So who are you really waiting for?

Looking  out the window for "Mr Right" 
with his cape flapping in the wind to fly by!

Most people will say WAIT for someone to sweep you off your feet, others will say be realistic about romance. But the question  is, who do you believe and which do you follow?
I believe you shouldn't believe either of them because in the end it's all about that someone who start by liking you and might very well love you truly deep down.


Singles should look for someone who puts them above every other thing for the most part and aren't self centered. They'll do anything to make you happy and are always proud to be associated with you.

That's OK I don't want what you are offering

Despite the fireworks and expensive gifts, that a potential partner may not be the one for you. Single People should learn to look beyond the physical so you don't end up with someone who is totally self-centered.
It could be really hard to let go of the way you have done things in the past. First things first take stock in  what you are bringing to the table and then ask yourself what  now?? It's OK to keep thinking someone will rescue you from your times  of solitude, but how well has that worked for you in the past.
there are situations where you have chemistry with a someone new, you know the feeling is mutual but you are yet to make the proper connect, simply because you response to everything is "NO thanks"

I wonder what my next move should be?

A guy may give you all the right vibes but yet he hesitates to get close to you..... The beatitude could be quite frustrating and there might be reasons he hasn't asked you out.
These guys may be dealing with issues of their own.  Fair rejection, Fair of acceptance and not being able to live up to expectations.

that feeling  of relief is needed, to feel this good!

If you as a women are still dealing with the following issues then you will have to free yourself of them:
1. Forgiveness frees you from guilt. You get past the hurt and memories of the past fades away
2. You are in control of your life when you let go. You live better when you let the past go.
3. As difficult as forgiving someone can be, it's the only way you can find inner peace.
4. If you relationship ended on a bad note, letting go  will help you move on faster which is really important to your well being. You can't move on if haven't decided to let go of what is holding you back.
5. you are giving gossip mongers something to talk about when you keep playing the victim, ranting to anyone who really don't care about your issues.
6. Holding on to grudges mean you are just insecure. You close your heart to everyone and remain resentful.

Wow,  I wasn't expecting this "One!"

When you open  up just a little to the possibilities.... things start happening.
- He might not look too Bad.
- He might have a good sense of style and is a great conversationalist about World affairs.
- Know most of the songs you like.
- Works out like you do. sticks to a healthy diet.
- Looks presentable enough to take around your friends and family.
- next big step is Communication, the most important foundation in any relationship is communication when you are far apart good  communication is essential. Talking to each other frequently will strengthen the potential bond between the both of you. Be thankful when that happens , communication has been made very easy now a days. what with all the the social sites that are available ; we are even spoiled for choices. They who choose to use it really have the world as a global village.  So make good use of them to check on each other out from time to time and the best thing is, most of them are free. Plan when to call each other, when to chat and occasional skype each other.

I wonder if this "One" could workout well this time????

The first step to getting what you want is having the courage  to get rid of the things you don't want.... .
Enjoy your Independence; the fact that you are exploring possibilities  means you can always have fun. You have every right to go out with the girls and enjoy yourself. so long as you respect yourself and don post wild  compromising behavior on social media. In fact talk to your new interest about doing things that you both enjoy doing and discuss what is acceptable and what is not. Avoid boredom which makes a person lonelier.

Relationships are important. Anyone who says different is either lying to themselves or ignorant to the reality that we are social creature who must interact with each other. But only healthy relationships matter. The ones that build you up, challenge you and enhance your happiness. So, what kind of relationships are you into?  

Chivalrous habits of a true Gentleman for New years EVE , but do these gestures still make women swoon?

My thoughts for those moments when  you are Standing under the

 Mistletoe with purpose!

He could at least wait for me to  fall asleep
 before turning his back and falling asleep

As many  women brace themselves for the worst,   proceedings with extreme caution the first few months of a relationship, for fear of falling victim to the debauchery in which so many men partake, these days. It  might be a welcome relief, when they stumble upon those few true gentlemen left out there.  We exude chivalry with even the smallest actions, and remind women that there are still good mannered men out there. Despite popular opinions, chivalry is not dead-- here are a few everyday gestures  where men can prove it:

Women want men to be considerate. To best demonstrate that you are considerate, make sure she is comfortable and secure before you relax and fall off into slumber, especially if she is over at your crib and spending the night for the first time.

