Breaking away from a life you thought you were enjoying can become a complex series of what if(s).
What if I had stayed and not broken away?
What if my perspective of “happily ever after” wasn’t right or wrong? But something in between.
What if my beliefs were dead wrong, where I thought we had something together worth investing in?What if I wasted valuable time trying to do the impossible, experiencing things with someone who started off being unhappy from day one, and pretended to be happy in short intervals?
What if my contributions to their happiness was never meant to be forever after?
The facts are we never know what or who we are involved with, people start out being one way and then they change for the better or the worst. Guys these days need to avoid the traps. Women these days need to avoid the traps.
So how do you really ever know what they will try and trap you with suddenly you get FB friendship requests and you jump to approve their requests.
I have been waiting to become your friend,
are you ready for me!
Isn't it time you did something to meet me!
Men who do not know how insecure their wives are, should watch out for new friends requests. If these women are not friends with people you know then you might being trapped.
I know I'm your type!
don't risk slipping up because she looks too good to pass on. she could be catfishing you to see how you will react. Just cooling is good answer, try responding 'I will not jeopardize my current relationship just because you look good!'
I was asked a few times. How would I feel if I knew my ex, was having sex with someone new after our breakup. Now how crazy is that, let’s put all jokes aside. Most men lose their minds when they visualize another man having sex with the woman, he had relationships with.
My disclaimer is as follows:
Most Men can’t handle that kind of information...... Even if they say they don’t care about the ex-woman anymore. Their gut flips upside down and downside up multiple times when they hear that their now ex-woman is having sex with someone else.
The other morning I was driving with my neighbor to work, he is a young guy who not too long ago got divorced because his ex-wife was constantly accusing him of cheating (she is a Latina and he is a Latino) he had enough of her nagging and filed for divorce. She still nags him about other women he works with and even a few in the church they attended together.
So when I saw this other lady in a car with a guy and I mentioned that I thought I saw her and pointed to the car. We almost had an accident, because he was thinking she was now sleeping with someone else. Luckily it was not her in the car, but a very close look-alike. His response to me was: “Not funny man, she better not let me catch her” SMDH, and said: ‘ sorry my BAD.’ the relief on his face told the full story… and I felt sorry that I scared him like that. This just goes to shows that we men can do all kinds of “Cheating” but once we find out that our woman has done it also, or our or ex-woman may have moved on we lose our minds.
Do you know how he will react if he finds out we are having sex?
Murder might be possible!
OK now women seem to have a few different ideas about their men cheating
A more mature woman thinks it is not realistic if a woman believes men will not ever “cheat” in the world where there are so many available women 10 to 1 in some places. OML heaven must be on Earth for men living in a city where the numbers are crazy like that .... OK Atlanta, Ga. comes to mind. This is why when I decided to leave Chicago and head South, to a warmer climate, my now ex-wife said: ”No way in hell are we moving to Atlanta Ga. !” She had heard enough stories about how sweet these Southern women were and how the numbers were just crazy, in favor of men. My best friend while we live in Chicago use to talk about Atlanta women… so much ..... that he moved there shortly after I moved to Miami. My then wife knew what a bow-wow he was, and could not handle the idea that I would be hanging out with him in Atlanta this was not going to sit well with her. While women who have trust issues think one way or another about men having an appetite and eating out too often. Is brought on when movies show various ways men can cheat. If he didn't think he could get away with it he would not try.... If a woman "cheats" men lose their minds. But we all lose a little of our minds every time we think that our partner or ex-partner "cheats" or "cheated."
MY final thoughts
We, male and females have ownership issues, trust issues, and every other kind of issues when we have been intimate with the opposite sex, we can’t just turn our feeling off, they pop up at some of the worst times catching us totally off guard. Even an academy winning actor can not fake the feeling that stirs up when we are surprised by the fact that some cheating has happened when s/he wasn’t looking.
Don’t surprise us like that, none of us can handle the full truth!
I guess he will be heading out now, here he is texting her to say he is on his way!
Women are a mystery to most mortal men, we often wonder what is she thinking. We can’t just figure women out. When we think we understand a woman… we often get hit by it being a missed-story. This is why when she flirts with a man, he gets confusing signals. He asks her a question, and she responds with the negative word “NO”. The word “no” is the most often used word in a female vocabulary. Men hear it and we think, but I think she really means “yes”. The fact that it is not clear to us, adds to the challenges of trying to establish a relationship with her. Women can smile and say “no”. Men see her smile and think she really is “playing me.” I’m in the game… so I just have to get to first, then second, third base, and then I’m heading for home plate.
Watch me confuse the hell out of him
with my smile and still tell him “NO”
“Your time is up!”
