Isn't the phrase "happy wife, happy life" a threat?

OK I'm  joking...  but think about it. Better yet ask Chris Rock. (Smirking !)

Can't wait to get home to my happy wife!!!

Of course it's  not a threat. Because if the husband is not okay with that, he will be unhappy. I am, and always have been, a person that takes charge and has always been the big picture decision maker, which is what made me such a good manager of my time. The details (that got us to the big picture) I always delegated downwards. OK this sounds a bit chauvinistic but delecaging is always downward... try delegating upward and see how far your get....... My significant other (I always hated that term, but its the best I have since she is more than just a girlfriend) was a details person. She got aggravated that I’m not a details guy, I am but she never really knew that about me, but she was the type of person that had trouble making the big decisions, so we were perfect for each other. hmmm... until we weren't anymore. 

So, for example, this is how the decision-making process worked in our house:

Her: “What time do you want to eat?”

Me: “I should be home by six and will be starving. How about then?” (Big picture decision).

Her: “Any ideas what you want?” (A detail decision).

Me: “I don’t care. Whatever you make will be delicious.”

Her: “Okay, I will figure something out.”

Then she get out my cookbook I had from my bachelor days...  and made us a to die for.... meal.

Another example is that I had a long weekend due a business trip to Frisco because of my  job, and she had a few vacation day saved up, so I proposed that we get away for a mini-vacation on my San Francisco trip.

Her: “Where do you want to go?”

Me: “Let’s go to San Fran. That’s only a few hours away by flight.” (Big picture decision).

Her: “What are we going to do there?” (A detail decision).

Me: “I don’t care. Why don’t you go online and see what there is to do? (Since it was the details, I didn’t care what we did).

So she did, and she picked six things for us to do over the four days, and we had a great time.

You see, this worked well  for us. If she had to choose where to go, she would spend months weighing the pros and cons of costs, destinations, and what to do at each location. Once she had a big picture decision, then she has to only focus on the details. She liked the details. Me? For the most part, I don’t care what we did once we got there, I just wanted to go somewhere that was reasonably close to not totally waste travel time on our short vacation, and San Fran  fit that criteria. The big picture decision was made, so I bowed out.

With all of that being said, let me get to the point. Our relationship works because we complement each other. If she had to make all of the decisions and controlled my life in every aspect, it would be too much for her, and she would be unhappy (as well as I would since that is not my personality). If I made all of the decisions down to all of the details, she would be unhappy because she likes to work the details (as well as I would since the details don’t matter to me as long as the big picture decision is met). So if you’re someone that likes to make all of the decisions, then the partner that will be the “happy wife” is someone that prefers to make no decisions. If you prefer to be told what to do and have someone else make all of your decisions, then the partner that will be the “happy wife” will be someone that likes to control every aspect of your life. In reality, I expect that you are more like me or my SO; you prefer to make the big decisions and let someone else work out the details, or you prefer to figure out the details and let someone else make the big decisions. Whichever you are, find the person that complements you. Then not only will you have a “happy wife, happy life,” but you will also be happy.

My man will be home soon I should start dinner!

In this example, I only went into detail about the decision-making process (if only that was the only criteria to make a relationship work), but there are some aspects where you will be opposites and have to find a solution in order for their to be a “happy wife, happy life” scenario. Another example that I will give is that she was  more of a saver and I, so we were somewhat opposites when it came to money (though I did invest in stocks, so I did have sizable reserve if I needed money unexpectedly). We had to find a way to work around that, so our solution was separate bank accounts a few years before our divorce. My check went  into my account, and I paid a large portion of the bills (mainly because I earn much more than her because of my  choice of career track), and her check goes into her account, and she pays only a few bills and bought the groceries sometimes for the household. Whatever is left in our accounts, after bills are paid and groceries are bought, is ours to do with as we want. By the time we get paid again, both of our accounts were close to zero. Hers is almost zero because she shoved the excess into her savings account (she’s more risk adverse than I am while I don’t want to lose potential income that can be made investing instead of the low interest rates at the bank) while mine is almost zero because I bought whatever I wanted when I wanted (though, in my defense, I always divert some money to my investment account as soon as I get paid). Since neither of us has any say on what we do with our money over and above the bills and groceries, this works for us and has led to a “happy 25 years life.” If we insisted on only having one bank account, there would be at least one unhappy person and a lot of fights about money, which was the care for many years in the begining (I wanted to spend/invest; she wanted to save where the money was safe/immediately available).

So the key to a “happy life” is to find a “happy wife” by finding someone that complements who you are or by finding solutions for your differences. My advice is to discuss all of this before you get married, so, that once you are, it will not cause any mayor problems.

Best of  luck to you!

Final thought
On the surface this seems like an ideal situation for the wife. If she is happy, then she provides for the family happily, if not, everyone suffers. When we think about this in reality though, this is a tyrannical marriage. While it is nice to try to make your wife happy and it is something that you should strive for, having complete control of the marriage to do this is not healthy.