Thanks for holding the door open!

Opening doors (old school)   A guy who takes the time to come around and open the car door for a woman is a potential keeper, not to mention a commodity when your dress it very tight.  You don't   want to be left standing outside while your date gets nice and comfortable in the drivers seat while you struggle with the door and have to  climbing in a car  that is too low, or an SUV that is too high.  Recognize and appreciate a guy who puts your comfort and well-being first, even if it's just for a few extra seconds.

this is our last bite let's share it!

Saving the last bit of food. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. so when he saves the last bite for you, it's basically him saying he likes you more than whatever meal is in front of him . which, for the record, is a great sacrifice. So share the bite of the last piece of food. It will connect you greater than one giving and the other receiving.

That was the best meal ever!

Spending time with her family. It's the holidays  and a guy shows an interest in your baby photos coaches your little brother's on how to throw a football and compliments your mother's cooking is a guy who's in it for a good meal for the long haul.... and takes the pictures at the holiday dinner.  these are small gestures, but they speak volumes about intentions.

don't drink and drive, or loose your mind.

The following are the   Don't  repeats for the New Year.
Do NOT have a physical relation until you consider these 3 very important things. Now  I may be  sounding like a dad, however this might save you from regrets for 365 days.  The hookup culture in modern society make it look like sex is the best way to finding " the right One" on New Years EVE and into the new year. This has totally damaged the dating culture in our society because relationships are now more focused on sexual intimacy instead of emotional intimacy.

Women tend to disregard emotional intimacy which includes sharing each other's experiences, opinions and feelings and would feel guilty about not jumping into bed too soon with a  new guy they like....
As much as physical intimacy is important, there's always a reward for waiting. Here are three things to consider before having sexual relations with someone you "think" you want to become your partner.

Wait are we really ready for this?

1. Are you both interested in straying together in a long-term commitment: Sex is a way to express love not just attraction, which is why it helps solidify emotional intimacy. You have to first see yourself in a committed relationship with your partner otherwise, save yourself the heartbreak.

2. Are you  satisfied with where you both stand:  Emotional security is constantly overlooked by most people and if you can't honestly give a ' yes ' to if you are both secure then you should reconsider the sex idea.

3. Do you both share the same ideas and values: It's not  how he feels about you. it's how you feel about him. You should know how he fits into your life in terms of certain values such as work-life balance, religion , lifestyle, parenting style, money management.


Mistletoe can serve as a good intro with  purpose!

Christmas just aint Christmas without the ones you Love.

"I can't believe how much energy this took!"

For a lot of people, the holiday season is all about faith, joy, love, family, good meals and presents. I love the core of the holidays: family, faith, and love, but all the added social situations leave me tired and ready to retreat. For me, the holidays are a time of high anxiety because I am an introvert. Introverts are people who thrive best when they are alone. We are often called shy, thoughtful, quiet or even reserved. Unlike extroverts, who come alive when surrounded by tons of people, introverts love their solitude. And this is precisely why the hustle and bustle of the holiday season was  too much of a hassle for me, for years.... I love the family life but with it came the stress of climbing ladders and putting up lights trimming a Christmas tree  and all that shopping.

From Thanksgiving until New Year’s Day, the streets, malls and coffee shops are filled to the brim with more people than any time during the rest of the year. No place is safe from the throngs of eager shoppers or people on their way to holiday parties and dinners. Anarchy much? So why would I miss all that?

"I need to avoid getting drunk because I have to drive home!"

And the holiday social gatherings can be a bit of a nightmare for us introverts. I shuddered at the thought of being forced to attend the mandatory holiday office parties where you are forced into cramped environments with drunken co-workers and bosses. Everything is loud and close and emotionally chaotic. Most people can get through the office holiday party because there’s usually an open bar and free food, but for me, nothing free is worth the amount of time it will take to recuperate from the frenetic atmosphere.

"you look like you are not enjoying this gathering!"