"so go bother someone else"
Why do Women like to waste men's time
Men have gotten it wrong, for ages. “No” can mean “not now”, it can mean “never”, it can also mean “ give me time to think about it”.
This is not like a baseball game, she has her standards, she has her reasons for her vague responses. If you try too hard to figure her out where she is coming from…. then she will switch directions on you, then you are even more confused and lost. The path is never a straight line, it’s a “ maze.”
Men need an over the top view to be able to come out on the "right" side
or turn around and exit stage "left."
Therefore we men think a beautiful woman is “Amazing”..... because she can”Amaze us” in so many different crazy ways. So many different ways that even a compass can miss-direct a man. causing men to hit dead-end after dead-end. Let’s get to the point where a man can be sure she is into him. Men can’t ever be sure because she might change her mind multiple times and then multiple times again.
If you are still confused then you might give up and assume she is not worth the effort. However when you give up that’s when you may be surprised that she may have just changed her mind again and you could have gotten on base, but just like in baseball, you better stay on base and pay full attention because trying to steal a base and get to second base can be risky. You might get picked off and thrown “out”.
Then you have to wait and go throughout the batting rotation again before you are up at bat again. Do you have enough time, can you be patient enough or will time run out on you?
The following are some of the simple etiquette points we men need to apply, that will give us better standing in dealing with women:
1st. Don’t be a distraction to her. There’s nothing worse than being a loud and disruptive man who arrives late and is always on his phone, complaining about how nothing ever gets accomplished when he is being nice.
2nd. A man should be prepared to come early, put his phone away, and actively listen and participate in a conversation of her choice.
3rd Bring “positive energy” to the room. The energy you contribute is infectious and has a tremendous impact on how she sees you, so make a concerted effort to bring your “A” game into the room.
Men need to learn to say “NO” Politely to avoid time waster. Some simple examples of a confused man:
So this woman and I, have some mutual friends and we get to talking and casual flirting and after a month I invite her out and she says she's busy and can't make it so I invite her out again a few weeks later, same thing so I do the logical thing and I stop talking to her.
After I stop going out of my way to talk to her she starts to initiates conversations with me and shows interests and because women don't usually go out of their way to do that I assume she must be interested and so at the 4 month mark I just think f#ck it and I ask if she sees me as a bf and of course she says "best friend," (yeah, haha) so I literally just wasted 4 months of my time on this woman, time that I can't get back and it's depressing. She already knew I was interested beforehand with the flirting. But why is it like this ?
simple answer:
Perhaps she didn’t know you were focused on the situation or interaction. Were you saw 4 months of time and relationship building. She saw a person she spoke to on and off. The break in conversation and then her speaking to you again probably showed she noticed your distance and as any good friend checked in. hmmmm!
Simple answer: The 3 B(s), Beauty, Brains, BadA$$ness.
The term BadA$$ness is one that speaks volumes she is not to be messed with.
Are you sure you want to mess with me?
I didn’t always know what I prefer in a woman in the past, the physical attributes she possessed would catch my eye and that was enough i.e. she had to be eye candy. Well that has changed as I have finally matured a bit. The 3B(s) are now what will attracts me. I’m not saying she needs to have all 3, but at least 2 will do for starters, which will capture and probably hold my attention. So why these 3 B(s). Well men need to realize that women have changed and the more independent women become, the more they have and need these B(s) to stand out. Beauty is in the eyes of behold, it’s always a matter of taste, she can be beautiful in so many different ways, the lady that stands tall, and is out standing is
Barack Obama has the wife that has the
Beauty, Brains, BadA$$ness.
Michelle Obama, who has all 3 B(s) going for her.
This is why she is the most admired female currently. We have seen her for more or less a decade now as an outstanding first lady. So President Obama has shown the rest of the male population what a woman with the trifecta of outstandingness in attribute has. His smart choice in convincing her to be his life partner has set the bar pretty high, and many of us mortal men wish we could find an equivalent type of female. She can compete in every area. Put a microphone in her hand and she can deliver a speech so smooth, and write a book, that grabs and holds your attention. And without a doubt her Brain speaks for itself. She can impress you with her articulation, her knowledge, her command of language with a very strong vocabulary, she can be a keynote speaker at any event or function. You know when she speaks people will listen.
Men like me know these qualities were rare years ago. But younger men are living in a World where women are so much more educated, dynamic, and independent so finding a worthwhile female partner is not too hard to find anymore, you just need to know what qualities to look for in a quality mate. Women are so much more accomplished than the women of let’s say 2 generations ago, and they can carry the torch, if the man in her life can’t, carry the torch, for a while then she can hand it back to him when he can carry it again in the relay, or she can just light his torch and continue to carry hers.
Two torches will give twice the light.
