Men say yes when they have the freedom to say no

I had a taste for conch chowder and he dove into the bay and brought all of these  back

Just so that I would not ask him again!

News Flash:

Men are much more willing to say “yes” if we have the freedom to say “no.” Freedom of choice is paramount to our male happiness.

It’s very important that women learn how to ask and how to accept “No” for an answer. Women usually intuitively feel what their partner’s response will be even before they ask. Probably because they are more inclined to say “NO” instinctively themselves to many requests. If a woman sense that the man will resist her request, she won’t even bother asking, Instead she will feel rejected. He, of course, will have no idea what happened- all this has gone on in her head…..

Allow me to further explain, if I may. We men want the freedom of choice but women want us to always show our love by being willing to volunteer to do what they need. Women see things this way “Your Love for me means never having to ask”.  However, if women are not asking for support men assume they have given them enough. Do you see the conflict on the horizon? Women need to ask, gently, not demand. Men need to anticipate her needs and do them before she has to ask.  

When a man loves a woman…... he will lift her up, without her needing to ask. 

Women expect men to be Gentle-men. So they should be gentle to their man in return.

When you ask a man for support, do not reject him for saying “no”, if you do not reject him,  he will remember that, and the next time, you request something, he will be much more willing to give in....Because he did not feel the sting of rejection the last time.  So ASK gently. As you ask for more, occasionally your man will be able to stretch his comfort zone and say “yes.” at this point it has become safe to ask for more of what you need, this is one way that healthy relationships are built.

One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.

To give him a chance to fulfill your requests, ask and then pause. Let the man grumble and say things under his breath. Just listen. Eventually, he will say “yes.” Don’t mistakenly believe that he will hold this against you. He won’t hold it against you as long as you don’t insist or argue with him. Even if he walks off grumbling, he will let go of it, if both of you feel it is “his choice” to do or not to do what you want to be done. By using the “W” words and not the “C” words…. You will get a man to react positively.  The words like “would you” does not sound demanding in a man’s ears. In sharp contrast, the words “ could you” does sound like a demand. Actually, it is irritating as a mosquito in his ears.

Why are men so sensitive?

Women have asked me this…..

Ladies, you may be asking yourself why are men so sensitive about being asked for support. It is not because men are lazy (OK, some men are lazy)  but because men have so much need to feel accepted. Any request to be more or to give more might instead give the message that he is not accepted and appreciated,  just the way he is, that he needs to work at being accepted. Hmm, not a comfortable feeling….. (just put yourselves in his position.) When you are not comfortable the opposite is currently feeling. This causes the power struggle between the sexes..

Just as women are more sensitive about being heard and feeling understood when she is sharing her feelings, a man is more sensitive about being accepted just the way he is. Any attempt to improve him makes him feel as though you are trying to change him because he is not good enough, just as he is. We men believe” Don’t fix me unless I’m broken.” When a man feels a woman is wanting more, and that she is trying to change him, improve him, he receives the message that she feels he is broken; naturally, he doesn’t feel loved just the way he is.

All of us hide behind masks, the key is to identify that “the mask” is not the person.

Final thought

While Men say “yes” when they have the freedom to say “no,” Women say “No” even when they want to say “Yes.” Confusing isn’t it!

Women might ask “why do I need to ask correctly (gently)” for what she is already getting?!?

This dilemma makes relationships with men very difficult for unaware women. Though this problem may feel insurmountable, it can be solved.   

By remembering that men are not from your planet Venus, women can learn new ways to ask for what they want--- ways that work. Start by not demanding.

• Ask correctly for what you’re already getting. Remember if you stop asking the man assumes you no longer need it. However, if you start demanding then he shuts down. He does not want to fulfill demands.
• Ask for more, even when you know he will say “no,” and accept his “no” answer
• Learn to figure out what he is in the mode to do, by reading his body language. Don’t demand that he do things you want, the instant you want it.  Ask and then leave it up to him to make up his mind when he will do it.

ASK NOT for what you do not need. ASK, for what he is willing to give!

Someone to Love you