After a major Saturday night holiday function, I have to be sure to free up my Sunday so that I can sleep and regain my energy, the problem is I can't sleep during the day, I need complete darkness to be able to sleep well and feel rested. The morning after a big soiree or extreme social outing, I always experience an emotional hangover. It’s important that I have time to get myself right before delving into more social situations, if I can help it. My favorite sound during the holiday season is that of my front door lock clicking into place and the exhale I take after plopping down on the couch to watch MSNBC  or  ESPN and chill–by myself. (An ideal activity for both introversion and flirty nights.) this was something I could not do while I was married with two sons and all my in-laws visiting from up north trying to get away from the snow and cold weather. 

 As an adult, I have taken it upon myself , in the past to organize situations where small groups

I Loved having the family together but I really was not crazy
 about the amount of people 

 (married years) of family (in-laws) and friends can hang out at my house to celebrate. The normal inclination for a guy like me   is to avoid  having a night out on the town,  I choose not to put myself in any annoying/anxious situations by bringing  it home to with in my control. I sometimes wonder what it’s like to be an extrovert or to just be able to enjoy fully a big social encounter and go on about your day, but I recognize that I’m just not one of those people. And I’ve tried. Believe me, I have. 

I so get this ladies point!

In the last three weeks, I’ve had to attend a few  social events and there’s still two more to go (I'm planning to skip these) until Christmas Day. Thankfully, I have a small family now,  so I don’t have to deal with the insanity of Christmas Day gatherings. But I have to remind myself that I’m almost at the finish line to retain my composure. It’s important for me to keep the finish line in sight and it’s an extremely helpful exercise for me to count down the days until my major social obligations are over. For me, Christmas is just about getting out on the other side so that I can fall back into my quiet routine. So know that as you’re dabbing your way through your Christmas party this weekend, I’ll be at an Ugly Christmas  party dreaming about the sports channels bowl games   and chilling on January 2, 2016. But at the end of the day, I am just a run of the mill guy,who has mixed feeling about Christmas.Maybe you can also relate to this old school song.

O'Jays - Christmas Just Ain't Christmas Without The One You Love

Hit the reset button, grown folks style!

Ready  for her date or not,  would she wear this  again!

I not too long ago I read a few things that made me go:"hmmmm, could I have a few do-overs!' 
As we draw closer to the New year, I’d like to share some  mental reset tool that you can use to stay on track, with your goals! It has  helped me deal with procrastination and increase productivity. It is the practice of "Zero-based thinking," which aims at improving our decision making process. Its premise is that by imagining ourselves back at a point or place in life in the past before we made a particular decision, we have the opportunity to make new choices for the future. Practicing zero-based thinking help us avoid repeating the same mistakes.

In a nutshell,  use 20/20 hindsight to determine future activities and plans, at least I do. Applying it daily helps us save time and avoid mistakes as we make quick-course corrections in our attitudes, behaviors and practices. Every day, if we ask ourselves, “Knowing what I know today, what would I have done differently?” We should spend 5-10 minutes at the end of each night evaluating how that day’s decisions impacted us in these areas: 

Alone time should not be confused with being lonely! 

Relationships: Our key relationships are pivotal to our definition of life and self. Most of us struggle to create the right life balance that honors our relationships, while growing our careers and pursuing our passions. Each night, we must be intentional about examining how we treated our core relationships. Did our decisions bring us closer or drive us apart? Did we maximize our time together? We don’t wait for things to get bad to improve—it’s about continuously getting better!

Emotional Health: As much as I can, I try to avoid emotional baggage. While I’m not perfect in this pursuit, I make a disciplined effort to leave foolishness behind me on a daily basis. It is important to take stock each day of where you are investing your emotional energy and thoughts. If you’re spending too much time in negative spaces, you have to be intentional about changing your focus.

Business: We all have experienced the business partner, customer, the project or the coworker from hell. We dread them because they seem to siphon life out of us one painful interaction at a time. While it may feel like we don’t have options in this area because a paycheck is not a luxury, but a necessity…we do! Take time each day to look for the place or the moment where you could have done something differently. Look for patterns that may be impacting your productivity and attitude. Determine what can be changed and change it! 

Sharing can be a good thing!
'Let me tell you about Zero-based thinking.'

