HOW can we possibly see things the same way if we are looking in the opposite direction

 

If two people look at the same object, do they see the same thing, or do they see something different?

Both of us are depends on our concept of identity. Presumably, there is an object there, which is itself and only one, regardless of who is looking at it. Even this is a view not necessarily shared by all lines of thought. What the two people who both look at this object see, are representations created by their respective brains. If one of them drops dead or looks away, the other will still see the object. Therefore, these representations are not the same. On the other hand, one can argue that they are representation of the same object that exists in reality.

 

If, on the other hand, we believe that ‘things’ have no existence independent of the act of observation, it seems to me that we can never know for sure whether two observers are having identical experiences. Even if they are, each is independently creating the thing he is observing in the act of observing it: there are two ‘things’ that happen to be identical.

It might be asked why two independent observers should happen to have the same experience at the same time, if there is nothing that exists objectively, in its own right, to produce that common experience. I prefer to believe in the independent existence of objects.

What are you doing on your cellphone,
this is meant to be  our time together

They’re in a common relationship dilemma: What do you do when the other person disappoints, annoys, upsets, or disagrees with you? What do you do when you and your partner don’t see eye-to-eye?

You can pout, get angry, threaten, or cajole, to get her or him to come around to your way of thinking.

But such tactics will turn the two of you into adversaries, so it is worth finding another way to respond.

Listen, we are two different people, so it’s impossible that you’re going to always agree. If you want to stop this endless arguing, you have got to accept that neither of us is right. Each of us is going to have our own views and sometimes, your own path.

I know we’re two different people, but don’t we have to find a way to agree? If we are going to stay married.

I just love it when we see things from the same direction

Many of us believe that we have to march in lockstep with our significant other, though in fact this isn’t the truth.

Yes, you’re a couple, but you’re also individuals and there’s no way for two different people to agree on everything.

But how can we function separately and still be a couple? I feel like we never agree about what direction we should go in.”

Finding a way to be both an individual and part of a couple is a balancing act It’s not all-or-nothing. You might sometimes go in the same direction, and you might sometimes go in different directions.

“What are you saying? Do things his way one time, and my way the next? Then do things separately, the time after that? Or, toss a coin?”

No, there’s no simple formula.

So what are couples  supposed to do?

For starters, when you disagree, you could talk about why each of you wants to do things your way.

To persuade each other? you could ask.

That’s not the point, although it may be an outcome, sometimes. It’s about letting your spouse know why things are important to you, and understanding why things are important to your spouse.

The result might be that you decide to do what he prefers, because you understand that doing so would mean a great deal to him. Maybe you’ll do so out of generosity; or maybe you’ll do so even if you don’t want to, because you think it’s the right thing for you to do. Or, she may decide that what you want is most important, and be willing to do it your way.

I understand that I might decide to do things her way, or she might decide to do things my way. But what happens if it is really important to me that we do it my way and really important to her that we do it his way?

Great question.

In a relationship, it is inevitable that the two of you will sometimes have very different views and priorities, on small matters and on issues of great importance. So it is inevitable that there will be times when you let each other down by holding your ground when your partner would prefer that you be flexible. When you put thought and consideration into such decisions, taking the time to understand your partner’s position, you’re less likely to feel like enemies when you must differ.

If you are not having trouble disagreeing without getting angry or damaging your alliance, you are better than most couples, these days.