So what is the 90/10 principle

By understanding how past unresolved feelings periodically surface,

it is easy to understand why we can become so easily hurt by our current partners.

When we are upset, about 90% of the upset is related to our past experiences and

has nothing to do with what we think is upsetting us in the present moment.

Generally, only about

10% of our upset is appropriate to the present experience.

When couples suddenly feel their resentment.

People are often tested in relationships. The test that we will all get a failing grade on is the one of turning off the recycling of the old resentments. they pop up 90% of the time when 10% of the current issues are relevant.

<momenterally> safe with your partner, your deepest fears have
Why are you looking over your shoulder, constantly? Is there someone following
Many years of experiences have made me realize that no matter how good things are

The crisis of rising expectations.

We know that many women have risen to higher heights, career-wise, so the men that steps to these women have to have their game on point.

It is a paradox for many women: because you may feel

a chance to re-surface, <suddenly>.

When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you are feeling.

The past experience can become overwhelming when

they are triggered by a sudden surge a of a sudden

feeling of resentment towards your mate, or even fear of him.

us or are you experiencing feelings of paranoia?
Did something just happen to cause you to feel this way?

Tell me; was it something I said or was their someone in the restaurant
that reminded you of your ex-boyfriend and it made you feel uncomfortable.
Tell me I need to know because I have to make sure to make you feel safe again.
No one is going to hurt you while you are with me.  I can assure of of that!

As comforting as a man can make a woman feel with his words there are
always overwhelming experiences from the past that can trigger
all kinds of anger, anxiety, discomfort… or and whole new set of
different feelings that can make woman snap. Or it could be that her
past experiences were good ones and they are now causing her to confirm
that good men,  are still around, and can still make a woman feel
good about herself again.    

To quote Aretha (RIP) you make me feel like a natural woman (over and over again)

between two people, things can go South, literally and figuratively instantly.

We all have had experiences Good and BAD. None are the same as

anyone else I've had some ex(s) that gave me everything I needed but my

BAD( sudden feeling of resentment) caused by a triger of some sort cause things to suddenly

not work out in the long run. Was it always my resentment that did it or

was it from time to time their resentments that caused a hickup.

These hickup are like the actual ones you experience the keep repeating and

repeating even blowing in a brown paer bag does not seem to help.

You can’t breath normally, everytime you think you over the feeling,

it returns suddenly.  In some cases, it caused hyperventations that

I felt like a 300-lbs was sitting on my chest… and I wasn not in the

gym benchpressing, at the time. This is why healthy people may need counseling, too!

Final Thoughts

When a man grumbles it is a good sign, ladies - he is trying to consider your request

versus his present needs.

He will go through internal resistnace at shifting his direction from what he ’d focusing

on to your request for his support.  It’s like opening a door with rusty hinges,

the man will make unusual noises sometimes, By ignoring his grumbling the hesitations

to grant you support quickly goes away.

Often when a man is not grumbling he is in the process of saying “NO!”

Because most women misunderstand this reaction, they either avoid asking him

for his support or they take it personally and rejects him in return.

So when this happens (the rejection) is now causing old feelings to resurfuce instantly,

and the relationship is on a 757 flight Southbound.