Do Your Work! Spend time each night for the next few weeks applying zero-based thinking to the days. Start the next day clear on what you will do differently.

Define Your Wealth! “I see new opportunities with each day’s horizon.”

Your life should not be wasted with Jokers!

Most women want to play their role in a relationship but she shouldn't be expected to submit to a man with no mission. But it's her responsibility to differentiate the real men from the boys. A woman can't call herself, "Queen" if she keeps choosing jokers!
I don’t think women have issues with men who want to date and have sex with other women; I think they have issues with men who lie about it. The one thing we should all avoid is the reputation of being a liar. There’s something really cool about running into your ex and embracing him or her knowing you treated each other with dignity and respect.
 ~ Michael Baisden

These assets  are just luxuries

My perspective: We can always use examples from  history to best determine what is right for us-- i.e. Some of our grand parents were in committed relationships and where not legally married.. Modern times, starting  in 1960 and beyond , changed things as women wanted more security and felt they should have more. Many women  preferred marriage. and gave men ultimatums. "Marry me or we are done!"  however with the divorce rate being 50% of marriage ending in dissolution of  unions these days. we need to take a hard look at what could work better in some cases for us. Accumulation of assets have become the greatest problem. The more we acquire the greater  the problems. We all want to have our cake and be able to eat your slices  off of your plate. Men have lost ground  financially , except for celebrities and sports figures... and a few entrepreneurs... but for the most part women are in better financial standings than men. so point me to  which woman  will be willing to share her assets in  marriage without a prenup. but men might be willing to have a post-nuptial agreement. this is rare.. and by the  time the legal docs are signed  the desire to stay together might fade already. simply because negotiation seldom makes parties feel that sharing is a good thing. Complicated matters such as asset division can make folks start feel less loved and therefore not very loving. So  don't complicate it by focusing on  "what can you do for me.. " if you are not willing to do for yourself by yourself or built it together in equitable partnerships you are not heading into forever after.  Maybe an  Old school  song may say it best  

Surface - Only you can Make me Happy

   

Become a Beloved Mistress Or a Perfect Prey?

Many women today are so desperate for a man that they will accept that he’s married, has children and never plans to leave his wife.
The attitude of many women is, “Men will lie down with anything with a heartbeat.” That indictment may well be valid if the cheating man is only interested in a one-night stand. However, if he intends on maintaining an ongoing affair, specific requirements must be met, one of which is empathy.
The other woman must be willing to accept his current relationship without “rocking the boat.” Most cheating men, especially the married ones, will come right out and tell her the details of his situation. With such a large number of women to choose from, the odds are in his favor. Many women today are so desperate for a man that they will accept that he’s married, living with another woman, or has several other women. As one woman told me, “A piece of man is better than no man!”
Sexual inhibition is another requirement. John from Chicago stated, “If the other woman won’t allow me to be sexually adventurous then what the hell do I need her for? I can be bored at home.” His comment is typical of most married men who cheat.
By Michael Baisden

My perspective: If a woman wants to invite the positive energy of the  right man in her life, she needs not  settle for less that what she is worth. There are many semi-safe ways to do it these days. Social groups and even groups like  Match.com. or others like PeopleMeet.com seem to be matching folks up. With a lot less drama, men who are married seldom put themselves on these site for match-ups. Single men are also looking for the right mate . Now ladies if a guy is paying you special attention, doing things periodically telling you what he admires most about you , he like you more than just a passing fantasy.    Even though  there isn't much you can learn about someone using  social-media. But you can view partnership potential. Maybe while  checking these patterns of  this guy  can gather enough info to give you a   comfort  that  zodiac-signs match-ups might be good enough.

wondering it he will get up and go home  while you are asleep!

The objective of  any good relationship should be   balanced. How can you be balanced when you are in an out-of -balance relationship. He is your Part-time, sometimes, Never on Holidays. Unequal time lover.  Too much alone time cause you to think about what is happening somewhere else when you are not with him. 
Note: Men who play around after making a full commitment of marriage are not really committed to you either. These guys  Never really made a full  commitment. Let's view it from the perspective of  contractual employment. You sign a contract but you take major  time off.... to work on other projects while neglecting your duties on the signed contract. Now that can't work forever.  The simple fact is, as a man, we  would loose our mind if it's being done to us.  I keep referring to this being the 21st century. 

