Women intuitively appreciate the little things. The only exceptions are when a woman doesn’t realize a man needs to hear her appreciation or when she feels the score is uneven.
When a woman feels unloved and neglected it is hard for her automatically to appreciate what a man does for her. She feels resentment because she has given so much more than he has.
This resentment blocks her ability to appreciate the little things.
When a woman feels unloved and neglected it is hard for her automatically to appreciate what a man does for her. She feels resentment because she has given so much more than he has.
This resentment blocks her ability to appreciate the little things.
Resentment is like getting the flu or a cold, it’s not healthy. When a woman is sick with resentment she
When she subtracts his score from her score he ends up with zero contributions, and he has now been given a zero; he has given ten (10) When he comes home she has
When she subtracts his score from her score he ends up with zero contributions, and he has now been given a zero; he has given ten (10) When he comes home she has
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tends to negate what a man has done for her because,
according to the way a woman keeps score, she has done so much more, and the score is way out of balance.
according to the way a woman keeps score, she has done so much more, and the score is way out of balance.
When the score is forty to ten in favor of the woman, she may begin to feel very resentful.
Something happens to a woman when she feels she is giving way more than she is getting.
Quite unconsciously she subtracts his score of ten from her score of forty and concludes the score in their relationship is thirty(30) to a goose egg zero (0).
This makes sense mathematically and is understandable, but it doesn’t work, like that.
Quite unconsciously she subtracts his score of ten from her score of forty and concludes the score in their relationship is thirty(30) to a goose egg zero (0).
This makes sense mathematically and is understandable, but it doesn’t work, like that.
a coldness in her eyes or in her voice that says her is a zero. not just zero points.
She is negating what he has done.
She reacts to him as if he has given nothing-- but he has given ten (which the points
she awarded him for his deeds.
She is negating what he has done.
She reacts to him as if he has given nothing-- but he has given ten (which the points
she awarded him for his deeds.
The reason a woman tends to reduce a man’s points this way is that she feels unloved.
The unequal score makes her feel that she isn’t important. Feeling unloved, she finds it very difficult
The unequal score makes her feel that she isn’t important. Feeling unloved, she finds it very difficult
to appreciate even the ten points he can legitimately claim. Of course, this isn’t fair. But it’s how it works.
What generally happens in a relationship at this point is the man feels unappreciated and loses his motivation to do more. He catches the resentment flu, which worse because she also has the resentment flu. She then continues to feel more resentful, and the situation gets worse and worse. Her resentment flu gets even worse.
Final thoughts
Allow me to tell two short stories: When I was married. I noticed a pattern with my then wife.
She would forget to buy gas in the evenings if her tank was near empty. So the next morning she would grab my car keys and drive my car to work since her job schedule start time was earlier than mine. This would get me annoyed. I would fill up her tank and drive her car to work.
But because I drove 50 miles each way, I would use up at least a quarter tank of gas,
therefore if I drove her car, after filling it up I would return it almost at half a tank.
Which negated whatever points I had gained… by filling up her tank. It never dawned on herthat she had used my gas in my car, to drive to her job and do whatever errands she hadto do after and that she should put back what she used. So to avoid having an argument about her tank not being full, I would tell her I filled up her tank this morning,
and I had to because she took my car, and left me her car with a tank on “E” empty.
She would ignore me for the rest of the evening. Just because I mentioned it. (smirking)
this worked fine for me if I wanted to watch a ball game uninterrupted.
She would forget to buy gas in the evenings if her tank was near empty. So the next morning she would grab my car keys and drive my car to work since her job schedule start time was earlier than mine. This would get me annoyed. I would fill up her tank and drive her car to work.
But because I drove 50 miles each way, I would use up at least a quarter tank of gas,
therefore if I drove her car, after filling it up I would return it almost at half a tank.
Which negated whatever points I had gained… by filling up her tank. It never dawned on herthat she had used my gas in my car, to drive to her job and do whatever errands she hadto do after and that she should put back what she used. So to avoid having an argument about her tank not being full, I would tell her I filled up her tank this morning,
and I had to because she took my car, and left me her car with a tank on “E” empty.
She would ignore me for the rest of the evening. Just because I mentioned it. (smirking)
this worked fine for me if I wanted to watch a ball game uninterrupted.
So the flu bug of resentment lasted a week or more at times…
Just because HER tank was not full when we exchanged cars.
She wanted hers topped up regularly, she felt like her Love tank was never full.
The flu resentment virus seems to linger in marriage these days way longer than in my parents days.
Maybe because co-dependencies are different in today's worlds.
Just because HER tank was not full when we exchanged cars.
She wanted hers topped up regularly, she felt like her Love tank was never full.
The flu resentment virus seems to linger in marriage these days way longer than in my parents days.
Maybe because co-dependencies are different in today's worlds.
