Always Appreciate The Little Things.

My mom believed in this strongly!
Are you looking for a fresh start, some women can’t afford any complications of projecting the wrong images, especially when she is frustrated by her abysmal romantic past!

He Said Forever, but didn't really mean it! 

I know I look good so I want to attract a classy guy, with a 6-7 figure income!
In need of a new daddy to help raise my son!

Gender differences show up the most after getting involved in an intimate relationship, having children together, or when women are under a lot of stress.  Without an understanding that men and women are different,  it is such a temptation to think men shouldn't be "that way!", or women shouldn't react "that way!" For some folks, it sounds fine to say men and women should be the same, but it is unrealistic and will actually make things worse, as frustrations and resentment will build and build.  When we expect out Love partners to be more like us, we are automatically giving them the message that they are not good enough the way they are.  "You are not good enough, just the way you are!" is definitely not the most loving message, even though you may be feeling very loving when you think it.  

I think Women particularly feel a warmth, a loving, while they are planning to improve their man.  It is certainly true that a woman's love will inspire a man to become all that he can be, but it is up to him to make that change. Her job is to communicate her love in a way that truly supports him. The same, of course, is true for men. It's is not a man's job to fix his woman. She doesn't need "Fixing." Most of the time she just needs more understanding and affection and her heart will warm up again and her eyes will begin to sparkle. 

Historically we have always known men and women are different, but until we come to grips with the reality of being together in a relationship, most people do not have a clear reference point to understand our differences in a positive light and in a manner that makes sense. At this historic time, when men and women are working side by side for the first time and are expecting more romance and intimacy at home than in previous generations, this new insight is essential. Today, without a positive way to interpret our different reactions, we can easily blame our problems on our partners rather than our own approach. Expecting or demanding that men and women think, feel, react, and respond in the same way will only set you up for failure and disappointment in your relationships.

The various insights and examples from what has gone wrong in my own relationships have helped me understand our common differences in a positive light. This does not imply that my new-found insights are applicable to everyone's experience these differences are exactly as I point them out, just what they are in cases by case bases where I have I later thought about what and where I screwed up. Every person is certainly unique. However, in certain ways, many women share characteristics that just don't make sense to us men. Now we can understand each other better and also not be too hard on our partners when they forget and don't do what we are expecting. 

The differences I focus on are certainly common, but there are exceptions. Generally speaking, about 10 percent of women will relate more to men being from Mars. Simple because they know that women, are from Venus,  are very different to men.... so we men must be aliens from another planet.  Men are born with higher testosterone levels than most women, that is a big difference right there!    

  

Final thoughts

Since the 1960s the percentage of children living in two-parent homes has declined significantly relative to the percentage of children raised in single-parent households. Women make up a large majority of these single-parent homes. According to the Pew Research Center, 29% of these families are Hispanic/Latino and 54% African-American.

As more women adapt to the crisis of fatherlessness in Black and Brown communities, it is important to acknowledge the dual role mothers play in the development of our young men. As I was not a product of a single-parent home, I can't speak to some of the challenges mother’s face in raising their sons and understand the conditioning this dynamic creates in young men’s lives.

Below are 5 tips for mothers raising a son in single-parent homes:

1. TRUST YOURSELF AND TRUST HIM
2. NO “TOUGH LOVE”
3. ASK QUESTIONS AND KEEP ASKING THEM!
4. DON’T BADMOUTH HIS FATHER
5. ESTABLISH RESPECT

The pressure of developing a young man into manhood can be overwhelming, especially in light of all the external pressures they encounter. Trusting your motherly instinct and allowing him to make his own decisions — within reason if he is a minor — can go a long way in establishing a healthy mother-son relationship. Young men need to explore and probe on their own, let them while being a beacon of light should they ever get lost.

Don’t be afraid to let him into your world. Don’t make the mistake of being “too tough” to allow him to see your vulnerability. When you allow him to feel your “humanness” you are indirectly developing his ability to be compassionate and empathetic — both qualities that will be critical in his developing future relationships. Boys who are exposed to healthy emotion and vulnerability will not grow up to be afraid of them in their adult lives.

I get it, teenagers are going to be annoyed by a lot of questions, but trust me: ask them anyway. As much as teens want their privacy, it makes them feel connected and cared for if you take the time to ask.

This one is important. The age-old adage applies “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Why is this important? You want to allow your son to form his own opinion of his father. The last thing you want is for your son to look at you as the reason his father is not present in his life. Or take the blame for his father’s absence himself -- either of which can happen if negativity prevails. That said, honesty is always the best policy, if he asks, tell him the truth.

It is important to create an open, trusting relationship with your son, however, respect should be implicitly and explicitly cultivated and demonstrated. For example, respecting his privacy and allowing him to be his own person while establishing your role as the parent, could go a long way in developing mother-son rapport.

This is hard, I know. He’ll always be your baby. But you have to do yourself and your son a favor and let go. Trust him as a man and allow him to make his own decisions. You don’t want a “Mama’s Boy” and trust me his future wife will thank you for it.

These are just some tips from my perspective, but I’d love to hear from you. What other advice would you give a single mother raising her son?

 BONUS – LET HIM GO!