Alone again tonight  but I  can still smell his cologne

A woman  need not settle for less than what she deserves. Try thinking about that  when you are creeping that she might be creeping also.  Ohh now the picture just got ugly...... in your minds eye.  Men can't handle the fact that another man had  his woman,  moaning..... oohing and aahing( maybe even louder than with him.)  Wow, shivers just did it's  thing up and down your  spine... ouch.   As a man it is  not pleasing at all...  Right? Men  Can't handle  it! It's just that simple. Discuss it together if you have to, but keep it hypothetical....  because he will listen while thinking this better be your BFF you are talking about.   It better not be YOU, in that illicit  affair, you are describing....   Case closed! Now let's drop the subject! 
The worst part is when                       "Everybody Knows"

   

If You Want To Be "The Man," Then Lead!

So you appreciate my help!

Nothing turns a woman on more than seeing her man confidently walk into a room and handle his business! Whether it’s fixing a flat tire, dealing with a bully at his child’s school, or negotiating a business deal, a woman needs to know her man can take charge of a situation and get things done. When she tells him what the problem is she expects him to listen, formulate a plan of action and then execute it. And she doesn’t want to go back and forth explaining the problem over and over again. The only three words she wants to hear from him is, “I got it!”
And it’s not just a matter of it getting done, but in what manner. Yes, it’s admirable that a man says he will repair the leaky roof but how long does it take him to get around to it? In a woman’s mind being a leader means getting things done now—not four or five days after she tells you. At some point her attitude will be, “To hell with it, I’ll do it myself.” As time passes she will bypass his lazy attitude and resolve the problem on her own. As I always say, relationships are businesses too and women understand that better than men. The children have to be fed, homework has to be done, bills have to be paid, clothes must be washed, and college and retirement plans don’t make themselves. If a woman has to take the lead in managing all these things and more, why are we shocked when she begins to say to herself, “What the hell do I need a man for?” and  “I can do bad all by myself.”

The misconception most men have about women is that they are only interested in being in love; romantically-speaking that may be true. But as women mature, the euphoria of being in love must be balanced with a sense of security. Women need to feel secure before they can completely surrender themselves to the relationship and they must continue to feel secure in order to have confidence in the man’s ability to lead. And that security isn’t something that can be given one day and taken away the next. If a man can’t be counted on to be consistent, then he isn’t worthy of leadership.
 ~ Michael Baisden

I take it you want my help now

this the road less traveled

My perspective: There are multiple ways to view these issues. My dad  (RIP) was a man's man, worked hard to bring home the bacon. My mom(RIP), and all my aunts were very strong women,  I grew up watching, these progressive women in the mid-1900. they did not wait for their husbands to make things happen, they made decisions and went after what they wanted. They lead, they didn't rule their husbands, but they lead in the areas that they were better at leading. I often tell women I knew very strong women growing up, so I have no problem with your independence, your strong will, your determination to get ahead, your talents to lead. As a matter fact I endorse these qualities, willingly. But you can't have it both ways. don't expect me to vacillate. just because you change your mind about how to handle something just because you vacillated as to if you can handle it and make it work, or you want me to take over. I'm very consistent in my dealings. I can swing a hammer with the best of men, and I can sit behind a desk and design a plan of action to tackle a problem . So I'm multi-talented. Either way I'm comfortable.  If you want me to take charge I will.. but don't expect me to do it exactly the way you want  it done. If I'm going to put in my efforts then "my will be done!"  just accept  that and we are good. If not.... then continue on your path of discovery , where the road might be winding up hill. I have 5 ways where I will re-assure a woman that I' m in her corner.
There is nothing better than appreciating a woman's beauty to keep her in constant bliss.
However, most of us men do not understand how important it is  for a woman to feel beautiful and appreciated for their skills also.
Fellahs, you want her to understand , even though she may look nothing like a runway model, you admire her and see her as the most beautiful woman you know maybe even in the world. the following  is my KISS ( Keep it Sensually Sexy )approach:

The eyes are the window to the soul, and I see your beauty in your eyes! 

