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4 Habits of Couples That Last
Being in a strong and healthy relationship means both partners are supporting each other and demonstrate their love every day. Even though it seems easy, achieving this level of commitment in a relationship takes a little work. I know this because it's what worked for my marriage for 24 years. Then we stopped doing the this that was working and ended up getting divorced.
Secrets of Great Marriages is a book from Linda and Charlie Bloom who explained how you can make your relationship last. They said: “The experience of nurturing the relationship no longer feels like effort or work, but literally becomes a labor of love that feels more like a gift, a joyful opportunity for which we feel grateful and blessed.”
Every relationship requires emotional work which includes taking care of each other’s feelings. Emotional work is not something we hear about every day; however, psychologists have listed it as a big happiness factor.
According to researchers in the Journal of Family issues:
‘Family members do work to meet people’s emotional needs, improve their well-being, and maintain harmony. When emotional work is shared equally, both men and women have access to emotional resources in the family. However, like housework and childcare, the distribution of emotional work is gendered.
The researchers also showed the importance of emotional work in order to have a healthy relationship. Gender imbalance between partners can destroy the marriage and if the woman is discriminated against.. she is at risk of psychological distress.
Also, men should be able to identify the emotional cues in order to help their partner release her feelings. If a man supports his lady emotionally, the relationship is very likely to last long.
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| "Dad, are we doing a good job on Mom's car? Will this make her smile?" "When mom's happy we are all happy, son!" |
1.Working on solving problems
We face challenges every day in every aspect of our lives including our relationship. Some couples are not coordinated enough and they rarely discuss their everyday life. This involves minor things such as planning what to have for dinner as well as the future plans regarding finance, health, social commitments, family planning etc.
Couples that look to the future together are contributing to the longevity of their relationship. They are also likely to share the same goals which is even better because then you are both going to be equally involved in achieving it.
2.Communicate openly
This does not only refer to talking with your partner. An open communication included understanding your partner and after expressing yourself you wait for them to tell you their opinion.
Having good communication skills includes being an excellent listener. A misunderstanding in a relationship can lead to anger and tension. To avoid them, always be fully present when your partner is talking to you. When they are done, ask questions so that they know you have been paying attention and you understand them. An open communication also helps strengthen the trust because lasting couples will never hide anything from each other.
3.Create a shared special moment
As a couple you should look back to the day that passed and discuss it with each other. Talk about anything that worries you or ask your partner if there is something you can do to make them feel better. In a lasting relationship it is never difficult to create a special moment. The only thing you need is knowing your partner well and finding the right moment. For example, think of one thing that you can give your partner which they have always wanted. Small and insignificant moments such as giving your partner a backrub or cuddling in bed can make your relationship much stronger and you will feel more connected.
4.Reaffirm the commitment
Every single day you choose to stay with your partner means you are making a conscious commitment. You have the will to find someone else, and the fact that you don’t is very important by itself.
Be aware of your own will to stay with your partner and think of the reasons why you choose to stay. If you think about the important things that make you want to spend your life with that person you will appreciate what you have more and you are very likely to remain together.
Oops... here is what stopped being important to me... I stopped feeling the need to do all of the above, as a result, my now-ex-wife felt unhappy and it seemed like I didn't care about her or our lives together anymore! So she started listening to friends who were in the same type of boats all were divorced or single.
" You don't need him anymore" was their rally cry.
Oops... here is what stopped being important to me... I stopped feeling the need to do all of the above, as a result, my now-ex-wife felt unhappy and it seemed like I didn't care about her or our lives together anymore! So she started listening to friends who were in the same type of boats all were divorced or single.
" You don't need him anymore" was their rally cry.
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