A few years ago, the vocalist, Riana sang a hit song “shine bright like diamond” many women thought they had to become diamonds in order to sparkle and standout. We all know being a diamond requires years and even decades of pressure to become one and then they need to cut and polished to shine to their fullest karats and brilliance.
The impatient man of today does not want to invest that much time. When a woman steps out and want to stand out, she needs to have the attributes, that men want.
Women who want to be treated as queens need to be able to fit the part…. Not just claim they want to be a queen because it’s the title of day.
Becoming a queen required the 3 B(s).
Well Riana showed the World that she is a 21st century Trifecta perfection woman who is lighting the path for many other women to follow. But she is not the first….. there are some outstanding 20th century women who were an example for others to follow, too. Oprah and Beyonce are some of these women who continues to impress... they could team up and be a partner that will enhance their performances.. or go at it alone!
This is what I believe….. Is where women becoming the three B (s).
When they are totally unselfish, in my view that is perfection.
So why don’t we just admit, that some bad relationships seem to go on for many years past their expiration date. Why is that? In my humble view it’s simply because of the emotional investments, people have a hard time letting go. Women know that if they let a man go, another woman will cash in on the years of committed investment she had put into molding him into being the man he is today. Well many women believe their time and physical investment in a man made him a better man, so why let him go and have some other woman benefit from the investment.
This however, is not a gender specific problem… Men have similar issues. Men invest time and effort and even a great financial investments in a woman’s well-being, so they have a hard time letting go of a woman they know they will never get those investments back. Therefore Men know if they “breakaway” that those investments are history. Modern day Women know if they “breakaway” their contributions are also lost and will be forgotten once a new woman steps into the picture.
Why are you looking over your shoulder,
at that couple?
Try looking ahead to a brighter future,
what’s behind you is just history!
A quick true story of two women having the same taste in a particular type of men.
While I dated a woman for two years, I mostly enjoyed what she brought into the relationship, she was smart and ambitious, but she had some strange ways at times so I could not see making her a long term partner (therefore we never lived together). After the two year period, we went our separate ways. A year later I met another woman in the gym, where I was a personal trainer, she became attracted to me, she wanted to workout with me every chance she got, even asked me to train her on Saturdays, but I had no idea she and my former lady friend were rivals. But she knew I had been with her rival, because she saw us together. She even saw the woman’s car in my driveway, early mornings, from time to time.They were rivals that became enemies, because they had their youngest kids born about the same time fathered by the same man. I was the new guy on the rock and didn’t know their history as rivals. Since I don’t listen much... when people start talking about other folks history, I was often clueless, because I assumed I didn’t know who was being talked about. I just did not pay much attention to the many warning my friends were giving me. Until one day I was confronted by the woman I had the first relationship with, she asked me two simple questions “do you know the woman that is living with you? Do you really know her history?”
I shrugged my shoulder and said: ‘I’ll assume you have something you want to tell me, about her’. So she told me that while she was married to her now ex-husband he had an affair and the other woman got pregnant, and she, his wife was also pregnant about the same time, so they had babies about the same time. Her youngest son and the other woman’s daughter therefore were half brother and sister, they were born days apart. Wow! I didn’t see that coming. So I asked around and people who knew both women told me “Boy you sure can pick women, you picked the two women back to back who seem to have the same kind of taste in men. What are you trying to prove, that you are better than the other guy?” one good female friend said to me. I was a bit taken back by the information so I asked the woman who was living with me... who her daughter’s father was and she lied to me, because She wanted a fresh start with me and not let her past become a reason for her not having a “forever after relationship.” She knew I had things that I considered to be deal breakers. Drama, was a major one! The two women had similar emotional investment they had put into their relationship with me, and they had the same taste as far as who they wanted. The first One that felt she had to pop the other ones "bubble," by telling me about their history. She knew that I was different to her ex-husband in one area, I was not a cheater. And I might get annoyed with the second woman , who felt she had to lie to me to maintain her investment., which backfired because I didn’t like being lied to.
My dear aunt once told me, after my divorce; “ A divorced man or a widower, who own his own house, are very attractive in the eyes of younger single women!”
Final thought:
Emotional Investment are hard to let go of, we often wonder... “what if, I let go and someone else hits the jackpot, after I have put in all my coins into the slot machine ….” And all that you have invested brings in a big payday for someone who just comes into the picture after you broke camp. They can and will cashes in big time. You never know what will happen… so this is why….. it’s so hard for some people to let go!
How often have we made the wrong assumptions based on an unreliable source, about someone?
We want to kick those assumption far away from our brains, if they overwhelm our thoughts, but we can’t, they leap back into our heads. I’ve known occasions where a comment about someone made me stop and think, avoid making personal contact with that someone base on what I’d heard about them. No matter how the rumors got started, even if they were not true… they play like a broken record, stuck on a refrain, over and over in ones brain.