1. I shall compliment her inner beauty as well as her outer beauty.
If you want to make her feel beautiful, do not forget to mention the parts of her character that makes her a beautiful person. Beauty isn't skin deep, and a truly pretty face must have a beautiful soul also.  So when she shows if one of her great skills, whatever it may be, recognize it to make her feel like a beautiful person, inside and out. 

2. I shall make sure she catches me looking at her her with admiration.
 If you can't help staring at your woman and getting lost in her eyes, it just shows her how truly beautiful she is to you . so make eye contact with her across the room, then give her a special smile that's reserved just for her. It will make her heart beat a little faster. 

3. I shall never compare her to other women.
Your woman has a hard enough time trying not to compare herself with others women without any assistance from you.  women can easily feel less than beautiful to the man they love if he pays too much attention to other women and comments on their beauty.

4. I shall brag about her to others and show how proud I am of her publicly. 
 do no save affection for only private moments; Show the rest of the world how you feel about her. Place her photo on your desk at work, show your relationship publicly through social media, brag about her to your closest friends, family members and co-workers.  show her you are publicly  committed to the relationship and that you are proud to show her off.

5. I shall tell her why she is beautiful to me.   
Most men do try to tell the women in their lives that they find them attractive but to be truly effective, you must find creative ways to communicate how lovely you think she is. Instead of just saying: "You 're beautiful". go into detail about exactly what you find so beautiful about her.  does the color of her blouse complement her lipstick? does her dress accentuate all the right curves, or does her smile always brighten the room and  your day? By being specific in your compliments, she will know that you notice how she looks.                           

No need to figure out you importance  because it all "YOU" 

Tips on How To Impress a Woman who likes you!

You are so sweet!

Many men have a difficult time understanding women. If you feel like you are having trouble understanding a new woman, or are feeling like you are drifting apart, you may want to put extra effort into impressing her. While there are sweet things you can do for her, like buying her a present or taking her on a date, most women are looking for much more than something that involves money. They want what money can’t buy them. Here are five ways you can impress your woman and help reconnect with her.

Pay Attention to What She Says and Remember It
Women want to know that when they talk, you listen. So when your woman is talking to you, listen to what she is telling you and remember it. Nothing is going to turn her off more than her having to repeat the same things or you asking questions about things she has already told you.
My perspective: Men will always be tested, when you think you have it figured out..... the game rules changes. To best understand her you need to first know what to remember, with out a doubt she knows what is important to her  your job is to figure out what those things are. If you miss it you will have a hard time  catching up as time goes by. because she will always be moving forward, she will not slowdown and allow you to catch up. so be smart and ask Questions: My motto is "the Man who ask questions controls the direction of the conversation" so don't ask question to reply to her responses but ask to understand what is important to her.

Socialize With Her Friends and Family
It is very important to women that you like her family and friends, and that you all get along. Taking the time to socialize with a woman’s friends and family shows that you care for her and that you intend on becoming a part of her life.

OK... I'll just drink myself into a coma!

My perspective: OK this can be tricky... her center of being is her community, you have to be able to fit in.. Your community, of your boyz and even family, is not important to her, unless she feel they should become important over time. So fellahs,  forget trying to get her to fit into your community. First things first.... you need to fit into her World, and then she will tolerate your community or/and World. Maybe!  

Ask for Her Opinion on Important Matters
Communication is always crucial with women. Allowing them to have an input in important matters in your life will show them that you care about them on more than just an attraction level, but emotionally and mentally as well.
My perspective: first you need to determine what are  Important matters, the question should always be "to who?" We men get confused, we think buying a car is important... but she is thinking way past the two seat-er convertible.  You might impress her with your choice of transportation initially but that color you picked better be her color. Because when she ask you for the keys, she want to able to do the things she wants to do in it, and the color better not clash with her outfit..   

Be Emotionally Available
It can be hard for some men to be emotionally available, sensitive and vulnerable. However, most women want to know that their man can do so at times. If you are having a rough day, let your woman in. Shutting her out will make her feel unwanted, whereas letting her in lets her know you care.

I wonder what the score is in the game I'm missing  right now?