My dad gave my mother all his money when he got paid. She paid the bills handled the shopping and managed everything. He never asked if she could give him back some money to go out drinking with his friends. His cousin owned the bar around the corner from our home,
and he never had to pay for his drinks. So my mother was fine with him getting drunk now and then.
Until his cousin offers him the bar as he was retiring and wanted to go back to the Island, where,
they were born. My dad took the deal as he had never had his own business before.
Making the bar work was not hard since it was the only one in the area, and every man who drank went to that bar, there were no liquor stores around either. So he had established a consistent clientele.
But since many were his occasional drinking buddies before he became the manager,
he would sometime stay until closing and have a few drinks with them and get a serious buzz almost every night. My mom was not having it. Resentment flu kicked in, he was having way too much fun now. And she didn’t know how much money he was making since he gave the same amount as when he was earning a paycheck as a carpenter.
Hmm! uneven score, in her mind. He must have been holding out on her.
SMDH she wrote my dad’s cousin a letter telling him, she wanted him to sell the bar to someone else.
She believed all that drinking would kill her husband. She pointed out that she married a skilled carpenter, not a bartender/ manager. She wanted her way and got it.
Since my dad did not fight her on the decision she made without consulting him.
He went back to being an employee carpenter for his old company. I’m sure he caught the resentment flu, but never said much about it, until he got a little drunk, once in awhile, and needed to vent about he was once his own boss but his main boss didn’t want him to be his own boss,
what she perceived it as his death sentence. My dad outlived my mother by 20 years.
I guess my mom prevented him from dying prematurely.
BTW part of the deal was that he would send his cousin money on installments, to take over the ownership of the bar, which he did for a while. His cousin after getting the letter from my mother made another deal that he would sell the bar to someone else, but the installments would be put in a bank account for my dad. You see my dad’s cousin was a smart businessman and he sold the bar at a profit thanks to my dad doing such a good job of keeping the clientele happy, the bar was thriving. They split the profits and my dad was able to build the house for my mother on the Island where they were all born, which I now live in. He quit his job a few years later and returned home and built the house with the money he made from his deal with his cousin. the Daniel cousins looked out for each other back then. Because my dad did much of the work himself with one other guy. He avoided having to spend what most people would spend to build a hillside house overlooking the city and the ocean. On the very same spot where my grandparent's house was when he was growing up. Now that I’m divorced I live in that house that my father built for my mother. I’ve modified it some and made it mine.
and he never had to pay for his drinks. So my mother was fine with him getting drunk now and then.
Until his cousin offers him the bar as he was retiring and wanted to go back to the Island, where,
they were born. My dad took the deal as he had never had his own business before.
Making the bar work was not hard since it was the only one in the area, and every man who drank went to that bar, there were no liquor stores around either. So he had established a consistent clientele.
But since many were his occasional drinking buddies before he became the manager,
he would sometime stay until closing and have a few drinks with them and get a serious buzz almost every night. My mom was not having it. Resentment flu kicked in, he was having way too much fun now. And she didn’t know how much money he was making since he gave the same amount as when he was earning a paycheck as a carpenter.
Hmm! uneven score, in her mind. He must have been holding out on her.
SMDH she wrote my dad’s cousin a letter telling him, she wanted him to sell the bar to someone else.
She believed all that drinking would kill her husband. She pointed out that she married a skilled carpenter, not a bartender/ manager. She wanted her way and got it.
Since my dad did not fight her on the decision she made without consulting him.
He went back to being an employee carpenter for his old company. I’m sure he caught the resentment flu, but never said much about it, until he got a little drunk, once in awhile, and needed to vent about he was once his own boss but his main boss didn’t want him to be his own boss,
what she perceived it as his death sentence. My dad outlived my mother by 20 years.
I guess my mom prevented him from dying prematurely.
BTW part of the deal was that he would send his cousin money on installments, to take over the ownership of the bar, which he did for a while. His cousin after getting the letter from my mother made another deal that he would sell the bar to someone else, but the installments would be put in a bank account for my dad. You see my dad’s cousin was a smart businessman and he sold the bar at a profit thanks to my dad doing such a good job of keeping the clientele happy, the bar was thriving. They split the profits and my dad was able to build the house for my mother on the Island where they were all born, which I now live in. He quit his job a few years later and returned home and built the house with the money he made from his deal with his cousin. the Daniel cousins looked out for each other back then. Because my dad did much of the work himself with one other guy. He avoided having to spend what most people would spend to build a hillside house overlooking the city and the ocean. On the very same spot where my grandparent's house was when he was growing up. Now that I’m divorced I live in that house that my father built for my mother. I’ve modified it some and made it mine.
Not all of the puzzle pieces of life seem to fit together at first.
But, in time, you’ll find they do so, perfectly. ~Doe Zantamata
But, in time, you’ll find they do so, perfectly. ~Doe Zantamata
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