We can't go on pretending day after day!

We need to talk about our lack of passion issues.

Are we passionate enough?

A relationship therapist breaks down the most common problems couples have in bed.
You're not alone.

Once you enter a serious relationship, sex can get complicated.I read an article by Rachel Sussman, a NYC-based marriage counselor, about the most common problem couples have in the bedroom.Those problems include sexlessness and one partner being resistant to the others' fantasies.


Sometimes, getting into a serious relationship means that sex becomes less, well, less sexy. Both people are busy and there's no time to do the do. One person would rather have a glass of wine and think to themselves "This Is Us? It's gotten so boring." Maybe doing something different might be needed here!

These aren't reasons to be ashamed - you're hardly alone in your plight and there are plenty of potential solutions out there.

 Most common problems couples encounter related to physical intimacy. You need  to see what's really going down in your friends' bedrooms, they aren't doing it that much either

Partners have mismatched sex drives
 this is the most common problem I see related to physical intimacy. Typically, one person wants to have sex more often than the other, who's either happy with the amount of sex they're having or wants even less.

Sussman usually takes a two-pronged approach. She'll work with the person whose sex drive is lower to see if there's anything they can do to increase it. She'll also work with the person whose sex drive is higher to be patient with their partner and to manage their expectations around sex.

Sometimes the person with the higher sex drive takes on a predator-like role and that's not healthy. Here is the biggest problem is predators have a sense of entitlement..... usually that's the man.
 Why ? Because if the woman has a higher sex drive... her man sees her as "the lady on the streets and freak between the sheets..."
Win win.... for both.

I'm going to drive you crazy tonight!

Try this For example, try snuggling and the partner with the higher sex drive has to resist the urge to initiate sex. 'Torture' for men, but sexy as hell in the woman''s case! Because she has the remote. He must comply with what she dictates.


Interestingly,  couples in this situation "are not always upset about it. Instead, they feel they should be doing something about it and think, "This can't be normal!" Dig a little bit. The question you should ask  what  was it like when these folks were [first] dating. Did they both have a sex drive then? Did they have a lot of sex back then? What kind of sex did they have? What were the patterns? How did it feel?"

If it turns out that a couple used to have a more active sex life, then  try to figure out what's changed. It could be many things, they've gotten too familiar with each other, thats not sexy. They're repressing their sex drive, (Men do not repress theirs) or they've gone so long without sex that now they're shy (scare) with each other. It's also possible, too, that one person is having an affair.


One study found couples assigned to double the amount of sex they were having didn't wind up any happier. The Carnegie Mellon researchers behind the study recommend focusing on quality, not quantity - though this strategy might not apply to couples who aren't having any sex.

The relationship isn't as passionate as it used to be in the beginning of your dating.

We need to view this  is as the inevitable decline of passion in a romantic relationship is evolutionary. Thousands of years ago, people didn't live long enough to have to sustain passion with the same person for 50 years. Now, many of us do.

So when it comes to sustaining that passion, you've got to be creative, sometimes very creative!

One strategy is to schedule "sex dates" - a tip I have heard before. That's especially helpful if you're both busy, if you have young kids, or if one partner goes to sleep earlier than the other.

Don't feel like something's wrong with you..there is something wrong with both of you. You are not having Sex. You should both be magnets negative to Positive. Figure it out and "Just do it!" Avoid being in a rut for TOO long.