My perspective: Be careful this is a two edge sword. she may want you to be emotionally available  but she may not want you to be too emotional.  When she thinks about the first man in her live (her daddy) she might have a perspective as to how she expects you to act and how she would prefer you to act. Her Daddy's  behaviors might be a dark shadow that you might have a problem shaking.   flash backs can become issues, detached  behaviors  might become greater problems than you can't handle without professional counseling.   

Let Her Know Her Importance to You
Show your woman you care for her. Chivalry is an art form that is almost extinct. Many people do not practice it or know what it is. If you are reading this and wondering what it is then you need to pay attention. Opening the car door, pulling out her chair or even giving her your jacket to wear are all signs of chivalry. This will show her that she means a lot to you and she will feel important.

My perspective: As I think about being in lockstep on the things that she will see as sacrifices made easily, effortlessly, done without a second thought are all the things that women see as Chivalry. Men who can sweep her off her feet , and leap tall building in a single bound. These TV and movie character come to life in you as she looks at you, and then you miss a step, and you are off beat in the moves you are no long fluent. If it was meant to be  perfect then men would all get it right from the script so carefully write for us. SMH we wouldn't get it that right.....Ladies because we are human.   
 Women are looking for a man who understands them, loves them unconditionally, and want a man who can open up to them. Paying attention to what a woman has to say, becoming friends with her friends and family, asking her opinions, being emotionally available and reassuring her of her significance to you will help you to impress her and have a loving, trusting and long-lasting relationship. Adam set this bar and we all know the story about the forbidden fruit and  how well that worked out for him.   
 Keep hope alive that things like this are still possible : 

we found love right where we are

STOP being Stuck in a rut, for the holidays!

I hate having in the meantime sex!

One of the biggest challenges in moving on from an ex is breaking that sexual connection. I call it: In The Meantime Sex.

Most of us have been guilty of participating in fill-in-the-blank sex. That’s when you tell yourself that its just sex and you can cut it off at any time. But deep down inside you know it’s just a lie you tell yourself to justify keeping it going. In a twisted kind of way you know that by staying connected sexually you are also preventing him or her from connecting with someone else.
The truth is, “In the meantime sex” is nothing more than an escape from loneliness and insecurity. And when the sex is ‘really good’ it has the same effect as a tranquilizer, numbing your senses and putting you in a euphoric state that makes you tolerate a person that you know is not good for you.

~ Michael Baisden

Your life is going around and around  in circles!

My perspective: After being on an "emotional roller coaster" for many years, if you are like a few women I know, I'm sure you are exhausted from being jerked around on an endless ride. It is time to stop the ride, get off, and shut it down for good! Now ladies... He has not proposed to you because he likely never had any intent of marrying you. It is not like he has not had time to get to know you and ask. He has been, and continues to be, somewhat disrespectful and emotionally abusive to you. He dated you, cheated on you, broke up with you, may have married the other person he cheated on you with, broke up with her and now is back with you. Really!? Does that sound like your life, maybe not yours but for sure someone you know... maybe even your BFF. 

Do something different.....
start by NOT  shopping  for a  Christmas gift for him.

Ladies-- Why are you  wasting your time? It is obvious that some men  do not have much respect for you, but my question is, do you have any respect for yourselves? You have been strung along and emotionally used and abused for the past  years because you have allowed him to do so. He cannot do anymore than you allow him to do. If you continue to stay there and be a doormat, he is going to continue to walk on you. Wake up and get a life!  It is time for you to discover your owe value and develop self respect. Right now, it seems as if you believe that you truly do not deserve more or cannot have more than what you are dealing with now. Years and  years  of the same is a long time to wait on someone  without any show of commitment. I recommend that you seek individual therapy, or even group sessions  to help you understand and process what is going on with you that has kept you holding on to these relationships. If you want something different, you must do something different! 

Are you here to rescue me?
 

For years I could always pick out the women, at the Christmas parties, that were in one of the above mentioned relationships. They had that "chick on the side" look, because the man they were committed to, was somewhere else with the  woman he really wanted to be with. If a guy is " a prince charming"  he could get very luck at these Christmas parties and or News Eve parties. a confident guy could present himself as the viable alternative... who knows he might very well be.... the one you have been waiting for to rescue you. from being stuck in a lonely  rut...!  