“Wow, she is very sexy, is she a stripper at a club?” Huh? Is she really? Maybe that might turn someone on, but others might get turned off by the thought of a woman they admire being a stripper, from stripper we start thinking sex worker. And so the avalanche of negative thoughts roll down hill. Ooops, but the person in question only looks like a stripper, based on how she dresses, but that was not her, on the pole. They could pass for sisters. The unreliable source eyesight was questionable, at night in a poorly lit room, filled with smoke, so that should have warned me. He could not see too well from a distance, in day light, let alone at night. So why did his words carry so much weight? It’s simply because we have a tendency to believe the negative about people first, and then after we find out they are not factual then we want to remove these images from our minds. But we really can’t!
Yes I’m from the Dominican Republic.
Do I, really look like someone you know from D.R.?
But no, I’m from the island of Dominica!
These images are not conclusive, the only parts of these two women that look alike, to me, is their hair lengths, and it may not even be their real hair, and they are both about the same height and weight, even though one is not standing up straight and the other is at the beach. My, in the past, 20/20 vision would not have mistaken one for the other….. like me friend did. But now I question what, and who I saw at the beach on a sunny afternoon, and who he saw at the club. If we could just do an 180 and forget what we heard. Why can’t we just do that?
Maybe he mislead me intentionally, so that he could have a better chance of getting close to one of the woman he saw at the club, and keep me at bay, Well, he had very little to worry about, because I don’t often hangout at stripclubs…..
My issue here is!
Let’s not put people in unfair categories, just because someone was mistaken in their assessment of who they are, who they were or who they might be . I must admit I have assumed the wrong things about a groups of people based on their cultures, I have heard things about their cultures that was never backed up by real experiences or facts. But my assumptions carried more of an influence... which I could not get out of my head. Wow! even my mom, who was a very fair minded person, had directed me wrong about some people. She had a bias against a group of people. And since I knew nothing about them I assumed my mother could not be wrong. My dad had his biases against some other people also, but I didn’t agree with him because I knew some of the people of that culture, and he was wrong in my view, him and I were pretty much left and right brained, when he said “Right” I thought ‘left....’ OK maybe he was right about some of them. But since I had not experienced the negativity he had. I made up my own mind, about what I felt and how I felt. Even years after both of my parents had passed away, these biases stilled played a roll in how I viewed people of a certain culture. This speaks volumes about why some of us never get over the negative ideas we conger-up in our minds, and hold on to them for decades. And we pass then along to our offspring and they pass them along, also, and so it continues for generation after generation. Could it be that we are more negative brained than positive brained. If these are such overwhelming thinking patterns, then how do we fix them?
Another example that got me thinking : I took a moment to watch “the red table talks,” hosted by Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter and Jada’s mom, they were talking to the “Curry women,” Dell Curry’s wife, Stephen Curry wife, Seth Curry’s wife, and their sister, who not too long ago got married to another pro basketball player. The things that they revealed about their lives was amazing to me. Why, was it so amazing? It was because the assumptions about how they live their lives in the spot light must be so overwhelming, we assume that these folks lives are perfect. But they are not even close. We see what we think we see, and hear what we want to hear and we believe things about people not knowing what really goes on in their lives. I’ve become a better listener, here of late, because I’m a bit more mature, now. The fact that women are much more open about their experiences is what makes listening to women much more interesting. Had Jada, had the same conversation with the husbands then I’m sure I would not have heard even half of the things the wives revealed. I heard one of the ladies say that she had 5 concussions from playing volleyball, my thoughts were; Wow, would I marry a woman who had 5 concussions? She must be brain damaged or will be soon. While I know that female athletes suffer concussions, from playing lingerie football, or soccer even softball,are the sports that comes to mind. But surely I was Not thinking volleyball. And most surely not a woman having had 5 concussions, and continuing to play volleyball. This is Proof that assumptions are often dead wrong!
Final thoughts (Men VS women conversations)
Here are 4 reasons why women talk, way more than men do. Women talk for a variety of reasons. Sometimes women talk for the same reasons that men stop talking.
To convey or gather information. ( this is generally the only reason a man talks.)
To explore and discover what it is she wants to say. ( a man stops talking to figure out inside what he wants to say. She talks to think out loud.)
To feel better and more centered when she is upset. ( He stops talking when he is upset, and goes Into his cave, so he has a chance to cool off.)
To create intimacy. Through sharing her inner feelings she is able to know her loving self. (A man stops talking to find himself again. Too much intimacy, he fears, will rob him of himself.)
Without this vital understanding of our differences, and needs it is easy to see why couples struggle so much in relationships.
