avoided extra repair costs.  H. W. Goddard said, “We must set aside our provincial view of the world (and of our spouses), and be open to our partner’s perspective.” The husband in the story above really wanted the car, but instead of purchasing it and thinking of only himself, he listened to his wife’s influence and took her perspective into consideration, and saved them both extra time and money. Not all situations will be like this one in marriage, but many situations will require compromise, thought, and consideration of your spouse.

So, how does one prepare to compromise? “A willingness to share power and to respect the other person’s view is a prerequisite of compromising.” (Gottman, 1999) I won’t specify gender, but many times, one spouse believes that if they have rule over their household, they ultimately have rule over their spouse as well. While this may work for some couples, it often doesn’t.

John Gottman said, “Some men claim that religious conviction requires them to be in control of their marriages and, by extension, their wives. But there’s no religion I know of that says a man should be a bully.” I would like you to think of this quote as gender neutral. No one in a marriage should ever be a bully. “a marriage can’t work unless both partners honor & respect each other, and their offspring.

You look like both your mom and I.