 It's time to find Love overflowing at Home!

Love is not a matter of what happens in life.

 It’s a matter of what’s happening in your heart.”~Ken Keyes

I used to think that as long as I remained a good, honest, caring person, I’d attract someone who was worthy of my love. While my thought process might have been true to a degree, that wasn’t all there was to it. With each encounter, I’d get super excited at the possibility of this potential mate being “The One.” 

You are causing butterflies in my stomach 

As a younger man, naivety caused me to overlook the very obvious flaws of the one who had my attention, because I just knew that they were “just like me.”
As a mature  adult I quickly learned that the world didn’t work that way. True, energy is contagious, and you attract what is in you. But you cannot go through life blindly expecting to be treated like you treat others, especially when it comes to love. There are just too many guarded, damaged, fearful individuals in the world for it to be that simple.

I’m a firm believer that everyone who desires love and companionship can indeed have it, but it will not magically fall into your lap. Yes, love happens when it is supposed to, but you must work for it. Here are five ways to attract romantic love into your life.

1. Fall in love with who you are...

You are so sweet. You are making me blush!

Love happens when it is supposed to, but you must work for it. What does that rally mean, You're attitude, your inner contentment/happiness is the key, to unlocking what is holding you back from attracting the right person into your life, Negative energy repels good people, Positive energy attracts. think about a magnets.


2. Realize that you cannot MAKE anyone fall in love with you.
Well maybe not,
You can even make them fall in love with who you pretend to be. But you? The real you? NOPE. Not gonna happen. LOL... why isn't it going to happen? Is it so far reaching... that someone will love you for who you really  are? If you feel this way then you are right! the energy is vibrating in the negative!

3. Understand that love develops over time.

I feel Love coming on! REALLY?

I used to think that people who fell in love after two months were insane. I'm again a firm believer that real love has to go through  a growth period. it is not instant coffee, this is why the best coffee is a slow brewed concoction. let it brew and don't push the wrong buttons, because you may not get a reset opportunity!

4. Be patient with your growth and development.
If you’ve been waiting for love for a while, your level of excitement can sometimes cause you to act too fast once you find it. I get it. You know it feels right but, right could mean "Right now," and ooh so wrong tomorrow.

5. Practice genuine kindness.

You almost got it Right!

Everyone loves a genuine, kind person. Remember the old saying"Practice makes perfect." Well I'm here to tell you "Practice make consistent, but never perfect" If you believe that it is not going to be completely  perfect you will keep trying to achieve perfection!
think of it as washing dishes she will always see a spot you missed. and scold  you by telling you "You should wash the glasses and the cups first, plates second and pots last!"


 So just Keep  it simple with   a kind  gesture by first  saying "Hello!"

Bad Girls, bad girls, you never know when we will come for you!

Please take a small bite!

Ladies, you may not be able to control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. That’s the difference between having a life full of growth and happiness and a life full of regrets. Put the baggage down and start smelling the roses. Holding on to the past will only cause you to miss out on life!
 ~ Michael Baisden

Most BAD girls are nothing but trouble, but you don't  have to be a bad girl to  have some traits of being a bad girl. These traits are the positive ones that add value to your relationship and your man will appreciate some of these characters in you. 


1. Independence: Men don't want a woman who'll be stuck on them. We love it when women can live life by themselves but choose to stay with us. 

Here's to  looking at you, good looking! 

2.  Passion: We men like women with mutual passion.  It's  not just about a kiss but the spark that comes with it. 

3. Take control: Man love women who can take control and are seductive. We love it when a woman does the some of the work in initiating intimacy.

4. Adventurous:   No man wants to be stuck with a woman who does same old thing everyday. we appreciate women with a tinge of adventure, who knows how to keep things fresh and interesting.  

I'm naughty and nice!

5. Naughtiness: Men love partners that can do naughty things to them in the bedroom. the saying" lady in the streets and a freak in be" may apply here.


6. Bluntness: Men like it when their partners go straight to the point. No mind games, just straight forward no matter how cruel it sounds. OK try being blunt and nice, whenever possible.

Define how you are a BAD girl!